Toh…… Iland ki bhatakti aatmaon…… apun phir hazir hai.
Abhi wapas aane mein time jyada lagta hai….. kya hai ki….. Gandhigiri aur Gundagiri do-no bindaas chal raheli hai.
Woh election hone wala hai UP mein…… aur udhar bahot demand hai munna ka….. kya!
Neta log ka kaam apun jaisa log ke bina nahi chal sakta naa!
Waise toh idhar bahot kuch nava-nava ho rahela hai…. apna country mein. Par aaj ka posting apun simran ke vaaste kiya. Kya hai ki….. apun promise ka bahot pakka hai.
Simran ne bola ki munna….. ek aur angrezi gaane ki maa, bahen….. sorry! vaat lagane ka  hai. Toh apun koshish kiyela hai.
Sacchi bolega bhai log! yeh sala angrezi mein kya song likhta hai….. bheja ghoom jata hai. Abhi iss song ko le lo. “Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx” .
Kya pakaoo song hai. Apun ko iss song ka reason-ich samajh nahi aaya…… iss-liye translation ke saath-saath apun apna kush sawal bhi add kar diya. Abhi tum log mein se koi jawab de sakta ho….. toh apun ko bhi samjha dena…. kya!
——————————————-
RIGHT HERE WAITING……. By Richard Marx

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn’t stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can’t get near you now

Oh, can’t you see it baby
You’ve got me goin’ CrAzY

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I’m with you
I’ll take the chance

Oh, can’t you see it baby
You’ve got me goin’ cRaZy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
————————————————————

Tu saat samandar paar, itna din beet gayela hai (mamu! ticket kata kar pahunch kyo nahi jata?)
Idhar apun dheere-dheere yeda ho rahela hai
Apun mobile par tera awaz sunta hai
Par dard phir bhi ho rahela hai (arre! anacin khane ka, dard khallas!)

Agar apun tere ko dekhega nahi
Toh apun log hamesha aisa kaisa bolega (toh chup baith naa!)

Tu kidhar bhi jaa
Tu kuch bhi kar
Apun idhar-ich tera wait karega (akha yeda hai…. uss-ke paas nahi jaa sakta kya?)
Sala! kuch bhi ho jaaye
chahe apun ka dil toot jaaye
Par apun idiot ki mafik idhar-ich tera wait karega (sahi bola…. mamu! )

Apun itna time sochta raha
Ki apun kisi tarah apne-aap ko sambhal lega (huh! doosri nahi mili kya?)
Abhi apun tera hasi sunta hai, tera aansoo peeta hai (arre! paani pi….. paani)
Par tere paas nahi aa sakta (phir wahi….)

Oh baby, tu kya dekh raheli hai
tere pyar mein apun ki satak gayeli hai (abhi sacchi bola!)

Tu kidhar bhi jaa
Tu kuch bhi kar
Apun idhar-ich tera wait karega
Sala! kuch bhi ho jaaye
chahe apun ka dil toot jaaye
Par apun idiot ki mafik idhar-ich tera wait karega

Apun sochta hai ki kaise bachega
Apun ka pyar ka lafda (koi chance nahi… mamu!)
Par agar tu mil jaaye
Toh apun koi bhi chance lega (woh milna mangti…. toh jaati kai ko? )

Oh baby, tu kya dekh raheli hai
tere pyar mein apun ki satak gayeli hai (mast line hai yeh!)

Tu kidhar bhi jaa
Tu kuch bhi kar
Apun idhar-ich tera wait karega
Sala! kuch bhi ho jaaye
chahe apun ka dil toot jaaye
Par apun idiot ki mafik idhar-ich tera wait karega. (Lage raho…… mamu!)
————————————————————————-
Sala! poora narco analysis kar dala song ka. Abhi full pak gayela hai….. tum log bhi pak gayela hoga…..
Chalta hai…. phir aayega….. pakane ke liye.

Happy New Year bolta hai……mamu aur mami log ko.
Apun aaj-ich idhar aaya. Dekha apun ke iland par aur mail-box mein hungama machela hai.
Ae bhai…..hua kya?
Sala! apun front page par aaya aur apun ko pata-ich nahi. Par vanda nai. Apun bahot solid khush hai….kyonki apun friend log ka apun ke vaaste itna pyaar hai….yeh front page par aa-ne se jyada badi baat hai…..bole toh…. bada compliment hai. 
Apun ki taraf se bada wala THANK YOU…. saare friends ko. Arre! tum sab apun ke saath hai…. bas itna-ich kaafi hai…..iss munna ke vaaste.

Abhi nava saal mein apun India-US ki tarah ek partnership kiyela hai….bole toh….tie-up. Apun haddi-jod doctors ke saath supply ka tie-up kiyela hai….. Arre! apun bhi toh hai…..haddi-tod-ne ka doctor.
Bas….. apun haddi-todega aur haddi-jod doctors haddi jodega. Bada theka milela hai…..iss-liye full time busy ho gayela hai.

Abhi jo thoda time bachta hai….. woh angrezi padhne mein laga rahela hai…. woh simran ka song ko hindi mein likhna hai na…..promise kiyela hai….

Bhai log….. apun ke saath adjust karne ka…. thode din mein phir wapas tapkega……. aur tum log ka bheja khayega…..kya!
Chalta hai….. 

Kya bhai log…..kaisa hai? Sab bindaas? padhai-likhai aur kamai kaisa chal rahela hai?

Karnal uncle…..apun tera photo dekha…..ek-dum round face hai re tera toh! bole toh….. jaise footbaal ko chasma pehna kar baitha diya ho. Par tu bada cute laga rahela hai….apni photo mein!

Bhai logon ke comment-womment bhi bindaas aa rahele hai….Circuit! lagta hai..apun ki toh nikal padi hai idhar iland par…kya!

Arre! circuit ka naam liya toh….apun ko kuch din pehle ka ghatna yaad aa gaya. Chal, aaj apun tum log ko wahi-ich batata hai.
Ek din apun 10 baje tak Jahnavi ke sapne mein khoya, bed tod rahela tha.  Woh Doodhwala bhi ghanti baja-baja kar paani wapas lekar kar gaya. Bechare ka paani bhi waste ho gaya. Sala! bechta paani hai….par phir bhi sab bolte hain…doodhwala.

Phir thoda time baad, apun ke kaan mein circuit ka awaz aaya. Bole rahela tha….bhai! jaldi darwaza khol….badi tension ho gayeli hai. Ab tum log ko toh maloom ki circuit ko tension….bole toh….munaa to tension!

Apun phata-phat darwaza khola….toh dekha ki circuit ke kala face ekdum rin se dhula hua safed dikh rahela tha. Maa kasam! apun circuit ko kabhi aisa tension mein nahi dekha tha.

Apun circuit ko andar bulaya…..thanda paani diya…..phir poocha ki kai-ko woh itna tension mein dikh rahela hai?
Paani pi-kar circuit ke face ka kalapan kuch wapas aaya. Woh bola…..bhai! aaj ek locha ho gaya. Woh jo apne pados mein raani aayeli hai…. aaj apun galti se us-ko chhed diya….(chhed diya…bole toh….eve teasing!). Bhai! abhi apun ko dar lag rahela hai….kahin, woh bura maan gayi toh…..apun ka ijjat ka vaat lag jayega.

Apun sala soch mein pad gaya. Aaj tak kabhi circuit ne kisi ladki mein koi interest nahi dikhaya tha…..phir suddenly yeh kya kar dala?
Apun jab circuit se poocha ki… kya tere ko woh achchi lagti hai?…toh circuit ka face kale se ek-dum tamatar ka mafik laal ho gaya.

Apun ko samajh aa gaya ki apna circuit ko bhi love ka machchar kaat liya hai.
Par circuit ka halat dekh kar apun us-ko pyaar se samjhaya…..

Dekh! agar tu ladki ko ijjat dega….tabhi-ich ladki tere ko apna ijjat dega…kya!

Aur agar tu raani ko chhed-ich diya hai toh… tension nahi lene ka….  
Arre! idhar akkha india mein log ek-doosre se chhed-chhad kar rahela hai.

Abhi dekh….apna parliament mein kya ho rahela hai….yeh MP log samvidhan ke saath chhed-chhad kar rahele hain. Neta log reservation ke naam par public se chhed-chaad kar rahela hai.
Vakil log kaanoon se chhed-chhad kar rahela hai…. aur gawah log bayan ke saath chhed-chaad kar rahela hai…..jaisa jessica laal ke case mein hoyela hai.
Public bijli ka meter se chhed-chhad kar raheli hai…..aur dukan-daar kaanta-baant (weights) ke saath.
Office mein babu log file se chhed-chhad karte-karte pasina-pasina hua jaa rahela hai…..aur gaon ki panchayat ka pradhan gaon ke vikas ke bajat se chhed-chhad ka jugad bana rahela hai.
School-college mein Master ji padhane ki jagah apni student ko chhed kar time-pass kar rahela hai……aur apna cricketer log match ke saath nahi toh.. ball se hi chhed-chhad karne mein mast hai.
Garib kisan apni zindagi se chhed-chhad kar rahela hai……aur jo garibi hatane ka promise karta hai….woh garibon se-ich chhed-chhad mein busy hai.
Mantri log apne department mein naukri ki list se chhed-chhad mein busy hai…..aur desh ka pehredar log dushmano se ladne ki jagah….apne hathyar se chhed-chhad kar rahela hai.
Pakistan, India se…..America, Iraq se…..Israel, Philistine se…..chhed-chhad karta rehta hai.
Terrorist log…..bomb phod kar apun log se chhed-chhad kar leta hai…..aur garib log jeene ke vaaste bhook ke saath chhed-chhad karta rehta hai.

Circuit….aaj ka date mein chhed-chhad hi sabse bada sach hai….baki sab bandal-bakwas hai….kya!
Tension nahi lene ka circuit! tu bhi laga reh iss chhed-chhad ke kaam mein….par ijjat wali baat ko bheje mein solid yaad rakhne ka.

Bhai log….Abhi apun ko bhi aadat pad gayela hai…..tum log ke emotions ke saath chhed-chaad karne ka.

Tum log bhi apna-apna zindagi mein chhed-chhad chaaloo rakhne ka……par kisi ka dil dukhane ka nahi…..kya!

Abhi chalta hai…..phir milega.

Iland ki bhatakti aatma-o, apun aa gayela hai…phir se tera bheja khali karne ke vaaste. Abhi saala thoda time nikalte-ich log apun ko yaad karne lagta hai…apun ko bahut achcha lagta hai…par kya karega…time ka bahut lafda hai naa…
Achcha abhi pooch…itna din apun kya kar rahela tha…pooch, pooch!
Bole toh…apun angrezi seekh rahela hai…Jahnavi se.
Par sacchi bolega…apun ka vaat lagela pada hai…angrezi seekhne mein. Aur sala kitna confusing bhasha hai…angrezi. Par apun koshish kar rahela hai.
Abhi kya hai ki….woh Jahnavi ne apun ko english ka ek song de-kar bola ki iss song ko apun ko hindi mein likhna mangta…aur saare iland walon ko dikhana mangta…
Bole toh…abhi tum logon ko yeh decide karne ka…ki apna english ka understanding kitna sudhrela hai.
Waise jabhi apun woh song suna tha…apun ko mast laga…par jabhi us-ka geet dekha…arre! lyrics, mamu!… toh apun ka dimaag satak gaya….sala! yeh bhi koi song hai? Iss-se achcha toh apna hindi ka song likhta hai….bhai log!
Par Jahnavi ka order tha…is-liye apun try kiya.
Toh peh-le song english mein likhela hai….aur neeche apun us-ka translation kiyela hai….full dhyaan se padhne ka…aur phir apun ko complimentry dene ka….

Careless Whispers by George Michael

Time can never mend
the careless whispers of a good friend.
To the heart and mind
ignorance is kind.
There’s no comfort in the truth
pain is all you’ll find.

I’m never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it’s easy to pretend
I know you’re not a fool.

I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste a chance that I’ve been given.
So I’m never gonna dance again
the way I danced with you.

I feel so unsure as I take your hand an lead you to the dance floor.
As the music dies
something in your eyes
Calls to mind a silver screen and all its sad goodbye.

I’m never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it’s easy to pretend
I know you’re not a fool.
I should have known better than to cheat a friend
And waste a chance that I’ve been given.
So I’m never gonna dance again
the way I danced with you.

Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd.
Maybe it’s better this way

We’d hurt each other with the things we want to say.
We could have been so good together

We could have lived this dance forever

But now who’s gonna dance with me? - Please stay.
And I’m never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
. . .
——————————–

La-parwah Phus-phusa-ahtein…….. Jo aaj Mera kal ke dwara

bole toh..samay kabhi nahi badal sakta…
la-parwah phus-phusa-ahtein…
ek mast dost ki…
jo dil aur dimag ko…
bole toh…agyan-ta daya-lu hai…
sach mein koi aaram nahi…
dard-ich milega….jo tu dhoondega…

ab apun kabhi nahi naachega…
paapi pairon mein dhun-ich nahi hai…
bole toh…bahana maarna aasan hai…
par apun ko maloom ki tu yedi nahi hai…

apun ko pata hona mangta tha…dost ko locha dene ke pehle…
aur woh chance ka vaat laga diya….jo apun ko milela tha…
is-liye apun kabhi nahi nachega…
jaisa apun tere saath matkela tha…

apun ke mind mein locha hota hai…
jabhi apun tere ko naachne ki zameen par chahdata hai…
jaisa-ich music khallas hota…
waisa-ich teri aankhon mein…
apun ko hindi filum ki mafik…tu bade dukh se bye-bye karti dikhti hai…

ab apun kabhi nahi naachega…
paapi pairon mein dhun-ich nahi hai…
bole toh…bahana maarna aasan hai…
par apun ko maloom ki tu yedi nahi hai…

aaj raat music saala bahut kaan-phadu lagela hai…
bole toh…apun ko yeh bheed khallas hona mangta hai…
shayad yeh-ich theek ho…
apun dono bol-bol kar ek-doosre ki vaat laga de…

apun dono…bole toh…saath mein mast timepass ho sakta tha…
aur saala apun dono Jitender aur Sridevi ki tarah akha life naachta reh sakta tha…
par saala abhi kaun apun ke saath dance karega? rook na…Jahnavi

ab apun kabhi nahi naachega…
paapi pairon mein dhun-ich nahi hai…
bole toh…bahana maarna aasan hai…
par apun ko maloom ki tu yedi nahi hai…
—————–

Arre saala! apun ka vaat lag gaya…iss song ko hindi mein likhne ko.
Toh abhi tum-ich logon ko decide karne ka hai…ki apun ka english ka samajh kitna badhela hai. Agar kidhar galti ho gayela ho toh…chupke se apun ko comment mein likh dene ka…apun us-ko correct kar lega.
Ijjat ka sawal hai…mamu. Jahnavi ko impress karne ka hai….kya!
Chalta hai…

Aaj apun bahut sad hai….bole toh dukhi hai. Waisa sad toh apun teen din pahle bhi bahut hua tha….aur us-se kuch din pahle bhi kai baar sad ho rahela tha. Apun ko baar-baar sad dekh kar Circuit apun ko bola ki bhai itna sad nahi hone ka….baar-baar sad hoyega to tu sadistic ho jayega.

Par apun kya karega? Dekh apun cricket ka sabse bada fan hai….aur aaj kal apna bhai log team ka jaisa vaat laga rahela hai…us-ko dekh kar apun sad nahi hoyega toh kya baarish mein aishwarya ke saath kissing-wissing karega?
Abhi apna team ka halat ek-dum patla ho gayela hai. ek saal pahle apun ka team ek-dum Dhoom2 ki mafik superhit chal rahela tha….aur abhi umrao jaan ke mafik….ek-dum thanda.

Par apun ko maaloom…andar ka baat. Aaj apun tum log ko andar ka baat batata hai.

Woh kya hai ki apna chappal ghis gayela hai…aur chappal jab ghis jaaye toh us-ko badalna mangta hai. Arre mamu, apun apna woh gishela gery chappal ka baat kar rahela hai….coach ki nahi.

Apna coach toh bechara bahut seedha-sadha mamu hai. abhi thoda din pahle us-ka ungli mein dard ho gaya toh TV wala bola ki coach ne sabko ganda wala isshara kiya. Abhi tu hi bata…agar coach ki beech ki ungli mein chot lagega to woh susu wali ungli dikhayega kya? Yeh TV wala log roj-roj us-ke saath panga lete rehta hai. TV par report aata hai….coach apni manmani kar rahela hai…aur udhar coach bolta hai team mein koi us-ka baat-ich nahi sunta hai….kaan mein headphone laga kar gana sunta rahta hai apna bhai log. Aur phir apna bhai log bhi toh coach ka mamu banata hai naa. Apun ko andar ka baat maloom….bhai log coach ko awaaz lagata hai aur jab coach dekhta hai toh bolta hai…Ae Greg, chappal khayega…?

Abhi apna captain ko le lo. apna rahul bhai bhi apna country ka prime minister ki tarah hai…kya. Woh bechara toh sirf wai-ich bolta hai jo us-se bolne ko bola jaata hai….aadmi bahut achcha hai…par khud decision nahi le sakta. Jaisa pakistan apni akkhi country ka vaat laga rahela hai…apna PM bolta hai ki shanti aur varta ka experiment chalta rehna mangta hai…waisa-ich rahul bhai bolta ki team mein experiment chalta rehna mangta. Chahe koi bhi country apna team ka vaat lagata rahe…par apun toh experiment karta-ich rahega. Ab tu hi bata mamu…jab apna PM aisa bolta hai toh rahul bhai kya galat karta hai?

Sachin bhai…abhi sachin bhai ke baare mein kya bolega? chhota muh..badi baat ho jayega. Par apun ko lagta hai ki Sachin bhai ka halat aajkal Saas-Bahu ke Mihir Virani ki tarah ho gayela hai… character toh bahut important hai…par role bahut chhota reh jata hai. Beech-beech mein ek-do century laga kar hit hota hai…phir wahi mihir ki mafik tulsi aur virani family mein kahin gayab ho jaata hai. Abhi sachin bhai jaisa aadmi ko toh central role dena mangta naa…par apna team management us-ko extra banane mein laga hua hai. Abhi sachin bhai jaisa log ke saath aisa hoga toh woh apna interest loose karega-ich naa. Sachin Bhai….tu tension mat le, tu bindaas khel.

Abhi baaki bhai log ke baare mein bhi sochna mangta….dekh! woh log sab kitna mehnat karta hai. Ad karna…phir rehersal karna…phir Ad karna…phir dukan ka ribbon kaatne jaana….phir Ad karna….phir fashion show mein jaana…kitna tough life hai…aur phir cricket bhi toh khelna padta hai…tum mamu log kaisa samjhega?

Yahan to saala public baat-baat par putla jalana start kar deta hai…arre! mamu..aur koi kaam nahi hai kya? Kuch log bolta hai ki itna yeh cricketer log itna paisa kamata hai..phir bhi jeet ke nahi aata. Ab tu hi bata…paisa kamane ka jeetne se kya matlab? Aur un logo se poochna mangta ki unko kiska taklif jyaada…match na jeet paane ka ya woh paisa jyaada kamata hai..iska? Arre! ek-ek MP neta log ko 5 crore milta hai…public ka seva ka vaaste…kabhi kiya kya? Woh sarkari babu log ko full salary-walary, gadi-wadi milta hai….kya woh log apna kaam theek se karta hai…nahi. Arre! apun kai aisa example de sakta hai….Saala, yeh toh apne hindustani khoon ka khasiyat hai ki paisa lena toh apun ka haq hai…par theek se duty karna apun ka farz nahi.

Putla jalane wale bhai log….dekh apun tere ko aur candidate de diya…putla jalane ke vaaste. Ae Circuit! yeh dhandha toh mast hai…apun log ko har type aur size ka putla bechna start karna mangta. Apun a farz bhi ho jayega…aur paisa bhi mast milega..kya.

Arre saala! baat toh cricket se shuru hua tha…kidhar aa gaya!

Sach bole toh apna dil dukhta hai…apna team ka yeh haalat dekh kar. Jeet-haar toh laga rehta hai….par bhai log! thoda fight to dikhana mangta naa…bole toh, attitude sahi hona mangta.

Dekha…apun phir sad ho gaya. Ab is-se pahle ki apun sadistic ho jaaye aur ek-do ko phod daale…apun idhar se kalti maar leta hai.
Chalta hai….

Sabhi mamu log aur mami log ko apun ka danda-vat  namaste. Danda-vat bole toh, danda maar kar nahi re, balki full lamba late kar namaste bolta hai. Woh bapu ke baad apun ko aur log bhi dikhne laga hai naa abhi, wah-ich log apun ko shuddh hindi sikha rahela hai. Saala, apun ke bheje ka vaat laga rakha hai.

Abhi tum log poochega ki yeh danda-vat namaste kai-ko? Toh pooch naa! Woh kya hai na, apun ne kabhi socha-ich nahi that ki apni faltu bakwas ko itna log pasand karega. Saala, comment-womment toh log likhta hi hai, aur saath mein itna sara email. Apun ki jahnavi bhi hil gayi. woh boli, “munna, tu toh idhar bhi hit ho rahela hai.”

Sach bole toh, apun ko bahut achcha lagta hai idhar aa kar. Waisa-ich jaisa ki woh bachche Anant ko wapas apne ghar aakar laga hoyega.
Apun bhi gunda hai par kabhi kisi bachche ko us-ke maa-baap se door nahi kiya. Saala, paise ka bhookh abhi itna badh gaya hai ki log kuch bhi kar sakta hai. Par yeh to sirf ek-ich bachcha hai jo mil gaya, pata nahi kitne maa-baap aaj bhi apne-apne Anant ko doondh rahele hoyenge. Apun God se prayer karta hai ki har maa-baap ko, jiska bachcha us-se door chala gaya hai, phata-phat wapas mil jaye.

Aaj apun ka mood bahut achcha hai is-liye koi tension wali baat nahi karna mangta. Aaj apun tum log ko Circuit ka ek mast kissa sunata hai.

Woh jab apun log ko nava-nava gandhigiri ka nasha chadhela tha, tabhi apun logon ne decide kiya ki abhi gundagiri chhodne ka aur ijjat ki roti khaane ka. Apna baat sun ke woh chaal ka dhobi Ijjat Khan dauda-dauda aaya aur rone laga, bola - “bhai! tum log apun ka roti kha jayega toh apun ka kya hoyega?” Circuit ne usko ek ghuma ke diya, phir samjhaya, “Abe tera bheja bhi poora dhul gayela hai, ijjat ki roti bole toh, apni mehnat se kamayi hui roti. Saala, hindi picture-wicture nahi dekhta kya?”

Apun log Lucky Singh ke paas gaya aur us-ne Circuit ko ek mast shopping mall mein big-bazar type ka store mein laga diya aur bola, “munna, tu abhi rook. Pahle Circuit ko thoda din jam jaane de. Tere liye koi doosra kaam dhoondhna padega. ”

Toh apna Circuit ban gaya sales man. Abhi apun ka man nahi maan raha tha toh apun usko dekhne chala gaya. Apun ne socha ki yeh Circuit kaisa logon ka vaat laga rahela hai, yeh to dekhna-ich mangta. 

Apun jab wahan pahuncha toh dekha ki Circuit ek aadmi ko machli pakadne ka danda bech rahela tha. Arre, machli pakadne ka danda bole toh…fishing rod! saala, tum log ka angrezi bahut dheela hai. Woh aadmi fishing rod kharid liya. Phir Circuit ne us-ke joote dekha, woh bola, “mamu, machli pakadne ko yeh itna mehnga joota pahen kar jaayega kya? tere ko ek sports shoes kharidna mangta”. “Apun ke paas ek-dum mast jodi hai, pahen lega toh paani mein walking karega tu”. Phir us-ne woh aadmi ko joota bhi bech dala.
Apun bada impress ho rahela tha. Saala Circuit bilkul saleoo nikla.
Apna circuit abhi bhi mood mein tha, woh phir bola, “mamu, tere takle par baal toh hai nahi. Poora din dhoop mein machli pakadne baitha rahega, tera khopdi garam ho jayega. Chal ek topi bhi kharid daal”. Aur phir woh aadmi topi bhi kharid dala.  Phir Circuit bola, “mamu, jab itni der machli log ka intezar karega toh hawa khayega kya? tere mote pet ke vaaste kuch khaane-peene ko bhi mangta naa”. Yeh bol kar Circuit ne daaroo ka bottle, chakna-wakna sab baandh diya.
Ab tum log ko toh maaloom hi hai ki Circuit kitna smart hai. Saale ka bheja chacha choudhary ki tarah chalta hai. Itna sab bhecne ke baad bhi woh nahi ruka. Pehle machli ko khilane ka chara becha, machli ko rakh-ne ke liye basket becha aur ek paani mein baithne ka chair bhi bech dala. Poora bill 20 hazar ka ban gaya. Aur Circuit ne bindaas woh aadmi ka mamu bana dala.

Jab woh aadmi sab kharid kar chala gaya toh apun Circuit ke paas pahuncha aur usko bola, “Circuit, tu toh us mote ka poora mamu bana diya.
Saala, woh fishing rod kharidne ko aaya aur tu-ne itna saar saman us-ko chipka diya. Tu toh ekdum pakka sales man ho gaya hai re.”

Circuit apun ka baat sun kar smile diya aur bola, “Bhai! woh takla fishing rod kharidne thode hi aaya tha. Woh saala toh apna biwi ke liye ‘StayFree’ kharidne aaya tha. Thoda tension mein lag rahela tha. Apun us-ka problem samajh gaya. Apun us-ko samjhaya ki mamu, ab chaar din tu kya karega? Jaa kar machli pakad. ”

Hasnte-hanste apun dono ka pet dard ho gaya. Saala, aadmi ka zaroorat kya hota hai, aur kharidta woh kya-kya hai.
Abhi tum log hi batao ki apna Circuit jyada smart tha ya phir woh aadmi jyada jhandu tha? Soch kar batana.

Waise kabhi-na-kabhi sabh-ich ke saath aisa hua hoyega. abhi mobile phone ko hi le lo. Pahle mobile phone se baat karta tha sab log, phir company wala log bola, khali baat se kya hoyega? sms bhejo. Phir mms, email, games aur na jaane kya-kya? Abhi Tv mein ad de rahela hai ki agar tere paas mono color ka phone hai toh tu jhandu hai. Tera koi ijjat nahi hai. Aadmi banana mangta toh color mobile lo. Saala, har koi kisi ko mamu bana rahela hai idhar.

Apun Circuit ko bola ki saala agar idhar bhi logon ko mamu hi banane ka hai toh phir apun pahle jaisa-ich theek.

Toh ab apun pahle jasia-ich bindaas kaam kar rahela hai. Bapu ka thoda asar hai is-liye agar apun kisi ko ek thappad marta hai toh us-ko samjhata hai ki bapu bola….is-liye abhi doosra gaal bhi aage kar. Apna kaam bhi ho jata hai aur gandhigiri bhi.

Lucky Singh ka phone aayela hai. Bol rahela hai ki ek makan ke saamne dharna de kar woh makan khali karwane ka hai. Kya hai ki kaam wahi hai par style thoda badal gayela hai….kya?
Chalta hai……Danda-vat namaste.

Kya mamu log….kasia hai re?
Bole toh…ye iland ka log bada mast hai re. Ek-ich hafte mein itna sara friends ban gayela hai. Lagta hai ki apun ke iland mein kholi-woli banwana padega…friends log ke vaaste. Apun sabko thank you bolna mangta hai….THANK YOU!

Apun jo pichle sunday ko likha….kuch ko achcha laga aur kuch logon ko bahut-ich achcha laga….
Aur jisko achcha naa laga ho…uski toh….
Bahut sara mamu aur mami log comment bhi bheja…..kuch log aisa bheja ki apun ka bheja-ich phir gaya. Bole toh….apun ka bhasha ka vaat laga diya. Apun bade vinamra se bolta hai ki…apun ka bhasha seekhna mangta toh vanda nahi…apun sikha dega….lekin, apni bhasha ko full ijjat dene ka…kya? 

Idhar apun ko ek karnal uncle bahut mast laga…bole toh…Kanchan Bhattcharya. Bahut vaat lagaya woh apni bhasha ka…par dil ka achcha lagta hai…Aur log bhi apna comment diya…apun ko bahut achcha laga. Bole toh….tum log apun ka bakwas par itna time waste kiya. Abhi jaisa pakka hua tha…tum logon ka paisa tum log ke adda par jaldi pahunch jayega. Ek comment ka 100 rupaiya.

Haan! to dilli ka lafda full chaloo hai. aage jo bhi hoga…apun Ganpati se prayer karta hai…ki achcha ho. Aaj Circuit apun ko bola ki bhai bahar kuch log Bush ko phir jala rahele hain…apun usko samjhaya ki bush ko jalana-ich mangta…bush agar jyada bada ho gaya to log savere-savere kidhar jaa ke karega? Kahin bush andar ghuss gaya toh….ha..ha.

Circuit bola…nahi bhai Bush bole toh…Amrika ka president! Jorj Bush. Apun poocha…abhi woh kya kiya? Circuit bola… bhai! woh aaj Saddam Hussain ko phansi ka saja mila naa…issliye. Par bhai! Saddam toh doosri country ka hai, pir uska tension idhar kai ko?

Yeh sawal apun ke dimag mein bhi ghoom rahela hai. Kya Saddam Hussain apun ka country ka hai? Nahi.. Kya woh apun ka country ke liye kuch achcha kiya? Nahi… Kya woh uski country ke saath achcha kiya…pata nahi. Par usko Phansi ho ya uska pooja kare, apna country mein tension kyon ho jata hai?

Agar bahar desh ke logon se itna pyaar hai toh..Amrika mein jab hazaron log mar gaya…tab koi un terrorist log ka putla kyon nahi jalaya? Arre! Amrika ko toh chhodo, abhi mumbai, malegaon, benaras mein itna log mara…koi terrorist log ka putla jalaya kya? Nahi…Par apna country mein ek terrorist ko phansi ka saja mila toh bahut sara log gussa ho gaya.

Apun ko samajh nahi aata…ek bahar wale ke liye itna dard hai, ek terrorist ke liye itna dard hai…par jo log begunah mara jaata hai, unke liye koi dard nahi? Yeh kya ho rahela hai apun ka country ko aur iske logon ko?

Abhi apun bahut tension mein aa gayela hai. Ae Circuit, chal Umrao Jaan dekhne chalte hain….dimag thoda thanda ho jayega.
Circuit : Haan bhai chalte hain…mast picture hai…saare log udhar aaram se pair phaila kar so-te rahte hain. Tere ko bhi A.C ka thanda hawa lagega to tu bhi mast so jayega aur aishwarya tere sapne mein aakar dance karegi. Abhishek ko apun sambhal lega. Tu tension nahi le bhai.

Achcha mamu, mami, uncle, aanti….apun chalta hai. Apun phir idhar tapkega…. jaldi.

Aye mamu…..kaisa chal raha hai? Bindass? Abhi tum logon ka haziri mere iland par lag nahi raha hai….lagta hai ki ek-do ka haddi-waddi todna padega.
Dekh apun seedha bolta hai…daily nahi to sunday ke sunday aane ka aur haziri bajane ka. Apun toh apne dhande mein bahut bizi rehta hai par idhar-udhar ki khabar bhi rakhta hai. Aur phir apna Circuit bhi to hai na….woh apna jaadu ka jinn hai kya! apun ko jo mangta hai…woh poora kar deta hai. Par Circuit ko english bilkul nahi samajh me aata.

Abhi kal hi apun ke paas aaya aur poocha - “Bhai, yeh sealing kya hota hai?” Apun bola - “Arre Circuit, Ceiling bole toh…chhat!. Woh har ghar par ek chhat hota hain naa wahich.” (Bole toh apun ka bhi angrezi kamzor hai…isliye spelling mistake par dhyan dene ka nahi). Circuit thoda pareshan ho gaya, phir bola, “bhai, woh chandu abhi dilli se aaya hai. wahan uska bhai ek garage mein mechanic hai. wahan uska bhai usko bola ki dilli me sealing ka bada tension hai. Bola ki woh sarkar sabki dukano par sealing laga rahi hai.”
“Par bhai, dilli ki dukano par chhat nahi hai kya? Aur yah to sarkar bahut achcha kaam kar rahi hai. Bole toh, sabko chhat de raheli hai.”
Circuit ki baat sun kar apun ko samajh aa gaya. Apun paper mein iske baare mein daily padehla hai naa. Apun usko samjhaya aur bola, “Arre Circuit! woh sarkar un logon ko chhat nahi de raheli hai bulki un becharon ke sar se chhat chheen raheli hai. Bole toh unki dukanon par tala maar ke unka dhanda bandh kara ke, unki vaat laga ke, unko sadak par laane ka kaam kar raheli hai.”

Apun ko ek baat samajh mein nahin aata mamu. Jo sarkar logon ko naukri nahi de sakti, woh sarkar ko un logon ki roji-roti chheen-ne ka haq kaun diya? Bole toh dilli apna country ka rajdhani hai aur kitna log udhar apna kismat chamkane ko pahunchta hai. Kitna logon ka rozi-roti wahan par choti-choti dukano se chalta hai. Bole toh, itna bada sahar hai. Logon ko naukri nahi milta toh woh log apaneich ghar mein dukan kholta hai, kya galat karta hai? Wahin par kahin bacchon ke padhne ka school khula hai, kahin haspatal khula hai, kahin rashan ki dukan hai, kahin beauty parlour hai, kahin garage hai. Ab tumhi batao mamu, kay logon ko itna bhi haq nahin hai ki woh log apna mehnat ka roti kam sake?

Woh log jo bade-bade sarkari gharon mein baith kar sarkar ka maal khata hai, aur doosaron ki duniya ujadne ka order deta hai, un mamu logon ko pata bhi hai ki do waqt ka roti kamane me kitna mehnat lagta hai? Unka bachha log bade-bade school mein padhta hai. Aur kya hamara baccha log mohalle ke school main bhi nahin padh sakta? Bole toh, woh log bada-bada mall mein shopping kar sakta hai, par jo bechara daily apna rashan, gali ki dukan se kharidta hai woh kya karega? Woh sarkari logon ka sara illaj to bade-bade haspatalon mein sarkari kharche par hota hai, toh kya woh garib aur middle class log paas ke haspatal se apna illaj nahi kara sakta?

Mamu, apun jiyada padha-likha toh hai nahi par dil se bolta hai. Yeh jo dilli mein un logon ke saath ho rahela hai, bole toh bilkul galat hai. Arre, woh log bechara roz-roz zindagi se lad-lad-ke jee rahele hain. Ab unka woh sahara toh mat chheeno. Kahan jayenga woh log?

Bole toh, dilli walon, tum log jo is annyay ke khilaf khada huela hai, bilkul sahi hai. Par abhi isme thoda aur teji lana mangta hai.

Bapu apun ko bola ki abhi gandhigiri dikhane ka bilkul mast time aa gayela hai.

Apun ne suna ki is sealing se lakhon logon asar padne ko hai. Toh agar yeh lakhon log ek saath mil ke khada ho jaye toh yeh sarkar bhi baith jayega. Bole toh, public mein bahut taakat hota hai, par sabko saath aana mangta hai. Mamu log, yeh socho ki yeh dukane, school, haspatal bandh hone se sirf inka malik log hi nahi tum bhi mushkil mein pad jayega. Dilli mein school, haspatal kam pad jayega. Toh tumhe bhi inke saath aane ka hai.

Abhi sirf camera ke saamne bolne se nahi chalega. Abhi ek-ek neta ke ghar ke saamne pahunchane ka hai. Aur un judge logon ke ghar ke saamne bhi.

Abhi dekho, agar 100-200 log ek-ek neta ke ghar ja-ja ke gidgidayega toh kuch nahi hone wala. Abhi 10000-20000 logon ka group banane ka aur ek group Manmohan Singh ke ghar jaane ka, ek group Sonia Gandhi ke ghar jaane ka, ek group Sheila Dixit ke ghar jaane ka, ek group kalam ji ke ghar jaane ka, aur group bana kar un judje logon ke ghar jaane ka. Aur yeh sab ek-ich time par karne ka. Bole toh, planning ke saath. Bada-bada group bana kar savere-savere boriya bistar lekar 4 baje un logon ke ghar ke saamne pahunch-ne ka. Pahle se TV walon ko kuch nahi batane ka, warna TV walon ke saath police wale bhi udhar pahunch jayenge. Yeh sab achanak karne ka aur sabko surprise karne ka.

Koi hinsa karne ka nahi par un logo ke ghar ke saamne baith kar nahane ka, dhone ka aur “raghupati raghav raja ram” bhajan karne ka. Aur net logon ka holiday karne ka. Bole toh, neta logo ko ghar se nikalne dene ka nahi. Agar maange toh unke darwaze ke saamne late jaane ka par unko apne office jane dene ka nahin. Agar tum apna dukan nahi jaa sakta to woh log apne office kaise jaa sakta hai?

Abhi thoda din pehle, apun ke prime minister ne apun ke picture dekhela hai. Aur woh to lagta bhi bapu type ka hai. Usko tumahara baat samajh aana chahiye. Aur bole toh, Gandhi family to bapu ke naam ka kitne saalon se benefit utha rahela hai. Abhi waqt aa gaya hai ki woh log bapu ke raaste par chal ke bhi dikhayen. Agar Soniya, Rahul aur Priyanka ko Gandhi ka naam ka value pata hai toh woh log tumahara saath zaroor denga. Nahin to samajh lena ki unme gandhigiri ka dum nahi hai bas bapu ke naam ka fayda utha rahele hai.

Manmohan singh, Sonia Gandhi, Sheila Dixit aur woh judge log bahut busy log hai. isliye unko holiday dena mangta. Jab ghar mein baith kar thoda rest karenge toh tumhara log ka pareshani par zaroor dhyan denge. Arre, sarkar chahe to phata-phat kanoon-wanoon bana kar yeh sab rukwa sakti hai. Bole toh, abhi thode din pehle hi sonia gandhi ki seat bachane ke liye ek-ich din me kanoon banaya tha.

Aur phir abhi agle chunav mein unhe tumhara vote bhi toh mangta hai. Unko tumhari baat man-na hoga.

Bole toh, kam se kam 10 logon ko gherne ka. Agar tum 1 lakh ho toh 10000 ka group banao, agar 2 lakh ho toh 20000 ka. Ek hi time par alag-alag jagah savere 4 baje achanak pahunch-ne ka. Police walon ko, TV walon ko, pehle se intzaam nahin karne dene ka.

Dharna dene ka, aur tab tak nahi hatne ka jab tak sarkar tumhara haq wapas naa kar de. Is kehte hain Gorilla Gandhigiri.

Ek baat aur, yeh tumhara ladai hai isme koi party ka neta log nahi jodna mangta. Warna woh sara kachra kar denga. 

Tum log bhi soch rahela hoga ki munna ki khisak gayeli hai. Par apun bhi ek chota-mota gunda hai, aur aam public ke dil ka dard samajhta hai. Apun mumbaiya hai toh kya hua. Dilli wala log bhi to apun ki hi country ka hai naa.

Dekh mamu, apun bahut padha likha toh hai nahi. Par tum log to padha-likha hai. Tum toh samajhta hoga ki jo aaj Dilli mein ho sakta hai, kal tumhare shahar mein bhi ho sakta hai. Aur Dilli ke logon ko bhi tumhara saath mangta hai.
Apna support unko bindass dene ka.

Agar mera baat samajh aata ho toh isko aage badhane ka, saare ilands mein pahunchane ka, saare dilli walon tak pahunchane ka.

Aur agar bakwas lage toh bhool jane ka….

Kya bola Circuit? Apun senti ho gayela hai? Sahi bola re! Yeh upar wala apun ko aisa hi dil diye-la hai naa. Kya karega?….. Phir aayega…Bindass bolega….

Achcha mamu log abhi jata hai apun. Agar apun ka baat tumhare bheje mein ghusa ho aur tumhare dil ko chhua ho toh doosaron ko bhi batana. Yaad rakhne ka - Public mein bahut takat hota hai..
Chalta hai…..

Bahut dino se ye circuit mach-mach kiyale tha, “ae bhai! ek island kharidte hain, usmein apun log full raaj karenge. Udhar to saala apun hi bapu, apun hi pirime minister aur apun hi super pirime minister. Note par sirf apun logon ka hi photu chapega, murti bhi apna hi lagega. Bole toh tu rashtra pita aur apun paridhan mantri. “
Apun ne bhi socha yeh circuit bolta mast hai.
Par kya hai ki paisa kharch karke saman kharida to apun bhai kis baat ka? Bas phir kya tha. Apun phataphat apni navi wali jahnavi ke paas gaya aur usse poocha ki idhar koi island-shailand mil sakt hai kya? Jahnvi ne is jagah ka pata bata diya. Jagah mast tha. Bas apun ne kabza jama liya.
Circuit bola, “Bhai! abhi sabko announce karne ka hai ki apun log yeh jageh kharid liya hai aur apun ka adda yahin jamega.”
Toh mamu log, kaan ke parde khol ke sun - Main Murli Prasad Sharma is island ka full malik hai. Bole toh, apun yahan ka rashtra pita hai aur Cirkeshwar, abe! Cirkeshwar matlab Circuit. Doon kya kaan ke niche?
Haan toh Shri Cirkeshwar Prasad, Munna Bhai Island ke paridhan mantri nirvasit hue hain…. Saala, hindi bhi theek se nahin aata. Ae mamu, jahan galti ho wahan khud hi theek kar lena, apna bheja mat khana.
Jyada bolne ka abhi aadat nahi hai isliye bas…
Aur mamu log! idhar aa kar apni apni hazri lagate rehna warna… apun ko suman ne sari haddiyon ka pata bataya hai.
comment-womment thik se karna aur 500 ka note chada ke jana. Kya?
apun chalta hai…