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Posted in THE FALLING STOCKS on 01/17/2009 02:41 pm by sunita thakur
THE FALLING INDEX
SMILE WHILI YOU STILL CAN
1.
The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building
standing,. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno
2. Do you have any idea
how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is now being called Wal Mart Street
Jay Leno
3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment
banker . The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW
4. What’s the
difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an
investment banker ? A tie
5. The problem with investment bank
balance sheet is that on the left side nothing’s right and on the right side
nothing’s left.
6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be
watching our show, if you get any e mails from Washington asking for
money, it’s a scam. Don’t fall for it - Jay Leno
7. Bush was asked about
the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar - Jay Leno
8.
The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush’s copy is even thicker. They
had to include pictures Jay Leno
9. President Bush’s response was
to meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business
owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21. - Jay
Leno
10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of
my cheques is returned stamped ‘insufficient funds’. I
won’t know whether that refers to mine or the
bank’s.
CEO –Chief Embezzlement
Officer.
CFO –
Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement
causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial
genius.
BEAR
MARKET — A 6 to
18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no
jewelry.
VALUE
INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO
– The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER –
What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST
– Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT
– When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between
themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER
– A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET
CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW–
The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO –
What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you’re
the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL
INVESTOR — Past
year investor who’s now locked up in a
nuthouse.
PROFIT – An archaic word no longer in
use.