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Wrongs


She lay …… thinking about her life. The warmth of her mother’s smile enveloped her. She longed to see that smile again and lay on her mother’s lap. Her sanctuary. She made a mental note to visit her mother over the weekend. Spend time with her. Let her know how precious she is.


 


She lay there …….and thoughts moved to her husband. The man she was in love with for what seemed eternity. Life with him was so blissful. Full of love, fun and understanding. She always thought that they were made for each other, literally. Aaahhhh…. being in his arms was heaven on earth. Her body ached to feel that bliss again. Things changed so much over the past few years. He found fault in everything and anything she did. The hands that lovingly caressed her now became a tool to “teach her a lesson” for her “wrongs”. The lips which kissed her so tenderly, now spoke only harsh and hurtful words. Seetha never failed to make excuses for his physical and verbal abuse through the years although she never knew what her “wrongs” were. She always felt that she would not be able to take another breath if he was not in her life anymore. Her daily prayer being that he become the man he used to be before; the side she fell hopelessly in love with.


 


She lay there in…… her thoughts flashing back and forth till it settled on the moment when she gave birth to Jothy; her pride and joy. Holding Jothy in her arms for the first time after delivery and watching her grow. She was blessed to have a daughter like Jothy. Suddenly blind panic seized her. She could feel her heart beat faster. She had to protect Jothy. She always hid the beatings away from Jothy. She did not want her to see that side of the man she loved. “Just watch TV. Just watch TV. Nothing is going on. Look….Barney is so adorable. “I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family, with a great big hug…. “Jothy would sit on the bed, her eyes transfixed to the television, almost in a trance, shutting out the world around her. Shutting out her world that was being violently beaten up. Her world taking the beatings silently. No groans. No screams for help. Only silent tears and a bloodied face evidenced the mindless violence. “This has nothing to do with you. It is between your Daddy and me. Nothing to do with you. We both love you and Daddy is a good man. Just watch TV, my Jothy. Everything will be alright”.


 


She lay there in a pool…..her eyes closed. The urgent need to protect her daughter pushed her eyes open but found that she could not move her body. She looked up and saw her husband standing at the ledge on the 12th floor of their block of apartments, holding Jothy who was screaming in fear. Seetha tried to open her mouth to scream out to him but nothing came out. Her eyes wide open screaming out. All she could hear was Jothy’s screams. She wanted to reach out and hold her in her arms tight. Suddenly, her husband let go of Jothy and her little body came crashing down….


 


She lay there in a pool of her own blood. Her Jothy’s body lying limp on top of her. Seetha realized that her Jothy was robbed of her life. Tears rolled down her face. That was when the physical pain set in. She dragged her hand to place it over her little angel. It was Seetha’s fault. She should have left the man she loved years ago. At least, her Jothy would have been safe. Looking up at the 12th floor, she saw the man whom she had given her life to and who had so easily taken it away by throwing her off the ledge. She took a final gasp of air watching him smile at them and she still did not know her “wrongs’.

Posted in Fiction.

12 comments

By Shalini K – August 24, 2010


No Men? Amen!!

When I was younger I used to feel short-changed that I did not have a brother. I used to have these fancy ideas about how a brother would be there for me, to protect, play football, climb trees and all other “boyish” escapades that filled up most of my childhood. Then, I finally accepted the ‘sad’ fact that our family just had more women then men.


 


Fact 1: There are more females in both my paternal and maternal side. However, today at the grand young age of 14…oops…41, I am ever so grateful for all the women in my life because they have given me nothing but unconditional love, strength, motivation and perseverance even in what seemed to be the darkest of hours (mine and theirs).


 


Fact 2: The main women who have never given up on me are my mum and her three sisters despite the fact that we may be geographically way apart. There are others too, like my sister and cousins. Yes, I am blessed.


 


Blessing 1: Mummy dearest J. Oh, my Amma is one of a kind. The pillar and fount of unconditional love. I made a huge mistake of breaking her heart once but she never left my side. She is a mother’s love personified. Despite being a workaholic, I never felt that I had lost any time with her because she has this amazing ability to juggle work and family (including the extended family) without anyone ever having to feel neglected. She is always there even if she is not, if you know what I mean.


 


She is there for my kids, anytime, 24/7 and needless to say they adore their Ammuma too J. She takes them on holidays and they even rather spend weekends with her alone without me!


 


Whenever I look at my baby photos, I say that I have a face that only a mother can love and, boy, does she love this baby of hers. It fills me up so much that sometimes I feel I will explode J


 


Blessing 2:  Mum’s first sister, my Aunty Asso. She may appear stern to many but she has the softest of hearts although she will never admit that.  Her thirst for knowledge/education is simply out of this world. She has 2 Masters, 2 degrees and working on another. Yet she goes on and on and on and on. She definitely has a set of long-life batteries which I did not inherit L


 


She has no qualms about telling you to your face bitter facts or how she feels but that is by no means an indication that she does not care. It is precisely because she loves and cares that she chides us from time to time. Each time she ‘chides’ me for something or other, all I hear is “I love you Shelly”.


 


Every time we have a phone conversation, she always seems to be in a hurry to end the call. I don’t blame her as she has loads on her plate. Each time I end the call I tell her I love her but she never hears it because she cuts the line before I can say it. A few months ago I called her and asked her whether she loves me and her quick and blunt reply was a resounding “NO”.  I told her that she always cuts the line before she can hear me say how much I love her. It is always good to hear someone telling you that you are loved. She said she never realized that she was so abrupt in her calls. Today, each time we talk over the phone, she makes a concerted effort to tell me she loves me before ending the call. Sometimes it is rather funny the way she tries to remember to say it and we both end up laughing. THAT fills me up.


 


Blessing 3:  Mum’s second sister, my Aunty Saro. She looked after me when I was a child and I had so much fun with her. She has a great listening ear and we talk almost everyday. She asks no questions and takes you for who you are and LOVES you. When I lived with her when I was younger, I remember her carrying me, singing and trying to make me sleep. It was a Malayalam song and all I remember of that song is that “….Achande polle irrikinum…..Amainde polle irrikinum” (be like you father…..be like your mother). On other days, we would have ice-cream while lying on the bed and read our own books before I finally fell asleep. Amongst many other things, I owe my love for reading to her.


 


Today, my kids enjoy all their holidays at her place. My youngest child admires her tremendously and tries to highlight similarities between the both of them so that she would be like Aunty Saro.  Just talking with my Aunty Saro fills me up.


 


Blessing 4: Mum’s third sister, my Aunty Sheela. The most hip aunt J. I lived with her in London when I was studying there and she was a pillar of strength in more ways that one. Her love and generosity, just like all her sisters, has no boundaries. I have been going through a difficult spate in my life and 2 days ago I received some good news. When I called her to tell her, she screamed and said something completely incoherent and laughed saying how happy she was for me. But behind all that din, I realized that she was crying and laughing. She said that for the first time in her life she experienced tears of joy. The bond we have is so strong bond. That fills me up.


 


Fact 3: So, no men? Amen!! God has been super kind to me with all these wonderful women in my life. This is my humble tribute to them. You see,  I was never ever short-changed J


 


 

Posted in Uncategorized.

11 comments

By Shalini K – May 27, 2010


Dimples

He is lying by my side, in deep sleep. I fight my desire to hold him tight lest I wake him up. I lay by my side, just watching him. Making mental notes of his features, the pace in which he breathes, his eyelashes, his lips, his hair…… I reach out and gently run my fingers through his hair. Gosh! He makes my heart sing. He stirs a little, opens his eyes sleepily and smiles at me before dozing off again. Aahhh! That dimpled smile J never fails to melt me further.


 


As much as I love my husband, some part of me longs for him to be away on one of his overseas trips because that is when I share my bed with Mr Dimples. I always tell Mr Dimples that this arrangement cannot go on but I still cave in when it comes to the crunch. Why am I so weak? Why does he have my wrapped around his little finger?


 


I have to sleep too. Can’t afford to be up all night admiring him when I have to go to work in the morning. Besides, I have to wake up earlier to send him off first.  He stirs in his sleep again and inches closer towards me, putting his arms around me. I smile to myself. I am so happy he is mine. I doze off in this bliss.


 


The alarm rings. I drag myself to the bathroom and wash up. I prepare his toothbrush, towel and clothes. I know I shouldn’t but it gives me a certain joy pampering him this way. I kiss him on his forehead to wake him up and his smiles again. That dimpled smile ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫


 


I prepare his breakfast while he is getting ready and we chat while he has his bread. Nothing fancy for him in the mornings. Just bread and butter. That’s the way he likes it. When he is done, I ask him if I can put on his socks and shoes for him. He looks at me in bewilderment. That’s when I tell him that my husband would be back the next day and we could not sleep together anymore.


 


He cried out “Acha is coming back tomorrow?? Did he say whether he bought me the Lego set I want?” Yes, Acha is coming home tomorrow and you have to sleep on your own bed. No more sneaking into my room. Off he goes to school, hopping away in excitement with the prospect of receiving yet another Lego set.


 


As for me, my 8 year old son will always be one of my prides and joys and I will certainly miss sleeping with him but after 39 days of being away from my hubs (the longest we have been apart todate). Mr Dimples can sleep with his Lego set while I sleep with my own “present” tomorrow night J


 

Posted in Love.

15 comments

By Shalini K – March 23, 2010


Nusha’s Shadow

I love animals, whatever kind, shape or size. We have birds, dogs and fishes at home. Sometimes I wish I could run a zoo. Of course there are times I feel like I AM in a zoo with 3 chimpanzees a.k.a my kids and 1 gorilla a.k.a my man, driving me up the wall.


 


The birds we have at home were human bred from birth and there is a risk that they will not survive on their own. My daily ritual in the mornings is to put them in their own bathrooms (bathing cages) for them to have their baths while I clean their cages and replenish the water and food. There is a certain bond between us. Of the 8 birds we currently have (different breeds), 2 of them are quite comfortable sitting on my hand and singing their hearts out. I talk to them and they seem to understand me and reply with their chirps.


 


My younger 2 kids (Naveen – 8 and Navya – 6) seem to have taken to the birds as I have. When wild birds come into our house, we huddle together in excitement watching them. My eldest, Nusha, however is a bit of a princess. She even screams at the sight of the tiniest of ants. She would rather be reading a book or drawing something than to spend time with the birds.


 


A few months ago, I received a call from Nusha’s teacher saying that Nusha and her friends had found an injured bird in the school compound and Nusha had asked if she could take it home to nurse it. I was rather surprised but willingly agreed to it. When I reached home that evening I found a box on the dining table. Nusha had decorated the box with drawings and named it “Shadow’s Box”. She had named the bird “Shadow” as it was almost black.


 


When I took a peek I saw a tiny baby Swift. It was simply adorable but it seemed to have difficulty moving. I picked him up gently and he held on to me with his tiny claws as if he was so glad for the warmth of my hand. I tried to check if he had fractured his legs or wings but could not find anything. Nusha made a nest out of tissue paper and I placed him there with some water and food. I have never seen this side of Nusha.


 


The next morning, Shadow still looked the same and I decided it was best to take him to an avian vet. As I carried the box out, Nusha called out, “Please bring Shadow back Ma. Please don’t send him away”. I reassured her that we needed to let a vet check him and I would bring him back thereafter.


 


The vet said that it was probable that Shadow fell from the nest and had sustained internal injuries but he did not have any fractures. Further, Shadow could not open is eyes which was a sign that his cranial nerves were injured. She tried putting a drop of glucose water at the edge of his beak and said that Shadow was very weak and needed to gain back his strength. She also mentioned that if he survived, it would not be for long due to his injuries and he would be blind. She asked if I wanted the clinic to look after Shadow.


 


Thinking of Nusha, I replied that we would nurse him at home. Besides, I could still feel Shadow’s helplessness in my hand the night before and my maternal instincts were on overdrive.


 


I carried Shadow out in his box and waited for the nurse to give me some syringes to feed Shadow. While waiting, I talked to him and he moved a little in his “nest” and then all of a sudden, he lifted himself up a little and just dropped forward slightly to the side.


 


My knees went weak and with trembling hands I tried to move him. He was listless. I called out to the nurse and she took him away. I stood there in the reception area, still trembling and tears rolling down my cheeks. The vet came out and told me what I already knew. Shadow did not survive. I drove home crying like a baby and thinking how I was to break the news to Nusha.


 


When Nusha came home after school that evening, she ran from room to room looking for Shadow. I picked her up and put her on my lap and tried to explain but before I could finish, she burst out crying and said “I know what your are going to say – Shadow is dead. No, Ma, no.” It took her some time to pull herself together while I explained that it was actually better for Shadow because he did not have to suffer so much and that he was blessed to find love and warmth in Nusha before he passed on.


 

I am very proud of Nusha. It has shown me that she has compassion for others and that she is willing to reach out to help and love. Till today when we see Swifts flying up above, my heart aches a little thinking of Shadow and I know Nusha feels the same as well. But we are both glad that Shadow came into our lives albeit for just overnight. Goodbye, Shadow. Rest in peace.http://datastore.rediff.com/h5000-w5000/thumb/68706F6B5F75/jaw7b9c4uuy2fb4o.D.0.Shadow.jpg

Posted in Pets.

12 comments

By Shalini K – March 1, 2010


Maya

My life changed
Seventeen years ago…..
As I sat there and prayed
For the future I did not know

The endless wait
Rosary in my hand
Bargains with God I made
For only on Him could I depend

The news came…..
They were out
Life would never be the same
With joy I wanted to shout

There she lay in her cot
The most beautiful baby I had ever seen
Oh my God
She was a dream

I reached out to hold her
A tumult of emotions within
Painstakingly controlling my tears
For a wimp, I did not want to be seen

Seventeen years on
She still has that effect on me
And when the day comes that I am gone
My love and pride for her I hope she will forever see.


**********************************************************


p/s This is dedicated to my lurvely niece, Maya, who was born 17 years ago on 1st May…………..

Posted in Personal.

27 comments

By Shalini K – May 8, 2009


A Blessing


She looked at her watch. Another 2 hours to go. Her heart was racing. 2 more hours and then she would finally be able to hug the person she loved ever so much. It had been too long. Far too long. The separation. They spoke to each other almost daily and chatted online but it was not the same as being there together. Physically present. Talking. Laughing. Sharing. Just enjoying each other. 8long years. The last time Ambujam met her sister, Ambika, was when their father died about 8 years ago. Ambika made a special trip from Scotland to be with Ambujam who had settled down in Thailand. Now, they would finally be together again, albeit for 2 weeks only.



Ambika had always been the perfect elder sister. Loving, caring the works. They were never close in the growing years but as they entered adulthood, their mother's teaching of unconditional love must have triggered off within themselves and Ambika stood by Ambujam in every way imaginable. Marriage and other commitments had driven them away from each other physically but even a splinter could not put a wedge in their emotional bondage with each other.



When they were younger, Ambika never showed how much she loved her little sister. Not the way, Ambujam wanted. But on hindsight, Ambujam realised what a fool she had been. She realised that Ambika had always looked out for her. When Ambika received her first pay, she came home with a tennis racquet. This was simply because she found out that Ambujam's friend's wanted to play tennis and Ambujam did not want to go as she did not have a racquet. Ambujam was thrilled. She had always looked up to Ambika who was gorgeous .the super-model type, in Ambujam's eyes.



Another time, Ambika came home with a guitar because she heard from their mother that Ambujam was interested in playing the guitar. Thinking about all this, Ambujam laughed to herself. She was truly blessed to have Ambika as an elder sister. Ambujam was always the one doing all the taking. She never sent presents on special days, not even cards. Ambujam tried hard to think about what she had done to show her love to her Chechi. Nothing. Diligently, she sieved through the archives of her grey matter but could not find anything at all, let alone something that would match the things her Chechi had done for her.



Ambujam was suddenly jolted out from her reverie with sudden violent air turbulence. The passengers were advised by the stewardess to fasten their seat belts. Within split seconds, the captain announced something. Ambujam could not make out what he said but there were screams and she felt the airplane take a nose dive.



"This can't be happening. No! No!" She grabbed the safety gear as advised by the stewardess and for the first time, she prayed. She prayed. "Please Lord. Not now. Please not now. Let me see my Chechi. Let me hold her and tell her how much I love her. Let me thank her for all the things she has done. Please Lord. Not now. We made a bargain. Remember "



"Ambujam ..Ambujam " Faint sounds. Ambujam stirred. "Someone call the doctor!!!! She moved her hand!!" Ambujam slowly opened her eyes and saw the most beautiful thing on earth. "Chech ." Ambujam tried to move but she could not. She did not recognise the surroundings. But she felt safe. Her Chechi was with her. She could not be dreaming. She could feel her warmth her scent .her Chechi. Nothing could go wrong now.



When Ambujam gained her strength, Ambika told her that the plane had crashed in the sea and there were a few survivors, one of them being Ambujam but she only gained her consciousness 4 days later. Ambujam was eventually discharged from hospital and stayed with Ambika. They talked endlessly. Ambika remarked about how Ambujam has lost her chubby frame and was so thin now. She teased Ambujam about the diets that Ambujam tried. Ambujam laughed it off .feeling over the moon that she was finally with her Chechi.



Time flew by. They had so much fun. On the eve of her departure, Ambujam held Ambika's hand tightly. She felt it was time that she finally told her sister what a blessing she was. And she did just that. Ambika felt uncomfortable and told Ambujam not to be silly but Ambujam pursued, this time with greater strength in her voice. "Chech, I need to say it to you. Only then, I will be at peace with myself. You are truly a blessing in more ways than one. I don't believe in reincarnation .but just in case I am wrong I hope God will be kind enough to let us be sisters again". Then, Ambujam, true to herself, never wanting to be mushy, joked about this and that and they spent the rest of the night laughing their heads off.



As she lay in the bed beside her sister that night, Ambujam prayed again "Thank you Lord. Thank you for giving me this final opportunity to let Chechi know before my final goodbye to this earth. I have never been happier. I came here to die in her arms. There is no other place on earth that can give me greater comfort and peace than in her arms. I know my days are numbered. Pancreatic cancer is the worst.. they say .Thank you .In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy ."



"Ambu. wake up my arm is numb with the weight of you head. Can't believe someone with so little brains can have such a heavy head ..Got to get ready for your flight .Ambu Ambu!!.Ambu!!!!!!"

Posted in Fiction.

30 comments

By Shalini K – April 10, 2009


You’ll Never Walk Alone

About 3 weeks ago Liverpool thrashed Manchester United 4-1 in the English Premier League. I have always been a Liverpool fan (their slogan being "You'll Never Walk Alone").  I remember watching lots of football on TV when I was in primary school and longed to play football too. Many might think that it is a silly game with about 22 players running after a ball. But football is far more than that. As with most sports, it is about agility, strength, strategy, fitness and knowing who your opponents are. I don't profess to be an expert at the game and I am certainly not one of those fans who would go rooting for their favourite club to the point of head-bashing, etc.


 


While mulling over football and fans, my mind raced to a fellow iLander. I am his fan and he played (plays??) football and from what I understand, he is trying to reach out to the community to increase the awareness of the sport. He recently took over the helm of a football association. Woo-hoo!! He does not need any introduction. So my wandering mind shifted from Liverpool to football to fan to him . It stopped there (yes, I have shortened the leash to me wandering mind). Why do I absolutely lurve his posts so much? He is simply incredible. He works wonders with words and is able to put up a whole post just on one word. So I am going to try to give it a shot to see if I have learnt anything from the Master himself. Since he is close to me heart and football is close to his, I am putting my best foot forward in this attempt.


 


I hope I am not shooting myself in the foot with such an ambitious task. I know I have to footslog along and not hotfoot this post in order to get it right and yet keep the interest of my fellow iLanders.


 


Since I have not come up with any interesting posts of late, I confided in my sister explaining my worries to her. Have I become dull and boring?? Are the little grey matter I possess slowly but surely shrinking?? Is this a sign that I have one foot in the grave?? Or is it just a lull period for me?? Something that most geniuses experience J (Heh! Heh! ' have I mentioned that my middle name is "Modest"). My sweet sister initially, with utmost patience, decided to keep her foot in both camps while she listened to all my whining. No, Shelly, you are not old and decrepit. And, no Shelly, you are definitely not a genius J.


 


She suggested that I pay someone to write a blog for me to post in my name. She even offered to foot the bill. She was so worried about my mental state of mind that she almost waited on me hand and foot. But when I continued my incessant whining and drowning in self-pity, and she realized that I needed a good kick on my behind she put her foot down and did exactly that .kicked me on my behind. Thank goodness she lives in another country and it was only a virtual kick. Otherwise, my other worry would be getting her Athlete's foot on my Athlete's behind J.


 


Her wise words to me were to get my foot in the door and everything else will fall in place. Well, being obedient, I put my foot in and how have I fared in this attempt??? Nice one Shalini.? Great post Shalini? You are simply awesome Shalini?


 


MY FOOT, Shalini!!!!!!



 


 


P/s My sis does not have Athlete's foot J

Posted in Blogs.

17 comments

By Shalini K – April 6, 2009


Somewhere over the rainbow

I was driving home after work yesterday when I saw the most beautiful rainbow in my life spread across the entire sky before me. I can't begin to express the emotions that ran through me. My first thought was my kids. They had to see this. They had to. They have never seen one. I sped along the highway hoping to reach their school before they boarded the school bus and all the time I kept saying to the rainbow "Please don't disappear before my kids can see your beauty."

My kids had already boarded the school bus by the time I got to the school but my excitement had not died. The rainbow was "following" me!! Like a lunatic, I kept telling all the little kids still in the school compound that there was a rainbow in the sky and took them to show it.

As I drove off, I called my youngest (5 year old) and told her to look outside the house and she would be able to see a rainbow. Before I could say anything else, she slammed the phone on me. Hah! Finally someone to share my excitement J.

When I got home she told me that my wonderful man took her to the window and not being able to see any rainbow told her that he was going back to do some work on his PC. Can you imagine that!?!?!? Men!!!! Aaaarrggghhh!!!! I grabbed her tiny hand and we ran out of the house, laughing our heads off running in the rain AND we spotted it. She was so excited and we just stood there admiring the rainbow, drenched and giggling like kids (at least SHE was acting her age).

We waited for the school bus to come by and when my older two chipmunks alighted, we danced together in the rain, laughing and trying to chase the rainbow.

So what's the fuss?? It's just a bloody rainbow. A stupid refraction of light. Not many people see what I see. I may have looked absolutely silly yesterday but I may probably never have that moment again .just as it was .all four of us doing a rainbow dance in the rain.

It is the beauty of nature. Everything around me. Despite living in a concrete jungle, there is still much about nature to appreciate. The eagle that flies near the lake near my house. I see it every morning and believe me, it is breath-taking. The numerous trees that are blooming the brightest and most colourful flowers in this extremely dry season. The little birds singing. The mynah trying to make a nest with his mate on the tree in front of my house. From my walks and talks with my kids, they can identify many species of trees, plants, birds and fishes.

God knows when all these are going to disappear. To a large extent we do not have the choice to be in the rat race (for many reasons) but there is no stopping us from taking a 5 minute breather to enjoy this earth and its miracles (what's left of it).

As for yesterday and the rainbow people around us certainly thought I was bonkers. No one else was excited. But it did not and does not matter. That moment in time is frozen in my heart and mind and I hope in my kids too. Will they share my sentiments when they are my age and have their own children ..I certainly hope so and if I am still alive and kicking then be rest assured I will still be doing the rainbow dance with my grandkids J. Care join me????

Posted in Blogs.

41 comments

By Shalini K – February 26, 2009


Superheroes

PK Madhavan's recent post on Daniel brought back memories of Desperate Dan. My first comic strip hero. I can't believe how I could have forgotten him. He was my favourite. The strongest man on Earth, so strong that he had to use a blow-torch to tidy his beard. Thanks to Maddy, as always, my kids now know who Desperate Dan is too J.



At some point in our lives, we all fall for superheroes and some of us never get over it. During Christmas, I met my cousin's friend who was wearing a Superman t-shirt. I joked about it but in all seriousness he said that Superman is his superhero. This chap is 30 years old and I am a bit worried because he wants to marry my cousin!!



That got me thinking about the superheroes that I grew up with. Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Wonder Woman, Ultraman, to name a few. I can also remember their theme songs. My kids have their own version of Spiderman's theme song…. "Spiderman, in the air, I can see, your underwear". There are more superheroes today. They are more sophisticated and the storylines are more complex. All one needs is a super-creative imagination. Power Rangers, PowerPuff Girls, KimPossible, Ben 10 and the list goes on.



Since I have been doing a lot of thinking, I decided to exert my tiny grey matter further by picking a superhero I would root for till my last days. Who am I a die-hard fan for? Well, I loved Superman until Christopher Reeves had the accident. Ironically, he became a 'superman' after that accident in real life. But Superman is just not Superman when it is not Christopher Reeves acting the part. Besides he still has not figured out that underwear should be worn 'under' clothes.



Then there is Iron Man. But I only like Iron Man because I go all putty with Robert Downey Jr. Batman hmmm never did like him much. Wonder Woman .nah! So I ventured into my kids' superheroes ..Power Rangers good grief! Ben 10 is nice but it can be a pain after awhile.



So I asked myself .what is a superhero?? Hmmm .perfect in your eyes, intelligent, strong, tremendous positive willpower, be able to work what seems to be miracles, compassionate, .love personified. A superhero does not have to be a figment of one's imagination. He does not have to be on screen. Then, it suddenly hit me (just like the apple falling on Newton ' Newton, of course, had more to offer to the world with that hitJ). I DO have a superhero. One, who to this day, never ceases to amaze me with all those qualities . my mum.



My mum did not have a very easy young life. She was the eldest of her siblings and looked after them as though they were her children. She started working when she was 18 years old and, today, some 50 years later, she is still working. Everyone she knows whether at a professional level or friends and family respect her and seek her advice for almost everything.



She was widowed when she was 44 but she pulled herself together and was a pillar of strength to my sister and me. She slogged at work and ensured that we had all the comfort in life as if my father was still around. If that were not enough, she would travel out to be with my grandmother and visit her elderly aunts to see if all was well. She still does the same today, forgetting that she is tired and is aging herself.



I broke her heart once but her love for me never faltered, not once. She has stood by me all the way no questions asked and never allows anyone put me down. She goes miles to make everyone happy and spoils my children more than any other grandparent I know. When my daughter was hospitalized, she was there to look after her so that I could attend to work. When I was 8 months pregnant and feeling claustrophobic in a crowded train, she talked to me over the phone and got me through the almost manic state I was in.



There are so many instances where she stood out like an angel and strength of a superhero but it is almost impossible to put it all down on paper. Further, her capacity to love cannot be described and her wit will get anyone tongue-tied.



So, yes, there may be Spiderman, Superman, Batman, Iron Man (aaaahhhhhh .Robert Downey Jr) Power Rangers .but my superhero who beats all the others hands down is me Mum .my Wonder Woman. Going to rush off now to the printers to get t-shirts printed with her face on it J.


Who is your superhero?!?

Posted in Blogs.

34 comments

By Shalini K – February 9, 2009


Why not ME!!!

I wish I could take your pain away. There must be something I can do to see you smile again. To hear your voice in high spirits. To hear you smile through your voice. Surely there must be something I can do.

I want to be by your side, holding you, taking care of you I know God has a reason for everything but why my dear friend God? I love you so much, I am aching inside with the helplessness of just sitting by and watching, waiting. Waiting for this to blow over. Waiting to for the pain to heal. Times heals, so they say. But time only allows you to adjust to the change; to cope whilst the scar in your heart remains.

You are not answering my calls. I need to know you are safe sweetheart. I need to hear your voice to reassure myself that you are still there albeit in pain. Someone told me to give you the space to recover yourself. You need time to get over things. You need to mourn and accept. But I want to be by your side, mourning and accepting with you. I am selfish but friendship is not just to share joys, it is for sad times, bad times too, right?

I wish I could turn back the clock and we would be able to take steps to avoid this. Why do you have to go through this? Why you darling? Oh God if this thing was supposed to have happened, why didn't you do it to me? Save her from the suffering I prayed. I am stronger. I can take the blows. Why? WHY!!!!

I prayed to you. I prayed so hard. Please God, I said, don't let any harm come to her. Not her. I will take on any blow you want to throw my way but spare her. I begged you. I begged, didn't I?!! Spare her!!!! Why weren't you listening?? WHY!!!! Why her??? WHY NOT ME!!!!!

My angel, I know the pain I am going through is nothing in comparison to yours. I just wish I could take the pain away. I am here. All I can offer is my love; unconditional, undying love. All I can offer is my hand, outstretched, as always. Take my hand my dearest of friends. Take me with you and let me share your pain for there is nothing else I can do. I have no power to change time or prevent things from happening. All I have is my love and the warmth it brings. Please don't shut me out.

Posted in Personal.

37 comments

By Shalini K – January 19, 2009