It's hard being a working mom, particularly on days your child is not well.

Like yesterday, for example, when my four-year-old was not well. When he had to take tons of medicine and do nebulisation (that's when the medicine is forced out as vapour and has to be inhaled; each nebulisation takes 30-45 minutes) six times a day. And he feels weak and does not have the energy to play.

I delayed going to office as long as I could. We sat cuddled together. Then, when he looked like he was feeling a little better, I got ready to leave. At the door, I said by to him.

Clutching on to his train, he said, “Bye, Mamma.”

Then, “When the sun goes down, you come home okay ”

Then, “Don't come by taxi, come by bus ”

Then, “Mamma, when you come home, we'll play the colour game ”

Then, “Mamma, I like your dress.”

Then, “Mamma, you're looking nice.”

Then, “Mamma, after office, you can go to school ”

All of this with a bright smile on his tiny face But the eyes, they told a different story.

– Mom at work

PS: I know it’s been a long gap between posts, but we will be more regular. So please keep coming back and talking to us.

Everyone around me thinks it’s amazing to have a father take care of the baby 100%. Even I think so!

Shankar loves children and it’s been a dream come true for him to enjoy and take care of Arya - our 1.3 yr old son.

However, the society thinks otherwise…how can a woman of the house work and the man stay at home? My parents also don’t feel too comfortable with the idea. His parents too are just about OK; after all their son is not working full time and does not have the upper hand on financial matter…which I think is the crux of most of the family problems.

Anyways, we decided to do what we want to…Shankar stays at home, takes care of the baby and whenever he can, he works. He takes his baby to the factory or to a clients meeting. Luckily for Shankar, Arya is always asleep during his meetings. Weekends, Shankar catch’s up with his friends and work…I do what ever I want on week days.

It's amazing how Shankar and Arya bond ' the typical man-to-man kind of conversations Arya already has about 12 friends, like to play and watch football, imitates his father in all aspects. Shankar is now learning how to potty train Arya and how to make him eat solid foods.

All I can say is that ' you need to have a great understanding with your partner to take up such decision and it's amazing to see a child grow under a parent rather than having a maid to take care of them.

'You don't love me any more.' Maya told me through tears. It pierced through my heart. And I cried too .

This happened a few weeks back. Maya was very unwell. She had a very bad throat infection & her fever just wouldn't come down. Her doc had given a heavy dose of antibiotics for 3 days. So she was very dull & generally cranky. Those 3 days she just wouldn't let me out of her sight. While I was secretly flattered initially, (*sigh* how we look for signs to convince us that we're still needed) after a day I was getting tired. Every movement of mine beyond where she was sitting would bring about a fresh bout of tears.

Another problem was that Maya wasn't eating anything. But I knew it was the medicines & the illness that was prompting all these reactions. The second day into the medicines when she still wasn't eating I spoke with her a little sternly. I didn't want her to have medicines on an empty stomach.

The moment the words were out of my mouth Maya started crying bitterly. She sobbed as if her little heart would break. And in between sobs she told me .'You don't love me any more. I make cards for you with hearts on it, but u still yell at me all the time. I'm small, no? Does anyone yell at such a small child? (This is an exact translation of what she told me & Maya is only 4.)

I gaped at her with my mouth open. I felt so damn miserable & it hurt real bad. And I cried with her. Why was she speaking like this? Was I really that bad?

Later after we both calmed down I got thinking. Maya was a happy child. What had prompted her to say what she had? I knew she missed me but the words she used that day were too much for me to bear.

I realized that it was probably her fever speaking .& quite a bit of television too.

Kids are so perceptive. Maya was hurt that day when I cried. But after that she used the 'You don't love me anymore' line more often.

She had realized the power emotional blackmail had. Well .I wasn't falling for that again. Though it was genuine that day..it usually was uncalled for after that. I spoke with her & tried to make her understand how much her words hurt me & that pulling her up for anything that she did wrong did NOT mean that I didn't love her.

Maya doesn't use that line as often now .well, not quite as often.


- maya ki mummy

Arya's (my son) first birthday was fast approaching and we were all very excited. Family, friends, relatives and all around us were enthusiastic about the plans, and were pouring in with ideas for the party, party menu, return gift ideas etc.

My in-laws too planned their travel plans well in advance ' so that they get cheap air fares, plan their itinerary, take leave sanctions etc

A day before Arya's birthday, everyone arrived it was a Sunday, big breakfast, bigger lunch and a small picnic was planned ' we went to the beach and had fun. Arya was too happy ' he loves to be with people.

That night Arya decided to sleep @ 1 am he usually sleeps at 9.30 pm.

Finally, the day of this birthday! All was set. Evening time @ 7 pm. All his friends with gifts had arrived. All of us got ready, Arya wore new clothes, his cousins were excited, the birthday cake had arrived and candle was lit ' we were about to sing the birthday song and cut the cake.

Suddenly, Arya begins to point out in a particular direction we were wondering what was it he wanted to go towards the window and see the view (With every evening meal, Arya likes to look at the western express highway ' the traffic etc which is about 500 mts away from our bedroom window) the birthday party did not matter to him at all!

We did manage to get his attention towards the cake and cut it too! But ultimately his happiness came from seeing view that he generally did.

The happiness that Arya displays while watching the cars, trucks and buses go by and his excitement by seeing different people walk by and talk to him does not compare to the so called party we had planned for him!

Ultimately, I and my hubby were wondering why we do things to please ourselves or others when it's Arya's birthday, why we did not do what he likes to do the most!??

Sudha Shankar

‘No, no, no, no, no, Mamma!’ The voice increased in pitch and I almost jumped out of my skin.

The television remote was in my four-year-old’s hands, and he was pushing it into mine.

Buried as I was in the day’s newspaper, I was not too sure what had happened.

“No, Mamma,” said my son, pointing at the television, where former veejay (he and Ranvir used to be a duo on Channel [V]) and present television actor Vinay Pathak  (you see him as one of the many hosts of The Great Indian Laughter Show) has filled the screen.

It was the bad ad!

FLASHBACK

I reach home from work one day and am told my son has started slapping people. Now, since he generally reasonably well-behaved, this came as a bit of a surprise. Particularly since, when I asked him, he told me it is “good to slap people. They feel happy.”

That weekend, we were watching TV together — it was his favourite channel Pogo — when this ad comes on.

Vinay Pathak, in a rather bad salt and pepper wig, tries to flirt rather tastelessly with a firang girl and she does not understand what he is says. So he pops in a Mango Bite candy and she pops in one and suddenly she can understand his sleazy advances as they make suck candy making these disgusting sucking sounds. She slaps him. He grins away.

SLAP!

My son had just slapped me and was smiling like he had done something funny.

One punishment session and a few long conversations later, he and I have come to the agreement that this ad is bad. And that the TV has to be switched off when it is aired.

And, even when I am not around — sometimes even when I am (as indicated above) — he makes sure that, when the BAD AD comes on, the TV goes off.

BACK TO THE PRESENT

What I don’t understand is this:

We may not be able to stop such a senseless ad from being made or being aired, but why does a television channel meant for children not show any discretion about the ads it airs?

Which idiotic ‘creative’ person came up with this tasteless ad and actually thought it was funny?

Why does someone like Vinay Pathak, who I used to think was intelligent, accept such a disgusting way to endorse a product — in this case a mango-flavoured candy?

And who on earth would buy candy that actually, at least far as an ad goes, gets you slapped?

If they really think, this ad has some kind of ‘humour’ or ’stickiness’ when it come to remembering the product, they need to think again. I know it reminds me never to buy the product again even though I like it.

As a woman, I found the ad degrading.

As a mother, it leads me to worry even more about the influences my child is being exposed to.

Is it too much to expect intelligent adults to exercise a small amount of self-censorship? For ourselves? For society? For our children? Or is the call of money too irresistible?

– Mommy At Work

Maya will start 'big school' ( as she calls it.. J) next week. She has attended playgroup & nursery before this. But this is the school she will attend for the next 12 years.

Alongwith paying the fees we had to fill out a form. And there was this column that I knew would be there & that I had been dreading - 'Religion.'

I am a Hindu married to a Christian. Both of us are not religious. I have my own set of beliefs & he has his. And we had agreed to this before marriage that our child/children would be brought up as neither. He/She could grow up & choose what he/she wanted to be. (And I secretly hope that Maya goes through life without choosing)

Well, I have taken her to the temple & she has been to the church too .the few times we've gone. & I will take her to all the places of worship I can. I try & answer her queries on God if she asks me which are more to do with stories & epics. (I’m good at that - I read a lot of amar chitra katha when i was a kid ) She's only 4 so there haven't been too many questions so far. I don't ask her to pray or teach her chants/hymns. I try to get her acquainted with customs, festivals, places which tell you about people, cultures & will only make her grow as a person.

What I do try & tell her ' and I sincerely believe it is the most important lesson - is that she should grow up to be a good person, respecting all & try not to say or do something to others that she wouldn't like to hear or experience herself.

So I left the column blank. I was happy when my husband came back having paid the fees & submitting the form without any question being asked.

Then the call came .'Madam you've forgotten to fill the column.'
I said, I'd not forgotten & explained the reason. 'You see My husband is Christian & I'm hindu. So !!!'
'Yes ma'm, I guessed as much when I saw both your names. But u cannot leave it blank.' 'Hmm then write both', I said.
'That cannot be done. It has to be one .'and hesistantly he said 'it usually is the father's.' I winced.
Then he quickly added, ' .And this will not make any difference. It's just for the record & will lie there.'
And he was insistent about filling the column, so I sighed & asked him to write Maya's father's religion ' Christian.

I did my schooling from a convent school. There, the non ' catholics studied moral science. & the catholics studied 'religion'. During that class hour we went to 2 different classes.

Maya's school doesn't have that. So I have no problem about the segregation.

But why can't that column be left blank? If it serves no purpose & is just going to lie there in the record books to gather dust .why should it be written at all? Or why can't I just write 'secular' in the column if that is what I believe in.

- maya ki mummy

Don't believe that you start loving your child immediately after he/she is born.  

No.. It takes time .(at least it did for me & a few other mothers I know)

After Maya was born I waited for that overwhelming feeling .that surge of maternal love that I was supposed to feel. And I waited .

Well .it just didn't come! The tears, that tugging at your heartstrings like they show in movies . I felt nothing like that. (well it does happen .but the tears are of pain & relief & u do love a tiny little baby, the way u love a cuddly puppy, or a tiny helpless kitten if u get what I mean) & I kept thinking …’What’s WRONG with me???’

But for that feeling of 'I brought this little life into this world', 'She's part of me', 'She's mine MINE ' ..THAT takes some time to sink in.

 And then when u start loving .it becomes so difficult to let go

After a while, (when the fact that I was a mother sunk in & all the feelings I'd been waiting for had surfaced) there was another dilemma.

Now I couldn't bear the thought of Maya not needing me the way I needed her, not missing me the way I missed her. I started working from home just so that I could be with her.

Now 4 years later I've resumed coming to office. I leave Maya with my parents'in-law or my parents. She is quite independent & a happy child.

But then time & again when I become possessive I try and remember what Khalil Gibran wrote in his book 'The Prophet' on children