The solitary flame's flicker has gone out
here I stand, shrouded in silent darkness,
the blind man no more,I think see much better now
doesn't it sound absurd,this ironic prowess?
The burning embers of the past settle softly on the floor
forming a black carpet silhouetting buried memories,
the acrid air around me burns my eyes ever more
I feel a stream of black in my swollen arteries
Now I'm trying to seek tranquility in solitary madness
I'm learning to balance the scales and find equilibrium,
No testaments to assure me that I'll get through unscathed
these superfluous scars I'll heal,with truth as my numbing opium
The solitary flame's flicker has gone out
here I stand, warped in static space and time
but I'll dust off all those clinging fears and doubts
don't need an artificial flame,I'll make my own sunshine
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” feel a stream of black in my swollen arteries” —> I liked this line!
Now let me tell you what I liked.
the clever metaphysical irony of sight in a dark room - superb! black carpet silhouetting buried memories - awesome! silent darkness, burning embers, acrid air, warped in static space and time - a wonderful mix of traditional and out of box images there. the build up of positives in ” Im trying… Im learning… Ill heal …Ill dust off… and Ill make in a nice crescendo. Work a lil bit on this and it will be a masterpiece. God bless. LL
It’’s easy to say its beautiful which it is…but shall I be critical? ” feel the stream of black (from the embers?) in my swollen arteries”. No does not jell.. the word arteries there is too raw sudden and does not flow with the earlier images that are soft and smouldering.. the scars again cannot be superfluous .. the embers have just died..and truth is never a numbing opium but its a mocking pain.. again the last two lines” but ill dust off the clinging fears and doubts.. is an air metaphor which you have suddenly brought in from the fire one of earlier on… does not sit well…the words dust off have the connotation of light and unused and this is not the case you have tried to make. ill make my own sunshine is a positive and determined line… but at this point are u in a frame of mind for this? isnt it too early? btw i teach criticism so dont be offended arun by what I write.. ponder awhile on my words.. feel free to disagree… you are talented without a doubt:)
simple beautiful portrayal..a black cloud with silver lining…
beautiful language and great style… as usual….
thanks john…
great wordscape!
thanks Iris….
wow….loved this one….for its imagery & for the hope that shines thru the pain…
thanks Padmanabhan.. I think
well in my case the scars were caused by my illusions.. I was seeing wrong…seeing the truth in time can be a numbing opiate.. its when you see the truth after its too late does it turn out to be a killer..
these superfluous scars I’ll heal,with truth as my numbing opium
Truth has always been seen as brutal reality, or an awakener. Your imagination of using it as a numbing opium………. . Well why not? Reality to shield against reality. Truth to opiate against the truth. Wow?
padmanabhan
thanks Sid and Jayalakshmi….
but I’ll dust off all those clinging fears and doubts
don’t need an artificial flame,I’ll make my own sunshine…
Amazing…
Melancholy and beautiful…I love the sound of hope in the last line.