When Obama dined with Gandhi!
Earlier this week, when a schoolgirl asked him if he 'could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?', President Obama replied: ' Well, you know, dead or alive, that's a pretty big list. You know, I think that it might be Gandhi, who is a real hero of mine'. And smiling his most innocuous smile, Obama added: 'Now it would probably be a really small meal because he didn't eat a lot!'
Here's how Gandhi's visit to the White House and the subsequent dinner went!
Gandhi arrived at the White House Visitor Center at the Southeast Corner of 15th and E Streets in his traditional attire, stick and all. Before he could reach the Visitor Center, two policemen stopped him.
Policeman 1: 'Where do you think you are going, old man, half naked fakir?'
Gandhi: 'To the White House, of course! By the way, Mr. Churchill will be proud of you'
Policeman 1: 'Pray tell me, who do you want to meet?'
Gandhi: 'I don't want to meet anyone, but Mr. Obama says he would like me to join him for a meal'.
Policeman 1 (laughing): 'That's what everyone says. Now, get moving away from here'.
Gandhi: 'Mr. Officer, please understand. I have an appointment, and I am not one who doesn't keep appointments. They tried to prevent me at Pietermaritzburg; they succeeded, but rest assured, I resisted, as I would do now also'.
Policeman 2: 'Hey, I guess I know you! You look familiar! Aren't you that actor Kingsley, Ben or something like that?'
Gandhi (smiling): 'You are nearer to truth, friend! Sir Ben acted what I lived!'
The two policemen let him through to the Visitor Center, after body frisking him, and then searching his few clothes, watch, sandals, and most of all, the stick!
At the Visitor Center, again, the stick posed a problem. Later, the lady at the Reception asked, 'Aren't you a little under-dressed to meet the President of the United States?'
Gandhi chuckled: 'I went to meet the King at Buckingham Palace wearing the same thing. And as I told the enquiring journalists, in any case, the King was wearing enough for us both. So, don't you worry, Mr. Obama will understand!'
Gandhi trudged towards the White House, all alone, remembering the lonely long walk up the steps of the Viceroy House in Delhi to meet Lord Irwin. Thankfully, he thought, they were not here to negotiate the life of a nation'
Gandhi walked in to be received by the White House Chief of Staff who apologized for any inconvenience. Gandhi was quick to tell him that there was none; rather he faced more problems while visiting India, and Gandhinagar in particular!
In came President Obama, minus the Hail to the Chief, and stretched his hands towards Gandhi who suddenly realized he had to keep his stick somewhere. Obama played the chivalrous host, and stationed the stick against the portrait of President Washington! Soon, everyone moved out, leaving the President alone with the Father of a billion plus people, and the two got chatting'
Barack Obama: 'Mr. Gandhi, I am really happy that you accepted my invitation. You have been a hero to me, and to another of my hero Mr. King, and it is a dream come true.'
Gandhi: 'You are very kind, Mr. Obama. It is but rarely that I get invitations like this these days, even from my own country's leaders ' but let me tell you, I am very grateful to them for that!'
Obama: 'Where are you staying in the capital, Mr. Gandhi?'
Gandhi: 'Oh, that's a long story! I thought there are many Patels and then there are many motels, and I would stay in one of those. But then, wherever I asked, I was told, Gandhi is not welcome, because Mr. Modi wouldn't approve of that. But, thankfully, they said, my friend Sardar is welcome; he will be very pleased to hear of that'.
Obama: 'You mean Mr. Narendra Modi, that Chief Minister who was denied visa by our Administration?'
Gandhi: 'Yes. But Mr. Obama, you should let Mr. Modi visit your country. May be that will help him realize that there is a world outside of Gujarat which is very different from what he is making out of his own state. And my good friend Sardar Patel will also be happy if you do that. Tell me, Mr. President, how have you been?'
Obama: 'Your presence makes me feel fine, Mr. Gandhi; I always derive inspiration from Mr. King and you. But it is tough to be the President of the US of A. It was alright for Kennedy to say that while the going gets tough, only the tough get going. But Jack didn't have to confront the global meltdown or the likes of Putin and Chavez, not to forget Osama'.
Gandhi: 'Yes, Mr. Obama. I fully empathize with you, having had to deal with many like them and situations like that in my own lifetime!'
Obama: 'But I am most worried about this economic crisis, and am constantly wondering why I shouldn't have another dinner date, this time with Franklin Roosevelt to learn from him how he dealt with the Great Depression'.
Gandhi: 'Don't get depressed because of this depression; but you must advise the Federal Reserve and Mr. Bernanke to try out something simple than complicating the situation further. I always believed in doing things simple, like simple economics and trusteeship. Where there is trust, there won't be any meltdown or sub-prime crisis'.
Obama: 'Ha, Mr. Gandhi, that is where the problem lies ' this trust business. My experience tells me where there is money, there is business, and where there is both money and business, there is no trust! I am trying to look into this trust deficit, because it is very difficult, you know! I don't, for example, trust the Republicans, or the Russians, or the Cubans, not to forget the French, the Germans and the Japanese. I can't trust Osama either! I want to trust Mr. Zardari, but the problem is, in his own country, no one trusts him! The only ones who I really trust are Gordon Brown and Manmohan!'
Gandhi: 'Yes, yes, you must trust both Mr. Brown and Dr. Singh. After all, Dr. Singh is a great fan of America ever since he worked with the World Bank. He loves America and Americans and everything American. He even dreams the Great American Dream! You shouldn't feel bad that he said all Indians loved your predecessor Mr. Bush. I am sure he would say the same thing about you as well'.
In the meanwhile, the meal is served'
Obama: 'We have a very frugal meal for you, Mr. Gandhi. I hope it is fine with you'.
Gandhi: 'This perfectly suits my palate and my stomach. I hope it wasn't a problem to arrange those different fresh fruits and the nuts and the honey and the goat milk'.
Obama: 'No, not all, Mr. Gandhi, but at the end of it, the butler said he fully agreed with Mrs. Sarojini Naidu that it costs a lot to keep you poor!'
Gandhi (chuckling): 'Oh, Mrs. Naidu, she is a very nice lady and a good friend! By the way, how is Mrs. Obama and the children?'
Obama: 'They are very good and would have loved to be here this evening. But unfortunately they are away on vacation; so I am alone here'.
Gandhi: 'But don't get tempted; go by the life of Mr. Bush Sr. and Mr. Bush Jr. in these matters. Mr. Kennedy and Mr. Clinton are also good men, but you know, they found Monroes and cigars too tempting'.
Obama: 'I understand Mr. Gandhi. Should I also experiment like you did in your own life?'
Gandhi: 'I don't think Kasturba or for that matter my friends Jawahar and Rajaji would approve of that; so, stick to Mrs. Obama and be happy.
Obama: 'Mr. Gandhi, what would you like to drink?'
Gandhi: 'That is another thing. Consumption is not good. You see, I only have goat milk.'
Obama: 'I hear so. I do ask for a beer or two when White policemen are invited for lunch after threatening African-American Harvard professors, as happened recently. Otherwise, I am always sober, and I have to be, or else, one never knows when Hillary will pull the rug from under my feet! Now, tell me, Mr. Gandhi, where is India heading to?'
Gandhi: 'I wish I knew! I didn't know even in 1947 till Jawahar and Sardar told me that they had agreed with Mr. Jinnah to partition my country'.
Obama: 'This is what Mr. Jaswant Singh also said recently. Mr. Advani also felt that Mr. Jinnah is a great secularist. I guess there are lots of Jinnah-fans in the main Opposition Party in your country!'
Gandhi: 'Like Mr. Jinnah, of course, Mr. Advani and Mr. Jaswant Singh are also very honourable men; they do have some memory problems, as would happen with every one of us as we grow old. Wisdom always dawns on us, in some cases, may be a little late!'
Obama: 'How often do you visit India, Mr. Gandhi?'
Gandhi: 'Oh, I generally prefer to stay away, even though they call me the Father of the Nation! I am very much in demand during election times and communal riots. My name is invoked on 30th January every year ' Hey Ram! Mr. Godse gave me relief and redemption, or else I would have had to live through much more pain'.
Obama: 'They still love you, Mr. Gandhi. When I was in India as a child, I remember there were many roads named after you'.
Gandhi: 'Yes, yes, they drive over me in every city! In fact, I gather that most people remember me only as `MG' and some others as Ben Kingsley! They are most happy on 1st October when liquour sale is the highest in the country. So, they celebrate my birthday the next day in high spirits!'
Obama: 'But they have such lovely statues of yours all over the country'.
Gandhi: 'Yes, I have seen them all, with stick and without it! But I love the one in front of our Parliament, the one with the head bent and eyes closed! That's the real me of today!'
Obama: 'But who is this Mayawati? She is probably trying to overtake you, I gather?'
Gandhi: 'I wish her all the very best and pray that the Supreme Court doesn't stall her from installing her own statues! Ms. Mayawati is a nice lady. She likes her statues the most, and then those of Mr. Kanshi Ram's and elephants'. I am glad that soon, the crows and sparrows will find a better resting place. After all, the vanity bag in a lady's hand makes a better and more stylish niche than a walking stick in the hands of an old man!'
Obama: 'But I must share with you, Mr. Gandhi, I simply loved Munnabhai'!
Gandhi: 'Ha, Mr. Dutt is a very nice man to know, though at times he keeps bad company and AK-47s. All I would say to him is, `Lagey raho, Munnabhai'!
Obama: 'But Mr. Gandhi, I am a little perplexed. We have the Kennedys here and then in your country you have the Gandhis. I know you are the Father of the Nation, but where are all these Gandhis coming from! How many of your children are in politics?'
Gandhi: 'No, no, Mr. Obama. The Gandhis of today are not mine! But Mrs. Sonia, though an Italian Gandhi, is a well meaning lady who, like me, listen's to the inner voice. Her son Rahul too is a sweet boy. I hear that soon we will have a Colombian Gandhi. That's the way it is! We Gandhis are global citizens, you see!
Obama: 'That's why they should have given you the Nobel Prize!'
Gandhi: 'Oh, that's very good of you to say that, but the Queen and Mr. Churchill thought otherwise, you know'!
Obama: 'When will you visit your home state next?'
Gandhi: 'Thank you Mr. Obama. I always stay away from encounters, you see. The only time it happened was at Birla House when the kind Mr. Godse came my way. Talking of visits, when are you visiting India?'
Obama: 'Manmohan has been asking me very frequently, and he assures me that all Indians, including Mr. Karat, love me, as much as they loved Mr. Bush, if not more'.
Gandhi: 'Please let more Indians come to your country and permit more outsourcing; that way, your jobs will be taken care of and you will get more people who love you'.
Obama: 'Oh, I will have to think about that Mr. Gandhi, especially in these troubled sub-prime times! Already there is some talk that McDonald's is being replaced by McCurry, not the Irish one, you know! Some say that soon we will have to substitute the Green Card with the tricolor'.
Gandhi: 'That's how we can show how much we love you, Mr. Obama'.
Obama: 'What do you think of America as a peace-loving nation?'
Gandhi: “That's a very good idea!'
Obama: 'Mr. Gandhi, you are very humourous! Tell me, what would be your advice to me in my capacity as the President of the United States?'
Gandhi: 'Be good, which you are, and in times of crisis, think of Mr. Jefferson, Mr. Lincoln and Mr. King. Be the change that you want to be, and believe in what you promised during the elections, that 'we can do it'. Don't experiment with truth, and don't talk about practicing what you are preaching and vice versa. And drink lots of goat milk and stay away from the swines: after all, if America has to progress, the flu shouldn't come in your way!'
Obama: 'Thank you very much, Mr. Gandhi. I will tell Michelle and the kids of your visit'.
Gandhi (getting up and taking possession of his beloved stick): 'Thank you, Mr. Obama; you have been very kind and very hospitable'.
Obama: 'One last thing, Mr. Gandhi. If you could have dinner with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be?'
Gandhi: 'A Gandhian'!