The Joke on Stoke!!
What a way to start my career as a Man United blogger! 5-0,
the stuff of dreams!
I want to introduce myself as a true Manchester United fan.
I may not have the most knowledge of the storied history of this glorious club
and may not be able to spew stats about past greats who have poured their blood
sweat and tears on the hallowed pitch at Old Trafford, but I do believe that it
takes a real football passionista to wake up early on a Saturday morning after
a night of revelry at one of New York's finest establishments that ended only a
few hours before kickoff!
I live on the famous east coast of the United States of
America and due to the lack of ad support in this country for this beautiful
sport, I am forced to watch each Premiership game on my trusted laptop, which I
fondly call HP. So here I am at 9 something am, waking HP up from a deep,
machine-induced slumber, to witness the start to what might as well have been a
game of football between a group of highly trained professional athletes
against a bunch of young school boys.
It was Sir Alex Ferguson's 50th Anniversary in
the Premier League and there could ne'er have been a more befitting start to
his celebrations, than being able to watch his lethal assassins tear apart an
underwhelmed and overmatched Stoke City, dressed in the blue and yellow of the
Brazilian national side, but playing anything like those great heroes from
South America.
Stoke kicked it off only to lose possession almost
immediately. Within minutes of the start, Tevez was fouled on the left and in
stepped last season's hero Cristiano Ronaldo to take what should have been a
warm up free-kick but before you could say "Happy Anniversary Fergie" the ball
had been slammed into the back of the net! What a stunner!! The power and
precision was indescribable as the goalie got his hands to it but didn't stand
a chance with the ball weaving and dipping in the air before inching in just
centimeters under the bar. Every Man United fan must be praying fervently to
never have to read about Ronaldo moving to any other club ever again and Sir
Alex will only hope that Ronaldo continues to fill the void left by Beckham in
the area of free kicks and set pieces.
It was Ronaldo's 100th goal for Man United and
his 63rd in the last three years. God help our foes on the pitch if
he stays with us for another few years. Following the goal, Stoke made a
positive attempt at a counter attack and successfully fought their way with the
ball to the edge of Van Der Saar's box, only to see Diao blast the ball miles
into the air over the goal. Man U came flying back and Ronaldo, in the thick of
it again, blasted in one of his rockets, but it was successfully deflected by a
defender for a corner. The corner was a short one and Park came scampering in
and rifled a well-aimed long range shot but missed the target by very little.
Ronaldo continued to create havoc on the left with some deft passing from the
back of his foot but his trickery did not yield a positive result. The game
wore on with Fletcher being his usual busy self in the middle and Tevez
piercing the defense with his quick, rabbit-like moves and deft footwork but
not being able to cause Stoke fans any more than a few skipped heartbeats.
Stoke fought well to win the ball and attack again but
Vidic, standing like the Rock of Ferdinand in place of the missing central defender
out to due to injury, easily cleared the ball for a throw in. Turns out Stoke
has a bloke named Delap who can throw the ball in as far and powerfully as I
can kick it and he is used as a weapon from the sidelines since they don't have
much else in their arsenal. (Speaking of Arsenal, our arch rivals were in a
fight of their lives against a spirited Aston Villa and I thoroughly enjoyed
watching Villa dance circles around Wenger's foosballers.) Coming back to our
game, Delap threw in and the ball was headed by our very own John O'Shea, in
the wrong direction, but was thankfully batted away by Van the man. The ball didn't
travel far and Stoke turned it around towards the goal but their striker was
unlucky to be called offside.
Carrick and Evra did well to marshal the midfield and due to
their hard work, Tevez on a quick 360 degree turn, was able to collect a pass and
send it through beautifully into the penalty box but O' Shea's shot was blocked
by Sorensen, the keeper. Man U continued to be relentless in their pressure and
someone in the middle (forgive me, the computer screen was too small for me to
see the name on the back) lobbed a ball towards the edge of the end zone and
Bebatov, finally getting involved, showed sublime skill in taking the ball on
the full, controlling it with a soft touch and sending it through for Tevez
only to see Sorensen charge out and block the Argentinean's shot. O'Shea continued to be involved up front,
cutting in with a beautiful back pass but being blocked by what clearly seemed
like the hand of the defender. The Ref, who probably just enjoyed the blue and
yellow uniforms and imagined himself in sunny Brazil, didn't make the call and
said play on (or at least must have said something similar as they didn't stop
for a Man United free kick).
Man U continued its forward progress just like the new
Mercedes Benz C 300 ' with a delectable mix of power (Vidic, Tevez), silky
smoothness (Berbatov), finesse (Ronaldo) and oodles of class (well there would
have been some class if Giggs was on the field). Stoke was forced to spend most
of the first half clearing away from its box but these long balls were of no
use as the center forwards were unable to penetrate the forces of good that
protected the United goal. Berba, Tevez and Ronaldo continued their runs down
the left but didn't cause a threat even though Park and Carrick made a couple
of attempts at goal, only to be turned away by the lone warrior, Sorensen or by
the evil whistle of the offside referee. Berba, Carrick, O'shea, Tevez, Park
and Ronaldo were very busy, working hard at scaring the daylights out of Stoke
fans by darting in and out of Stoke's box and it seemed like they were playing
a team of 11 defenders as there was a wall of yellow jerseys lined up in front
of the goal, fighting tooth and nail to avoid the inevitable. While I was
enjoying watching this lovely game of footie, I also had one eye on another
screen that said Arsenal 0 ' Aston Villa 0 and was happy that Fabregas and
Adebayor had been rendered useless for the moment.
Several backheels and long range shots later, Stoke made its
first change in the 30th minute, bringing Cresswell on for Cort. The
change almost immediately brought dividends as Stoke made a good run on the
right, with Cresswell involved, and Carrick made a brave run and cleared the
ball before it caused any undue damage. In came Delap again, gunning the ball
in with his arms, only to see it headed out well by a player in red. Park the
pest was all over the place again, showing some good skill in defense by stealing
the ball from the Stoke center forward and sending down the middle of the
pitch. The great singer Phill Collins, watching from the stands, seemed to
enjoy the Korean's brief show of footwork but Against All Odds, a Stoke player
forced Johnny Evans to make a silly mistake and give away a free kick close to
the United box on the right. The ensuing free kick was well taken and Van Der
Saar missed it completely, only to see it bounce dangerously in front of an
empty net but there was neither a yellow jersey nor a pair of blue shorts to
take advantage of a golden opportunity.
Stoke finally seemed to be making a game of it, forcing Man
U into defense mode with a quick pass through the middle from the left, and the
clearance was disastrous but Delap wasn't able to capitalize and sent the ball
flying into the air. No wonder they use his arms for throw-ins more than they
do his legs! On the counter, the Stoke defenders and midfielders were doing an
able job, frustrating Cristiano and forcing him to call upon his fine acting
chops and halt the game by falling to the ground. His histrionics may have
worked in shaking the visiting team's concentration as Evra was able to shine
in his moment of glory on the left with some delectable dribbling, allowing
Ronaldo to collect his pass and pierce the middle with a sharp ball in and
Park, with a beautiful turn, bamboozled the defender and fired only to see the
ball whistle past the top of the bar, inches from what might have been the most
fantastic goal of his career. Beautiful play!
Seconds later the referee announced 1 minute of added time
and I was about to get out of bed when I heard the commentator shout out those
sweet, golden words ' GOOAAAAL! Berbatov and Ronaldo combined to get the ball
to Carrick, who justified his inclusion in the greatest football club in the
world, by turning around with lightning speed and unleashing a stunning kick
into the top of the net, despite having two hefty defenders right in front of
him. A thing of beauty! And what a way to finish off the first half!
Ronaldo sprinted into the tunnel to loud cheers and out-of-sync
warbles of "Glory Glory Man United" by legions of the greatest football fans in
the world.
Man United kicked off the second half, high on confidence,
proven by the audacity shown by Berbatov on the edge of the box when he took
the ball on the full, controlled it on the top of his boot and sneaked into the
penalty area only to be quelled by three giants of Stokedom plus the lone
warrior, Sorensen. The brief defensive victory was very short lived as Berbatov
decided that enough was enough and thanks to precise passing from Fletcher to Tevez
to himself, he trapped the ball with incredible skill on the back of his heel
and slammed it into the net for Goal #3.
No wonder Fergie keeps shouting from the top of Westminster Abbey about
how he hadn't made a mistake signing Berba for millions!
The game continued and Stoke must have wished for a swift
end to a miserable day but there was more to come. Ronaldo danced and weaved
his way with incredible speed, toying with the defenders, unleashing powerful
shots, one of which was batted down into the penalty box, only to ricochet off
a United player, safely back into the goalie's own arms. For the next 15
minutes or so, the story of the game remained the same ' Ronaldo weaving, Tevez
scrapping, back-heel passes being attempted, a few free kicks taken, and a few
throw ins by Delap for good measure being included ' but none of the above
resulting in anything more than a little excitement at both ends. Carrick
continued his good form by getting into the thick of things again and smashing
the ball long and hard for a shot at his second goal, but saw it deflect off a
defender and roll into nothingness.
Tevez continued to torment anyone who dared try and mark him
but was unable to get around the entire back force of 4 as they all converged
on the little Argentinean with what seemed almost like the intention to eat him
for dinner.
It was the 69th minute and I was happy to see the
score as 0 ' 0 at the Arsenal game and at the same time Man U made some changes
and brought in Gibson and Welbeck for Fletcher and Park. Young pups getting the
chance to revel in Premiership glory, with Welbeck being all of 17 years of
age. Suddenly I heard an excited commentator scream GOAAAL and I was confused
because the score on my screen still showed 3 ' 0 but I soon realized that Aston
Villa had scored over Arsenal and I was ecstatic! Sometimes I wonder if I would
rather see Man U win or see Arsenal lose .
Our heroes continued to work like horses and fight like
lions, causing immense trouble and giving the manager of Stoke nightmares about
further humiliation. The young United stallions were doing well on the pitch
with Johnny Evans showing lovely footwork, while Tevez teased defenders at the
edge of the box and Ferguson probably felt sorry for the Stoke defense and
hence decided to take Tevez off for Manucho. Well played old boy ' Stoke was
not sorry to see you go.
Manucho was quickly into the thick of things with Ronaldo
making yet another run on the left and firing the ball in, with Sorensen
batting it away from goal directly in the path of Manucho but the young 'un was
unable to finish. While enjoying Ronaldo's sublime skill and athlecism, again I
hear voracious shouts of GOAAL and I look to see the score unchanged on my
screen, but quickly realize with great joy that Aston Villa has scored again!
Oh the joy of watching Arsenal lose ..
Returning to the end of our game, I was confident that the
reds were lining up for a 4th goal but since there wasn't much time
left, I had started taking my notes for my match report and was listening to Stoke hold on for dear life when I heard the
familiar sound of GOOAAAL and I quickly looked at the Arsenal game but was
confused when I saw the score was still 2 ' 0 and with an immediate rush of joy
I realized that my United had scored their 4th goal minutes before
the end and the replay showed me one of the most stunning scorchers I had seen
in a long time. Danny Welbeck, a 17 year old upstart product of the Manchester
United regime, smashed a curler from over 30 yards into the top right corner of
the goal and showed us why he was, at that tender age, sharing the stage with
legends such as Ronaldo and Berbatov.
By now I was sure the game was done and I got out of bed to pretend
to stretch when I heard excitement in the commentator's voice and jumped back
into bed in time to see Ronaldo, standing with his feet apart and hands on his
hips, sizing up a Stoke wall, while he was about to take another free kick on the
edge of the box, the result of a foul on Michael Carrick. I thought to myself,
it can't be, but hoped nonetheless for some more magic. The wall was literally
quivering and not without reason as Ronaldo ran in and smashed a low curler,
around the wall and into the bottom right corner of the now weathered ropes at the
back of the Stoke net. Goal #5 ' Simply unstoppable!
The game re-started for the last few seconds before the end
of Stoke's misery and Ronaldo gave it one last shot, weaving his way into the penalty
box and leaving a trail of sprawled defenders in his wake and sent the ball in
only to see Manucho fire wide. Thankfully for Stoke and its legions of fans,
that was the last play of the game and Man United was officially back in the
title hunt.
Not having Rooney and Ferdinand made no difference to Sir
Alex's team and they proved that you cannot keep a champion down for too long.
Fergie will be a happy man, 50 years after he debuted as a 16 year old in the
Premier League and for now ' so am I.
Until next week and some more magic ' C'mon you Reds!!
