Sorry, no house for you!

The incident that I am about to narrate happened one Sunday morning in Chennai. A shabbily dressed young man of about 25 (he was shabbily dressed not because he didn't have a good dress sense but because he was of the opinion that on Sundays, everyone should free themselves of all shackles, and that included pressed shirt and pants) rang the door bell. A man of around 60 opened the door. Let us call him Uncle, like we Chennaites call anyone who has no hair or a few grey hairs. From the way he has applied vibhooti liberally on his forehead, it is quite evident that he is in the middle of his morning pooja. Let us call the young man Thambi.

The conversation between the Uncle and Thambi went on something like this:

Uncle: What do you want?

Thambi: Uncle, sorry for bothering you on a relaxed Sunday morning but I saw your ad that I can contact you for a house nearby…

Uncle: Oh, yes… we have a two bed room flat. Where is your father working? How many of you will be there?

Thambi: My father works in Kanpur. He is a Professor there.

Uncle: Then, who wants the house?

Thambi: Uncle, I want the house. I am working here as an IT professional. I intend to stay with a couple of my colleagues.

Uncle: ohoh! You want the house to stay with your friends?

Thambi: yes..

Uncle: All of you are bachelors?

Thambi: Of course Uncle, we are only 25.

Uncle: We don't like to give our house to young bachelors. There are young girls in the other flats. So, the neighbours are very particular that young bachelors should not come anywhere in the vicinity. Young bachelors are unruly, indisciplined and untrustworthy…

Thambi wanted to say that he and his friends did not intend molest the neighbourhood girls or had no plans to have sex with them but kept his mouth shut.

Uncle: You people come with girls to the flat and indulge in dirty things… no.. no..We can't give our flat to such people..

Thambi wanted to say, we don't do any such things. Of course, our friends do drop in and there are girls too among them…

 Uncle: You people play loud music, talk loudly and disturb everyone. You people come and go at odd times. Even at 12 at night, girls come back from office. In our times, I have not seen any woman coming from office at 12 midnight. I don't like such loose characters. Boys should be with boys and girls should be with girls..

Thambi wanted to ask, have you heard of gays and lesbians, Uncle? You are against only opposite sexes meeting..

Uncle: Now, tell me do you listen to Venkatesa suprabhatam in the morning?

Thambi: (so shocked was he at the question that he mumbled something. He had no courage to say that he listened to the swear words of Eminem in the morning.)

Uncle: Do you have a conduct certificate with you certifying that you are a good boy?

Thambi: I don't have any certificates with me that says I am a good boy. But if I ask my mother, she will certify me as the most lovable, cute and obedient son ever born on earth. (He didn't say that his father finds him obnoxious and irritating.)

Uncle: I don't want any certificate from your mother. I want it from your employer.

Thambi: (thinks about his manager who finds him cheating by chatting on the net when he was supposed to be coding)

Uncle: If you can get a good conduct certificate from your office, I will consider your application.

Now a Mami appeared and told him in a hush-hush voice that no bachelors should be permitted as they are dangerous. "No, we can't rent out our house to bachelors," she was very firm.

Uncle: Yes, that was what I was telling him. No Thambi, we can't give our flat to you even if you bring a good conduct certificate.

Thambi: Uncle, were you not a bachelor once? I am sure you were not born like this and had been married to Mami from the day you were born. You were also 25 once. I think you were very bad as a 25 year old. That's why you suspect all of us nice kids.

The young man then turned to Mami and said, 'I came here because my friend who also happened to be your son told me to meet you here. Yes, he told me he faces the same kind of questions in Bangalore. Uncle, your son is also 25 and he is also a bad bachelor! I think you forgot that..'

Without waiting for any reply, the young man then slowly walked out with a naughty smile on his face. Need I say both Uncle and Mami stood there transfixed?