Doctor: Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai?
Patient: Doctor saheb.. Pehle se
jyada kharab ho gayi hai.

Doctor: dawai khali thi kya?

Patient :
Nai doctor saheb. Dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.

Doctor: Arey… mere
kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.

Patient: Ji, aapne dawai de
di thi aur Maine le li thi.

Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi
kya?

Patient: Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.

Doctor: Abe
GADHE, Dawai KO piliya tha kya?

Patient : Nai. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe
tha.

Doctor: Abe Teri to, Dawai KO muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k
nai?

Patient: Nai doctor saheb.

Doctor: Kyon?

Patient:
Kyonki dhakkan band tha.

Doctor: Teri to sale, to Khola kyon
nai.

Patient: Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band
rakhna.

Doctor: Tera ilaz main nai kar sakta!

Patient: Accha
Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga

Doctor : Abe teri
@#$! ^&*!

Innovative Inventions

The Inventions planned by Prof.  ‘Apna’ Pande

1. Water-proof towel

2. Solar powered flashlight

3. Submarine screen door

4. A book on how to read

5. Inflatable dart board

6. A dictionary index

7. Ejector seat in a helicopter

8. Powdered water

9. Pande’s Pedal-Powered wheel chair (P3 wheel chair)

10. Water-proof tea bag

11. fixed Laptop

Interview of a Sardar

Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa singh Then goes thru his certificates and then starts asking him questions.

Following is the transcript :

O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites
S : Yes Sir.

Officer started asking questions

O : Above
S : Below

O : Front
S : Back

O : Left
S : Right

O : Male
S : Female

O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)

O : Ugly…U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly…P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our sardar also spells it)

O : U…..G…..L …… Y…..(Officer shouts)
S : P ….. I ….. C ….. H ……. H …… L ….. Y……(Our sardar also shouts)

#Officer is now angry.

O : Get out
S : Come in.

O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.

O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected …….. ……. and This is how Santa Singh gothis job.

Santa was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know.

Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”

Tired of his boasting, his boss called him bluff, “OK, Santa how about Tom Cruise?”

“Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.”

So Santa and boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruises door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, “Santa! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!” Although impressed, Santas boss is still skeptical.

After they leave Cruises house, he tells Santa that he thinks his knowing Cruise was just lucky.

“No, no, just name anyone else,” Santa says. “President Bush,” his boss quickly retorts.

“Yes, I know him, lets fly out to Washington.” And off they go.

At the White House, George W. spots Santa on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Santa, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and lets have a cup of coffee first and catch up.”

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Santa, who again implores him to name anyone else. “The Pope,” his boss replies.

“Sure!” says Santa. “My folks are from Poland, and Ive known the Pope a long time.”

So off they fly to Rome. Santa and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Santa says, “This will never work. I cant catch the Popes eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and Ill come out on the balcony with the Pope.”

And Santa disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Santa emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

By the time Santa returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss side, Santa asks, “What happened?”

His boss looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, “Whos that on the balcony with Santa Singh?”

Banta in Paris

Banta Singh was a business graduate, and had been out of school for several years.

He had established a furniture store and was doing quite well.

He decided to expand the lines he carried by adding some expensive French furniture he knew no one else in town carried.

He scheduled a buying trip to France.

Bantas first day in Paris was very successful and he found a number of pieces he thought he could profitably sell back home.

After the arrangements were made to begin shipping this furniture home, he decided to celebrate with a glass of wine in a small sidewalk cafe.

The place was jammed, but he managed to find an empty table.

Just about the time his wine arrived, a beautiful girl came by and motioned to the empty chair at his table with a questioning look on her face.

He assumed she wanted to sit with him and nodded his head “yes.” The girl sat down with him.

The girl tried to talk to him, but, alas, he understood not one word of French.

He tried to talk to her, but, alas, she understood not one word of Punjabi.

He had an idea. He took a napkin and drew a wine glass and a question mark. She nodded her head “yes.” They sat quietly enjoying their wine.

When it was just about finished, Banta realized it was nearly time for dinner. He took another napkin and drew a picture of two people at a table eating dinner.

She nodded her head “yes” and took him by the hand. She led him down the street to a very nice restaurant. They went in.

The girl spoke with the head waiter and they were seated in a quiet corner where they could hear the band playing and see the dance floor.

Banta could not read the menu since it was in French, so he allowed the girl to order for him.

The food was excellent and the couple thoroughly enjoyed it.

After dinner, Banta took a napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

She nodded her head “yes” and they danced to every song the band played, whether fast or slow.

When the band quit playing and began to pack away their instruments,the couple returned to their table.

The girl took a napkin and reached for Bantas pen.He handed it to her and she drew a picture of a four poster bed……….!

Banta is still wondering to this day how she knew he was in the furniture business

 B ARELY 17, but desperate to assert my independence by earning some money, I started working at a drug store. One evening a gentleman walked up to the counter and confidently asked for a 500 mg Avil, an anti-allergic tablet available as an over-the-counter drug. That was 20 times the recommended dosage of 25 mg! I was stumped. I blurted out, “Is an elephant in trouble?” The customer’s eyes bored into me and the ex-pression on his face bordered between rage and murder Incidentally in his sheer size and proportions, he could give competition to an elephant. So I guess he had reason to be offended by my comment. That was the end of my brief brush with the world of medicinal demand-supply.

   My subsequent employer was a shrewd but a methodical man. He maintained a meticulous record of his business clients to the minutest of detaiL Working in the same environs, we constantly interacted with a gorgeous receptionist. Notwithstanding his age, he capitalised every possible opportunity to impress her She had a secret admirer in me too. One day, my boss asked me to call up an exclusive restaurant and book a table for two. His devilish smile said it all and I decided to go beyond the call of duty and innocently informed his wife about the impending evening out. That was the end of that job.

  I once got a placement in a small publishing house as an amanuensis - a fancy Latin word that used to describe people who basically are employed to write out the words of another person’s writing. I was rendered useless copying out somebody else’s ideas when my own, at least to me, were far superior Only there were no takers for my brilliant thinking - yet. Before I could think of quitting, my boss enlightened me on the virtues of my handwriting, which was sheer cacography: “Your writing is in direct competition with the Harappan script that still had the hope of being deciphered in the distant future.” I had my ticket to freedom placed in my hand. Life has been kind to me, for now I am a scribe - a fancy word used to describe people writing for newspapers. I never forget to thank the person who invented the computer, thereby ensuring that my writing isn’t left to be deciphered by future scholars.

Source: Hindustan Times 16/4/2008 Edit page written by Vikram Kumar