Its been a long time that I’ve written. Or for that matter, the other mommies on this blog. I guess, everybody is so busy ‘just about managing’ here, that blogging seems to be the last thing on our minds.

Maya is now 6 & Noah turned 1 in july. But he’s been ill on & off all of last month. Even his birthday, he spent asleep on my lap with high fever.

Noah’s been a difficult child…still is. He just doesn’t leave me. just doesn’t!

And it’s difficult for me to explain this degree of his attachment/stickiness to others. I sometimes feel he’s my conjoined twin or my shadow. Inspite of grandparents, father, sister, babysitter being around & the other grandparents, aunt, uncle & cousin living close by, Noah wants ONLY me.

Well, as flattering as it sounds, believe me its nothing short of frustrating. Am so, so tired! Drained! EXHAUSTED! Mentally as well as physically. Even now at 13 months, he barely lets me go to the loo for 5 mins. Its amma, amma, maaaa all the time.

What about my work? Well, I’ve been working from home, since maternity leave got over. Like I worked after maya was born. But this time it’s really difficult. I find it very difficult to focus. Most of the days, I finish my work at night after he’s asleep. But how long can I stay awake? After a trying day, all I want to do is crash into bed.

Oh I know….every child has a different temparament. But when one has to juggle work, a baby’s attention & tantrums, a child’s studies & tantrums…all your patience goes for a toss. And when its been going on for over a year….you are ready to have a nervous breakdown.

I’m waiting for the day when Noah will leave me…at least for an hour. I’m longing to be me….for a change.

- a tired maya ki mummy

Though I am going through a phase when I’m usually harried or depressed….there are some genuinely light moments….thanx to maya.

A few days back, maya & I were watching some movie on tv. Noah was asleep. Since its diwali hols, sleeping deadlines for maya are a lil relaxed.

Among the ads that play again & again in between the numerous breaks, there was one on sanitary napkins…for all nite protection….stayfree i think. the girls in the ad are shown sleeping in various positions. one in a running position, one like a dancer & one goes round & round like a clock needle. but during their periods they all are in a ’savdhan’ position. etc. etc.

So i just casually commented to maya…that ‘u r like that clock needle’. She too goes all round the bed in her sleep at nite. So she tells me….even i’ll wear stayfree all nite. then i’ll too stop moving around & bcome ’savdhan’. I just stifled my laughter.

It was so damn funny coming from her….a 5 year old….i wonder what she thinks the product is. Maya’s dad & i just cudnt stop laughing when he came home & i told hime about this.

- maya ki mummy

The posts are few & far in between now. Was trying to juggle looking after Maya, Noah & managing home. Now that my maternity leave’s over, i have one more thing added to my list.

Have just begun working from home. And am struggling. I had a lady to help with the baby & dusting, running around etc. But she decided to leave a month back…just like that. So I’m hunting again. Not that she was much help with Noah, since he’d firmly decided he’d stick only to his mom. But at least she was there to do other odd jobs.

Even now, Noah just doesn’t go to anybody else. 10 mins is the maximum he’ll stay without seeing my face…even with his father. That really puts me in a tight spot. Having a bath too has to be really quick. Thankfully after 8 pm he falls asleep & sleeps thru the nite. So I’m free then. But thruout the day he has to be continuously entertained…spoken to, fed, put to sleep….by me. So I am too tired by the end of the day to really do too much.

So the hunt goes on….am hoping I’ll find help soon. & hopefully it will be someone who Noah will get along with. Am keeping my fingers crossed.

- maya ki mummy 

…its a boy

Wanted to write earlier. But just couldn't find the time.

Baby was born on 30th july at around 10 pm. ' 9 days early.  We're calling him Noah. On surfing the net we found that Noah's a hebrew name - means 'peaceful.' Well .on some days he's anything but that.

In the past one & a half months he's been through bouts of colic in the evenings. He would then cry & cry & cry. At one point, everybody at home would anxiously start looking at the clock after 5.30 pm. Thankfully, he's a lil better now.

Maya is doing well. She's slipped into the elder sister role with ease. All my apprehension about her being jealous was uncalled for. Yes, she's a lil too enthusiastic sometimes, keeps kissing Noah over & over again & most of the time too noisy in her games especially when he's just fallen asleep. But otherwise, she's busy with school & play & loving her baby brother.

So far, so good.

- maya ki mummy.

I was sitting outside this weekend watching maya play with her building friends. That's when I saw this lady at the ground floor house window. She'd just had a baby girl a few weeks back. So I went up to the window to talk to her. 

'Congratulations!' I said.

'It's a baby girl' she replied morosely.

'I know ' I said, a little shocked at her reaction. 

'No everyone at home wanted a boy.' Her first child is a girl.  

'Girl or boy what difference does it make. The baby should be healthy. That's all that matters.' I said. 

'No here at home it does make a difference. People keep names otherwise.' 

I told her that I would love it if I had 2 girls. Am actually hoping that my 2nd baby will be a girl. All this so that she would feel a wee bit better.  

But I don't really think it would've helped much. Later when I met her mother-in-law & congratulated her I met with the same reaction, 'Ladki hui hai.'

Yeah, yeah I know all this 'wanting a boy to carry on the family name' etc. still exists but actually hearing someone speak about this, feel so sad because they had a girl child was .depressing.

Very, very depressing indeed.

-maya ki mummy

Mother's day is coming up. But I'm not in a particularly joyous mood today.  

I just learnt from my sis-in-law & mom that maya has been, since a while, troubling her 1 ½ year old baby cousin brother. Like pushing him, kicking him & yesterday asking if he was dead when he stopped his breath while crying (coz she kicked him). Tho I don't know how much she understands what 'dead' is.

And on prodding, coaxing, my sis-in-law found out that Maya feels nobody loves her anymore. They all love her lil cousin.

And I dunno how to handle it. I'm hurt.

Maya is very fond of her lil cousin brother. They live close to our house & maya spends most of her time there when I'm away at work. He too is forever asking for her maya, maya (one of the few words he can speak). She misses him a lot when he goes to his nani's home some weekends.

Of course their games aren't without fights but apparently, off late, her reactions to any attention he gets have become a tad too violent. 

Maya is probably feeling the lack of attention. Tho my sis-in-law cares for her equally, the fact is that, the lil boy is, well .much littler than maya is. & he has to be looked after, fed etc.

I dread to think that after my 2^nd baby, maya's own sibling, comes in august, what the situation will be. Right now maya shuttles between her granma's home where her cousin is & ours. The new baby will be at home all the time. 

Tho so far maya has shown interest, happiness & love where the new arrival is concerned it might not be the case once the baby comes.

 I know I can't afford to lose my temper here (which is very very difficult for me). I have to be at my patient best & let maya know that I love her no matter what. & so does her aunt & everybody else.

But….I'm just feeling so disturbed & helpless .

Today is just not one of my happy days.

-maya ki mummy 

Nearly a year ago, I spent some time with my younger sister.

She was a new mom; her baby was just over four months old.

Among other things, we talked about what being a mommy felt like.

And here's what I found most surprising.

My sister wanted to change.

She's passionate about food and it shows.

She's full of energy about certain things, and lazy can't even begin to describe how she is about others.

She's the baby of the family, and demands pampering as her due.

And, now that she was a mom, she wanted to change. She wanted to lose weight. She wanted to be kind, considerate and super-efficient all the time. She wanted to be the perfect human being, an inspiration to her daughter. She wanted to be the perfect mom.

It was a bit scary; I tried gently telling her it's not possible but she was determined.

Today, thankfully, she's back to what she was. A great mom. And a nice human being. And a bratty younger sister

– Mom at work

This is what Amar Saxena posted in our guest book. It’s something that worries many parents I know, and am hoping all of us can help Amar with our suggestions:

‘The other day we had some guests come over for dinner.

My son, who is about ten, was getting bored since there were no children accompanying the guests. He asked my permission to play on the net. I gave the permission.

After a while I just thought of looking up to what he is doing. And to my greatest shock, I found him watching a porn site!!

He quickly closed the page, but I retrieved it and told him that what he was doing was wrong .That these are bad sites and he is a child.

I didn’t get angry and tried to put some sense in him. But, by God I’m still shaken. My child? Watching such sites?

Please help and tell me if I need to do something more to save him from such things again.’

Amar, I think you handled the situation in a rather mature manner. Most parents with a computer and a net connection at home will face such a situation sooner or later and I, for one, do worry about it. What you could try and do is block access to certain sites and also see if you can block certain keyword searches. Am not sure how this can be done, but am sure someone more net savvy can guide you.

Television, I think, is a big culprit. Thanks to the indiscriminate programming, the overtly sexual music videos and item songs in films, children are unfortunately exposed to this at a much earlier age.

Do talk to your son at some point and try and find out why he went to that site. Also try and find out if some of his friends/ cousins/ your relatives recommended it to him or he saw them surfing such sites.

Try and keep yourself as updated as possible about your son’s life.

Most important: don’t worry too much. You seem like a very sensible parent and am sure you will handle this parenting roadbump well.

– Mom at work