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After haggling with my friends over a destination for a much needed break from the back-break routine in my then organisation, we picked Nainital. Others said it was well-connected and approachable from Delhi. There was also the flexibility of visiting any of the surrounding places like Kausani or Ranikhet in case the city did not suit our mood.
Little did I know that this would change my life in many ways, both pleasurable and painful, in the years to come.
We boarded an overnight bus from Anand Vihar and landed among the hills the next morning. The next venture was to find a hotel and to our surprise and inconvenience, there was no ATM of the so called banks of India which advertise heavily on the Net, phone and newspapers, if you miss the telly. There was just one from SBI, standing tall. We hadn’t carried much cash, credit cards were not in vogue and the room rents were more than our expectations. At times, there was a feeling of being cheated at seeing rooms that were dark, damp and crampy, the asking price being between 500 - 1000 per day.
We politely moved on from one ’shelter’ to another. Of course, after we had been through about 20 such places up the hills on one side of the vibrant city (the ones on the mall road below were exorbitant and above our reach, considering that we had just about one year of work experience then and were just settling into the expensive Delhi life).
At some point of time, my friends decided to give way and change direction. (They were understandably tired. After all, it is not easy to walk uphill for software professionals who are used to sit at their desks and rise up only to have coffee). I don’t know what possessed me. I trodded on. We had just stopped for tea at those small tea-huts that flank hilly roads. A hotel agent, as agents are, approached us and showed us photographs of a very well-furnished, neat and clean room. The rent was well-within our budget. This was just unbelievable… Did he mean that my past experience with such photographs elsewhere in India were untrue? 
And that there were simple people in this tourism world not taken by greed yet? Hmm…
This time around, my friends persisted and we decided to take a look. And it turned out to be true. Phew! This was obviously a likeable space for travellers to come back to after a day of moving around. A well-mannered middle-aged lady at the counter (the owner, of course, from the way she carried herself) was helpful and made us comfortable while a room was being vacated. I’ll refer to her as Aunty henceforth.
We booked our travels right there. After noon, we took a bus that took us around naukunchital (They said it had nine corners - so the corners re-appeared on the way), bhim-tal (where we had shoddy food that took too long to serve), saat-tal (where we enjoyed some boating and a beedi borrowed from the boatman) and a place where I saw a beautiful sunset (this phenomenon is not so common in a software engineer’s life :-)).
Back at the hotel, Aunty had mentioned that her daughter was a singer. It had been some time since I had willingly distanced myself from active music, so I just nodded appreciatively. My friends spilt the beans and I had to agree that after having learnt classical music for about 12 years, I had let go of singing. I didn’t then care about the impression this statement would make.
Anyway, food and rest at the room followed a tiring day.
Sunday, Apr 13, 2003
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We hired a cab and went to what looked like a few caves. It turned out to be an interesting expedition and my first time enjoying passing through the narrow slits and climbing a rock here and there. In fact, I took another round of the same. Maybe I had just become a child again. Or maybe I had just forgotten to move my limbs in the software industry.
Next on the itinerary was a waterfall - and that is what I liked most at the time. I had been ages since I last saw a waterfall. It made my day.
My friends’ father had deposited some amount into his SBI account the last night, so we used the lone ATM and got some much needed cash. Just next to the ATM is the ropeway, so we went there. On the way, there was a sweet girl, about 7-8, with a weighing machine and a grandma, asking people to weigh themselves for two rupees only. I weighed myself and gave her 10 rupees. She insisted that I give her two rupees only. I insisted she take ten. Her grandma insisted she listen to me. She was obviously poor. If I were rich, I would have ensured she got some education instead of earning money under the harsh sun.
The ropeway was good, but short. On the other side, we had some cold drinks and ice-cream, bought candles and did some balloon-shooting and posing with the gun.
There was no hurry. We had already booked our return tickets for the bus. We shopped on our way back, had dinner at the hotel. When it was our turn to pay and say thanks for the hospitality, my friends reminded her that we had not listened to her daughter yet.
So, that was when I met HER. Although SHE didn’t sing for us, we listened to an audio CD of HERS. Impeccable would be the word to describe HER voice [There were mistakes, of course, which I had later pointed out to HER]. And all this while SHE hadn’t learnt classical music. SHE had been looking for a teacher and I promised to find out.
I did, after a brief search in my own methodical way, give HER a few options. However, SHE had found a teacher through HER own contacts and efforts. Good for HER.
We did keep in touch. SHE, more so - HER music, had had a pleasing impact on me. I was not in love with HER yet. It was more of respect for an artist - that which can be given by another artist (ok, make it ex-artist if you must) only.
I planned and execeuted another trip to Nainital. Alone! Yes, I like travelling alone - better than being bothered by different opinions on where to go and how much time and money to spend. A part of my plan wa to meet HER more personally and see if a relationship was possible. Just to get the vibes…!
So, there I was, after having told HER my dates of journey and having asked HER to have a room booked for me for a coule of days.
Thursday, July 3, 2003
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I landed in Nainital a second time the same year and went straight to her hotel. Got a similar room at the same rate. Felt like a king - living in a three-bed room ALONE. The weather was cool with a few thundershowers and rain. I slept in the morning and almost as soon as I had woken up after noon, SHE called me on the room’s extension number. I had lunch with SHE and Aunty - my favourite bhindi. Then it was the turn of photographs. A little while later, her friend came and I felt a bit out of place. I decided to leave for the day, move around the place.
I visited the Hanuman temple - I remembered that I had gone there alone in the rain when I was about 8, the first time my mother had let me walk alone - and came out feeling good. I surfed the Net for a few hours at an exorbitant price but that is something I cannot live without, so it was okay.
The next day, I woke late and decided to visit China Peak, something we didn’t do during my last visit with friends. So, off I went, hired a camera, and trekked all the way, pretty fast to China Peak. I reached there in an hour and a half from the hotel. It was beautiful. No, the China Wall wasn’t visible due to light clouds but I didn’t expect it anyway. As sunshine and shadow played hide and seek by turns, I saw one of the best aerial views of Naini Tal (lake) from behind the circuit house atop the peak - a place famous for leeches as I saw quite a few people bitten by them. I was lucky on this count. The temple’s chants carried over to the place and made the air holy.
There was a small Shiva Linga in a small temple just around the circuit house. A serene place not visited by too many people, it made me pray - I prayed to God that if SHE were really the one for me, to give me hints towards the same. I had taken a photograph of the place and still have it in a frame with the other pictures of God-forms at my place.
I trekked down fast and reached the hotel within four hours of leaving (including lunch on the way back).
That evening, I spent some time with HER and Aunty and tried to gauge their reactions. But none was forthcoming. They had osme problem with their Internet connection. I did investigate a few things but failed to solve the problem. I advised them that their ISP agent would be the best person to approach in this issue and that a software engineer need not be well versed with hardware or connectivity problems.
The next day, I visited the Zoo - this is a different one as the animals and birds are of mountanous origin. It is clearly brought out in the fact that even the tiger had more fur than one would have seen in Discovery Channel. I did not like a few visitors teasing the poor monkeys in captivity. Very sick of them. May God have them at the other end of the spectrum (cage) some day.
Back in the hotel, I sang for them (it was not very good, coming after so many months). One of their acquaintances had some probelm with a Word document which I helped fix and set sail for Delhi.
Back in Delhi, I called HER about once a week. We met a few times (SHE was working in Delhi at the time) and I gradually realised over a few months that SHE was becoming inseparable from me. Probably, THIS was love. Of course, SHE was from a well-to-do family, much richer than my struggling one and this fact alone made it difficult for me to try proposing to HER. SHE was also good-looking, spoke English well and carried herself with grace. And SHE sang brilliantly. All this made me not forget HER. These were the things that I wanted in the person I would have liked to marry. There was also this intuition that we had about each other - an undiscovered understanding, a telepathy. We had started talking more frequently.
I remember this one time that I was listening to songs in the night and decided to call HER after an announced song on the list was played on an FM channel. The song was ‘Tumse Milnaa Baaten Karnaa’ from the film ‘Tere Naam’ composed by Himesh Reshammiya, not that famous then as now. Strangely, SHE called me when the song was about to end. There were other examples of this telepathy which we acknowledged later.
November 30, 2003
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I finally proposed to HER after presenting HER with a card and a few gifts. I had taken a ring, too, that SHE refused. SHE also rejected the proposal candidly saying that SHE did not feel the same for me and as SHE was very particular about her career, SHE was not even interested in an affair. Of course, SHE was getting proposals also from well-to-do families within their group that SHE had rejected as well.
Anyway, I continued calling HER after that. We even went to a few movies together. I breached the subject a couple of times in the next few months but SHE always refused.
April 9, 2004
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On this day, we talked freely about our relationship. SHE had confessed a few days back that SHE did miss me on occasion and that SHE found it strange. Thus, we came closer this day. There was immense hope in my heart for things to come. It was a painful pleasure.
April 10, 2004
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In the morning, SHE called me and told me that SHE would love to live HER life with me. It was probably the happiest day of my life. She fell sick in the afternoon. I went to HER place and tried to care for HER. SHE was better in the evening. We went to HER friend’s get-together and enjoyed the evening.
April 13, 2004
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Just around midnight, SHE finally called and said that SHE loved me. I was besides myself with joy. It was exactly a year since we had met.
The euphoria was short-lived, though. Our affair was brief. Although we were thinking of marriage, HER parents objected to the relationship citing community as a reason. I reacted badly to this and to the fact that SHE didn’t seem to fight for me. That ruined it. Although I tried to salvage things later, it was too late.
Was SHE too early to tell HER parents? Should SHE have spent a few more months moving around with me so that we had more confidence in each other? I really don’t know.
Was I at fault? Maybe. Maybe not. But I hate to blame destiny for what we do.
That was it. An end to the most beautiful period that started the most painful period in life for me. There were times I felt so helpless that I could not control the salty drops. I just could not believe what had happened. Those were times that led to my spending more hours in office leading to more back - pain (to relieve which we had gone to Nainital int eh first place) :-). Yes, harder work at the office has been recognised and rewarded. But that is no more than consolation.
SHE had moved city and called me once many months later. We talked of petty things. I did not talk about our relationship - didn’t want to relive the pleasureless pain. It had taken me those months just to accept the reality and soothe myself that a better life awaited me. I am still searching for that better life, though.
I had called HER a few days later on her birthday and wished HER. SHE seemed unwell but denied it. I didn’t insist. It was pointless, wasn’t it?
That was the last time we talked.
Apr 13, 2005
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Nothing!
Apr 9, 2006
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Why is it that even though I have a larger friend circle to share my feelings with, that even after I had a brief relationship with another girlfriend (normally known as ‘moving on’), I am still writing this content in a blog? Why is it that I still feel I am in love with HER? Why is that if SHE come to me even now, even after hurting me on many occasions (our breakup was not very smooth), I will accept HER as she is?
Apr 13, 2006
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?????
Apr 13
Posted in Books.
– April 10, 2006
