Don't believe that you start loving your child immediately after he/she is born.  

No.. It takes time .(at least it did for me & a few other mothers I know)

After Maya was born I waited for that overwhelming feeling .that surge of maternal love that I was supposed to feel. And I waited .

Well .it just didn't come! The tears, that tugging at your heartstrings like they show in movies . I felt nothing like that. (well it does happen .but the tears are of pain & relief & u do love a tiny little baby, the way u love a cuddly puppy, or a tiny helpless kitten if u get what I mean) & I kept thinking …’What’s WRONG with me???’

But for that feeling of 'I brought this little life into this world', 'She's part of me', 'She's mine MINE ' ..THAT takes some time to sink in.

 And then when u start loving .it becomes so difficult to let go

After a while, (when the fact that I was a mother sunk in & all the feelings I'd been waiting for had surfaced) there was another dilemma.

Now I couldn't bear the thought of Maya not needing me the way I needed her, not missing me the way I missed her. I started working from home just so that I could be with her.

Now 4 years later I've resumed coming to office. I leave Maya with my parents'in-law or my parents. She is quite independent & a happy child.

But then time & again when I become possessive I try and remember what Khalil Gibran wrote in his book 'The Prophet' on children

Maya will turn 4 next week. I had always wanted to name my daughter Maya (whenever I had a child & if the baby was a girl) .Actually I'd thought of Maya & Mira .if I had 2 girls.  

I had a smooth pregnancy & normal delivery. *Touch wood*

And  Maya has never been a problem child. Well the 'not-eating' problem is there but then like the docs tell u .leave kids alone they'll eat if they're hungry. Just ensure they don't snack on chips, chocolates before mealtime.

But I do remember the first 3 months after Maya was born.
She chose to sleep through the day & wake up at night. Not just that, she would want to be carried around.

Elders advised me to catch up on my sleep when Maya slept. But c'mon how much can you sleep in the day? And that too in installments. (she did wake up for feeds)

 After some nights, the loss of sleep got to me. And seeing my husband sleeping peacefully next to us didn't help either. Besides I was just angry that life had changed so much.

I was irritated at my baby who wouldn't sleep, irritated at my husband who was fast asleep, irritated that my life had turned topsy-turvy just like that.

I would wake him up & insist that he sit up with me. I would be angry & yell at my baby to sleep (as if she could understand). Then I would feel guilty that I was being such an awful mother.

Then, when I spoke with a friend (who'd had a baby around the same time as me) .I came to know that it wasn't just me. That she also felt the same way. And we figured it was probably our hormones running amok. And the pressure of being a first time mother (& a good one for that matter) was getting to us.

Well, things did get alrite after 3 months .when Maya started on a more 'normal' schedule. Her sleeping patterns changed gradually & I caught up on my long overdue quota of well deserved sleep.

And then . I started working from home after my maternity leave got over.

Then I wished she would sleep in the day too so I could work.

But that's another story.

- maya ki mummy

Do you think I must be joking or talking crap. Let us do this small exercise. Read out line below:

ohw to rbign up hcildrne griht rfmo eth tsage of cocneptoin to 8 eyasr of ega.

You could manage to read? Do we read a word as a whole or letter by letter. As a word ' correct. Above exercise proves that.

Whenever I take my kid out he can very well identify 'Mc Donalds' & the tantrum starts. What is so familiar & attractive for him is  the logo with large font & the colour. If he can understand & read Mc Donalds why not other words.

I was taught in ISP how to introduce words using flash cards & making a book based on these words with text on one page & image on the next page. The first book I made was on 'My Family', second was on 'Fabric', third one am planning to make is on his hobbies. Amtoj is 3 years old so the font size recommended was 3" height & 1'2" thickness (for flash cards), also for his age books like Bubbles & Bruno are recommended which comprises of short sentences & bigger font size.

I read out books with him pointing out at each word & but never test him. When he is in mood he will pick any book he likes & ask me to read for him. I was surprised to see him reading out page after page for the first time. Amtoj has 12 books on bubbles & he can read the title & decide which one he wants to read or to be read for him. I noticed he likes these books in comparison to other books on short stories where whole page is full of text & it gets boring for him as the attention span of child is very short.

Hats off to ISP because of which I was made aware of the childs intelligence & capacity. This will help inculcate habit of reading & improve vocabulary & ofcourse not to miss out increase knowledge. Being an aware parent next time I go to purchase books for him I know which one to pick up.

It is nothing special or unique with Amtoj all children are born genius, your child too have the capability to read at early age.

Yes I mean to say is your child informed like elders in the family or are they taken for granted, what he will understand 'abhi chhota hai'.

This is not the case. My son Amtoj completed 3yrs last month & when I took up new job after long break post delivery, he was 1 ½ yr old. To make him use to my absence I started leaving him in a Day Care Centre initially for 3hrs when he was 15months. During this time I could attend my music class twice in a week, other days could wind up household chores. Amtoj cried initially but in few days he started enjoying with other kids & I was happy with the care taker. When I decided to take up the job offer, I gradually increased his time from 3-5hrs & later to 8hrs. My hubby being out of town for 5-6mths I was comfortable keeping him in day care instead of leaving with house maid. When I use to reach by 7pm Amtoj would be waiting for me seated on bench, unlike other children playing. Things changed after 4 mths my hubby was coming home & he wanted me to keep full time maid so that he could spend time with Amtoj, I went ahead for the same. After my husband came 3months later my mother-in-law also came to stay with us.

I had a tough time leaving him at home & going to office, all these days he was use to seeing me around when he is at home. He would cry lot, & I would leave the house with a guilt what am I doing to my kid. At times he would be sleeping or while awake my mother-I- law would take him to children room, asking me to leave quietly.  In the evening he would express his feelings by pushing me out of the house or telling me to go back to office & burst out crying or running away in the bedroom. In July 2005 he started going to Blossoms play group at Borivali, they had invited all parents for a Parent Awareness Program. I attended the session to understand that it was a introductory session & whole program would comprise of 9 sessions that meant nine Sundays, but I decided to go for it.

This program popularly known as ISP (Infant SSY Program) did miracle in my life. I learnt we should respect our child like elders, keep them informed about everything. I started practicing 'SAY & DO'. Now I would tell Amtoj in the evening itself that tomorrow am going to office or am having holiday. His timing was such that he would wake up ½ an hour prior I need to leave for office. Seeing him crying Mom-in-law would say go quietly I'll take him to the balcony. I started repeating the session at home for Mom-in-law & my maid on Sundays. They also got into the culture of ISP. Now it is such a relief for me when Amtoj says 'Bye Mumma', you will come in the evening naa'. He welcomes me in the evening with sparkle in his eyes.

There are families trying to convince the child by saying 'abhi aayenge' no matter mom is going to return after 5 hrs. Never ever do that if we lie to our child they will do the same to us. If you are returning at 6pm tell them an hour later few minutes here & there in traveling or at shopping or work can happen. If we tell them the truth they will respect us for the same. Idea is to respect your child. SAY & DO will solve most of your problem not only with the kid but other relationships too.

I've enjoyed pregnancy and my motherhood till date. It has been a very beautiful experience.

However, did have my share of post-pregnancy depression. I did not realize that I'm going thru' one, but when I sit back and think, i realize I've been really mean to some people around that time.

One of them is my mom-in-law. She's actually a darling; however, I did not see her in the same light after my baby was born.  Anything she did would get on my nerves and I would end us chewing and irritating my hubby about the same. He was very supportive and patient with me all the time.

When I went to my mom's place to stay with her, she actually told me how mean I was to my mom-in-law .not realizing, I behaved with her (my mom!) in the same way.

But I guess you always have that privilege with your mom she takes all the shit from you but she still showers all the love back to you.

This is something I realized late. Now, I do respect both the women with great amount of respect for all that they have done to me and my hubby during our childhood days.

AND NO, I'm not getting sentimental here or plan to tell the same to my kid, but I think if I as a person can realize this and give it back to them in some way, I think I've achieved a lot in my life.

It's very easy to take to drugs to beat the postpartum blues ' but I think if you can inform your hubby or family well in advance about the situations that may arise, they may be able to help you in a much better manner.

– K Sudha

Myths and Facts

Pregnancy and post pregnancy has its own set of myths and facts and they can bother you to hell

My doc ' an open minded woman, always told me to have papaya thru' my pregnancy and assured me that me and baby will be fine. I did trust her more than my mom and mom-in-law - enjoyed the fruit to its fullest.  Result: happy n healthy pregnancy and my baby was born exactly 2 days before the due date. 

Post pregnancy, too my doc told me that just eat normal home cooked good food ' my mom was quite upset with this piece of advice. She believed in the special diets to be followed ' however she tried to give up on her thoughts and decided to go with me this time.  But once in a while when my kido faced colic problems (any kid will face this problem irrespective of mom's diet) she would attribute the same to the kind of food I ate.

Funny it may be, but as much as you may try to move away from such myths, at times it makes you think twice when your baby cries with colic pain. You end up feeling guilty and yes, I've too tried to change my food patterns, but nothing helped.  I guess for the baby it's all a part of their growing up pains.

I wanted jump, shout, clap and generally yell at the world: "YES! YES! YES! YES! I was right and you were wrong. There was nothing wrong with my baby, ever. He was fine — always."

Before you think mommy-hood has finally pushed me over the brink, let me explain.

It began when my son was a couple of weeks old. And it still goes on. Insidious little whispers. All pointing at the same thing — the little mite was underweight. He was just not getting enough nutrition. And, somewhere, the fault was mine.

"Do you have enough milk?" Curious female relatives would pop in when I was feeding my baby and ask. I remember, time and again, squelching the irresistible urge to squirt them.

Once that fear was addressed, there had to be something else. "Maybe you're not allowing him to feed enough."

When that was dealt with, "Are you eating properly? Maybe your milk is not nutritious enough."

I have to admit, that shook me a bit — I almost succumbed. Should I get my milk tested?

Maybe I really should start a top feed.

Then, common sense asserted itself. My son was doing fine. He was active; in fact, overly active at most time. He was within the ideal weight range. His paediatrician thought he was fine. Most important, my gut said he was fine too.

And then, there was Sridevi, the nurse at the centre where I used to take him for his mandatory shots. She once told me, "People have this misconception about babies that they need to be chubby. And the chubbier the better at that. So, many of them start their babies off on external food much earlier. Many others supplement mother's milk with top feeds like Lactogen. They all want their babies to be as chubby as they are in the ads. But babies really don't need to be all that chubby. As long as they are active, and reach their growth milestones within reasonable time frame, they are fine. In fact, chubby babies can be unhealthy at time. And some babies are so fat because of all the overfeeding, that they can barely move — let alone be active."

Yet, despite knowing all this, and despite having a very, very sensible paediatrician, there was this one time when all of this got to me. And, though I kept telling the world, my son was fine, secretly I began to worry.

Had the world had been right? Was I wrong? After all, all this advice was coming from women who had large broods of their own. I had been rather stubborn about only breast-feeding my son. Was my child, as a result, really malnourished?

Matters were not helped by the fact that my paediatrician was on holiday. Finally, I decided to take my son to another doc. Three of them in fact. And all of them told me the same thing. My son was fine. He was bang on target on his milestones. Yes, he was marginally underweight, but his reflexes indicated HE WAS FINE.

That was it. I decided then and there that I was not going to ever again be affected like this. The next time I was told, "Bahut patla dikhta hai," I grinned and said, "Latest diet pe hain."

Actually, I didn't J. Sometimes, in-laws don’t take kindly to jokes. I just said he was fine and left it at that.

That was some time ago. Which might lead you to wonder — why am I feeling so thrilled now? Well, it's because of a report that appeared in the front page of the Times Of India last week. It was written by a reporter called Kounteya Sinha. Am quoting bits of it here:

For the last 40 years, doctors across the globe depended on the World Health Organisation's paediatric growth chart to advise mothers about their baby's ideal weight. Now, it has been found to be grossly defective. And, for the first time ever, WHO has admitted to having given potentially harmful advice on infant nutrition to breast-feeding mothers.

The fact is babies fed on formula milk put on weight much faster. This resulted in normal weighing newborns fed on breast milk being found to be underweight according to the PGC. This led to doctors wrongly advising mothers to fatten their babies by giving them formula milk or extra solids. Sometimes, they were also advised to stop breast feeding the child as early as in the sixth month of birth, and instead to feed it with bottled milk.

Here are a couple of reports from the Times‘ Web site:

WHO’s gaffe left whole Gen obese 

Growth pangs

So, all you moms out there who are taken on a guilt trip about your kid's weight, don't worry. Touch base with your paediatrician, go in for another expert opinion if you want. Most important, trust your instinct and don't let the pressure get to you.