Neetha Nair’s

Suppose it is my daughters birthday on 2nd april ' a Sunday ( !!!? u will know how ) ; Suppose that i had been promising her to do something on her birthday, in fact had been promising that for an year now…trying it as an excuse for  whatever extra she wanted me to do…

( U must be capable of “supposing too many times ” which i myself find  too much - and this sure looks like a  “mummy story” - ha ha ha- people with patience only need read - and PLEASE DONT TELL ME IF U DONT WANT TO READ ) 

 now, suppose my company’s chairman is visiting on sunday the 2nd April, and the COO wants all staff to work on sunday !

And suppose the Chairman is to address the group and host an official dinner that evening  …he is expected to give pep talk on future plans , announce special benefits , review appraisal details etc etc during the day ,along with HR .( He adresses the staff may be once in a year or lesser than that) .it is guessed that he might be interested in meeting people who are here for some time ( in which category I fall)

 which means if i attend office i return home only after the dinner at a minimum time of 10 p.m.( of course compay will make arrangements to drop home )

 which means my daughter will have to sit alone at home , on a sunday , on her birthday , cursing herself, cursing me, and her fate and also thinking of the unkept promises and her “busy’ mother….the fact that i am a single mother and she is just touching 15 years adds to the confusions….

 And  suppose my immediate boss refuses to accept any excuses , birthday or not, and suggests that it might not be a good idea to skip , especially since COO has ordered the day as working day for all… and any special permission has to be taken directly from COO..

 And my COO being an Ex-NAVI  ( supposed to be non emotional- which was not a correct perception as it turned out later) person , who usually is not in very happy terms about me as  “She seems to have a problem for any of such things after office hours” - I feel very reluctant to  explain a very “personal Problem ” and beg his permission for my absence …..

&  also I think that it would have been a good thing if i could make it to be in both places at a time …

 what would be the best to do ?

 1) Since my own personal inclination is to attend my daughters needs, go and declare that i would not be able to make it on sunday without giving the option of  asking or taking any permission , and forget about it , come what may ?!

 2) attend the office and the dinner thereafter and remain guilty and tensed , ( additionally tackle her feelings ) and try to be a pakka professional and think it is beneficial for  official "image "?

 3)Or try and talk sense ( by telling the truth )  to the COO and get permission for the day  , or at least half a day … and join the dinner with my birthday girl ( no one can stop her in joining even if it will be slightly odd) and think that i have had a share of both !!

Even if it means some  displeasure  with both my immediate boss and the COO ..???

 4) any other options ?

 This has happened  years back-My daughter is 17 now . I Remember this on her every Bday after that and feel glad that I am not in a similar situation. She is grown-up now, understands better . Luckly an unexpected turn of events had got me out of the situation . This was written then . Now posting it here as I am not capable of thinking &  posting something sensible now.

There is  news about avian flue in West Bengal  every day.

There are pictures with the news ' of men and women carrying the  dead and alive birds and taking them away for "Disposal". I have not even the vague idea of how this "culling" is being done exactly.

There were pictures all over, of even live birds  being thrown to  pits and  covered alive. Other than the  chicken  ,I also saw pictures of ducks being carried for "destroying". I also realise that these birds may have been killed one day or other , for the purpose of consumption by human beings  in the form of food .

I understand the gravity of the situation, and also agree that it is being done to prevent the spread of the  virus from  spreading to the unaffected areas and also to prevent it from mutating in to  a strain that may even be a deadly one for human and other living beings.

All these seems to be very logical and justifiable.

But somewhere in my mind ' I could picture human beings being  thrown similarly in to a huge pit ' like we hear about the  NAZI concentration camps  and covered alive. I could imagine the  mutated virus effecting a few unlucky individuals , and then would we actually  "kill" the  infected humans this way ? There were cases of human infections some few years back ( not in India) ' though a meeker strain of the same virus , but the possibility of such a thing is  always here. But then who gave us the right to treat the birds differently from ourselves?

Would we treat the human beings  similarly if the virus mutate in to a more dangerous strain and start  infecting.? Would we go ahead and kill  ourselves if  it is necessary to save the remaining healthy un infected humans? I think it will be a tough  situation.

No- I am not an animal activist, I am not a bird lover or anything , but  just this thought  crossed my mind..I even know that there is no other practical way of controlling this. But it is simply that I am unable to think that so many many birds- lakhs of them are being killed in all brutal ways for no purpose .

Above all , I am confused at the thought of whom we ' humans can kill and how , for what ever reasons or justifications , without being guilty !!

The least I can do is sympathies with the birds . My  feelings towards their plight will make no change in the situation- nevertheless , I cant change the way I think.

(I am- no writer - not authorised to make any conclusions - this is just some kind of thoughts that  flow thru my very less exposed mind - this has no validity or may not hold true for other fellow readers.)

We all try to share / care and discuss/debate issues  and expect something from the people who live  with and around us  or interact with as per  varied degrees of relationship we assign them .

Actually , no one can completely share any problems/ feelings with any one ,even with husband /wife  or boy/girl  friend or whatever is the relation . What actually happens to us on discussing is that we ourselves start seeing the  different angles of the issue when we try and talk about it ' which may make the problem  heavier or lighter.

Ofcourse ,the person with whom we discuss may or may not  influence you with his/her  attitude towards the issue- but in the end people listen to their own conclusions , rather than the other person's.

what we feel might not be what the other feel about the same issue .At least the gravity of the issue will be different as per each mind!

Even what I write now will be seen differently by different minds .

so our problem is to a certain extend within ourself- our requirements and expectations.

Like - when we think that it is our right to get something and we dont get - it hurts

Thinking negatively- that there is no right  , and we may not  get it ' we are prepared and there is no disappointment .

I used to do this even while i went for exams in school ;  and under-project myself to even my parents ' to make sure that I overtake their expectations

To get excited with what we r sure to get …  we may disown them

Similarily - say , we expect someone  to do a certain thing and they does not do it - we feel bad

Then try thinking that it is not necessary that others do what we want ' they r not u - not urs - and then if they does not  -  it is as we expected and so no much hurt !

but then if they does it - it is above our expectations and we feel happy ,

it all depends on how much we expect -not on how much he or she does .  it is within us- not within them  

read them ( all around us ) by our own scale and measure them and

assign limits on what we can expect from them  -reduce some 30% from that expectations ….and fix the expectation limits …

do this with ur head not heart

and then u c , everyone is over achieving our expectations

———————————————————-

phoolan devi (one and only one), rekha ( filmi) and medha patkar (Narmada) going for a picnic to chambal "gardens"!

the following lead to the above unimaginable episode of their lives .

Phoolan was as usual roaming on the outskirts ( not in skirts  but in a salwar )of her garden , hunting for some  deer, she was scared of leopards ..but had her guns loaded always in case ( Or say ' she was trying to get someone to chat with her on rediff)

Rekha had been passing by the road , and her  car broke down ,and she met phoolan fiddling with the gun ( She is usually not regular on rediff ' she is a gtalker ' this was hence an accident)

Phoolan was on one of her rare  happy moods and immediately recognized the famous heroine and was delighted to have human contact after many months she wanted to get back to mainstream (saw her on contact list)

Meanwhile Rekha received a call from Medha on issues unrelated to Narmada and they were on a long chat while phoolan stood watching them .and thinking of how to roast the fish  lying in her pocket (they were chatting on gtalk '  she was told)

Rekha had to wait in her car till the car got repaired and even if she was not so  familiar with phoolan and her ways ' on  common grounds that they were both famous and notorious  personalities , they started with a conversation of a monotonous tone .from their respective "safe" zones ( Medha was  busy with a phone call and kept  rekha hanging)

Women are unpredictable , and then one small talk leads in to another and suddenly when Rekha casually mentioned about her cancelled trip to Singapore , phoolan could not resist  but invite  Rekha to her Chambal gardens .Phoolan herself was surprised about that !!!

Best of all ' Rekha or not , polished or not ' women can be extremely  excited about adventures , and R being the sportive and bubbly lamb , immediately accepted the invite  and also roped in medha who was still on the  chat with her .

Medha , who was on dialogue  with Phoolan on issues related to endangered birds and phoolan's  shooting them down , was surprised to hear the new development . She too wanted to meet both of them , medha had her own equations with both the  ladies

Surprise of surprises ' Medha and Rekha immediately started elaborate plans to visit chambal and phoolan was excited to no limits about such celebrity guests to her  fort.

Then it was all high level arrangements and emergency booking of tickets and last minute suspense and all that happens to VIPs . And then they finally boarded their respective trains from Chennai and Mumbai to meet Phoolan at her Gardens

The first  to arrive was Rekha, and  phoolan was waiting near the rail , trying to look all decent as her persona permited her.  Some animal whispered to her that first impression is the  best to make fool of people.

The train halted , and Phoo was confused  and looking around for "madam". She saw someone waving  in her direction and walked towards the  not so slim figure who too looked  confused . As they neared , the pictured got clearer and  to Phoolans  surprise she was hugged ' impulsive Rekha! Rekha  immediately realized that Phoolan was no less heavier than her! Afterall ladies always check on issues like ' who is heavier, fatter , fairer etc etc

Now the other train came in ,  Phoolan made Rekha wait  while she fetched medha. She felt like the family porter who  flexed her muscles to keep practice, and jumped in to the train and caught hold of medha's bags to her shock!!!Medha looked like a school girl in front of phoolan  They moved towards Rekha and were fully excited like teenage girls , phoolan chuckling for no reason aloud and medha suppressing her surprise and smile

The three ladies met for the first time face to face ' Meena jumped at Misty and they went on to a long embrace ( phoolan's embarrassment showing ), and then they both turned towards  Neetha and started laughing like all hell broke loose

read their posts to get updates of the days spent together and how they were tortured alive

  .

By the end of the 4^th day all of them had  shaken ribs , coarse throat and watery eyes- all out of laughing!!!

Try this out , and u all will reduce 5 years by age in days !!!

yah , Of give & take :-

Recently I was discussing with a friend about "give and take" in relationships. The discussion was on a lighter note, we were not discussing anything seriously, was a woman to woman discussion (obviously about men)

But then, I started thinking on whatever I was blabbering about '"give and take in relationships". I was trying to tell her that we give something to get something, and that all relationships are give and take ' she also said there is nothing called soul-mate etc etc So it set off a string of thoughts

Do we actually give anything "to" any one , without any selfish motive ?

Do we actually do anything "for" any one?

When can we say that we  "do something for other/S"?

 When I try to think of it ' I have never done anything for any one ' in the actual sense of  it !!! Did u all do anything for "someone" actually?

What ever I did, I did it for my satisfaction, my happiness or enjoyment.!!!

Even what I do for my child is, just because I want her to be in a certain way- want her to have certain comforts and want her to be happy. So I did all these for my interest!! SO how does that become "for" her?

When I hear many mothers claim things like "I have borne him/her in my womb, gave my flesh and blood to give  life" I feel like asking them- if the child had demanded to be borne , and to tell them that, it was their selfish need or selfish action that resulted in the life ' there is nothing selfless in giving birth to a child !!

Similarly , even if I spend some money on my maid ' I actually do that to give me the happiness to see her happy, to make her happy with me !!!

Even when I spend some money on charity, it is just to give myself that "kick" of doing something good!!! All other appreciation or whatever from outside is secondary, I do it for myself!!

I donate blood for the sake of the same "good feeling" of having been of use to someone, of having the feeling of having "saved" someone's life!

I go all myself out of the way to organize something for someone ' just because that gave me lot of confidence and goodwill and above all satisfied my own conscience!!! So ' I actually did nothing for any one!!!

So whenever I want to do something “for” anyone, and I do it , it is for myself!!! Not “for” anyone!?

SO if I have to do something for "others" I would have to do something that I don't want to do!??? How is that possible?

Now tell me, Did u do anything “for” anyone?

We do many things without expecting anything from others, but it is all a self satisfying business. We like to watch the spark in their eyes, which kindles our mind. We feel "high" doing something that is "good" as per our terms!

Now coming back to the conversation that started it all- then ,what do u give -to get something? Then, what is in this "give and take" "loose to gain" idea?

I think the offer has to satisfy the need, to be actually accepted ' which is the key to any relationship! Or there should be a viable equation of the offered and the received between the persons involved that can negate the unwanted offers with the wanted offers and still score a positive point!

Hope I am thinking straight!!!

 This is something that had come to my mind from the daily ritual of  travelling to office on the scooter.During the 13 kms  ride on the good old ( 97 model !!!) scooter , rain and  dirt and all kinds of dust and dirt land on the face . But there are worser  things -

Beside an auto , I am more  conscious of the head that may suddenly peep out and S P I T sideways without even a glance sideways , at the poor two wheeler !

Go behind another two wheeler assuming that we are sufferers of the equal mode and then suddenly , the felaw bends sideways slightly and  "sprayyyyyyyy" it comes  - landing  indifferently on all the flying objects behind.

Now, try to cross a big almighty BUS , go right and I almost crossed it , the driver  testing and teasing my patience , movng sideways , fast and then slow I struggle in indecision for a second and "speeew .." it comes from the window of the bus , in bulk abundance that u don't get otherwise ..

The polished  AC  hi-fy car moving swiftly in front , I almost admire the car  and the invisible people inside it , and then oh- how I regret , the  glass that slide down and the

Noisey  fluffy .. S P I T !!!.

Wonder why they all need to spit so much !!! Do they generate such unnecessary bile from their livers? There are not only the great PAN eaters who spit , there are many others too who do it as a matter of habit!!!

I can almost  detect a prospective Spitter from a distance now, after  saving myself successfully and not so successfully many a times during my this 13kms journey to office , but I almost lost my control of the vehicle trying to save me in one such occasion.

No one seems to be bothered with this as much as I am, of the droplets that land on us !!! No one seems to think of  ways to stop people from spitting on to the "air" at their will!!

Wish I could stop them on the middle of the road and explain it in theory and if required by "practical" so that they remember it next time they make this involuntary action.

ദീപസ്തംഭം മഹാസ്ചാര്യം , എനിക്കും കിട്ടണം പണം
മലയാളം ദ്വീപ് ആത്ത്യാഷ്ചര്യം എനിക്കും പോണം മുന്ž വരിയിലേക്ക്

ഇതു ടൈപ് ചെയ്തു തളാരും ഞാന്, എന്നാലും എഇത്നൊരു സുഗം.

THIS SIMPLY SAYS THAT MALAYALAM ILAND IS WONDERFUL AND EVEN IF IT IS TOUGH
TO GET THE APPHABETS CORRECT TRYING OUT THE VARIOUS COMBINATIONS
TO GET THE RIGHT ONE

( I DO NOT KNOW HOW MY TRANSLATION WHICH WAS HERE EARLIER GOT DELETED )

I have read many post on  sexual abuse of  children / women /men ( I include them too!!!).Every one seems to be concentrating on prevention, as prevention is better than cure ' no doubt.

But none of us seems to think or discuss or address the aftermath of the  abuse ' if it ever happens  - and how to deal with the persons effected in such cases. Even I am no expert or great thinker .

The society plays a major role in  the mental agony that they face , which might sometime be more than the physical agony , or even more than what  the abuser could inflict.

The society largely behaves as if the victim is to be blamed for the abuse, or as if the victim is responsible in some way for the abuse . In many cases the  victim becomes an object of  mockery in the society , people tend to treat them with contempt and even are sort of isolated from others who seems to be living a "decent" life. The  sense of guilt or shame developed in the minds of the victim is largely due to these behavioral "disorders" of the society . This may lead them in to  mental breakdown and even suicide in many cases.

Imagine a situation , where the victim is assured and convinced that the physical abuse inflicted has no bearing with the "person" and there is no shame or guilt that is to be associated with it -and the basic fault of the assault  does not lie on the victim!!! The mental agony that is experienced will reduce by 80% and the related side effects on the persona will not appear.

That could be the case if the abuse is known to the society .In cases where these abuses are borne silently by the victims for whatever reasons , the  aftermath is even terrible. Such persons tend to have some pre-conceived ideas about the "others" which might reflect in their behaviors throughout their lives.

The hatred inside them might erupt like a volcano and destroy innocent lives around them. There are people who might look very composed and show no outward symptom of any wound. Such people start assuming that they can take charge of themselves and even try to detach themselves from the episode of abuse. There are persons who  swing about a doubt about themselves that they had in-fact enjoyed the abuse and start getting in to conflicts within their own minds as to how they can be so composed. There are many victims who  becomes non-responsive to sex in later stages of life even if they do not show any other outward symptom. There could be many other innumerable reactions  that I fail to think of.

What could be done ? Again- try to  imagine a society that would accept the victim to confide in it , irrespective of the status of the victim or the abuser or the situation. Imagine a non- accusing society that would encourage people to discuss freely within its confidential limits , about any abuse or even any experience that occurred due to negligence on part of the victim. Imagine if there are listening ears to the suffocated minds and there is no critical judgment for the victim. There are chances that , in such cases these people would be able to raise their voices  and get their minds more clearer for the future that awaits them.

Tell me , does it makes any difference to any one of u if I say that -I / he / she -had been sexually abused in younger days ? Apart from the initial shocks , when u look at it ' I am sure that  it would actually make no difference to anyone of u ' the Neetha / he / she remains the same ' but then why should the society behave differently  in case of a real life victim? 

What should WE do ?(as per my limited knowledge - i think :) We should be willing to listen , willing to reassure any victim that we happen to meet , willing to be non-judgmental about their "mistakes." We should be able to sense the signals from the people around us when they are in distress and without being interrogative, should be able to listen. This need not be only in case of the sexual abuse victims, but it holds good for all human beings.

And suggest the victims to consult for professional help in case there is a deeper wound- as WE "Neethas"  are no better capable, than to just listen  and help them lighten their burden - but this is the firstaid they need immediately.

No , U and me can not stop or change the way the world is today , but Imagine- u, me , the other ilanders who read this , and their friends and their friends . We are ourselves a small world and ,may be we can make small efforts to change  the way we think ?!!!

Most of all- we should discuss these issues more often ,more open ,  and give an opportunity for people to come forward with any such situations . Also by discussing more , even a victim starts realising that there are many such cases around in the society and such things do happen in this world, which gives them more confidence to look straight in the eyes of the future .

Sure ' prevention is the best ' but there is no 100% prevention from anything.

It is a bad thing to happen to me

SO mean they are , I did not know

They stopped me from interacting with my frnds

They don't want me to go places

They shut me up near their window

so that they can watch my each and every move

What do they get by  locking me up?

Trying to make a slave out of me ?

 They do not know that free mind works better than a frustrated one?

They cant make me do a thing if I don't want to

 I am the lord of my own mind but they don't seem to like that

India is a democratic country ?

Where is my freedom of ex-pression?

 Where is my basic human rights to express?

What ever I say they don't seem to listen!

 Or is it that I am simply not able to say ?

I have been trying to escape but was blocked

 How do I spend my days in such captivity ?

How do I stay without being able to communicate?

Oh , if there is a GOD for ilanders

I wish he/she could rescue me

My office has blocked my access to Iland

And I am trapped there for whole day

Night -I don't get enough time ,

As I need to start circus again in the morning

This is the result of all those reports

Related to orkut , and other blogs

Where there were tragedies related to sharing information

 So my office blocked all such sites

So please excuse me if I am late

Or if even I am missing !! how long?

I can connect to google , yahoo and rediff mails

Oh ! I wish I could brake this blockade

wish that fellaw who runs the IT will lift this block

and then track me down on the iland and read all these … 

( this is typed with no much attention to anythign from meaning/ framing / wording / spelling anything - but is just full of feeling )

27^th August 2007 :- I was busy cleaning the  house , to "utilize" the leave I had taken in the name of Onam.

I had cooked some food the previous day  to allow myself some free time as- well- as good food, so as to enjoy the  day .All my schedule was  fixed and I was not expecting any guest. I was even reluctant to drop my girl at college and was trying to ask her to go "normally" by bus. I hurried in to the bathroom after the cleaning business was over.

I heard the bell ring , and then some murmur . As I always did , I considered my daughter as very vulnerable and started screaming from the bathroom to know who it was . She did not listen , and then I had to hurry out .

I came out to see a middle aged man at the door, and my daughter "smartly" stopping him from any attempt to come in. She said she was not interested in "hearing" , and that we are busy . The man seems to be pleading her for a glass of water !!

I have always told her , not to "fall prey for such sentiments"- not to leave the door open and go inside to get a glass of water , even if the "other" person is about to die. I was /am primarily concerned of my daughter's security  . So she had not relented and there was some confusion as I entered  , with the towel still wet on my head like a crown.

I asked her to move inside  & let me “handle” . For a second I visualized this scene in my absence. I did not want this to happen .

I opened the grill door and stood at the entrance menacingly questioning the stranger .

Me: What do u want ?

He : I just wanted to meet u all and have a glass of water ..

Me : Meet us  or wanted just water ? ( I screamed at my girl to fetch a glass of water ' and then got suspicious ) Why ask us for water ? There are so many other flats here , why do u come all the way to the 4^th floor for a glass of water ? ( something fishy )

He : yes , I know, But they are not my people , I came to meet u .

Me: Oh , (being more blunt ) where are u from ? what do u need ?

He : no, dear , I don't need anything ,I am from kerala, I came to see u .

Me: Kerala ? ( got all excited hearing the place ) where from ? who sent u ? Moving from the door , ( suddenly realizing that I have lost my grip and trying to revert ) so ? Do u know me ?

He: I know all of u from ur childhood days . I used to visit ur parents  . Ur mother is a very sweet lady . She welcomes me  with all respect.

Me : ( no , I am not going to fall for these tricks ) So , if u know them , and if u know me , u should have informed before visiting ? At least tell me who u are ?

He: Let me at-least take a seat , I came a long way , it was a very long journey  and I had to stop at many places.

 My daughter joined me from behind, saying that he looked familiar and that she  remembers seeing him with her grandparents during her years there ' So I give in . He came into the house and sat uncomfortably on the edge of the sofa. Slowly he kept his small bag down, and accepted the glass of (plain) water offered by my daughter. I was surprised that she was ready with it . I was getting impatient and wanted to " get to the bottom" of the story . I did not remember anything about him .

He smiled at my face , I got tensed ' as if he could read my thoughts  , and got defensive further.

He : U have grown older than I thought  u were . R u running around too much ? And why this tensed ex-pression always ? learn to relax ..

My daughter : She is almost always like that , I too tell her . She is always as if walking on a rope ' ( she started giggling and I got further uncomfortable)

ME: Okey ' now tell me , u know my parents ? From where ? From their village or from the town where they are settled now?

He : I knew them always ' they are my people . U tell me how u are doing , I came to know that

ME : ME ? ( wondering at that , how am I doing ? fine ? bad ? I don't know )I am same ' as usual .( on afterthought )  f  i n  e  .. I suppose .And  U ?

He : (ignoring my query ) I expected u to be more cheerful . U have almost everything u need, still u seems to worry , that is not good . Next time, I want to see u in a relaxed state . I don't have much time today , I will leave after lunch , otherwise I would have taught u one or two tricks to remain happy with whatever u have .

ME : What ? I am Okey , ( defensive ) who says I am not happy ? I AM HAPPY ( and I got surprised at the ease with which I said that ) Next time ? do u visit this place often ?

( I was thinking of how he could so diplomatically demand for lunch , a total stranger , and how he says he would visit again )

He : (chuckling  to himself )' oh my dear , I visit every year to see the few people I have here . U have been moving places and by the time I reached u earlier, u had  already moved to another place . 

Me : Oh , so u were tracking me ? and trying to find me out ? Tell me now , u have already met me now — what do u need ?

He : no , it is nothing dear , I have come here to see u , and tell u that I care for your well being . I had sent many flowers to you earlier ' I know u like flowers '(chuckle again!!!)

Me : Flowers ? what flowers ? I don't like any flowers . I don't wear any flowers , I have not done so for  last 15 years ! what nonsense .!!

He : (laughing loud ) Oh , This is what I said , u need to relax , I said flowers , u look at ur small garden on ur balcony and also at the patch u adopted on the  ground , don't they bloom well ? I knew u smiled at each one of them , u brimmed with happiness at the sight of them

Me : oh- those flowers ' I thought .(suddenly Something strange  strikes in my mind ) Who are u ?

HE was already on his feet , and smiling -at my daughter who seems to be amused at  the whole scene, and looked very fresh .

He : U know me , but don't remember me now . U check with ur mother , she will tell  u . It is difficult to explain the relation in one line ' but remember  to learn to relax and be happy. I shall visit again (Turning towards my girl, )Don't make too much tension for her ' we need her healthy

Me: ( meekly , confused ) U said u will have lunch with us ? And u r leaving ( surprised at what I am sayng )

He : No , I have to take lunch with a very special person , who may not be around next year to see me here , She is too ill to go that far . U have lot of time left to give me lunch and so I need to rush

I rang-up my parents to check if they had sent someone to enquire on me , and discussed about how this man came in and all , there was no clue - they had not sent anyone . I was confused by the visitor , and had him on my mind asking me to learn to relax . I decided to  follow that advice , irrespective of his unknown identity.

I slept with this on my mind and saw him (in my dream ) in silk dothi and golden ornaments and a nice beautiful crown on his head  come knocking again ' and my daughter pointing at him and telling me " Mahabali "  .I think she is right !

(This has nothing to do with reality ' it is an attempt to visualize the idea of the legand  Mahabali"s ( story behind Onam )  visit on Onam )