Neetha Nair’s

What is an array ?

An array is data structure (type of memory layout) that stores a collection of individual values that are of the same data type. Arrays are useful because instead of having to separately store related information in different variables ………………

Arre , NO , I am not asking about this array !!! I am asking about the Rediffiland fame "array!"

Ok , that is a different case altogether . Some say or assume that it is an auto generated rediff worm / Virus . I strongly believe that it is generated by a hyper brain who got all senses like u and me do and many more of them than what we all have.

A virus can not generate comments in different names and different comments based on the post. If it is auto generated, then it has to be identical to all who r attacked.This VIRUS seems to have a very strong sense of Jealousy and vengeance that it hits back if challenged. IT is more of an evil infection than human, and behaves like a perverted mind who gets some JOY out of it.

A Techno savvy person who seems to have gone ahead unchallenged even by Rediff, spoiling many ilands , who seems to enjoy privileged company with people associated even from within Rediff !!! How else can one see the manner in which it is not challenged?

You can go ahead and see my post all messed up- with array , who even quoted from my own posts. IT often uses names of common ilanders who are not even aware of being victimized. Most of the arrayed comments do not have a link to go to its iland and also they don't get deleted. Techno Savvy as I say !!!! And the dates on such comments are pre- historic if u choose to investigate on them.

Arre, I am Aware that the Array is dangerous and can eat up all of me in there , but then how long do we all sit back and wait for SOMEONE from rediff to come and help us, when of all u know one gets the feeling that this array is in team with inside connections.

Why are we not protesting, not even meekly to this menace ? Don't we have even a single ilander who is techno enough to counter this? Don't we all have enough unity to go ahead and approach rediff together ? OR is it the attitude like- "as long as Ii am not attacked " or " no no, I don't want to ask for trouble from array ' I fear " !!?

Let me hear ur comments on this ' YES this is a post dedicated to array!!!!

I am re posting this . To view earlier comments go to my previous post- attacked by Array - joyfully

11th August , 1.50 a.m

My dreams were shaking me!!! I thought I am too crazy to dream - shaking at this age of 43!!! I faintly remembered Bipasha basu's shaking hips!! I lazily thought , men would have enjoyed it. But I was not enjoying anymore. IT was NOT my hips that was shaking ' I was shaking in a single piece- in whole and even my bed was shaking with me. In a second my eyes opened wide and I was on my feet all shaking in fear. My doors and windows were shaking too!!! In that drunken state of sleepiness , I was very confused of what is to be done, and ran to my balcony. All was empty and dark outside, except for the dogs who were howling at the peak of their voice. I thought they too would have dreamt like me.

Before I could convince myself- my balcony ka curved wall did one Bipasha shake- straight in front of my eyes and then I had no doubts . Bips had hit my house which was on fourth floor of a five story building. The door was rattling and my legs were also shaking . I started running towards the main door only to realize that I am in no state in which I could have opened the door. Being alone at home (my daughter on vacation) and the weather being hot , I too was sleeping in an attire that Bips would have worn on screen and made all the public stare at her. But with my Fat budging belly and figure of 70 kgs ' no- I could not afford to show off my self. I ran back to the bedroom and after searching for necessary fittings and managing to pull them on , ran to the door again , opening it and jumping out like an athlete doing a long jump.

IT was dark outside ' not a soul seen and then I was confused of my next step. Impulsively I screamed "EARTHQUAKE" in to the dark hollow of my verandah before the door opened at the extreme other end and the family poured out with all husband , wife , bacha and maid. They were happy to see me scream, which is a testimony to what they felt. I looked like a fool straight from HBO ghost movie, and seeing them running down I realized what I ought to do. Certified tube light that I am, I had ran out w/o keys and had to run in and get keys to lock the door.By then all doors were open and people were advised not to take lift , and all were flowing out of the stairs animatedly discussing the shake. IT was like a picnic , all standing in groups of their family members huddled together , all in sleepy faces and untidy hair and casual night dresses.

IT showed how people turn to their own groups in times of a crisis. My friends in the building were trying to reach me on my mobile- which was still sleeping pretty under my pillow inside the house. They were not able to spot me in the confusion on the ground floor and expected me to be sleeping like a fool that I usually am. Sure they underestimated me

Standing down the building, I was worried about t my building collapsing , with all my life time savings of its walls and doors and windows crashing down. For a split second I wanted to go up and hold my walls . Visualised me crashing with it and cancelled the idea on spot.

People were outside for a long time. I was eager to get back home, and watch BREAKING NEWS ' hi hi

Moral of my experience-

1)Sleep well dressed ' so that u can run at any time- keep even a pair of chappals ready. (Hope I can stick to this rule for some time.)

2)hang ur mobile on ur neck ' or where ever .!!!( Still looking for a solution)

3) Insure your houses so that even if it is gone u r not on road (.Plan to do this soon)

11th August , 1.50 a.m

My dreams were shaking me!!! I thought I am too crazy to dream  - shaking at this age of 43!!! I faintly remembered Bipasha basu's  shaking hips!! I  lazily thought  , men would have enjoyed it. But I was not  enjoying anymore. IT was NOT my hips that was shaking ' I was shaking in a single piece- in whole and even my bed was shaking with me. In a second my  eyes  opened wide and I was on my feet all shaking in fear. My doors and windows were shaking too!!! In that drunken state of sleepiness , I was very confused of  what is to be done, and ran to my balcony. All was  empty and  dark outside, except for the dogs who were howling at the peak of their voice. I thought they too would have dreamt like me.

Before I could convince myself- my balcony  ka curved wall did one Bipasha shake-  straight in front of my eyes and then I had no doubts . Bips had hit my house which was on fourth floor of a five story building. The door was rattling and my legs were also shaking . I started running towards the main door  only to realize that I am in no state in which I could have opened the door. Being alone at home (my daughter on vacation) and  the weather being hot , I too was sleeping in an attire that Bips would have worn on screen and made all the  public stare at her. But with my Fat budging belly and  figure of 70 kgs ' no- I could not afford to show off my self. I ran back to the bedroom and after  searching for necessary  fittings and managing to pull them on ,  ran  to the door again , opening it  and jumping out like an athlete  doing a long jump.

IT was dark outside ' not a soul seen and then I was confused of my next step. Impulsively I screamed 'EARTHQUAKE' in to the dark hollow of my verandah before the door opened at the extreme other end and the family  poured out with all husband , wife , bacha and maid. They were happy to see me scream, which is a testimony to  what they felt. I looked like a fool straight from HBO ghost movie, and seeing them running down I realized  what I ought to do. Certified tube light that I am, I had ran out w/o keys and  had to  run in and get keys to lock the door.By then all doors were open and  people were advised  not to take lift , and  all were flowing out of the stairs animatedly discussing the shake. IT was like a picnic , all  standing in groups of their family members huddled together , all in sleepy faces and  untidy hair and casual night dresses.

 IT showed how people turn to their own groups in times of a crisis. My friends in the building  were trying to reach me on my mobile- which was still sleeping pretty under my pillow  inside the house. They were not able to spot me in the confusion  on the ground floor and expected me to be sleeping like a fool that I usually am. Sure they underestimated me

Standing down the  building, I was worried about t my  building collapsing , with all my life time savings of its walls and doors and windows  crashing down. For a split second I wanted to go up and  hold my walls . Visualised me crashing with it and cancelled the idea on spot.

 People were outside for a long time. I was  eager to get back  home, and  watch BREAKING NEWS ' hi hi

Moral of my experience-

1)Sleep well dressed ' so that u can run at any time- keep even a pair of chappals ready. (Hope I can stick to this rule for some time.)

2)hang ur mobile on ur neck ' or where ever .!!!( Still looking for a solution)

3) Insure  your houses so that  even if  it is gone u r not on road (.Plan to do this soon)

Today morning ,there was some discussion between my daughter and me related to Shivarathri . She was trying to know, what it is all about. ME being not very good in such issues told her the story as I know about Shiva drinking the venom etc etc and Parvathi and others fasting and staying awake to keep him awake whole night so that the poision does not effect him . I wondered if my story was correct , but did not go further on that. She was a bit amused by the churning of the samudhram with a snake ( hope animal rights were not applicable then)

(please read comment from Prudent Indian regarding the difference between Maha shiv rathri and the other shivrathri- which i did not know. Pls excuse me on that - )

Then we drifted to other things- and landed on Ganesh boy. My daughter was happily pointing out that "even" parvathi was not very clean and she had dirt on her skin , from where the Ganesh boy was supposed to have been made. She was referring to my screaming at her for finding an unclean patch of skin behind her neck.I had a nice laugh as she went off to have a bath on that note , leaving me to brood on Parvathi's dirt.

I wonder if it was the dirt on Parvath's Skin that actually the author of the legend had in mind, or if it was some other impurity in Parvathi , which could have given birth to the baby boy!!And by saying that the dirt was only on the skin- did he actually mean that it was some superficial involvement? !! And Shiva seems to have been perfectly comfortable with the idea of a Boy born out of nowhere during his absence !

OH! Godly issues!! I am confused.. Look at the way my wicked mind works ' ha ha. Finally , it is all how we see it!? Impurity of mind!!!?

I was tagged by Kavitha - This is an older tag than the one that is running now.

I was taged by Meena and ume sh  for the latest one - I have to REALLY  think if i have to get answers about myself!!!! SO i am still hiding from both of them and their tags .

I dont think many people would be interested in reading about ME (hi, hi- I am a mysterious one ). I post this to respect the request from Kavitha.

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATRE:

Gajni- AMIR KHAN STARER

I watched on a Saturday , with office colleagues who were more than willing to go with me . , friends  are for this , to go with u when u cant go alone

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?

I am trying to Remember the Name- it is a thick FAT book sent to me by a Good friend who imagines to educate me - I am reading it @1 page per day and I will read it till I drop dead !

3.FAVOURITE BOARD GAME?

I don't play GAMEs any more ..on second thoughts day dreaming is also a game na? no BOARD- only bored ….

4.FAVOURITE MAGAZINE?

I don't have any ' or  can I say it "was" chanda mama ? when i was that age

5. FAVOURITE  SMELLS?

SMELL of COOKED food tops the list ..aha , the list is too long

6. FAVOURITE SOUND?

SILENCE .is my Favourite sound

( and the most hated is MY own voice when I do "patar patar" with my daughter ,nagging her to study )

 
7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?

When I cant find a loo and I really want to ..

8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING THAT YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?

What to Cook .AGAIN ..and cooking is not as good as eating …

9.FAVOURITE FAST FOOD JOINT?

Badshah- Chicken roll - New market- Calcutta

10.FUTURE CHILD's NAME?

 Let me start with Siddarth , which was the name  I kept in store  to USE if I had given birth to a boy. The name that was kept for a girl is used already But  time up for future….

But  now I would like to have names like:  Bush( Jr. ) ; Osama (oh yes) and the likes FAMOUS names I can command them ..

11. IF HAD LOTS OF MONEY .

Money ' aha !!!? How much is LOTS? I would NEED a LOT !!!

12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST?

Yes ' I DO : Especially when I am ANGRY and Hungry

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL ?

I sleep LIKE a stuffed animal- With my swollen belly and  wide open  mouth and  half open eyes- I DO look like one hi hi

14.-STORMS-COOL OR SCARY ?

Exciting ' and also adventurous as things start flying across my 4^th floor home and I do run from window to door to get them closed before it breaks itself down not Storms ..but cyclones are regular here

15. MY CAR

 Waiting for the LATEST  technology yet to come As I cant bear with any of the outdated versions EVER

16.FAVOURITE DRINK

 I wish I could say some heavy , stylish names '  But there is no such Favourite Drink !!! Never thought of it before! Even after thinking for  24 hours I don't have a name pass this qstn pls

17.IF I HAD THE TIME .

Who says I Don't have ? I would do exactly as I am doing now .what more CAN I do ? answer such questions !!!

18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?

What ? what IS that stuff? Ask me about jilebi , samosa, pani poori , chicken roll biriyani , Don't Remind me more .

19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?

GREY ' ha ha ha

OR I will leave it to my daughter- As she proposes to do this on me some day . She threatens me to tie my hands and legs and  make me unconscious and then dye my hair, probably a  pink or blue ,as I am NOT willing to Dye ( or even die ) so far!

20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.

 The Metors first:- Manjeri, Malappuram, Mannarghat, Cherpalcheri , Ramapuram , Ganguli bagan ..Gopalapatnam Have u NOT heard them? Revise ur geography pls

The corresponding states:- Kerala, Chennai , Calcutta , Andhra

21. FAVOURITE SPORT ?

Take a dosa, tear it  in to Two ' DIP in  chutney and Just throw in and chew and swallow Fast and finish 7 or more in 5 minutes Try this . it is a very exciting sport

22.WHAT’S UNDER MY BED?

Under My Bed? No ' I Don't keep anyone Under it hi hi.

 Oh no- I do have a COT under my bed !!! I discovered it just now!

23. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS AGAIN?

To be born as ? Why doubt ? AS NEETHA Nair, Iland Wali c/o Rediff .

24.MORNING PERSON OR NIGHT OWL-

I can switch ON / OFF between both ' Means ' I am awake in the morning and can Sleep really well at nights .

25. FAVOURITE PLACE TO RELAX?

Any moving Object- A Bus / Train or anything that keeps moving and u find me  snoozing on it in seconds. Relaxed .

26. OVER-EASY OR SUNNY-SIDE UP?

thinking……who knows!!!

27. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR?-

Chocolate  of all kinds- crunchy, crumpy, saucy, messy, dark, lite, heavy, light ,allll

28. DREAM DATE

date ? todays date

29. VEG OR NON-VEG

oh- yeh, Good question. Food !!!! and now I forget alllllll

30. DO U SLEEP IN THE BUFF?

NO

31. HOW MUCH DID YOU SPEND ON THIS ?

time ? who cares ' it was working time- paid by office

money ? who cares- it was office ka pc

then  ? brains? ' I don't have any there

 32. DID YOU HAVE FUN ?

I found many questions for which I seriously need to think for answers

This has in fact given me an aim a direction to move forward

I was just in short of things to think of ..

WHAT THE HELL AM I SAYING ?

33. DO YOU THINK IT’S  THE LAST QUESTION?

I leave it for you to guess Why DO I have to answer all ? eh?

Extracts from a chat between two -one is me-We happened to have a sort of debate on Person VS relationship

(relationship does not mean the blood/ legal relation, it means just how you relate with the other)

As I had nothing else to post ' I made a short cut with this the chat starts off as :-

me: U were LOOKING upset- i asked u na? or did i not?

She: u did - that is what i m saying was i so transparent

me: oh! i felt

She: i was yes- very much- there are issues

me: that is okey it is a pendulum sort of life na

She: ya - sometimes i wonder -

me: so be it -as long as it got its crests

it is worth it- to go thru the troughs

She: u mean ups and downs right?

me: else waste of time, yes

She: i wont mind if the person/s is worth it ,neetha

me: no person - IT is the RELATION

She: how

me: We may like and admire many people

She: yes

me: but they have to vibe with us and also match with our temperament

so it is the relationship between 2 people not the person that u r cherishing

She: yes to an extent

me: when relation strains- the person - irrespective of his charms become irrelevant - IT is like that TO me

She: i know what u mean

but does that mean that the person is of no importance

me:

seriously - if u ask me - it is like that

that is where we dislike the same person whom we liked once

Value the relation- not the person

She: arre listen why i asked was that

u said people are not important , relationships are

me: yes they r

She: so in that context i ask

i say both are

it is bec of the ppl that u get into the relationship

if u dont like a certain person then u would not want to talk to him or her

and this liking is also instinctive

whether it is in real life or on the net

me: like say - i used to like U very much once upon a time and not now- u see? (joke)

She: well i used to dislike or was indifferent to Neetha -yesterday or last year and i m friendly with her now ( joke)

me: yes- the relation irrespective of the persons who are the same -

changed in to something from nothing. DO i make sense?

She: hahaha yes u do

me: The relation- is a collective business of all involved ,

the outlook towards the other changes (or may change over a period of time)

She: u mean outlook towards the person has changes?

me: so does the relation - nothing is one sided

The above is part of a casual discussion among the two of us. She apparently believes that the Person is more important and the relation is only secondary.

To me it is not, and I strongly believe that a person irrespective of whatever or who ever he/she is , behaves differently with different people and hence it is the relationship among the two that projects a certain personality of him/hers to you. The same person may behave with differently , based on the tones of relationship between the two at the given point of time , and hence the relationship is what matters most.

For example, I may admire Jr.Roshan ( hindi filmi ) for all his muscles and charm and looks , but does it actually matter to me unless I actually go and get to develop some kind of a relationship with him? And once there is a relationship then the looks and charms and muscles are all only supporting factors and not the main factor

So I say ,the relationship

This is so, not only in the case or a man 'woman relationship , but even relationships which go beyond all differences in sex , age and other status.

A mother and child may be related by blood, but what exactly matters at the end is the relationship that they share , of the mutual understanding that they share , irrespective of the person who is the mother or the child

so I feel , the relationship..

Another frnd says :-

does jasmine feel the same without smell..

before relationship , it is without smell

I say again:-

the relationship is the process of sensing the smell ' where we relate

so i say relation ship is more important than the person that is jasmine

PIC is as dished out from net- hope someone wont sue me for it

One of my several bad  qualities is that I don't smile , if I don't actually feel like it . I would be  sometimes absent minded if I am in the middle of work and may stare at a very well known face without a smile that may make him feel transparent. I don't smile if I don't  know the person , I am not the kind who smiles at all friendly faces.

I was lectured many a times for my unfriendly attitudes- still did not change much. I still remain a very unfriendly person on encounters , at least the first few of them. Even  then I have many  good friends ( their fault) .Recently I was Told  over and over again , that I NEED to Smile !!!! I was wondering .. DO I NEED to smile ..even if artificially? Why do Others feel My need  to smile!!! Ha ha may be they NEED  my smile? Huh? Complicated  needs!!!

But I do laugh a lot , I do roar and make noise and laugh , but that is only in the circle where I  go well with and only when I am relaxed .In the middle of  work or  when something is on my mind I am bloody well without a smile, a smug face and a totally no nonsense. But most of my colleagues and friends and  others got used to my ways now 'probably they did not have a choice .

I tried to look at the mirror in the bath and smile at my face. IT reflected a stupid face ' all out of control and very unlike me. NO , that was Very artificial ? Oh '  is that the point I was  thinking of? An artificial plastic smile does no good to an ordinary face   which is otherwise  ok to bear with. I hate artificial smiles and people who adorn that plastic smile on their faces. I would feel better off with a stern or angry  or sad face than a face that reflects a smile that says - all that he is showing u is artificial.

To smile artificially, without  letting the other one know that it does not originate from heart ' needs great talent. I salute the people who can do that. But I hate all plastic smiles. And even plastic emotions. I need to start  accepting these plastics to be able to do it successfully.  May be I have allergy towards duplicates..?

Still , now a days I am spending too much time in the bath. My daughter  screams at  my door wondering what  me is doing in . I tried to tell her- that I am practicing to smile. she looks at me with her strange ex-pression on her face I did not try to explain further

When everyone says  and wants me to put a bit of plastic, let me , na? May be I will win a few artificial hearts in the process? Not a bad idea at all!!!

The Sunday newspaper had a special edition on the security scenario for the working women. There was specific mention about the TV journalist who got killed on the Delhi road at midnight few days back . The write-up was almost like a reaction to the Delhi CM's comment saying something about  women being adventurous. I was feeling sad about the whole thing, for her and her parents. I also felt that such incidents are increasing and there is no such thing called safety anywhere. It made me churn the topic in my mind

Certain issues kept precipitating

It is not only in cities like Delhi / Bangalore that such incidents are happening. It is not only in the night, but also in the day in many places. Now why are we talking about security only at night? Night is definitely more dangerous than the day, but that is actually not an unknown fact- it had been like that for ages. All crimes do happen more in the cover of the darkness. This was no exception in that way. No government can provide fool proof security on all its roads round the clock in any Indian city. It is the total society that needs to take responsibility. No point in this blame game. No- I have no political inclinations whatsoever.

The employer could have taken care of the security of the employee. But then I remembered the very BOLD girl who was working with me some years back. We never worked late, but used to have official parties very frequently during the initial launching period. She used to attend office parties and drive home alone at night 12 or later saying that she does not need any escort, in spite of being offered one. She felt it below her dignity to allow some male to accompany her for her security, and felt she can take care of herself. I used to run off when the clock strikes 10, as I considered that as the cut-off time and also called and informed my boss on reaching safe. I did not feel that it is below my dignity to allow my boss to play guardian. Often I requested to arrange someone to accompany me, many a times putting them in to discomfort as they too had to leave early due to my cut-off time. But I was very clear that I needed to stick to my guidelines, and did not care even if it means a bit of irritation to others. Safety comes first. But then that was ages ago, now the ground rules have changed! But somewhere I feel, it would be appropriate for all working women to be cautious than being too bold.

Now this comment of mine sounds very anti-feministic or old fashioned or whatever. But all said and done, when we know that the risk level is high at night and when we know that the level is higher if alone, why take it? The onus remains mainly on the individual herself, to take the risk or not. Now that is MY view.

Then again, I feel that this issue is not actually an issue of security for woman . When ever there is an accident involving a woman, we turn it in to an issue related to woman only. Why? Similar crimes are happening in and around where many times men are also the victims. IF the issue is of security at night, then it is not an issue of only woman at night, it is an issue of security for all at night. Why do we classify this as a 'woman only' related issue? Agreed that women have double trouble, but the issue is not only for women. Also agreed that most crimes are  committed by men ' at least in India.What I mean is that , it is not a man VS women issue, it is the criminal minded Vs common man issue.

The crime rates have gone up everywhere, there are more poor than the rich, there are more reckless driving and drinking and driving at night, there are more and more conflicts at work place and outside, there is more competition to survive, the need to work is more and the security is never adequate. Does it mean that women should stop working? No, it is better to stick to the norm of the company, of the family and also to the individual than take risks. The option to take risk comes with a price tag ' as costly as your life!

Friends & Not so Friends and Others,

I have been inactive on the iland and hence thought it would not be appropriate to  have any of my old , very old posts here. But then , i just cant delete them and it would be better to have atleast the old one than  nothing atall. Hence i get them back.

All my  old  F, NF & O would have already read and commented on my posts - but  may be the very unsuspecting newcomer may still read them and comment. SO here goes… all my posts  exposed.  May b i will try and re-post some of them - as i have lost the capacity to churn out words- the no- writer i am true to my name!

Now the never asked question of where I have been all these years !!? I have been around- reading and commenting once in a while but actually doing nothing. I have gained a few kilos in the proocess which  I intend to shed by treading  again on the iland.

Meanwhile i have been  watching the “team spirit” running thru the iland,  different teams  kicking and pushing each other, hugging and shaking hands and agreements of all kinds unregistered !.I hope to fit myself in to one of those and  flex my muscles.

Let me not  give more bhashan… let me  wash and  clean and decorate my iland , and do some cooking  for a post aswell.

Those who think- that  i am a bore can comment , and those few who would  be OK to see me back can say a few good words and those who hate to see me can  simply comment on some invalid names - all r welcome. Let us have some action please…

Suppose it is my daughters birthday on 2nd april ' a Sunday ( !!!? u will know how ) ; Suppose that i had been promising her to do something on her birthday, in fact had been promising that for an year now…trying it as an excuse for  whatever extra she wanted me to do…

( U must be capable of “supposing too many times ” which i myself find  too much - and this sure looks like a  “mummy story” - ha ha ha- people with patience only need read - and PLEASE DONT TELL ME IF U DONT WANT TO READ ) 

 now, suppose my company’s chairman is visiting on sunday the 2nd April, and the COO wants all staff to work on sunday !

And suppose the Chairman is to address the group and host an official dinner that evening  …he is expected to give pep talk on future plans , announce special benefits , review appraisal details etc etc during the day ,along with HR .( He adresses the staff may be once in a year or lesser than that) .it is guessed that he might be interested in meeting people who are here for some time ( in which category I fall)

 which means if i attend office i return home only after the dinner at a minimum time of 10 p.m.( of course compay will make arrangements to drop home )

 which means my daughter will have to sit alone at home , on a sunday , on her birthday , cursing herself, cursing me, and her fate and also thinking of the unkept promises and her “busy’ mother….the fact that i am a single mother and she is just touching 15 years adds to the confusions….

 And  suppose my immediate boss refuses to accept any excuses , birthday or not, and suggests that it might not be a good idea to skip , especially since COO has ordered the day as working day for all… and any special permission has to be taken directly from COO..

 And my COO being an Ex-NAVI  ( supposed to be non emotional- which was not a correct perception as it turned out later) person , who usually is not in very happy terms about me as  “She seems to have a problem for any of such things after office hours” - I feel very reluctant to  explain a very “personal Problem ” and beg his permission for my absence …..

&  also I think that it would have been a good thing if i could make it to be in both places at a time …

 what would be the best to do ?

 1) Since my own personal inclination is to attend my daughters needs, go and declare that i would not be able to make it on sunday without giving the option of  asking or taking any permission , and forget about it , come what may ?!

 2) attend the office and the dinner thereafter and remain guilty and tensed , ( additionally tackle her feelings ) and try to be a pakka professional and think it is beneficial for  official "image "?

 3)Or try and talk sense ( by telling the truth )  to the COO and get permission for the day  , or at least half a day … and join the dinner with my birthday girl ( no one can stop her in joining even if it will be slightly odd) and think that i have had a share of both !!

Even if it means some  displeasure  with both my immediate boss and the COO ..???

 4) any other options ?

 This has happened  years back-My daughter is 17 now . I Remember this on her every Bday after that and feel glad that I am not in a similar situation. She is grown-up now, understands better . Luckly an unexpected turn of events had got me out of the situation . This was written then . Now posting it here as I am not capable of thinking &  posting something sensible now.