There are two days about
which nobody should ever worry,
and these are yesterday
and tomorrow.

So, with only today to cope with,
the burden becomes lighter
for nobody ever stumbled
under the burden of today.

It is only when
they add yesterdays and tomorrows
to the load they`re carrying
that it becomes unbearable.


——————————————————–


We may not always realize
That every thing we do,
Affects not only our lives
But touches others, too!

For a little bit of thoughtfulness
That shows someone you care,
Creates a ray of sunshine
For both of you to share.

Yes, every time you offer
Someone a helping hand …
Every time you show a friend
You care and understand …

Every time you have
A kind and gentle word to give …
You help someone find beauty
In this precious life we live.

For happiness brings happiness
And loving ways bring love;
And Giving is the treasure
That contentment is made of.

——————————————————–


Isn’t it strange how a $100 dollar bill seems like such a large amount when you donate it to church, but such a small amount when you go shopping?
Isn’t it strange how endless an hour seems when we are serving God, but how short it is when we watch a Basket Ball game for 60 minutes?

Isn’t it strange how 2 hours seem so long when you’re at Church, and how short they seem when you’re watching a good movie?

Isn’t it strange that you can’t find things to say when you’re praying, but you have no trouble on thinking what to talk about with a friend?

Isn’t it strange how difficult and boring it is to read one chapter of the Bible, but how easy it is to read 100 pages of a popular novel?

Isn’t it strange how everyone wants front-row-tickets to concerts or games, but they do whatever is possible to sit at the last row in Church?

Isn’t it strange how we need to know about an event for Church 2-3 weeks before the day so we can include it in our agenda, but we can adjust it for other events in the last minute?

Isn’t it strange how difficult it is to learn a fact about God to share it with others, but how easy it is to learn, understand, extend and repeat gossip?

Isn’t it strange how we believe everything that Magazines and Newspapers say, but we question the words in the Bible?

Isn’t it strange how everyone wants a place in heaven, but they don’t want to believe, do, or say anything to get there?

Isn’t it strange how we send jokes in e-mails and they are Forwarded right away, but when we are going to send messages about God, we think about it twice before we share it with others?




———————————————————–
How to make a woman happy……



It’s not difficult to make a woman happy; a man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a good mother
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
*
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:*

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
*
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:*

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
*
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: *

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
*
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY*

1. Bring beer
2. Hand over the remote.

AMAZINGLY TRUE, ISN’T IT!

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

“My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.”

“Well put,” the judge replied. “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.”

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.





Some Things To Ponder…

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense
at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the
dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many
people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else
looks?
9. Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4
AM. It could be a right number.
13. Think about this…, No one ever says “It’s only a game.” when his
team is winning.
14. I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to
like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same
size bucket.
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of OLD
LADIES running around with tattoos? (And RAP music will be the Golden
Oldies!)
18. Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to
cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
19. After a certain age, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you
are probably dead





old friends…..

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me… I know we’ve been friends for a long time, but I just can’t remember your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t recall it. Please tell me what your name is.”

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just looked at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”

1 .If you understand, say “understand”. If you don’t understand, say
“don’t understand”. But if you understand and say “don’t
understand”.How do I understand that you understand? Understand!

2 .I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish
the witch wishes, I won’t wish the wish you wish to wish.

3 .Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.

4 .A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could
see was sea, sea, sea.

5 .Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People

6 .If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch
which watch?

7 .I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn’t the thought
I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the
thought I thought, I wouldn’t have thought so much.

8 .Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a
fellow, “If a fellow asks a fellow, Can a fellow tell a fellow What a
fellow means?”

9 .Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and
called to MrOutside inside. Mr Outside answered Mr Inside from inside
and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said “NO”, and told Mr
Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside
and outside about going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside
coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr Outside and Mr Inside
went outside to the riverside.

10 . SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT
SHE SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES

11 .The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his
inside outside his inside inn.

12 .If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors
the doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring
doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors
doctors?
“When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor’s the doctor. Does the
doctor doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does
the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor’s
way”

13 .We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be
fine, Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold Or
whether the weather be hot, We’ll weather the weather Whatever the
weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot.
Whether the weather is cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It
is whether we like it or not.

14 .Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
15 .A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly “Oh what should we do”
Said the flea” Let us fly Said the fly”Let us flee” So they flew
through a flaw in the flue

16 .If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be
twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.

17 .Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See’s saw
sawed Soar’s seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had
Soar seen See’s saw Before See sawed Soar’s seesaw, See’s saw would
not have sawed Soar’s seesaw. So See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw.But it
was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See’s saw sawed Soar’s
seesaw

While walking down the street one day a female head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. Her soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. (Maybe it’s Hillary Clinton?)

“Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the lady.

“Well, I’d like to but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”

“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,” says the head of state.

“I’m sorry but we have our rules.” And with that, St. Peter escorts her to the elevator and she goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and she finds herself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all her friends and other politicians who had worked with her, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet her, hug her, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are having such a good time that, before she realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives her a big hug and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for her.

“Now it’s time to visit Heaven.” So 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before she realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well then, you’ve spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

She reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers: “Well, I would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.”

So Saint Peter escorts her to the elevator and she goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and she is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. She sees all her friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to her and lays his arm on her neck.

“I don’t understand,” stammers the head of state. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

The Devil looks at her, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!” What All Politicians Should Understand

Not only our technical knowledge helps, but also the presence of mind
and the right answer at right time.

Even if u don’t know the answer for a question just confuse the
questioner
Question and the Answer given by Candidates oh sorry they are IAS
Officers now.

> Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking
it?
> A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

> Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it
take four men to build it?
> A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

> Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four
apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
> A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

> Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
> A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with
one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

> Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
> A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

> Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
> A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

> Q. What looks like half apple ?
> A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

> Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?
> A : Dinner.

> Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?
> A : It caused a revolution.

> Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
> A : Liquid (UPSC 33Rank ) Interviewer said “I shall either ask you
ten easy questions or one really difficult question.
Think well before you make up your mind!” The boy thought for a while
and said, “my choice is one really difficult question.”

“Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me
this.
“What comes first, Day or Night?”

> The boy was jolted into reality as his admission
depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while
andsaid, “It’s the DAY sir!” “How” the interviewer asked,
“Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult
question!” He was selected for IIM!

*”Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is
the master of presence of mind”

D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.


ST. M O M M A’S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.


E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.



D U M B E R O L
When taken with lemon juce, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.


F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.


BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.


J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.


A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.


N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him


Now, share this with any woman who needs a good laugh, and any man who can handle it.

The chance to know about yourself like your character etc. without
spending a penny. This test was devised by a famous team of
psychologists from Princeton University, NJ.

Here it is…..

Imagine you walked into a small hut by the river in the jungle. You
pushed open the door, in front of you were 7 small beds to the right of
the hut, and another7 small chairs surrounding a small round table. In
the middle of the table was a round food tray with 5 kinds of fruit in it.

There are:
a. Apple
b. Banana
c. Strawberry
d. Peach
e. Orange

Which fruit will u choose?

Your choice reveals about u!

results : Please SCROLL DOWN





the results..
a. if you chosen apple: that means you are a person who loves to eat apple

b.if you chosen banana: that means you are a person who loves to eat banana

c. if you chosen strawberry: that means you are person who loves to
eat strawberry

d. if you chosen peach: that means you are a person who loves to eat peach

e. if you chosen orange: that means you are a person who loves to eat orange

PS: If u r hunting to Kick me…..well…I am also still hunting for
the person who sent me this…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lets do it togather.

LOL!!