pilgrim’s blog

This Sunday life once again opened my eyes to yet another truth ..the changes that our equation with our loved ones go through with the passage of time.

I was busy preparing lunch and by accident spilled hot oil on my hands, that my mother had left near the gas some time back. It looked bad and would have turned worse if my husband and daughter had not taken proper care of it by giving appropriate first aid. In the midst of all this hovering around me I saw my mother standing in a corner quietly, wearing the ex-pression of a person who did not belong there.

My thoughts went back to the time I was a little girl when I would run to her whenever I was hurt and she would leaving all her job hold me to her till I was fully consoled. That same person was today standing in a corner being a mere spectator. My heart went out to her and I wanted to be held by her the same way. She must surely have been very happy to see the way I was so well being taken care of but the glimpses of the sadness that I read in her eyes at the knowledge that her little girl did not belong to her alone, she failed to disguise.

Today, to me, my daughter is the most important person in my life but tomorrow I will have to let go of her. There will be others in her life equally or more important to her than me. Then again is it not true that a mother's real success is when her child needs her lesser and lesser with every passing day. I only pray to God that I do justice to this profound truth and find happiness in her happiness.

At night, seeing me disturbed my husband enquired the reason and I told him about wanting to be held by mom to which he smiled and asked me to be with her as long as I wanted.I thought what would I do if  i did not have him.Smiling at him gratefully I stole into my mother's room and cuddled up to her knowing well I would never let her down .

A few days back I and my husband were strolling down a street that housed lots of small shops selling antiques of different sizes and shapes.A particular shop for no particular reason made us walk into it. My eyes fell on a statue of Lord Ganesha that sat in an obscure corner of the shop.As we did not have one ofthat kind in our collection of ganesha idols I nudged my hubby.Taking a fancy towards it he asked the shop keeper to pack it for us.No sooner had he handed it to us that another Ganesha statue caught my attention which too my husband agreed to buy for me.When the third and the fourth followed I could sense his patience ebbing away.One final look at the interior of the shop and there sat one with five heads giving us a naughty look five folds J.Not daring to ask for it I gave the statue a soulful look.Sensing my wish the shopkeeper came forward with it and extended it to my husband saying though it cost a lot more he was ready to part with it for a mere Rs. 1000.00.

Giving one of his signature smiles , my dear husband addressed Ganeshji such "Bappa, give me enough money so that I never have to return from a shop not being able to buy you for the lack of it." Hearing this I was amused at the deal he had struck with Lord Ganesha himself and was sure that his prayers would be answered for even God could not say 'no' to such a prayer. Still smiling at the shopkeeper, we moved to cross the road and half way we saw a man running to us carrying a few packets. Waylaying us he took out a few statues intending to sell it to us.We shooed him away unceremoniously saying we had no intention of buying one.After a lot of pleading he requested us to look at one,  of which he had only a single piece to sell.And lo he brings out the statue of Ganesh with five heads an exact replica of the one we saw in the shop.Before my husband could protest ,the man placed it into his hands saying it cost only Rs. 125.00 and added he was sure my husband could afford one at that price.

The whole episode made us laugh.Now I knew why Ganesh gave me that naughty smile ..five fold J.He reduced his price to be with us instead of showering us with cash to buy him J .he must have thought what if we squandered it on something else. Though we were outwitted, we came out of the deal much richer.

Of all the Gods I find him the sweetest ..one with no ego .ready to sit with his pot belly where ever you make him sit may it be on the gate of your house or under a tree in the rain or sun.This experience ,once again proved his lack of ego and it endeared him to us further.

The flame of the forest stood in full bloom on either side of the grey road. He drove the car without any haste negotiating every curve carefully .He was in no hurry. The place always looked beautiful in spring. The red petal with splashes of yellow on it covered the road .It was as if nature was giving to the son of the soil a red carpet welcome.

Twenty years. Twenty long years. It took that long for him to decide to return to his roots. He had left the place a heart broken man of twenty .He was not strong enough then to take her hands and lead her to the life that they had dreamed of together. He could not bear to see her with someone else. So like a coward he left. And he did not forgive himself for that till date.

Life had not been easy since. His hard work achieved for him every thing a man would dream of. A luxurious life ,financial stability and even a beautiful woman as wife .To his friends and colleagues he was the luckiest .But he knew all that met the eyes was not all the truth.

They made a perfect couple. They uttered the right words at the right time. There were no arguments between them. No discord and yet something somewhere was amiss. The void in him was so consuming that now they hardly spoke to each other. There was nothing to talk of. He wanted a break. He wanted some time for himself. He could not pretend any more. So again he packed his bags and left. This time not because he was a coward but because he knew she would not bother to find out. That was one good thing that his marriage gave him . A lot of space. He could do what ever he wanted and no explanation would be demanded. But sometimes he had ardently wished that she would get angry with him for taking her for granted and he would do all that which would bring back the smile on her lips he so badly wanted to see. But then neither were strong enough to express and now nothing mattered.

He was negotiating the last curve that would bring the house to view. He felt something stir in him which he thought never existed at all. He did not know what it was but it definitely proved there was still life left in him. He could feel emotions. It surprised him. The fresh air, the house of his childhood and the memories associated with it made him feel alive. He felt like crying aloud the little boy in him begged to be released. Enough was enough. He had to capture the moment before it slipped by him. He ran to the phone. With fingers shivering he dialed the number praying it would be answered. Not had the first beep sounded at the other end that the voice he desired to hear the most came across. In a muffled tone she asked him how could he take her for granted and leave just like that without saying. He wanted to say so many things but there was only silence .but she understood it. She understood every unuttered word of it .

If someone takes us for granted let us not fret because it shows the person is at home with us ..

We had to cross river Hooghly to go to school. The steamer that carried us across the river was called Juliet. The service would not be available on Thursdays as all repair works were catered to on that day. So Thursdays saw us crossing the river in the country boat rowed manually by the boat men. It was lovely to see them spread the sail. The movement of the boat along with the flow of the river reminds one of a child lying on the bosom of its mother and the breathing of the mother cradling it to sleep.

Whenever a ship passed by, huge waves would arise in the river which would rock the little boat. We kids would squeal with pleasure but no one would be allowed to move from their seats. It almost took half an hour to reach the other bank. Sometimes we would be lucky to see fish jumping out of the water around us. As the boat neared the shore I would request the boatman to let me touch the water.

The river has given me some frightening memories also. My first close encounter with dead bodies was during one such trip. As we were being rowed to the other bank we saw the dead body of a woman being carried by the current down stream. It was decomposed beyond recognition. I could not sleep that night. My ten year old brain would wonder how would that woman have died? Would she be having children who would be crying for her? And these thoughts would disturb me. Her picture remained in my mind for a long time.

Another thing that I vividly remember about the river is the floods that used to come in it. The jetty where the boat ferrying us used to be anchored was the floating type. Once during flash floods it got blown away. Usually proper warning would be issued in advance and we would stand in a cordoned area to watch the coming of the floods. It was a very awesome sight. Sometimes the area where we lived would get flooded and we kids would be busy floating paper boats.

The banks of the river had dense silt and the local boys would apply it on their bodies and jump into the water. The man servant in our house would get some for me and would teach me to build toy hut out of it. We would cover the roof with dry grass to give it the look of a thatched house.

Evenings, post dinner, I would go for a walk with my parents to the river side. Far away would be seen the lantern lights coming from the little boats anchored on the opposite bank and the song of the majhi (boat man) which could be heard even when I would be on the verge of sleep on my father's shoulders.