A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined.

The lawyer thundered, “Have you ever been married?”

“Yes, sir,” said the witness in a low voice. “Once.”

“Whom did you marry?” the lawyer demanded.

“Well, a woman,” the witness answered timidly.

The lawyer said angrily, “Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?”

And the witness said meekly, “My sister did.”

Baby mosquito came back after its 1st flying.
His dad asked him- How do you feel?
he replied `It was wonderful, everyone was clapping 4 me! That’ s Attitude

Written outside a temple:
Q: Why should we believe in GOD?
A: Because there are still some questions which cannot be answered by GOOGLE.

I met money one day. I said, “You are just a piece of paper.”
Money smiled and said, “Of course I’m a piece of paper, but I haven’t seen a dustbin yet, in my life

Three dead bodies   turn up at the mortuary, allwith very big smiles on their faces. The medical examiner calls the
police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent
and is taken to the first body.
“He was a  65 years of age, died of heart failure whilst
making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,” says
the medical examiner.

The Detective Inspector is taken to the second dead man.

“He was 70, made a pile from
government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol
poisoning, hence the smile.”

“Nothing unusual here”, thinks the Inspector, and asks to be shown the last body.

“Ah,” says the medical examiner. “This is the most unusual one. Man was 60, struck by lightning.”

“Why is he smiling then?` inquires the Inspector.

To which the medical officer replies, “He thought he was having his picture taken.”

An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the
senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by
the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings.
He asked, “How can you afford all this on a meagre senator’s salary?”

The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.

“Can you see the river?”

“Yes”

“Can you see the bridge over it?”

“Of course”, said the minister.

“10 percent”, said the senator smugly.

Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian
minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his
house,the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had
built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc.

“How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees,” he asked.

The minister called him to the window.

“See the river over there?”

“Sure”, cried the senator.

“Can you see the bridge over it?”

The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said, “No, I don’t see any bridge.”

“100 percent”, said the minister !!

My wife and I had just finished tucking our young ones into bed one
evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old son room.

Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically.

He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die.

No amount of talking could change his mind.

Desperate to calm him, i  palmed a penny that  happened to
have in my pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy’s ear.

Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my  hand,
swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, “Do it again, dad!”

A Blonde enters a store that sells curtains.

She tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.”

The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains.

He shows her several patterns, but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.

The blonde promptly replies, “Fifteen inches.”

“Fifteen inches???” asked the salesman. “That sounds very small, what room are they for?”

The blonde tells him that they aren’t for a room, they are for her computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, “But Miss, computers do not need curtains!”

The blonde says, “Hellllooooooooo … I’ve got Windoooooows!”

Great for stress relief!