From My Collections…. II

Children Wise Words On Marriage
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
 You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10
 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
 

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10
 No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. -- Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)


 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
 You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
 

Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8
 WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
 Dates are for having fun and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

 On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10

 WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
 

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9


 WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

 When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7
 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that - - Curt, age 7

 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8

 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
 

I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing.  I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. -- Theodore, age 9
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)


From my collection…..!!


This is a love letter from a boy to a girl….
However,the girl s father does not like him and want them to stop their
relationship. ….. and so.. The boy wrote this letter to the girl.. he
knows that the girl s father will definitely read this letter..

1 “The great love that I have for you
2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3 grows every day. When I see you,
4 I do not even like your face;
5 the one thing that I want to do is to
6 look at other girls. I never wanted to

7 marry you. Our last conversation
8 was very boring and has not
9 made me look forward to seeing you again.
10 You think only of yourself.
11 If we were married, I know that I would find
12 life very difficult, and I would have no

13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14 to give, but it is not something that
15 I want to give to you. No one is more
16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17 able to care for me and help me.

18 I sincerely want you to understand that
19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20 if you think this is the end. Do not try
21 to answer this. Your letters are full of
22 things that do not interest me. You have no

23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25 I am still your boyfriend.”

So bad!! However, before handing over the letter to
the girl, the boy told the girl to ” READ BETWEEN THE LINES”, meaning-only to read
1.3.5.7.9.11. 13 (Odd No. s) go read it once again but

the Odd Number lines …. 



Happy Diwali….

DIYE SE ROSHAN RAHE AAPKA GHAR DWAR,

KHUSIYA AAYE JIVAN MEIN BAR BAR,

SAFALTA HAR DUM KARE AAPKA INTEZAR,

DIWALI KI SUBH KAMNAO KE SATH DHER
SAARA PYAR.



Just for fun… - 1

A wife asked her husband:
        “What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?”

He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
   
        “I like your sense of humor”.



One black coffee No sugar please - 2

This is in continuation of my previous blog:One black coffee No sugar please
==========================****************===========================

Day 3
She was dressed in a black chudidaar. He couldn't take his eyes off her.
"You are staring." She said gently.
He was caught off guard. "Not my mistake"
She smiled and sipped the black coffee. "You know what! This is turning out to be a very interesting incident."
"Drinking black coffee?" He asked her.
"Drinking black coffee with you." She looked into his eyes. He lowered them.
"Why are you so nervous when I am talking to you?"
He looked up. "I told you yesterday."
"Srini, you do realize this is not a movie."
He nodded. "Yes"
"Real life is not reel life."
He cringed, "Thanks for the cliché Monalisa!"
Her
face turned red. She kept the black coffee cup on the table and stood
up. "What do you think you are Mister? Just because I am drinking
coffee with you ' doesn't give you the right to say whatever that comes
to your mind."
He was surprised, "All for that pathetic cliché?"
For a while neither of them talked. "Coffee's on you." She said.
He agreed.
Day 4
"As such life is a great mystery." Srini told her.
They were driving down the highway NH45 to the dhabha. It was a pleasant afternoon. Traffic was scarce.
Monalisa laughed, "What a cliché"
Srini shook his head, "It is the truth."
"So you speak truth and nothing but the truth. When I say something I speak cliché and only clichés"
He smiled. "You have a way with words."
She didn't reply.
"What are you thinking Monalisa?" He prompted her again.
"Mona. Call me Mona." She deftly swerved
right throwing Srini off the seat.
"What the hell was that?" He was dismayed.
"I was avoiding a speeding buffalo you idiot." She yelled, "God! I hate driving in India."
Srini was silent. They reached the dhabha.
She ordered two cups of coffee. He observed silently. She knew there was something wrong.
"OK. What is it?"
"What?"
"Why are you so silent?"
"Nothing. I am OK."
"Idiot?"
"Yes"
"Can't I call you idiot, dear?"
"How can you? I want to be treated with dignity " He abruptly stopped and stared at her. "What did you just say?"
"Can't I call you idiot, Dear?" She ruffled his hair, "Can't I?"
"Wait. Whatever happened to being platonic friends?" He asked her.
She didn't reply.
"So Harry met Sally?"
She nodded. "I saw the ending again yesterday."
Srini couldn't suppress his quirky
smile. "A lovely little fool I know told me sometime back that real life was not reel life."
"Yes. Don't push it though." She sounded cold.
Day 5
"I still don't like this black coffee. Will it really make a difference? It is the final day ' right?" She pleaded with him.
"The agreement is binding Ms Monalisa Kumari" He was ruthless.
"No way out?" She wouldn't give up.
"There is" he smiled.
"Great! What is it?"
"Number one: Since you don't want to finish the fifth day black coffee, I need not stop drinking black coffee"
"With no sugar?"
"Or without sugar."
"OK. What is number two?"
"You tell me what made you talk to me on the first day."
She didn't expect that. "What?"
He was serious. "Tell me Mona. Why did you initiate the conversation on the very first day?"
"I thought you were
cute"
"Bulls. There were many more cute guys around. More handsome and dying to talk to you."
She looked around. "I can't see any?"
"Don't change the topic. Tell me what made you talk to me? A bet with your friend?"
She stared at him. "You knew!"
"Yes. Unfortunately your friend is my friend's girlfriend. He told me last night when I was raving about you."
She
stood up; held his hands and said, "It all started because of that bet
I agree Srini. However our black coffee encounters introduced the real
Srini to me. The bet did not govern my actions after the first day.
Please believe me."
He shook his head. "And all the time I thought you were really interested in me."
She
was horrified to see tears in his eyes. "Srini please. I like you. I
really really like you. I am extremely sorry. I shouldn't have done
that. But tell me Srini How would I ever have known the real Srini if
it were not for the bet with my friend? You are an introvert. You don't
talk to girls. How

He kept his black coffee on the table and walked away. "Srini. I said
Sorry." She shouted completely ignoring the other people in the
cafeteria.
He stopped, turned back and told her ' "Convince me."
She went to Café Coffee Day and said ' "One black coffee. No sugar please"




One black coffee No sugar please


Hi Friends,
I am back to iland and hope you haven”t forgotten me….. I am really lucky to have such great friends out here who were constantly in touch with me and always wanted me to come back. I am back because of Manisha Sharma, Aditya (Sir) Menon Das, Shashi Tahiliani, Shabdika, Malini and Roy who keep on insiting me to come back…… So I am continuing from where I have left…….


=========================**********===========================

"One black coffee. No sugar please" He told the Café Coffee Day employee.

Every
day at 1:30 in the afternoon he ordered exactly the same configuration
as dessert after lunch ' sometimes after skipping lunch.
The girl standing next to him eyed him curiously. "Americanized!" she remarked with a smile on her face.
He
was jolted. It was a clear intrusion into his privacy. She had no
business accosting him like that. He wanted to tell her how annoying
her remark had been.
But he didn't ' mainly because the girl
in question was Monalisa Kumari. Twice she had been unanimously elected
the Crown Princess of SoftSol, the company both of them worked for.

Monalisa
was part Indian part Deutsch. She was fluent in Hindi, Spanish and
French apart from Deutsch. She was so beautiful that it was difficult
to describe her beauty in words.
He would accept any word spoken by this girl. Guys considered it a privilege to talk to her.
She was still looking at him. He realized he had to respond.
"Not exactly. I love black coffee."
She nodded, "So you are saying, you loved black coffee ever since you were a kid!"
He thought about it, "No, only in the last five years"
"That is ' after you visited the West"
He was surprised, "How do you know I'd been to the West?"
"Oh,
that's pretty easy!" she replied casually, "One: you said Black Coffee.
No Sugar and not Black Coffee without Sugar. Two: You said Please!
Three: You look quite old. Everyone in this firm of your age had
visited the West at least twice."
He laughed, "One and Two are quite
good. But I think it is Three which gave me away!"
"Right Dr. Watson. So you started your tryst with black coffee after an expedition to the West! Am I correct?"
"Yes" he responded.
"Quad Erat Demonstrandum" she smiled.
"That
doesn't prove that I am Americanized" He retorted, "It only proves that
I was introduced to black coffee's virtues in America"
"Same difference, ain't it?" Monalisa gestured him towards a table nearby.
They walked to the table and occupied it.
He
sipped his piping hot black coffee and started talking, "You know! It
is not the same. Americanization means ' a paradigm shift in the way we
think and operate. Just liking your coffee black does not mean you are
Americanized. It just means that you are familiar with certain Western
practices. I don't see anything wrong with that."
She stared into his eyes.
"Whatever
it is. I still believe people drink Black Coffee just because it is the
in thing you know and not because they love the taste of it. Who would
love that bitter liquid anyways."
He
was offended. She might be the most beautiful girl of the campus. She
might be a swift driver of a Swift. She might be a 99 percentiler. But
she still had to respect the tastes of her colleagues.
She
knew at once there was something wrong. "Oh I am sorry Srini. I didn't
mean to hurt you. You know I really don't know why people like this
black coffee."
He composed himself and came up with the most daring proposition of his life so far.
"Why not give it a try?"
She was surprised, "Black coffee? Eeeks! Thank you very much. I am pretty much Ok with my Latte ' full of Sugar ' Soulful!"
He asked her, "Have you ever tried it?"
"No!" came the emphatic answer.
"Alright.
Let us play a little game. Tomorrow onwards, every afternoon at 1: 30,
we will meet here and have a cup of black coffee ' for five days. I
suggest you don't drink any other type of coffee in this period. If at
the end of the fifth day you still don't understand why people drink
black coffee, I will stop drinking it."
There was silence. Pin drop. She eyed him suspiciously. It was evident that he wanted to spend more time with her. She knew it.
"Tomorrow at 13:30. Same place." She said.
Day 1:
Monalisa examined carefully the contents of the cup.
"Do I really have to drink this?" she asked no one in particular. He didn't respond. He knew she cared a damn for his answer.
And
then she took the first sip. Her facial ex-pressions changed at the
speed of light. He waited. She eventually came back to this world.
He didn't say a thing.
She silently walked over to the trash can and threw the coffee cup into it.
"Let us get out of here. I want to
show you something." She gestured him to follow her.
Half an hour later ' they were seated in a dilapidated dhabha off NH45 twenty kilometers from the office.
He sipped the three rupee coffee sans sugar. It was delightful.
"What do you infer from this?" she asked him.
"That coffee in a NH45 dhabha twenty kilometers from the office tastes really good?"
She laughed, "You do have a sense of humor"
He smiled, "Maybe yes. What is the point?"
She
sighed. "One way of looking at it ' pay 3 rupees and have a lovely
coffee. Or pay ten rupees and drink the rubbish you've been drinking
till now."
He was stupefied, "you want me to drive twenty kilometers to this dhabha just because it offers me coffee at 3 rupees?"
"Think about that" she took her purse out.
Day 2:
Srini was curious. Monalisa sipped her black coffee and told him, "You know!
We don't have to do this. I am most certainly not going to like this liquid."
"We decided. We follow." Srini was adamant.
Monalisa winked, "All this just for black coffee?"
Srini thought for a moment, "I am enjoying these meetings"
"Friends?" she extended her hand.
"No" He was firm.
There was a stunned silence. She was swept off her feet. "What did why?"
"I don't think we can ever be friends. You are too beautiful to be a friend."
She stared at him, "When Harry Met Sally?"
"Partly yes" he responded.
"More than twice?" she asked.
"More than twenty times. I own the DVD."
"Aren't
you taking it a little too seriously? It is possible for a girl and a
boy to be just friends. Give me a break. We see so many such friends in
the food court everyday."
He shook his head, "I don't want to talk about others. Myself ' I am attracted to you. Wait! I am
not saying anything wrong here. All I am suggesting is that we can never be friends."
She finished the black coffee in three quick gulps, "Goodbye Harry!"

To Be Continued…….



Welcome Back…!!!


Hi friends…!!

I am very very very very Happy today as my brother Manish Bagra is back on iland. He has given me a big surprise.. I have been trying to contact him past few months as he was going through some problem in his personal life… I am sure he is a strong man and back with a BIG Bang….


Here is 2 lines for him…(Nothing comes to my mind except this lines):

Aap ke aane se Ghar(iLand) mein kitni rounak hai….
Kabhi hum aapko… kabhi aapne ghar(iLand) ko dekhe hum…

My Version:
~~~~~~~~~

On your arrival to my home(iland)… It has bought so much of happiness n love..

Sometimes I look at you n sometimes I look at my blossom house(iland)…..

C H E E R S!!!!


Mahendra Pratap Mishra.




True Story….

This is a story that caught my eyes and touched my heart. So I m sharing with you…. there will be many such real life story which never comes in picture n we live our life without any knowledge….


Hyderabad , May 29: Earning money to support family and helping parents marry off three elder sisters were the big goals for a lad of 11 years. But Sameer was confident of accomplishing these tasks, come what may.

But the boy did not live to realise his dreams. Sameer died, along with eight others, in the bomb explosion at Mecca Masjid.Call it sixth sense or sheer coincidence, the boy told his mother, a few days before the blast incident, that he would die, if necessary for family’s sake.

“I don’t know what made him say those words. Probably, the almighty was indicating about the imminent danger through his words,” says his mother Naseem Begum amidst sobs.On the fateful day, Sameer was naughty ? jumping, running and shouting.

The boy’s mischievous acts angered her and in exasperation, she shouted at him saying whether he wanted her to die. Apparently annoyed, Sameer ran to her, closed her mouth with his hands pleading with her not to say anything more. “Never say that again. If necessary, I’ll give my life but you should live to look after others,” the anguished boy told her.

Sameer’s father Mohd. Mahboob, a locksmith, went to Saudi Arabia three months ago on a work permit. The boy was the youngest of five siblings ? three sisters and a brother. Initially, he was admitted in a local English medium school.
With much difficulty he could pay the fee till second standard.
Pecuniary problems forced him to send his son to a madarsa in Langer Houz. Sameer used to come home every Thursday and return to the madarsa the next day.Recently, he broke his fingers while playing and had come home for rest.

Fateful Friday……….


On the fateful Friday when he set out for `Zohar’ prayers, his mother insisted that he should go to Chowk mosque instead of the Mecca Masjid. For some reason, he preferred the masjid and was offering prayers near the `taqt’ when the bomb went off.
A severely injured Sameer was taken to a private hospital where he died undergoing treatment.

Sameer may not be alive to support his family.But even in death, he achieved his goal when the Government handed over a cheque for Rs. 5 lakh to his family members as compensation.


May His Soul Rest In Peace…. Aameen!!!


If Bollywood Film star……



If Bollywood Film star work for call centers…Imagine the calls.



Amitabh:
Thank you for calling customer care…
rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hian filhaal
ek customer care representative hain…

Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER

Amitabh:
Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap
ko chor kaha tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko
laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se
nikaal diya tha..
Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath
pe yeh likh diya tha… uske baad uske baad….
mere bhai.. Tum jis manager ko kahoge main bulaaonga.






Dharmendra:
Thank you for calliiiiingg. .

Customer: I need help???????

Dharmendra:
Main aaraahoon maa…….

Customer: I am unable to use your product… its waste
and worthless

Dharmendra:
Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaonga..

Customer: What!!! I need your manager

Dharmendra:
(To his manager) Manager is customer ke
saamne mat naachna



Shatru:
Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai…

Customer: How dare you speak like that

Shatru:
Khaaaamoshhhhh… seedhi tarah bolde issue
kya hai warna… haaaaaaaaa!! !




Asrani:
hahhaaaaaaa!! naya kabutar ne call kiya

Customer: I lost my invoice

Asrani:
Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile
hue hain miljayegi hum angrezon ke zamaane ke
representative hain..haahhaaa!!



Kestu Mukherji:
Iiiiiihhhhye. …

Customer: hi

Kestu Mukherji:
iiiihhhyeee tumko ….tumko kya problem hai

Customer: I have not received my product

Kestu Mukherji:
To saale (hicup) main kya karoon..
Police mien report likha…



Bindu:
Shabnam naam hai mera… pyar se log shabbo
bolte hain..bolo main tumhare kis kaam aasakti hoon.




Shakti:
AAAuuuuuu… mera naam hai balllllllllma.
Thank you for calling aaauuuuu!!!

Customer: I need your manager

Shakti:
Mujhse baat karona..Main ek chhota sa,
nanha sa, pyarasa…rep hooon..



Mehmood:
Ayyo Dyevi … thank youji for calling ji.. Ayyo

Customer: I am not devi

Mehmood:
Ayyo muruga… ye dyevi nai ji … ye to dyeva hai…




Ajit:
Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai…..
May I know your name please

Customer: Mona

Ajit:
Mona darling… tumne hamein call kyun kiya

Customer: (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER

Ajit:
Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager dedenge
to hamein manage kaun karega….



Gabbar:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHA ….Jo dargaya wo maraga…
batao tumhen kya chahiye

Customer: I want to buy a product from your company

Gabbar:
Kitne paise hai re

Customer: $ 10.00

Gabbar:
Suvvar Ke baccho … sirf… $10.00…dhikkaar hai



Prem Chopra:
Prem…Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra…

Customer: I lost my invoice I need one

Prem Chopra:
Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice
khud dhoondle



Rajkumar:
Jaani ….. Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai..
Ise cut mat karna..

Customer: I lost my invoice

Rajkumar:
Jaani… ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki
cheez nahi….

Customer: shut up! I need my invoice sent to me in 10
minutes… Otherwise I will speak to your manager.

Rajkumar:
Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena… manager
humko darasake manager mein itna dum nahi…
humse hai manager… manager se hum nahi…




And at last ……
.
.
.
.
.
.
.



Sharukh:
Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk kkkkkkk
Customer hung up the phone….


Innocent Letter!!!



A Nun asked her class to write notes to God.

Here are some they handed in:
**********

Dear God :

I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool.

**********


Dear God :


Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You keep the ones You already have?

**********


Dear God :


Maybe Cain and Abel would not have killed each other if they had their own rooms. That’s what my Mom did for me and my brother.

**********


Dear God :


If You watch me in church on Sunday, I’ll show You my new shoes.

**********


Dear God :

<
I bet it is very hard to love everyone in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I’m having a hard time loving all of them.


**********


Dear God :


In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?

**********


Dear God :


Are You really invisible or is it just a trick?

**********


Dear God :

>
Is it true my father won’t get into heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?

**********


Dear God :


Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?


**********


Dear God :


Who draws the lines around the countries?

**********


Dear God :


I went to this wedding and they kissed right in the church. Is that OK?

**********


Dear God :



Did You really mean “do unto others as they do unto you”? Because if You did, then I’m going to get my brother good.

**********


Dear God :


Thank You for the baby brother, but I think you got confused because what I prayed for was a puppy.

**********


Dear God :


Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.

**********


Dear God :


I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.

**********


Dear God :


You don’t have to worry about me; I always look both ways.

**********


Dear God :


I think about You sometimes, even when I’m not praying.

**********


Dear God :


Of all the people who worked for You, I like Noah and David the best.

**********

Dear God :


My brother told me about being born but it doesn’t sound right. They’re just kidding, aren’t they?

**********


Dear God :


I would like to live 900 years just like the guy in the Bible.

**********


Dear God :


We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So, I bet he stole Your idea.