The story 20 yrs back

We watched the movie Kabhi alvida na kehna  together. I never thought that the questions left by that movie will be answered in my life. We did not watched the end because of time shortage. Me 'Anushka , and my colleague at my office?Pradeep. We were not friends ( I don't make friends easily. I strongly believe a friend in need is a fried indeed.) he was my subordinate and I used to help him everytime. He was very nice and everyone had a good word for him. No infatuation, no attraction was there. He said that I were his best friend but for me he was just a fellow worker and I felt concerned for him. he used to tell me all about his family. His quarrelsome wife. , his problems. In me he found a good listener and a good advisor. though he was 4 years younger than me, people started telling stories of our affairs. And we laughed. His wife also worked in the same office and they had a love marriage. She was pregnant those days.

After a quarrel which was common between them his wife insisted to shift to Jaipur with hios family. Pradeep who was a suppressed personality had to say yes because of his new born baby. Htat very day was our last meeting so we decided to part happily. We watched the movie and bid goodbye with the song in background

Tumko bhi hai khabar mujhko bhi hai pata ..

Next morning he was leaving for Jaipur. He said that he would come to visit me in a few monthsbut I had made up my mind that this was the end of our short companionship. In todays busy and comptetive life. Who have time to remember useless things and people and I were a very materialistic girl. I did not know that this was not the end but the beginning. Next morning I prepared myself and my son. I dropped my 4 year old son to his school and were going to join my duty. On my way. Engaged in my thoughts I did not noticed a speeding four wheeler. It hit me hard face to face. Darkness fell around me. My eyes opened in the hospital I fractured my right thigh badly and damaged my front jaw with 4 teeths. My pain was both physical and mental. A question kept hitting me within 'why you did this ?how can you be so careless?' in bed for regular 3 days I kepr praying "oh God please bring him back, for once."I kept enquiring to everybody ,did anybody relieved any call from him ?, any news of him ? God was playing a game with meon the eve of the 3^rd day, my mobile rang. With my heart throbbing I picked it up. A familiar voice came "how are you ?"

"oh Chimpu, I am hospitalized. I had a major accident."

"where are you ?"

"Ratan hospital, ward no. 3"

Within 10 mins. He was there with many questions on his face. Finding me alone he asked "why you did this ?"

"I am also trying to find an answer to this" and we smiled.

Io spent 40 days in the hospital . I was operated for my compound fracture. He and my husband Preet, donated blood for me. Days and nights were alike for both of them. When I got my discharge , we felt like parting again. But things shaped themselves. He started coming home almost daily to see me. For 4 months I were on bed. I lost all my beauty after this accident. My face was de shaped because of my broken front teeth. But still he said to boost me up "you are the most beautiful girl". Things were worse than worst. My only inspiration, to get well were his talking eyes. I felt an urge to stand, to walk , to meet him. and I started walking, now my struggle to get a new job started. He was always there for my interviews. My confidence and his backing succeeded me to get a good job in telecom sector. Then we started collecting money from our salaries for my dental treatment. After 4 months of my job, my treatment also started. In 6-7 painful seatings. I were perfectly fine. In this meantime, my husband and me started having conflicts because of this relationship. We are so modern but cannot think of friendship between a girl and a boy. Same scene was there with Pradeep and his Wife. Pradeep stopped coming home. But we both were happy because me met in evenings every day. I found solace in his deep brown eyes. We made plans for our dream home. We never proposed each other. It was bliss being together. He understood me so nicely that whatever was in my heart was on his lips. He was just my reflection. What else could be this called if not love ?  holding each other's hand we roamed bare foot on sands of Ganga.. hands in hands we licked our icecreams. We got drenched in heavy rains. We made excuses to our partners. All this was so much fun those days. The world was coloured and scented. people say that scent and love can not be hidden. You cannot get along peacefully in a city like ours. . people noticed and we even not tried to hide what we were doing. I had flat true answeres to my Preets queries. The conflicts were not because of Pradeep. I very often feel dishonour in his behaviour. We had a love marriage for which I left every thing and in return I got the height of insult and indifference. There was no place for me in his family. I just stayed with them. My lonliness found a solace in his arms. He was , what a girls dream could be. Love doesnot knows any rules and boundaries of this world. We terribly needed each other. We cancot even think of being separated. Preet always had different views and now this gap between us had become more prominent to be noyiced. I have made up my mind to leave Preet and told him likewise. I were firm in my decision and being a taurean nothing could shake me. But Pradeep was not so strong . he had his duties towards his wife and baby. We got along nicely till the trouble at last wanted a solution. I had a bitter argument with Pradeep

"icannot share you with any body Chimpu. Look Eashan (his son) is very small and I am confident that I wil be a good mother . you will never feel any difference between Parth and him"

"But Anu, think for a moment Neha is totally dependant on me. She will die if I leave her. Who else will support her. She is alone and her family opposes her strongly"

"if youn are so responsible then why did you came to me? Why did you put on fire in my married life ? I am not guilty alone if this is wrong. . why should I only pay for this all ?"

"Anu we can sit and talk. I want you both"

"what nonsense ? are you living in an Arabian country? It is not practical . you have to choose any one of us it is better to not have you than to have you like this."

"is this your final decision?"

"yeah ! I mean what I say. You think and talk to Neha,if she wants any sum of amount for her livelihood I am ready to pay."

I said all this in a rage of anger because I thought he cannot leave me. For the next 3 days I waited for his call. I tried his nos. but all of them were switched off. I called in his office but in vain. on the 4^th day I decided to visit him at his home. And that was the day which proved to be a blast I my life. I were climbing the stairs and I found Neha and Pradeep coming down.

"hi Neha ! hi Pradeep !"

Neha screamed fiercely at Pradeep "why she had come here ?"

"I want to talk to you Neha"

" but I dn't want. Didn't Pradeep told his decision to you?"

"Neha can we go up and talk"

"just shut up you bitch" Neha screamed "he ismine and only mine. He played with you he only used you for his amusement. You are a toy for him and nothing else. Just leave us now, we don't have time for you"

"what is she saying Chimpu?"

"what are you asking him?"

" I want to heare all this in his words"

"speak it up Pradeep . Speak I said."

"Anu I respect you a lot . I am helpless , I love my son very much."

Controlling so much at last I broke into sobs "to hell with your respect for me. Where is the respect ? now I am standing at your doorstep all ruined and your are telling me that you respect me. Just hold my hand and come with me"

"I cannot Anu. Please let us go"  

"and where should I go?"

"I don't have any answer"

I hold  him " give me an answer" he shook my hands and kicked start his bike "you both decide it yourself . I am fed up now. I am going to die then you both will have what you want."

I tried to catch him but because of my weakness in right leg I could not run. Moreover Neha held my arms tight and shouted. "let him die and be happy"

I kept shouting "don't go Chimpu . don't leave me , don't go like this, come back"

All this happened and I was blank with thoughts. Eashan started crying . I hired a rikshaw and reached home. I threw myself in the bed. Nobody came to ask me. I cried and cried for days, for weeks. For months, for years and I am still crying

Reaching Easha's home I found him alone.this was our second meeting and we burst in tears. We cried and cried more bitterly for endless time we cried. We hugged tight , I felt let this world come to an end right now. We met after so many years and to be separated again.the whole world seemed to me as an enemy.for a moment I grew selfish. I forgit for what I have come here I forgot every thing . my status, my responsibility. For me everything seemed small for a while . i could  only see him the person of my desire. I remembered hoe dearly I needed him, how passionately I loved him he was my soul mate. With one heart , with one mind we were made for each other. All the agony I beared came rolling out of my eyes. We were silent but our hearts were talking . after such a long seperationwe still did not needed wordsto express our thoughts. The mind speaks and the mind listens.sobbing I asked that why did he not turned up to talk to me ? to which he answered " you know Anu I could nopt make choises between you and my son"

" you know , my heart always said that you will return to me some day. I kept waiting. I lost all my dreams my taste in life. I taught my self that now Parth is the only Ambition and to make him success is the only dream. I lived like a programmed machine with no likes and dislikes. I kept doing my duties.i were breathiong without heartbeats. Tell me what was my fault ? I fell in love after so many years of my marriage and for which I am bearing the punishment." My throat chocked with sobbs. Wiping my tears he said"Anu that all was for us letus do our best so that our children do not to have all those sufferings."

"Neha and Preet will never give their consent for this marriage and even if I support my son I know Neha and this time I will not keep quiet if she insulted my son"

"that you leave to me. She put a condition to choose you or my son , now I will give her choices between her daughter's happiness and her pride. She is a mother too."

"I can only proceed after her consent"

Days passed and my anxiety grew day by day. I did not heard from Easha or her father. Later Parth told me that they were in Kanpur. In thought to call Pradeep but controlled myself. After meeting him I always were engaged in his thoughts and smilled on my foolishness.early morning of the 8^th day I received a message on my mobile "meet me at 6.00p.m. in Barista ' Neha". Withmy heart full of confusions I reached there shsrp on time but not finding her I occup[ied an empty table. After 10 mins. I herd her voice behind me " hi Anushka !"

I lost my voice, I could not find any reason to smile. I coldly said "hi"

Her habbit of talking endlessly have not changed and she started " you are very clever you did not leave us. Tthis time your son, Hmmm . What do you think I am going to do now  ?"

I really got afraid but somehow managed to say "I did not know that Easha is your daughter moreover Parth was not aware of what happened in my life. How can you blame me for this ? I just want them happy."

"you want them happy or you want your self to be happy?"

"Neha, I don't think I am here to waiste my time arguing with you. If you think this is all preplanned then do as you like.but let me tell you one thing . that time you won because of your son but now your daughter is opposing you. Remember she is not a Libran like her father. She is firm in her actions. And knows to make her ways."

"I know this and that is why I have come here. I can agree but I have a condition that  after this marriage you will never meet Pradeep"

I were feeling that I will faint again if I saw Pradeep again. Preet said jokingly that I were looking so horror struck as if I have seen a ghost. (I had seen a ghost of my past but how can I tell you?) I spent sleepless nights and days. Parth returned back. My illness gave me an excuse to skip the matter for a while. He went to meet Easha's father and got a good green signal from his side and why not he was the most eligible bachelor in our social circle. 20 years back when I were working in nokia my admin officer who was very good at predictions , told me " your son will have a love marriage to which your husband will not agree you will support your son. Be prepared for something very strenuous in your life." Who knew this and nobody knows the future. In the evening my mobile rang.

"hello" I said

"Anu how are you?"

I recognized the voice and my temper raised up "it is useless to ask now how I am Chimpu."

"I know you are very angry but still you remember your Chimpu, isn't it?"

"what do you want? Why did you called up?"

"I want to meet you."

"sorry I am not well"

" even I am not well Anu but, for our children we have to sit and talk"

"it is impossible. Have you thought of the consequences? First of all Preet will never agree and then Neha . I tolerated it for me but if she insulted my son I cannot keep quiet."

"I know anubut we cannot talk about all this over phone. Can't you come and meet me?"

"is this your cell no.?"

"Yeah!"

"o.k. let me talk to parth . you just wait for my call"

Since meeting Easha , Parth told me everything about his love life. How the girl is. Why he liked her, his plans he talked so much that I knew he is really very serious and this is not mere infatuation. I knew how sensitive he is . I always acted as a shield for him because I knew he hates taking descisions. His Libran imbalance was the most trying thing for him. If I put my problem he will surely leave it to me but, still ihave to talk to him after all it is his life . I brought up my son like a friend he understood me very nicely and I did not felt a bit hesitant in telling him what happened 20 yrs back. As I said before he left it all to me and sighed " do as you like Ma ! I donot want my happiness at the stake of our family peace. If and only if I knew this .."

Parth was a very straight forward guy and Easha was a perfect match for him . parth narrated the story to her and she immediately said " we will not marry at this cost Parth. We can be good friends and we can live happily ever after. May be this is the destiny for us." She came to me the next day and hold my hands as Pradeep used to do. Looking straight in my eyes she said " I can feel the turmoil you are facing Aunty. Your don't worry we will not marry and if needed we can stop meeting even. But I want to tell you one thing Aunty, papa still loves you and respects you a lot. He often tells me and Eashan stories about you but he never mentioned your name. from that day we met in the market he has stopped talking. I don't know what is making him worry so much."

Easha now he is your father and he knows the pain of separation. You tell me the truth is it so easy for you to leave Parth when you have so many dreams in your eyes ? how can you console your heart that you can be friends, we have faced that grief and it tok so many years to lock those emotions. Just an incident caused all this. All those memories those days are unlocked back. We are feeling bad that because of our past our children have to pay. We donot want you to bear all that at this short age, it will ruin your bright future. We donot want you to sigh at your old age remembering each other. I am a mother Easha , Parth whatever asked me, I made it available to him and when he deserves his happiness how can I tell him to sacrifice?"

And I knew some thing is to be done. I knew Parth would not utter a single word of his agony. He was getting ready to rejoin his posting. He was silent and trying to show that he is not a bit perturbed. I decided ' be it anything I will not sacrifice his dreams for my own peace and how can I be at peace like this. I bowed my head for our family so many yrs before but now I have to break this silence. I called Pradeep on his no.

" Chimpu, Anu this side. Can we meet ?"

" Anu I have my reservation for kanpur in the night "

"stay at home I am coming right now

"Ma .Ma "

"what is it ?"

"wo actually ma"

"come on yaar what is the matter? Any problem ? do you want some thing?"

"ma .. I have a girl friend and I want you to meet her."

' invite her home for a tea."

'no I want you to meet her somewhere else"

' why?"

" please for me , once"

after a few days I went with Parth my son to meet her so called girl friend. On our way to the restaurant I felt a special eagerness on hios face. He was unusually silent. Me and my son talked a lot. Every time he told me stories of his friends , cracked jokes . but he was looking happy . I felt relieved that there is nothing to worry. When a boy asks his mother to meet a girl it is very clear indication that he is serious to get married. Moreover I were satisfied with  his career he had a bright future ahead and had just joined navy as a naval commander. History repeats it self, but this way I never thought. At last we reached our destination for the destiny to be played. A tall , fair girl  was waiting for us on a corner table. She stood up and greeted me. After some formalities my son came straight to the point that he liked this girl and wanted to marry her. The girl had all the attractions to be somebody's daughter in law . sharp features, very fair colour, an impressive height , politeness and the most attractive feature were her eyes. Those deep brown eyes reminded me something.

" anything else sir?" a waiter intrupted and I came back from my dream world. As a would be mother in law I started taking her interview .

"your fater and mother ?"

" Mr. Pradeep Mohanty and Mrs. Neha Mohanty."

I swallowed something ." who else is there in your family?"

"my elder brother eashan ?"

"where are you from?"

"kanpur"

"what is your father by profession?"

"he have his own business of electric appliances and owns a restaurant in kanpur."

"good, where do you live in Delhi?"

"I live with my brother . we have our own flat in sector  2. papa very often comes to Delhi for his work here."

"what about your future plans?"

"nothing big aunty, just a good job and Parth."

Her answer pleased me very much and I laughed with them. But somethink kept tickling my mind. We returned back. For some days every thing was normal. You can say it was the silence before the storm.i did not talked about Easha and my son was also busy.

One fine evening I were on my daily shopping in a busy vegetable market.

"namaste aunty" a voice called up from behind. I turned to find easha smiling sweetly.

"namaste, how are you dear?"

"aunty meet my papa , he is here for somedays. Even I were planning to inform you,he wanted to meet you and uncle .

     What else she said , I don't know . every thing vanished over the earth  I were ., no, we were standing. Some where in the mist, in clouds, me and Pradeep. I can not give words how I felt , I lost my voice , my power to listen. We both were shocked to see each other. Feeling happy , sad , excited, wanted to cry wanted to hug, wanted to scream . I don't know what was going on.

"aunty , why don't you company us home." Easha shook me .

I glanced at her bkankly and then back to her father " sorry , some other day Easha I am expecting some guests today. I will call you back " and without even saying good bye I rushed home. The thing I were afraid of , was in front of me. Now what? Parth will be back in two days. He will surely insist me to meet  his father about this marriage. Iam the dominant part of my family and it would have been very easy if easha were a normal girl. I liked the girl but what about her family. The question does not arises.tomake my sons family will break my family. I started sweating heavily and my B.P. dropped suddenly. Next morning I opened my eyes to see my husband sitting at my bed side.

Hi friends

After a long time i am back and will try to be regular in my posts. i will try to complete the story of a child as i have not written any thing in all these days. please keep in touch and start posting your comments .

thank you all

"I liked  your  profile" the message flashed in my mail  box from one Tina Ukawa. I thought it some consultant's mail but, it was a long mail for me appreciating my profile and thoughts  as expressed in Redif connections. First I thought the girl belongs to my own town and responded back very formally accepting her friendship. The correspondence continued. The second mail from Tina was a thorough description of her life. She wrote that she is a refugee in Rawanda, living in a camp. Her family is killed by some militants  during a civil war. She sent her photographs with many e ' cards. Again busy in my office schedule I responded accordingly. Few days later I received another mail the subject line was 'help me out'. In that mail Tina mentioned her late father's (who was a Doctor) bank account in London PLC and her reverend Father's no. she insisted me to call her on the no. given. Due to some reasons I did not got anytime to call at an international no. another mail flashed " honey contact the bank now". Tina expressed her wish to escape from the refugee camp and come with the money to India to join me. But something clicked in the mail. Tina is taking me as a male and not a female friend. She wished to marry me. "Oh my God ! what a blunder" in her mails it was very clear thet she had made her mind to leave the country and start a business here in India. She wrote according to her country rules she cannot inherit her father's property being a refugee. Only a business partner can get it transferred to his  own bank account. The amount she stated was around 9. 6 million dollars. I lost my sleeps at night , calculated the amount and got confused what to do ?  I really wanted  to help the girl, moreover the huge amount. Of ' course I would be getting some % age of the amount as she offered. I did not wanted to disclose it to anybody. Morally I should make her very clear that  I am not a boy but a girl and surely help her. I inquired some friends about the money transfer and the information I got was that,  other than  the official formalities one thing is must for the transfer ' a written statement of the nominee considering me as her power of attorney. While giving me this info my friend asked "do you realy know this girl personally or is it just a net friendship?" without waiting for my reply he told that there are many instances when people are cheated  like  this through net. I did not wanted to prove myself a fool so I lied flately " yeah , I know her very well. We have met several times. You just do not worry and I will get the letter from her" .the information I passed to Tina and asked her for a written letter and  that  was the last day of our correspondence. None of her mails came. Tina suddenly disappeared and everything is understood I laughed  at my stupidity alone. now I want to share it from you all. May be the same episode is going on with one of you. But really friends, I suffered for nearly two weeks the inner turmoil. Many  questions my conscience asked - am I cheating the girl ? would I honestly handover the money to her ? what will happen if Tina comes to India and discovers her friend to be a girl .

I scratched my head blinking my eyes at the monitor muttered " Jyotsnaa you are an Idiot !"

After an hour or two the guests departed. A few days later Mira's father came home in afternoon unusually with that middle aged man accompanied with a tall and robust boy. Mira was told to change her clothes and come with sweets decorated in a tray. This was the first time when she denied anything. She did not changed. She set those eatables in front of them as for usual guests and without a word she left for her room muttering and with tear filled eyes she sat. when her father and the guests left, she did not know. In the evening her father told that next Sunday he will be going to fix the date for marriage to this boy's place. On inquiring about the boy's profile, she was told that he is a Sub- Inspector of some region in eastern U.P. This much information was thought enough for Mira. An enlarged photo was given to her. "So this is your future Mira. This guy is your would be husband and they think nothing else is necessary to know about your destiny." Holding the photo she smiled at the irony. She never complained . Never complained to any body because there was nobody to hear her. It was a new game , some changements from the usual days. In proceedings to this , her so called in-laws came to visit her, took her to shopping , spent a large sum on her for the clothes and jewelries. She had never known all these luxuries before. She felt like a silken rope is tightened day by day round her neck. Then at last the day arrived she formally got married to the boy named Brijbhushan. What a coincidence she thought her beloved God lord Krishna might be playing another joke on her. This was a convenience marriage — a deal made between her father and father in law . The scientist 's whole property will be inherited by Mira was the key and the worst thing in her life. The scientist was cunning he put his ease in priority. His condition for the marriage was that Mira will return after some days to her own place and will stay here only and Brijbhushan would return back to his posting. She heard all this with her eyes wide opened. She shouted on her husband " is it a drama ?" " why the hell would I be going back ?" "but darling my leaves are finished now. I have to go back and report to my station." Brijbhushan said. Her father 'in- law consoled her that this is a ritual. The bride have to go back to her father's place for a few days. " I will come soon and take you back" he said. She stayed only for four days with her In ' laws and the scientist arrived ..

Intuitions veiled her eyes. she knew that her come back would not be as easy as her in-laws thought . As usual she got busy in her daily chorus. As the commitment was, she waited for her father 'in 'law. But, days passed he did not came . at last she called up ..

It was informed that the girl was going to leave with the boy. An order was thrown towards Mira. She was locked in the house not allowed to go anywhere, not even to the school. it was her final year in the school. The scientist was called up by Dada's father. They had a talk. Shanti ma told Mira that they will be getting married on her 18 th birthday. Till then she have to stay away from the boy. with out a word the boy left the city. Some days after Mira received a letter from him saying that one day he will return for his beloved and will take her away. The shock was enough for Mira. The rememberences kept her occupied all the time. She lost her mother at a small age of 3 and the only understanding person – her friend, is gone. she lost her hope, lost her interest in life. As the time passed, not even a single day passed when she did not wished her friend to come back.

Mira turned 18. being cut from the outside world , her studies stoped had no ambition, no hope, no taste. She often thought why is she on this earth. The scientist started correspondence through some matrimonials. Mira, unaware of all this was shown once a photograph of a very handsome guy. He was the only kin to a minister’s secratory. The scientist told that this guy belongs to Haryana. He was a software engineer. The one and only thing that occoured in Mira's mind was that anyhow she will be leaving this prison, this city. This state thank God ! at least she could have some hold on her life. May be her would be husband will love her. She gave her consent. A few days later she was told that the guy's family were demanding nothing more but a four wheeler in dowry. Which was ofcourse affordable. The shrewd scientist did not agreed so the chapter was closed. Now no hope of escaping for our Mira.

The lonely girl had many friends .. she talked to plants, to the stars. To the wind. She used to tell every thing to her friends. She watered her plants in the evening. It was her daily routine. As she talked to them they also gave response as if nodding there heads. Once her friend Leena told her that she looked like queen mumtaz. Any Shahjahan could make a Taj one day for her, and she laughed at her. God gifted her with those beautiful eyes to move the hearts. But nobody told her she as so innocent. ( this description might be heart melting for some readers. I should stop anyway )

One evening she was watering her plants. A middle aged person came and inquired about Dr. sahib (her father). She passed the message. The man was welcomed with honour ..

Dear friends

I am taking a break far a while and it may happen that  i do not return, as i have lost my job. i was a part of  SOLECTRON CENTUM which was a global partner to NOKIA . the company had a demerger with Nokia and closing all it’s L3 centers. we all are jobless now. i will be trying to find a new job. which is much necessary than bloging. depends on the profile of the new job, i will be continuing or not. whish me best of luck. will try my level best to return back. i enjoyed the time being with you people. till then goodbye……