Happy New Year!!!

One more theory of reason of discontent between Andrew Symonds and Harbhajan singh and why it all started.

Caution: The article below is reproduced from another site. If it seems too offensive for your taste, you can always watch Aastha Channel.

The Inside Story

The following in an account of the disturbing events that transpired in the Sydney Test between India and Australia in the year 2008.

Harbhajan Singh had batted magnificently for his 40 odd runs but since Brett Lee had come on to bowl, he had been feeling a little distracted. Harbhajan had always harbored a secret romantic desire for Lee, and it was torturous to watch Lee's magnificent backside as Lee delivered ball after ball down the pitch with rocket speed. "Be cool, be cool", Harbhajan kept thinking, "this is not the time to be distracted. There will be time later". All his feelings seemed to be under control until Lee outdid even himself with one superlative delivery. He pushed hard against the ground, contorting every muscle in his hips, thighs and calves with the force of a boiling volcano, erupted high into the air like a geyser of lava, but yet landed in his delivery stride as light as a gazelle, the end result of which was a mesmerizing delivery that moved in with the arm and then swung away, leaving even Tendulkar in the dust. Watching Lee at work from such close quarters was too much for Harbhajan; he was overcome with feeling not unlike that which lovers might feel cycling through the cobblestone lanes of an ancient town in Tuscany. He let the feeling get the better of him, and almost involuntarily, he committed his single act of indiscretion: as Lee stood glaring down Tendulkar, Harbhajan walked up behind him, and patted Lee's backside with his bat. He would have used his hand, but at that moment that was most inconvenient, what with the gloves and the bat he was holding. Lee turned around and recognized instantly the look in Harbhajan's eye. He knew he had hit his target. Harbhajan was his. He smiled. Harbhajan returned the smile.

All this did not escape Andrew Symonds' attention though. Lee and he had been close for a while now, and although they both knew their differences would never allow them to have the closeness they both desired—Lee was a bit of a monkey, and Symonds had no patience with monkeys, for he was black and he associated all things monkey with racial abuse—Symonds had grown terribly fond of him much like how people start liking bad music more the more it plays on the radio. He could not bear the flirtatious look in Lee's eyes. But Lee was free to do what he wanted, after all he was a grown man, Symonds reasoned. But in love and war, reason usually flies outa-the-window, and this was both—love with Lee and war with India—reasoned Symonds further. Thus feeling convinced that he had the power of reason to back him up, Symonds decided to take Harbhajan on for the indecent act he had committed. He walked up to Harbhajan, and told him in an angry guttural growl that hitting Lee on the backside was not on. Now Harbhajan, my dear friends, did not take kindly to such manners of speaking. Harbhajan was incensed. He didn't think it was any of Symonds' business what he did with Lee. And you know when people get incensed they usually start speaking in their native tongues.

"To kahan marooon, tere maan ki picchwade?", bellowed Harbhajan, hot air venting from his nostrils. (Suffice it to say that that's an unkind reference to Symonds mother, and let's just leave it at that.)

Now Symonds, who didn't understand a bit of Hindi, thought Harbhajan was up to some monkey business. Not just that, he heard "maan ki" as 'monkey'. He racked his brains, and through some obtuse reasoning—the kind people typically use when they don't have a clear understanding of a situation—reached the conclusion that Harbhajan was calling him a monkey. Symonds was proud of his black heritage, and he would not take this affront lying down.

What happened next is consigned to the pages of history.

Kya mamu log….. maze mein? Kya aanti log……… kaisa chal rahela hai? Blog-giri mast chal rahela hai ki nahi?
Ae Circuit, tu kya udhar-ich ko-ne mein khada rahega? Arre! kam se kam haal-chaal toh poochna mangta hai na!

Circuit: “Bhai, apun ko sharam aa rahela hai. idhar ladki log bahut aati hai na….. apun ki toh ladki log ke saamne ek-dum tight ho jaati hai…. zubaan. Bole toh….. bolti bandh ho jaati hai. Phir tu toh hai-ich…… tu-ich apni taraf se hi-hello bol de sabko.”

Chal theek hai…. par tu idhar-ich baith….. sala koi baat karne ko bhi chahiye na!
Tere ko maloom…… kitna sara log apun ko phone kiyela tha jabhi Sanju baba ko 6 saal ki lagi? Sala….. public ko laga ki Sanju baba andar…… toh apun bhi andar!

Circuit : “woh kya hai bhai….. public ne tere role mein Sanju baba ko-ich dekehla hai. Abhi public ko kaise maaloom hoga ki tu Sanju baba se alag hai? Is-liye galti se mistake ho gaya…”. “Aur phir tu bhi kitne din-o se gayab tha iland se! “

Circuit, tere ko toh sab pata hai. Chal apun public ke saamne bhi raaz khol deta hai.

Toh mamu……. apun ne shaadi bana liya….. Jaahnavi ke saath! 

Akha India ka bhai log, bahen log aaya…… Raymond wala “The Complete Man” bhi aaya aur Gaymond wala “The Incomplete Man” bhi aaya. Neta log neti ke saath aaya, Abhineta log abhineti ke saath aaya, Johar sahab jauhari ke saath aaya, Chopra saab chopri ke saath aaya……

Circuit : “Aur Bhai, Chaddha saab…..? “

Woh bina chaddhi ke aaya……. bola ki chaddhi toh Baniya aur Baniya-in ki marriage annivarsary mein gayeli hai.
Bas yeh samajh le……. Bachchan aur Bachchani ne jisko-jisko nahi bulaya, woh sab apun ki shaadi mein aaya.

Circuit : “Bhai, honeymoon bahut lamba manaya tu-ne! “

Bas kya…. pehla-pehla shaadi banaya apun……. kitni jagah ghumaya apun Jahnavi ko…… maloom!
Sabse pehle….. Dharavi mein apne rishtey waalon se milaya….. sala poora khandan udhar-ich hai. Phir Chambal le kar gaya….. kya romantic jagah hai saali! Uske baad Chandan ke jangal mein gaya……. par udhar maza nahi aaya…… woh Veerappan uncle ke kalti ho-ne ka baad udhar sannata ho gayela hai.

Toh mamu….. ab tu-ich bata ki apun idhar kaise aata itne time? Par apun miss kiya tum log ko…… is-liye aaj phir idhar tapak pada……

Dekh bhai….. abhi tum log naraaz nahi hone ka…… ki apun tum log ko shaadi mein nahi bulaya. Sala, bulata kaise?

Address kidhar tha apun ke paas.
Abhi jisko-jisko mithai khana mangta….. toh apna-apna address bhej daal. Address milte-ich apun goli mein mithai bhar kar bhijwa dega…. kya!
Waise bhi sala itna din ho gaya hai mithai ban-e hu-e…….

Circuit : “Haan bhai! abhi toh tommy bhi soongh kar chhod deta hai…… khata nahi, mithai”.

Ae Circuit, tere bheja mein gobar bhara hai…… yeh baat idhar bol-ne ki kya zaroorat thi?
Apun tere ko chhodega nahi…… ruk! kidhar bhaag rahela hai……..

Sala! koi apun ko shanti ke saath rehne-ich nahi deta. Ae yeda log! shanti bole toh….. peace!! 
Par kya karega…. public ka itna demand ho rahela tha ki wapas tapakna-ich pada.
Dekh, apun ko UP mein election kara-ne ka full contract milela hai…..
UP ho ya Bihar…. apun ki demand har jageh hai….. kya!
Saari party ke log apun se milne aaye….. bole bhai tera-ich sahara hai……
Apun ne 4 team banayi….. A,B,C,D…… phir neelami hui…… Sabse jyada boli SP ki…… usko A team, phir BSP ko B team. BJP aur Congress ko C aur D team chipka diya……
Abhi sari teams kaam par lagi hu-eli hai. Aur apun sabka Big Boss…. kya!
Dhanda bindaas chal rahela hai…… bas time nahi hai……
Toh mamu lo, tension nahi lene ka…… apun wapas tapkega….. thoda patient rakhne ka…… sala! phir speling mistake!
angrezi ki padhai bhi phir chaaloo karna mangta hai apun ko……. abhi chalta hai…
Ae Circuit! woh Rapid Sex wali kitab laa…….

Iland mein bhatakne waale apun ke saare friends log ko apun Happy Waali Holi bolta hai……!!

Abhi kya hai…… itne time se apun public log ka time pass kar rahela hai…. aur tum log ka comment-womment bhi mast mast enjoy kiyela hai…… par iss chakkar mein apun ka dhandha thanda pad rahela hai…..

Iss liye apun ko thode time ka break lena mangta….. dhandhe ko wapas line par lana mangta hai naa….. bechara Circuit par bahot load aa rahela hai….

Ek baar sab line par aa gaya toh apun phir idhar wapas tapak padega….. kya!!

Mast Holi mana-ne ka…… khush rahne ka…..

Abhi apun chalta hai…… 

Koi sala apun ko TAG nahi kiya….. toh apun khud-ich laga liya. Apun bhi socha ki yeh-ich sahi time hai ki sab log ko apun ke baare mein thoda jaan-na mangta ki apun kya dhansoo type ka aadmi hai…..
Chal abhi time khoti mat kar…… padhna chaaloo kar aur phata-phat comment-womment bhej daal.

Apun ek din late ho gayela hai…… par tension nahi……

Aaj apun idhar aaya…… apun ke Iland mein aane wali saari ladies log ko apun ki taraf se Happy Valentine’s Day…… aur saath mein….. dher sara pyaar, jhappiyan aur pappiyan……

jissy, angel eyes, tisha, Namrata, honey, harman, stylish gal, meena, savita, misty, sandhya, lalitha, rani, amazing santro, indigo, bublideepa, haritha, niharika, pooja, malini, princess, sue, sylvia, charu, dew drop………

Bole toh…. agar koi friend ka naam bach gaya hai….. toh apun ka SORRY, advance mein pakad kar rakh!

Haan! ek lady ka naam apun intentionally nahi likha hai……. kyonki apun us-se dar gayela hai….. usko apun ka style pasand nahi naa……. par apun sabko pyaar karta hai…… iss-liye usko bhi Happy Valentine’s Day!

Thode din mein phir wapas aayega yeh munna….. tab tak……. mast rehne ka!!

Apun aaj bahot solid khush hai…. bole toh….. apni chawl mein aaj full “Wet Day” chaaloo hai….. arre! India jeet gaya mamu!

Sala! jitna time apun Sachin ka batting dekhta raha….. utna time apun news channel walon ki maa-behen ko yaad karta raha. Sala! paka dala hai…. yeh India TV, Aaj Tak aur CNN-IBN7 ne.

Yeh news channel waale dimag ka dahi karte rehte hain. Jab sachin last year century mara tha….. tab saare channel waale paagal ho gaye the…. Sachin Ala Re!, Little Master ki Wapsi…. aur naa jaane kya-kya.

Phir chaar-paanch match ke baad bole lage…… Dhal gaya Sachin?, Kahan gaye run?

Phir teen match ke baad….. Sachin ka jawab!, Record ka Badshah!

Phir chaar match ke baad….. Sachin Retire ho jaao!, Umar se haare Sachin!

Aur Phir aaj…… Sachin ka muh-tod jawab! Sachin ki shaandaar wapasi!

Bapu! man karta hai ki gnadhigiri chhod kar yeh news channel waalon ka muh-tod doon.

Abhi tu-ich bol….. yeh saale kisi ko chain se jeene kyon nahi dete? Kal bol rahele the….. sachin chuk gaya hai…. buddha ho gaya hai….. isko bahar nikalo……
Aur aaj bol rehele hain….. sachin ka apne critics ko muh-tod jawab! 
Abhi batao, sachin ke critics kaun hai? yehi-ich log naa. Toh inka muh todna mangta naa…..

Aur bhai log…. yehi news channel waale regional division ko bhi badhawa de rahele hain….. kolkata mein poochte hain….. dada ko man of the match nahi mila, aapko kaisa laga? Kya dada, Sachin se achcha khele? 
Arre! mamu cricket poore desh ka khel hai….. apne faayde ke liye logon ko kyon baant rahele ho? kyon badhka rahele ho? Kya kolkata ke log tabhi-ich khush honge…. jab dada run banayega? 

Saala! public ka full ch$#&a bana-te hain yeh channel waale. Jo khiladi kabhi cricket team mein apni jagah bhi pakki nahi kar paaye….. aaj wahi-ich log sachin aur dada jaise log ke khel par kuch bhi bakte rehte hain.

Apun bhara bhaithela hai….. abhi channel waalon ke baare mein-ich likhega…. next time. 

Circuit! yaar botal khol…. apun ka bheja phir rahela hai….. khushi ke time par khali-pili tension de dala hai…. yeh news channel waala log…… 
Chal abhi patakhe jalate hain….. India jeet gaya….. Mamu!      

(Dharmendra Style mein) Iland walon! main aa gaya hoon. Maaaa…! tu-ne dekha naa maa….. yeh bhains kitna footage kha rahi hai…. doh-doh episode ho gaye….. par abhi tak saali ka narco test poora nahi hua……
Maaaaa….. main pak gaya hoon….. maaa…! Agar tu bol de maaaa….. toh main iss bhains ka khoon pi jaaoonga!

Maa : Arre beta! iss-ka khoon pi kar kya karega? Jaa, ja kar iss-ka doodh le aa…. phir main tujhe apne haathon se kheer bana kar khilaoongi!

Dharmendra : Maaaaa…… tu sach kah rahi hai maaaa…..? Toh jaise hi iss-ka narco test poora hoga…… main iss bhains ko un kutton ke haath se chhuda laaoonga…….maaa….. Mujhe aashirwaad de……. Maaa……!  
——————-

Kya bhai log! kaisa hai? Apun naa….. Dharmendra ka pakka fan hai…. iss-liye apun usko apun ki taraf se….. bole toh tribute diyela hai…….

Yeh sala narco test karte-karte itna time lag gaya ki circuit aur apun ka sara nasha-ich utar gayela tha…… circuit bola - Bhai! ab toh tu laaloo ko katwa-ich daal….. sala! time jyada lag gaya toh bhains ka nasha bhi utar jaayega….

Toh apun log jaldi se narco test poora kar daal-te hain….. kya!

Pehle Re-cap dene ka :

Doctor : Achcha! yeh laaloo gata bhi hai…… Chalo….. phir tum dono me final tension kabhi chaaloo hua?
Bhains : Apun bahut koshish karti rahi….. par dheere-dheere jawani dhal rahi thi…… apun Priyanka Chopra se Rekha banti jaa raheli thi……. uss-ka man phir se bhatak-ne laga tha…… apun uss-ko patane ke chakkar mein ek doosri bhains se advice liya aur paas ke hospital mein Botox ka injection lagwane ke liye gayi…….. apun ki skin phir se chamak-dar kaali hone lagi…… apun bahot khush thi……. soch raheli thi……. abhi apun apni jawani wapas paa legi aur phir se woh apun ko apni baahon mein bhar lega……..
Yehi-ich sochte-sochte apun wapas tabele mein pahunchi……… Wahan apun jo dekha toh apun ka hosh-ich udd gaya……

Abhi Aa-ge :

Doctor : Aaila! tu botox ka injection lagwa-ne gayeli thi?
Bhains : Kya doctor? yeh joh tu hollywood mein heroin-o ko dekh kar laar tapkata rehta hain naa….. woh sab ki sab buddhi-khoosat yeh-ich injection laga-laga kar jawan bani rehti hain….. baat karta hai….. huh!

Doctor : Achcha,achcha! haan toh tu-ne kya dekha jo tere hosh-ich udd gaye?
Bhains : (nafrat ki bhatti mein sulag-ti hui) woh kamina….. kutta……. apun ki jawan behen ko chhed raha tha. Aur phir behla-fusla kar uss ka doodh bhi nikal liya. Aur woh kamini….. mujhe dekh kar poonch hila-hila kar it-raane lagi.

Ek-ich din mein uss-ne meri behen ko meri souten bana dala…… main bechari sirf doodh ka ghoont pi kar reh gayi.

Doctor : Doodh ka ghoont? par woh toh….. khoon ka ghoont hota hai naa??
Bhains : Ae! apun ko Dharmendra samajh rakha hai kya?….. jo baat-baat par khoon pi-ne ki dhamki deta hai. apun doodh ka ghoont hi piti hai…… kuch ukhaad sakta hai toh ukhaad le!

Doctor : Arre baba! chal wahi-ich theek….. toh phir tu-ne laaloo ko kaat liya?
Bhains : Aai-hi! Katwaa-ne ki badi jaldi ho raheli hai tere ko? tere ko kaatoon kya?……….. apun ne yeh annyay bhi sah liya….. woh dono saath-saath ho gaye…. aur mujhe akela chhod diya. Aur phir thode din baad woh meri do

chhoti behno ko lekar Dilli chala gaya…..  mujhe saando ke bheech akela chhod kar…… (ro-ne lagi bechari!)

Doctor : yeh toh bahut bura hua……tere saath!….. phir kya hua?
Bhains : Uss kamine ne naa jaane mujhse kis janam ka badla nikala ki woh hum bhainso ke khaane ka chara bhi sab bech dala…… sala! jinka doodh nikal-nikal kar peeta tha, unhi ka chara bech khaya…… kitna bada ghotala kiya…..

Doctor : Hmm….. achcha, phir kya hua?
Bhains : phir bachcha hua……..

Doctor : Bachcha…..??
Bhains : arre bachiya re! jin saando ke beech mein laaloo mujhe chhod kar gaya tha…… woh mujh-se raakhi thodi bandhwate the! apun lut gayi….. barbaad ho gayi…… uss zalim ke kaaran! (phir ro padi bechari!)

Doctor : Apun tera dard samajhta hai……
Bhains : Achcha…… tu bhi bachiya paida kiya kya?

Doctor : Arre! bole toh….. apun ko tere se hamdardi hai…….. achcha! phir kya hua?
Bhains : apni bachiya ka chehra dekh kar apun saare dukh bhool gayi…..tabhi decide kar liya ki ab ussi ke liye jeena hai…. uss-ka poora dhyan rakhe-gi…… uss-ko saaf rakhe-gi…… uss-ko smart banayegi…….Uss-ko bold banayegi

Doctor : Arre! seedhe bol naa ki uss-ko Mallika Sherawat banayegi……..
Bhains : Haan banayegi….. tere ko kya? kam se kam mardo ko apni ungli par toh nachayegi….naa!

Doctor : Arre baba! tu story pakad….. kitna footage kha rahi hai…!…. phir kya hua?
Bhains : Woh ek baar phir aaya……. aur uss-ki nazar apun ki bachiya par pad gayi. Pehle uss-ne apun ko barbad kiya aur ab woh apun ki bachiya par buri nazar daal raha tha….. apun ek-dum attention ho gayeli thi aur apni bachiya ko apne se door nahi hone deti thi…….

Doctor : Phir….?
Bhains : Ek raat ko jab apun apni bachiya ke saath so raheli thi tab laaloo tabele mein aaya….. uss-ne chupke se

apun ki bachiya ko utha liya aur jaane laga…… tabhi bachiya chilla-yi……. Moo….Moo!

Doctor : Moo….Moo….? Maa…..Maa….. nahin?
Bhains : Arre! usko abhi bolna kidhar aata hai? chhoti si toh hai…… grammar par mat jaa…… emotion ko pakad!

Doctor : Ok….ok! aage batao….
Bhains : bachiya ki awaz sun kar apun jaag gayi…..dekha laaloo uss-ko le kar jaa rahela tha…. apun chilla-yi….. kutte…..kamine…..chhod de meri beti ko…… lekin woh nahi ruka…… woh slow motion mein aage jaa raha tha aur main slow motion mein khoonte se rassi chhuda rahi thi……..

Doctor : Arre! fast forward kar le……
Bhains : arre! emotional scene public ko slow motion mein-ich dekhne mein maza aata hai………………. woh aage jaa raha tha….. bachiya chilla rahi thi….. tabhi rassi toot gayi…… apun daud padi…… apun uss-ke karib pahunch gayi……. aur phir apun ne apne laaloo ke pichwaade mein daant gada diye………

Doctor : (gehri saans leta hua) toh tu-ne usse kaat liya…….
Bhains : nahi re!…….. apun ke muh mein uss-ki dhoti aa gayi……. woh kamina nanga-nanga bhaag khada hua…..
Apun ki bachiya bhi uss-ke haath se chhooth gayi…… bas apun ke liye wahi-ich kaafi tha…….

Doctor : (tension mein) woh toh theek hai…… par phir laaloo ko kata kisne?
Bhains : Rabri ne!

Doctor : (sala! surprise ho gaya)….. Rabri ne…… laaloo ke pichwade mein…….. kyon kata???
Bhains : arre! woh bechari toh apni mafik-ich seedhi-saadhi hai……. bechari padhi likhi toh hai nahi……. apne bhai  ki baat theek se samajh nahi paayi…….

Doctor : kya nahi samajh paayi….?
Bhains : woh kya hai….. jab apun laaloo ka dhoit kheench liya toh……laaloo ka sala jaldi se ek naya dhoti le aaya….. jab laaloo ne dhoti pehen liya toh woh khush ho gaya…..laaloo ko rabri ke paas le gaya aur bolne laga….. jiji dekha….. kaisi lagi? jija ji zara ghoomiye…… jiji……yeh cotton ki cheez kaisi lagi? batao naa….. yeh cotton ki cheez kaisi lagi?

ab rabri bechari anpadh…… cotton ko samjhi kaatan!…. matlab kaat-ne ko keh raha hai….
Uss-ne socha ki bhai pooch raha hai ki yeh kaatan ki cheez kaisi hai? toh uss-ne bola….. arre bhaiyaa! ab kaat lete hain….. phir bata-te hain ki kaisi hai…… aur uss-ne laaloo ke pichwaade mein kaat liya….. wahi-ich nishan pada hai…..

Apni biwi ki karas-taani chupaa-ne ke liye yeh kamine log apun ko phasa diya hai….. apun toh be-kasoor hai!!
————————–

Toh bhai log! aakhir sach saamne aa-ich gaya. toh bolo….. narco test ki jai!!

Abhi tum log ko iss story se kya seekh mila……….? Arre mamu! theek se padhne-likhne ka…. agar rabri angrezi padhi-likhi hoti…. toh itna sab bawal kai-ko hota?

Waise bole toh….. yeh angrezi hai-ich badi confusing….. bole toh…. circuit bhi ek baar pit chuka hai…. bachpan mein…. issi wajah se…..

Hua kya….ki woh apne bapu ke saath kap-de ki dukan par gaya….. dukaan-dar ne poocha….. kya lene ka….. cotton, polyester, denim….. tabhi circuit bol pada…… Teri Kaat loonga…….

Bas phit circuit ke bapu ne woh maar lagayi…..ki circuit bhag khada hua….. aur apun se takra gaya…. tabhi-ich se woh apun ke saath hai……..

Bhai log! abhi thode mahine mein apun ki picture ka third part ban-na chaaloo hone jaa rahela hai….. jisme apun ko america jaane ka hai….. tabhi-ich sala apun itne time se angrezi seekhne ki koshish kar rahela hai……. bahut

mehnat karne ka hai…… iss-liye chalta hai…….

(Dharmendra Style mein) Gaon waalon! abhi main jaa raha hoon…… par phi wapas aaoonga…… sab log achcha-achcha comment likh dena….. warna ek-ek ko chun-chun ke haddi todoonga……. Maaaaa……. main aa raha hoon…….maaaa….!

Kya mamu, mami log………. ma-ze mein? sala! apun ko maaloom tha ki yeh iland waale saare yede hain…… tabhi-ich toh apun ke friend hain……..

Abhi aa-ge badhne se pehle re-cap mangta hai……. Ashok Kumar ka style mein…….

Abhi aap-ne dekhaaaa……. Bhains ka narco test chaaloo hai……. Yeh Bhains to pagal hai…. pata nahi kya-kya bak-ti jaa rahi hai….. Ab aa-ge kya hoga?…….. dekhte hain…….. Hum Log!

Re-cap:

Doctor : Achcha! toh batao….batao.
Bhains : (Wapas romantic hote hue) Phir uss-ne khoon-te se apun ki rassi kholi aur apun ko sahlate hue ek kon-e mein le gaya. apun ki saanse garam ho raheli thi…. naak se dhua aur muh se jhaag nikal rahela tha….. apun ka dil jor-jor se dhadak rahela tha aur pooch jor-jor se phadak raheli thi….
Apun soch liya tha ki apun ki yeh kali jawani ab sirf Laaloo ke liye hi thi…. aur apun apna sab-kuch usi-ich ko samarpan…. bole toh…. surrender karne ko ready thi.
Phir wahi hua….. jiska apun ko dar tha…………………..

Aa-ge:

Doctor : (Pasina pochh-te hu-e) Haan…..haan…. batao
Bhains : (Apne khayal-on mein) wahan kon-e mein ek aur khootna laga tha……. uss-ne apun ko udhar-ich baandh diya…… aur pyaar se sehlaan-e laga. Phir thodi der baad bola……. aaj tera number aa gayela hai…… tu taiyaar hai na….. apun ne aankh jhuka di…….

Doctor : Phir kya hua……. jaldi bata (abhi mamla adult ho rahela hai…..soch kar padhna)
Bhains : Phir uss-ne dhere se apun ke than par haath rakha diya aur dheere-dheere sehlaan-e laga. Apun bhi ready ho raheli thi……. phir woh poore josh mein aa gaya……. uss-ne dono haathon se apun ke than pakad liye aur doodh nikal-na chaaloo kar diya…….. woh doodh nikalta jaa raha tha….. aur apun josh mein chara chabaye jaa raheli thi…….. poora paanch baalti bhar kar doodh nikala….. tab ruka. Dono ko pasina aa rahela tha…… badan toot rahela tha….. par apun bahot khush thi…… apun ka doodh abhi sirf laaloo ke-ich liye tha. Phir woh bola…… maza aa gaya…… tu mast doodh deti hai…… aaj se tu meri!………….. bas, yehi-ich sun-na tha.  

Doctor : Sala! kya doodh se bharpur love story hai…… achcha phir tum log ka chakkar kitna time chala?
Bhains : poora teen saal. Woh doodh nikalta gaya….. aur apun doodh deti gayi……. sala! itna doodh nikala ki apun Pamela Anderson ki jagah sookh kar Dhoom2 ki Aishwarya jaisi ho gayi.

Doctor : Mast…. tu aishwarya jaisi ho gayi….. phir toh woh aur lattoo ho gaya hoga tere upar?
Bhains : Yeda hai tu! woh Laaloo hai…… Abhishek nahi. Apun sookh kar kanta ho gayeli thi…… doodh kidhar se deti….. woh sala apun se kanni kaat-ne laga…….. doosri moti-taazi bhains ki talash mein jut gaya…….

Doctor : Toh tu laaloo se nafrat karne lagi?
Bhains : Arre! uss time nahi re. Jabhi apun ko laga ki woh apun se door jaa rahela hai toh apun apni figure par phir se dhyaan dene lagi. Double chara khaane chaaloo kar diya…… aur chara khaate-khaate Sridevi ka Nagina wala gana gaane lagi……

Main teri Bhains…..
Gwala tu mera…..
Nikaalega tu…..
Doodh mera……

Badi mehnat se apun wapas shape mein aayi….. aur ek baar phir Laaloo ko wapas apun ki taraf khiinch laayi.

Doctor : Toh tu-ne phir se doodh dena chaaloo kar diya……
Bhains : Bindaas!……. woh doodh nikalta tha aur apun muskurati rehti thi……. apun ko muskurata dekh kar woh bhi shayar ban jata tha aur Jagjit Singh ke style mein kehta tha…….

Tum itna jo muskura rahi ho…..
Kya baat hai….
Kitna doodh diye jaa rahi ho…..

Sookh jaaogi doodh dete-dete……
Khud par zulm kyon dhaa rahi ho…….

Maarengi tumhe pakad-pakad kar……
Saari Bhinsoon ka chara khay-e jaa rahi ho……

Tum itna jo muskura rahi ho…..
Kya baat hai….
Kitna doodh diye jaa rahi ho…..

Doctor : Achcha! yeh laaloo gata bhi hai…… Chalo….. phir tum dono me final tension kabhi chaaloo hua?
Bhains : Apun bahut koshish karti rahi….. par dheere-dheere jawani dhal rahi thi…… apun Priyanka Chopra se Rekha banti jaa raheli thi……. uss-ka man phir se bhatak-ne laga tha…… apun uss-ko patane ke chakkar mein ek doosri bhains se advice liya aur paas ke hospital mein Botox ka injection lagwane ke liye gayi…….. apun ki skin phir se chamak-dar kaali hone lagi…… apun bahot khush thi……. soch raheli thi……. abhi apun apni jawani wapas paa legi aur phir se woh apun ko apni baahon mein bhar lega……..
Yehi-ich sochte-sochte apun wapas tabele mein pahunchi……… Wahan apun jo dekha toh apun ka hosh-ich udd gaya……

Abhi second episode khatam…… kya!

Toh tees-re….. bole toh….. third episode mein yeh raaz khulega ki Laloo ki bhains ne laaloo ko kyon kata?
Serial interesting lag rahela ho toh…… taali maarne ka aur bindaas comment dene ka…….

Abhi apun thak gaya hai…… thode din mein phir milenege…… Hum Log……. kya!

Yeh Nithari kaand ke baare mein abhi sabhi log achche se jaan chuka hoga. Sala! apunkabhi sapne mein bhi nahi socha ki koi aadmi aisa ghinona kaam karne ko sakta. Bole toh….. kya bolega?
Par abhi ek baat aur samajh mein aaya ki yeh Narco Analysis badi mast cheez hai. Sala! ek injection laga aur sach aisa bahar nikalta hai….. jaise asaram baapu ke muh se pravachan!
Abhi kal Circuit aur apun beach ke beech mein baith kar soch rahele the ki sala neta log ka narco test kara dala jaaye toh sab nanga ho jaayega. Phir dheere-dheere apun dono daaroo ki masti mein aa gaya aur dono ko idea aane laga.
Circuit bola……bhai! tu soch ki agar Laaloo Yadav ka narco test kara diya jaaye….. toh kya niklega?
Apun : Chara niklega. he…he….hee
Apun : Aur agar Manmohan Singh ka narco test kara, toh woh kya bolega? bol….bol
Circuit : Madam se pooch ke batata hoon…… he…he!
Circuit : Achcha bhai! chal abhi apun log ek full narco test kar daal-te hain. Soch ki Laaloo Yadav ki bhains ne laaloo ko kaat liya…… abhi kisi ko nahi pata ki bhains ne kyon kata? Toh yeh pata laga-ne liye apun log bhains ka narco test karte hain…… kya!
Apun: sala! mast idea hai. Chal phir main Doctor aur tu Bhains. abhi Doctor, Bhains se sawal poochega aur bhains saare jawab sachchi-sachchi degi….. injection lagela hai….. jooth nahi bolne ka….. kya!

Toh aise shuru hua….. Munna Doctor ke dwara…..Circuit Bhains ka Narco Analysis Test.

Laaloo prasad yadav ki bhains ne Laaloo ko kaat liya…… bawal ho gaya. laaloo ne bhains ko police ke hawale kar diya. CBI se jaanch karane ki maang kar di….. parliament mein hungama ho gaya….. bola oppostion ne bhains badal di hai….. sachchai ka pata lagaya jaana chahiye.
Toh manmohan singh ne kaha ki sachchai jaan-ne ke liye bhains ka narco-analysis test karaya jaana chahiye.
Bas phir kya tha….. bhains ko laya gaya…. sach bolne ka injection lagaya gaya…..

Doctor : Tera naam?
Bhains :  Bole toh….Bhains.

Doctor : Maa ka naam?
Bhains : Teri maa ka naam tujhe pata hoga….. mujhe kya pata?Bhains.

Doctor : Abe! teri maa ka naam?
Bhains : Bhains.

Doctor : Baap ka naam?
Bhains : Bhainsa

Doctor : Bhai - behan hain?
Bhains : Haan

Doctor : Kitne?
Bhains : Teen. Do behan, ek bhai.

Doctor : Un-ke naam?
Bhains : Bhains, Bhains aur Bhainsa.

Doctor : Tera number kaun sa tha?
Bhains : Apun sabse badi hai… kya!

Doctor : Paida kahan hui?
Bhains : Arre! Tabele mein… mamu! apun kya hospital mein paida hogi?

Doctor : Teri Bhains ki….aankh……Kiske tabele mein?
Bhains : Laaloo ke tabele mein.

Doctor : Laaloo ko kabse jaanti hai?
Bhains : Jabse apun ki aankh khuli.

Doctor : Bole toh…. Laaloo se tumhara relation kaise the?
Bhains : (Hichak-te hu-e) Bahut gehre.

Doctor : Gehre bole toh?
Bhains : —

Doctor : Theek se bata. Kitne gehre relation the?
Bhains : (sharma-te hu-e) waise hi jaise ek bhains ke ek bhainse ke saath ho-te hai.

Doctor :  Bhainse ke saath? Tere ko Laaloo bhainsa jaisa lagta tha?
Bhains : Jo nau-nau bachche paida karta hai…. woh bhainsa hi toh hoga…. aadmi toh nahi ho sakta.

Doctor : Toh tu Laaloo ko pyar karti hai?
Bhains : (Gus-se mein) Nahiiiiiiiiiii….. apun us-se nafrat kareli hai….

Doctor : Lekin abhi toh tu bol raheli thi ki tum dono ke gehre relation hain?
Bhains : abe saand! tera bheja satkela hai. gehre sambandh the….. par abhi nahi hain.

Doctor : Achcha! to tu pehle Laaloo se pyar karti thi, lekin ab nafrat karti hai?
Bhains : abhi gobar se likh ke doon kya?

Doctor : Tere ko pehli baar kab yeh ehsaas hua ki tere ko Laaloo se pyar hoyela tha?
Bhains : (Romantic hote hue) Jab pehli baar us-ne mera gobar apne haath mein uthaya…. mujhe pyaar se dekha aur phir apne baap ko chilla kar bola….. bapu! is-ka kanda achcha banega. Phir pyaar se woh mere pichwade ko thap-thapa kar chala gaya.

Doctor : Bindaas! Aur tere ko yeh kabhi laga ki Laaloo ko bhi tere se pyaar ho gayela hai?
Bhains : (Aur romantic hote hue) Uss din bahut baarish ho rahi thi. tabele mein gobar ka kichad phaila hua tha. Jahan apun bandheli thi…. us jagah ki ghaas hati hui thi aur oopar se paani tapak rahela tha. apun ka mulayam, kala badan bhig rahela tha….. aur apun doosre mard bhainso se apne badan ko chupaane ki koshish kar raheli thi. Thand se apun ka badan kaanp rahela tha. Tabhi apun ne dekha ki woh door darwaze se apun ko-ich hi dekh rahela tha….. apun ko sharam aa gayi. Apun ki halat us-se dekhi nahi gayi aur woh kahin se ek bora uttha laya aur apun ke kaanp-te badan par dakh diya. Khusi ke maare apun ki poonch naachne lagi…. aur apun-ne apna muh us-ke haathon mein chupa diya.
Uss din Laaloo na hota toh shayad apun apni ijjat un saandon ke haath gawan baith-tee.

Doctor : Toh tere ko laga ki Laaloo bhi tere ko pyaar karne laga hai? Yeh baat kuch hazam nahi hui.
Bhains : (Phir guss-se mein) Jugali kar lo….. hazam ho jaayegi. Abhi baat poori kidhar hui?

Doctor : Achcha! toh batao….batao.
Bhains : (Wapas romantic hote hue) Phir uss-ne khoon-te se apun ki rassi kholi aur apun ko sahlate hue ek kon-e mein le gaya. apun ki saanse garam ho raheli thi…. naak se dhua aur muh se jhaag nikal rahela tha….. apun ka dil jor-jor se dhadak rahela tha aur pooch jor-jor se phadak raheli thi….
Apun soch liya tha ki apun ki yeh kali jawani ab sirf Laaloo ke liye hi thi…. aur apun apna sab-kuch usi-ich ko samarpan…. bole toh…. surrender karne ko ready thi.
Phir wahi hua….. jiska apun ko dar tha…………………..

Bas kya……! abhi toh mamla garam ho rahela hai…… poora serial ek-ich baar mein kaise dikhayega?
Jaisa TV mein serial ko tension mein laa-kar khatam kar deta hai…… waisa-ich yeh story bhi chalna mangta. Arre! narco test chal rahela hai…. time to lage ga-ich naa.

Abhi yeh tum log decide kar…… aage ka story padhna mangta ki nahi…….. Comment milega…… toh narco test aage badhega…… warna apun samajh jaayega…… ki story bakwas hai………

Chalta hai……..