pilgrim’s blog

And they Lived happily everafter

She woke up in the morning with a splitting head ache that day. Even a slight change in her other wise happy disposition would distress her guy. Now that was enough for him to pace up and down making a lot of sound. There was no one to bring him his cup of tea with a smile. He saw she was genuinely ill. So he had no choice but to offer to make the morning tea for both. The thought of him making the morning tea in her spotless kitchen turned the headache to migraine. She sent their daughter to help her father ,hoping things would be better. Lying on the bed she could hear the exchange of words between the two though she tried hard not to concentrate.

"Dad ! Mama puts half spoon of tea leaf and two spoons of sugar for a cup of tea and you are doing exactly the opposite."

"Oh my God! My head will split into two .God can you clog my ears too for I can't bear to hear any more" comes a cry from her inner self. But God is merciless that day ..

Pat comes her guy's reply "She is my wife first and then your mother. I don't need anybody's help to make a cup of tea for her. You have not grown enough to teach me what to do."

Oh God! What did I do to call upon myself your wrath in the worst possible form(of the tea made by him)Pleeeeeease some one save me.

Half an hour and lots of sound and fury later she finds a cup of tea thrust towards her She opens one eye and peeps into it. The dark concoction that meets her eyes could proudly compare itself to the black hole for God alone knows what went in and it was so opaque that she had no chance of ever finding it out unless it decided to reveal itself (don't ask her how).She has no choice but to smile and receive it. To affirm his husbandly duties he decides to stay back till she has had the last drop of it and told him how it was

Oh God! is this not enough!!!!!!!!!

With a heavy sigh she finally utters the ultimate "It is the best I ever had".

Because a friend had once said "If someone doesn't love you the way you want to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have"

Et tu Brutus oops My Friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She made two cups of  tea as usual this morning and went up with it. Half way up the stairs she realized what a fool she was to have prepared two cups when he was not home. It completely slipped out of her mind that he had left town the previous day for an official trip. She missed him terribly. She sat on her favourite chair and had her cup of tea. Then she sat on his chair and had his cup of tea with her head buried in the newspapers exactly as he would do. This play acting gave her a little relief.. She missed his voice calling her for his second and third cups of tea. She was unusually quiet. When he is not at home, as if there is nothing to do. Only at such times she realizes how much he keeps her occupied ,even more than her daughter does. When away, the first thing he does as soon as he wakes up is call her .It was more than an hour since she had woken up and yet his call had not come .He was not picking up the phone either.

She tried to think positive but her mind kept thinking of all possible disasters that would have befallen him. She began to think why do our minds always get drawn to negative thoughts. When a child is late from school the mother conjures up the worst images, when the wife is late the husband imagines the worst has happened. Knowing such thoughts sap the last drop of energy from us and leave us drained we still fall victims of it again and again .Does this mean man has a natural affinity towards negative thoughts? Or is it the incidents happening around us that has made us so? Why does man feel so insecure? Or is it the flip side of being in love deeply? May be it is this pinch of insecurity in it that makes it so beautiful. Is not interdependence more adorable than independence ( a silly girl's silly thot)

N.B. By the way he s ok. Just fell asleep with the phone on silent mode.

When a man's mother is with him, he never grows up even if he is sixty. Sometimes it so happens our mothers are not with us and we search for them in all our relationships. My mother has been my pillar of strength. She has always treated me like a kid. I have loved to be her little girl pampered, spoilt and helpless but only till I am with her. Because once on my own I have to take care of my family and take up the role she took for us when we were kids. But I have always looked for her unconsciously in every one around me. And the moment I get a glimpse of her in someone I get drawn to them. At one time all my friends used to be ladies double my age. Their motherly attitude towards me used to make me miss her less I thought. But all the attributes together was never found in a second person .That way she was unique as all mothers are. But because I loved my mother so much I could love others also especially those who were even faintly similar to her. I even seek her in my daughter. My hair may turn grey, my eyes may fail me, my skin may look moulted .but the minute I see someone like her and the little girl in me will pop up. I am reminded of all the good days I spent with her and I want to share it with someone and a kind word of understanding from a dear friend would make me lose all my guard. My sophistication, etiquette and all the mannerisms I have so painfully cultivated these years crumbles and leaves me bare. When I miss her I cuddle up to my daughter and a hug from her ..the roles are reversed. So I call my mother my age defying cream with no expiry date.

It was a few days before her birthday. He did not believe in buying gifts for her on such occasions .When pointed out by her he would say all that was his belonged to her also and that would leave no scope for any further arguments. But now he had no choice. The little princess of the house was growing up and learning to understand the value of such gestures. The most significant day in her calendar would be her mother's birthday and no one would be more visibly exited than her as the day neared. She would start pestering her dad to buy a gift of her choice for her mother as she was not old enough to handle money on her own.

Now he is so adorable that he could not bear any one else gaining more affection than him in her heart even if it is the little princess. So he would suggest a gift that would be no where close to the little one's idea of a perfect gift for her mother. Having inherited her father's stubbornness to the hilt, a cold war would soon ensue between them.

Finally that birth day also passed with her having no gift. But she had no grievance. To make her father realize the importance of gifting is the best gift the little one could have given her mother and what better gift than 'the little one' could he gift her.

A daughter is the best that can happen to any house

She had visited many temples. But no other place had affected her as much as this .Unlike other temples of South India this place could not boast of any extra ordinary architectural splendor. Though one of the most important temples of Kerala, recent times have been witness to a large influx of devotees from other states also. This has lead to the place being crowded round the year.

Every time she stepped into the precincts of the temple through the huge wooden doors with carvings of the dashavatharam, all activities around her would cease to exist. She too would become one among the other devotees who would be eagerly moving ahead to catch a glimpse of the one and only one who can sway the hearts of so many. The stone flooring beneath her feet and the stone pillars around her all seemed to be covered in a divine aura. The desire to see her ,Lord even if only for a split second, gave her the strength to bear all odds. Standing in the serpentine queue that moved at a snail's pace, she would for once forget all her kith and kin and was always grateful to them for giving her space whenever she was here. No sooner would she step into the sanctum sanctorum and tears would roll down her cheek uncontrollably for no reason.

She has wondered many a times what was it that made her cry thus in His presence because she had no grief in her life and was basically a happy go lucky person. She only had to look at His sandalwood covered face holding the flute and all emotions would break loose. It would be only for as long as she was in front of Him that it would last. The minute she was out of there, she would be conscious of the mess she was in with the kohl in her eyes streaming down with the tears causing streaks across her cheeks. Her husband and daughter would leave no stone unturned in teasing her and they would even offer to buy her water proof eye make up before their next visit to the place. She would sulk at them lovingly and beg her Lord not to make her cry so shamelessly.

But the exercise never ended and the next visit to Guruvayur would find every thing getting repeated once again

Those were the blissful teenage days. Cricket, mainly due to the presence of some real handsome guys ,was all that mattered to her and her friends. 'One day internationals' would find them restless in the class. Bringing transistors to school was a serious offence. Special squads would be appointed to catch offenders and the punishment would range from summoning the parents to seizing the transistor never to be returned. But not being able to know the outcome of the match and her idol's performance in it was more heart wrenching. So facing all odds for the one who stole not only her heart but the whole class'(hers' was a girls' school) she decided to smuggle in her yellow transistor. To find a proper hiding place and to be able to listen to it was not an easy task. A lot of acting skills had to go in for the operation to be a success.

Her modus operandi would be something like this. She would pretend to be suffering from lack of appetite the previous night itself and even go to the extend of skipping dinner that would include her favourite dish sometimes. But for love she would sacrifice anything 'then' and a favourite dish was too little. The next day she would beg her mom to give her something light on her tummy for lunch say something like a few biscuits or a slice of bread as even 'then' she was sensible enough to realize that one should not go without proper food as it caused acidity .

So armed with the lunch box containing a few biscuits and her transistor well hidden among books she would reach school. The first hour in school over, it would be time to put her acting skills on display. The whole class' backing would bring out the best in her. Feigning head ache she would request her teacher to allow her to sit in the last row which was usually vacant. One look at her pathetic face, the teacher would advise her to put her head down on the desk and try to get some sleep.

By then the biscuits in the lunch box would have made way for the transistor to be placed in it. Using the school bag as pillow and the transistor in the lunch box just below the flap of her bag and right under her ear, she would be on cloud nine every time her idol hit a six or caught a catch. Those days she would be holding the attention of the whole class longer than the teacher who would be going on and on about the conquests of some Mughal king .

She decided she would teach him a lesson. It is high time he realized she too could pay back to him in the same coin.Her friends tried to persuade her from reacting to his pranks.She knew very well their concern was not for her for they had a crush on him.They could not bear to see him lose and she was sure he would this time.She turned a deaf ear to their pleas and pointed out to them their loyalties lay with her and not him.

She had never misbehaved with him but still he would single her out and target his pranks at her.She kept quiet when he hid her favourite anklet .None among her friends had one of the type.The white stone embedded in it would reflect the sun's rays when she walked out wearing it.It was when his mother intervened that he agreed to return it to her.The list of tricks he played on her were endless the breaking of her earthern ware that she used to bring water,stealing her clothes and consuming the butter when no one was around being a few of them.Her step mother held her responsible for all the loss and no amount of explanation would make her understand that it was he who caused it.

She was at the end of her endurance and nothing would stop her now from teaching him a good lesson.Even if she had to lose all her friends in the process she did not care.She decided not to tell them of her plan as she did not trust them when the enemy on the other side was him.That afternoon when her mother went to join the other women of the village leaving the house in her care,she left the door half open knowing very well he would come to steal the butter.With bated breath she saw him entering the house noiselessly. Atlast he had fallen into the snare.She was scared even to breath lest he would hear it and retrace his steps.

Stealing up to the pot carrying the butter,that hung from the ceiling, he aimed the stone at it.He was a good marksman and she had never heard of him ever missing the mark.The stone left his finger and sped towards the pot.Quickly he took his place beneath it with the intention of not missing savouring even a drop of the butter as it came splashing down.No sooner had the pot broken that instead of butter he found himself covered in yellow turmeric water that the pot contained.His handsome,dark face turned yellow.She tried not looking into his eyes because she knew if she made that mistake she would be lost forever.She did not come out of her hiding place.

Realising he was tricked he quickly removed the cloth around his waist to wipe his face and she covered her eyes.In the hurry to escape from there before anyone found out,he forgot to pick up his flute.God was giving her a chance to take revenge on him for stealing her anklet.She did not miss the opportunity to take it into her possession.She wanted him to feel the pain of losing that which is dearest.

But the look in his eyes of being tricked haunted her. She did not feel the elation that she thought she would.That night as she lay on her bed with the flute in her hand she tossed and turned. She ran her fingers over it.The silence of the night was gnawing at her.She missed the sweet melody that wafted from the banks of the river every night.Slowly she left her bed and walked out of the house the flute in her hand.She took the path to the river and stood in the shadows of the Kadamb tree.She saw his silhouette in the moonlight sitting under the tree his head between his knees.Her heart went out to him.She tiptoed begging her anklets not to make sound and stretched her hands holding the flute to him.

As he took it from her she refused to look into his eyes once again and before he could hold her wrist she ran, the sound of her anklets breaking the silence of the night ..

She woke up this morning, the tinkling of her anklets still ringing in her ears

Mujhko agar bhool jaoge tum

Mujhse agar door jaoge tum

Meri muhabbat mein tateer hei

To khich kar mere paas aoge tum

Dekho hamari hogi jeet

mmmmm ..

He woke up with a start .Did he really hear her voice singing in the kitchen. No his mind was playing games with him. The house was quite. How he missed her! He missed the way she followed him every where in the house like a puppy. She would be relating something very ordinary when his mind would be occupied with the presentation that he had to make that morning. He would not have listened to half the things she said but she would be so engrossed in herself that she would not even have noticed that he was not listening.

He missed the morning tea made by her. The empty house was as if coming to swallow him. He felt like telling her so many things. He was a fool to have taken time for granted. Whenever an argument erupted between them she would take the first step to patch up for she strongly believed a moment lost would never come back. She said she wanted to live life to the fullest and had no time to be unhappy.

Sometimes he would envy her for being so happy. Now that he was alone he tried to analyse her. What was it that made her so different? Nothing seemed to disturb her for too long and she wouldn't let anything disturb her. She accepted things as they were. He would sometimes accuse her of being a coward, an escapist who refused to face things. But now he felt she was not passive, she was strong enough to be unperturbed. Her strong belief was that some things in life were not in man's control and had to be left to unfold on their own.

Whenever something did not go as planned by him he would be disturbed. But she would be happy even then. He had many a  time wondered if his sorrows ever effected her. It was difficult to say if she was unhappy. She would laugh at small things. With kids she would be one among them. She would even laugh at herself. She was deeply spiritual. Even her equation with God was different. She was unpredictable and so difficult to live with.

But then why was he unhappy now. Why was he getting ready to go to her house to get her back? She had gone there to stay only for a day. And he had so many times accused her of not giving him space .   

I planted a sun flower sapling in my garden and watered it religiously. One morning I found a small bud on it which made me very happy. Soon she bloomed into a flower.

My little sunflower would lift her head as the Sun appeared on the horizon and would gaze at him to her heart's content. Nothing would deter her focus from the Sun and as the Sun west ward bound she would droop her head to once again lift it the next morning when the Sun came.

She had as if no other purpose in life but to look at her Sun till he disappeared from her sight. I wondered if the Sun would have noticed my little sun flower. How can one not notice such firm love. But he is also helpless. So many depend on him for their very existence. He has to complete his journey and cannot afford to stay with the little sunflower. Even if he stayed back with her breaking all rules he would never be at peace if he strayed from his duties.

My little sun flower has no grievance. She has accepted the truth and is ready to love the Sun as he is. He is every body's and she can never have him for herself alone. And the Sun too knows he gets the energy to make his journey and dispense with his duties only because there is a little sunflower somewhere,waiting eagerly to greet him when he starts in the morning.

(Dedicated to the man who still makes my heart skip a beat)