I often feel amused when most of us men, like to think we are self made. I mean what is even the most powerful man in the world in front of his mother. He may own half of the world, but to his mom he is just one of her boys. She would have changed his nappies, bathed him, brushed his teeth, spanked him when he deserved it and most of all, loved him with all her heart like no other. And that love, selfless, unconditional, and unparallel forever in his memory, is enough to bend even the most powerful man to his knees. Men who like to think they are self made often forget to thank the women around them, their mom, their wife who would have brought their child to this world, without whom they were just a vagabond on the street. The sisters who they grew up with, who covered all his exploits, all his stupid love affairs, all his street fifths and what not. The friends who stood by him in his ups and downs, who gave him his perspective of the things around him, and so on. On the other side I have often seen the women very much self made, but they don’t like to make a big song of it and dance. I mean when a girl walks into a relationship and walks into a strange house and takes it as her own. What did she go in with? And what did she make it into? This story is inspired by a true story of a neighbor who married a man with love in young age, and suddenly one day the driver of the car of her life with two children on the back seat suddenly walked away (passed away) leaving her incharge on the driver seat, with her not knowing what is the wheal and where is a gear. (Part 1) The story starts in a small town called Bhusawal, the girl Kinnaree is a shy, seventeen year old, a middleclass girl from a comparatively well-to-do family. Kinnaree—- a teacher calling a role call in a crowded classroom, and a lost girl with a ponytail hanging from the back of her head suddenly awakened to her name being called says, -YES! Yes sir… The girl on the next seat asks -where are you? -Is it some boy! Or something else… An angry Kinnharee protests at being linked to some boy. -You know I m not into boys and stuff. But the fact was that that she was preoccupied with a man she met a day before at the shop nextdoor and his simple, stupid and obvious flirtations had haunted her all the night before. She had already made up her mind that if she came across that man again, she would teach him a lesson. She was sure that she could deal very well with roadside romeos and she was all charged-up to dealing with him. But it was equally true that she looked forward to seeing him again and she was waiting to go back home and to visit the same shop again. As she reached home from her collage she quickly changed and rushed to help her mom at the kitchen, things were moving at a feverish pace at the kitchen, her mom Prema asked her to bring some sugar from the shop nextdoor. By now Kinnaree had forgotten about the man that she met the earlier day, and there were other things on her mind the heap of cloths she had seen, that she would have to wash, the pile of utensils she would have to help her mother with. The novel she bought from the library that she would want to return. And all the things had put her on a high speed mode and she did not bother to see who was at the shop and who was not, she asked for a kilo of sugar and rushed back home, and just as she was returning she thought she was missing something, but she bullied herself back home. Later that evening after a nice afternoon nap she drifted towards the library to exchange the novel she was finding hard to digest. She called up a friend to accompany her to the library. But to her total surprise she saw her friend accompanied by the same man who was flirting the earlier day. It turned out that he was a distant relative of her friend and was called Raghu. Kinnaree because of her dearness to her friend was very quick to call him ‘uncle’. Kinnaree was very happy with her own achievement; she was secretly smiling to herself on the way to her friends place. As they reached home it turned out that Raghu was a businessman and had come to Bhusawal for some business dealings in the town. Next few days they kept bumping into each other and Kinnaree made her resistance for him very obvious and he made his intentions for her very obvious as well. It turned-out that he was a very unpredictable person, warm hearted and witty, and always wore a sensitive smile on his face. Part 2 Raghu was trying everything under the sun to see her as often as he could; he had an engineering supply agency in Mumbai, and was a frequent visitor this side. Kinnaree’s friend Lalita was now able to smell rat in Raghu’s insistence on accompanying her again and again. So Raghu had invented another way for his need. He had a few associates in the government department and he got the collage that Kinnaree was in to provide cleaner water for the students. He was now to provide assistance to the institute with better storage of water, filtration etc. This made him a frequent visitor to Lalita and Kinnaree. Every time they wanted to take a break from the collage he somehow fitted in, Raghu’s effortless charm was winning him lots of admirers in Kinnaree’s friend circle. And his honest and innocent appreciation of Kinnaree had started affecting her. The wax had started melting under the flame; she has started observing Raghu more keenly. But that did not reduce the open display of resistance for him. Kinnharee was a typical Indian woman when it came to displaying resistance to adventures men. And moreover her opinion about men was not all that good; she had learned it from the mistakes of her friends. She was wiser with the knowledge that, men often got what they wanted, and then the relationship became an obligation for the men; Kinnharee was quick to learn from other people’s experiences. It had become a routine experience for her during the garbha festivities, when all her friends would travel to Ahmadabad or Vadodara for playing garbha, and during the nine nights she would be a watchdog for her elder friends as they ventured into voracious exploration of new found adulthood. The girls would be laughing and bragging of how much they were wanted and make her feel like a child. But while returning back to Bhusawa they would be heartbroken and bitten by heard reality, and then, she would be laughing at them. It was a typical Monday morning that day and she had not seen Raghu the earlier day as she had gone to one of her relative at Dhule. She was looking for him in the collage all that morning and even till late afternoon there was no sign of Raghu. She finally inquired with Lalita. - Your cousin, Raghu is not visible today, I had borrowed his pen, and I want you to return it to him. Lalita smiled and said. - Yes sure, but I ll have to go to Mumbai to do that. Kinaaree was surprised, and she was even more surprised at her own reaction to the news. She was honestly very sad inside, but she somehow wanted to avoid showing it to Lalita. - Oh that’s why he is not to be seen since morning, what happened did he go or your father threw him out of your house. Lalita Laughed - No, he had to suddenly rush back for some important work. He said he will be back next month. She suspiciously looked at Kinaaree and added - I don’t know if he has some work this side or he has someone this side.
Archive for the ‘Friends’ category
Kinnaree. A story of a mother (Part 1&2).
June 22nd, 2010an example for a generation.
November 17th, 2009![http://datastore.rediff.com/briefcase/645E645863626A5C6A616773/uway2jns0qftqiaw.D.0.14tendulkar[1].jpg](http://datastore.rediff.com/briefcase/645E645863626A5C6A616773/uway2jns0qftqiaw.D.0.14tendulkar[1].jpg)
Photograph thanks tohttp://cricket.rediff.com/report/2009/nov/14/i-admire-sachins-humility-says-vengsarkar.htm
Unlike for a generation who saw the transition to prosperity, but in the process many lost touch with the reality and the heritage. Millions of that generation that went abroad and many abandoned its parents back home. A generation many of whose did not see any wrong in sending its elders to geriatric homes also did not find anything wrong in leaving their mother land on the doorstep of disintegration.
Sachin Tendulkar has set an example for a generation.
Most of us may not have seen the partition but the pain is still in the air. But what is even more frightening is the thought that if we leave the linguistic division to flourish, God only knows what horror awaits us. the continent of Africa holds an example, the horror of civil wars, and for us the possibilities of the horrors of water wars and obviously the resulting famines, it is not hard to imagine what we are heading to.
When India became independent many leaders in the west went on record to say that, 'if they are given the independence they will not be able to keep it'. It is very sad but also has a bit of truth.
Our own people have been selling the nation in bits and stuffing money in the western banks. But the western intelligence agencies seem to have left no stone unturned to aid it.
The extent of the involvement often leeks out to the public. The late PLO leader, Nobel decorated, Mr Yasser Arafat is known to have told Mrs Indira Gandhi much in advance that the western intelligence was planning to assassinate her. Her assassination and related events were an attempt to take forward the British policy to break Punjab. Not much fact is available about on the godmen and other mysterious people, but the assassination of late Rajiv Gandhi and related events seemed an attempt to take forward the divide planted by British historians to divide Tamilnadu
The often incidences have a pattern of occurrence and what is very evident is that the attempts to divide India and undermine its integrity, seems to be planned much before the independence of India and the partition on religious ground seems just one part of the puzzle.
History records it that if partition of India was the brainchild of the British intelligence, the contemporary news articles suggest that the linguistic division of India seems to be spearheaded by the CIA.
It is not new for the western intelligence agencies to work together and split nations to colonize them, 'cutting of the Chinese melon' and the US open-door policy is not too far back in history, but recently the Iraq war is an even more ugly example of their colonial cooperation.
Anyone can gag any one,
The gag to speak against western policies to keep Asia and Africa in permanent conflict is self evident, but a few journalists have the cheek to brave this mist.
The other day while reading the novel "Mr. Editor, How Close Are You To The Pm?" by Vinod Mehta (outlook magazine), and his hints to the CIA's design of the linguistic division of India. It exposes an inside in to the murky world of intelligence agencies. One was not surprised by article on rediff by Jeremy R Hammond http://www.rediff.com/news/2008/dec/22mumterror-why-the-cia-does-not-want-dawood-in-indian-hands.htm, it explores the intricate nature of CIA's involvement in India, and one can draw conclusions as how sharp would be their influence on Indian and subcontinent politics.
But by and large even if there would be more journalists who would know about shadowy underworld of the intelligence agencies, I would wonder if they would write about it. And so the people are condemned to a world of perennial darkness, and not to mention very few citizens have the courage to brave this gag, and are generally in the eye of the storm if they do brave it.
One doesn't know the reasons behind the attempts to gag Sachin, but one thing is for sure, Sachin Tendulkar has set an example, but what is even more amazing is that he has set an example in all wallks of his life. an example in his work, with a respectable commitment to his family life, and his patriotism.
And I feel, taking encouragement from him, generations past and future will come together to push and to undo the mistakes of the past. Break the partition that divides Bengal and other parts of north India, undo the linguistic division of the provinces in India, there should be no emotional byes in distribution of responsibilities of a nation.
I am sure as today for ever, every Indian city and village will belong to everyone in India, for today tomorrow and forever.
How to make a relationship happening.
June 3rd, 2009This world is like a magical toy. If you get it, it turns into dust. But if you lose it, it becomes gold. I think this is what happens to us when we become friends with someone. Initially we don’t know where we are heading. And it’s all new and all fun, and that friendship is the most precious thing to us in the world, and we can do anything for it. But soon we reach a patch when the relationship starts getting slow, and we want to do something to it. We try different things; we go on holydays, try to make common friends, movies, books, jokes, cooking and everything that we can think of. But all turns futile, because it is just not as much fun as before. And that is the tenderest patch in a friendship, because we don’t mind loosing such a friendship. And for some the poem becomes a sad reality, the magical toy turns from gold to dust. And for those who do lose it soon understands what they lost, and in the hearts of their harts ‘the dust becomes gold again’. Although we pretend we don’t care. And we move on bravely. This is the reason I think a large number of arranged marriages work in India. Because, one fine day a couple land up in to a relationship, not knowing what to expect from each other. And till the time they reach a tender patch, they have enough common tasks. And these common challenges make them a team. But it depends on person to person because such marriages are not ‘all happy’. So what is the way out? The simple answer is ‘love’. They say love conquers all. I am often moved by the love we have for our pets. I think our love for our pets doesn't see the same fate as the human versions (no breakups). I think it’s because the pets never expect anything from us. But we expect a lot from humans, if a boy has a girlfriend he expects her to be a heavenly beauty day after day. If someone has a boyfriend she expects him to be a super human every day. So we don't love them every day (like we love our pets, lucky pets). I think the best way to make a relationship happening every day is to not compare the past with today. And reduce the pressure of expectation, be the self from the first day and every day. identity crises When we are kids, we know all the fellow kids by their names, and that is their identity. The parents of such kids have identity according to the identity of our class fellows, like Shyam's mom, or Ram's dad and so on. When we grow up we know people by what they do. Like a doctor is a doctor, an engineer, a photographer, librarian and so on. There is no problem in identifying people or for them to identify themselves with their professions. Then why do people have identity crises? The most learning example for me was that of the legendary artist Amitabh Bachchan. There was a time when he was held by an identity crises, and he could not come out of his own personal shadow. There was an image of his youth that his films had created, and by trying to act young, he was competing with so many of his own duplicates. But soon I guess he realized that he was Amitabh Bachchan no matter what he did. Like a tiger, if is made to dress like a sheep, the moment is opens his mouth, he is a tiger again. And I guess slowly he got comfortable with his public image and life went on for him. Why do people have identity crises? It seems it is people who are trying to break out of a shadow, ether they have created or they have inherited. Like for example if someone has a well-known father or mother, and he wants to do his own thing, but people compare him with his parents. Such people first enter image crises and then an identity crisis. Or if someone has a long heritage in a particular art, and when he or she want to brake it, whatever they may achieve in life, it looks smaller then the achievement if their heritage. The comfort zone of an image is both protecting and punishing. So how does one brake out of it? Be the self. Don't let a put-up image takeover. how does one save without cutting spending? A middle aged couple, in love for twenty years. The girl was the serious kind and the boy the honest kind. They did nothing but talk all these years. But one fine day they finally decided to marry. The lady looked in the mirror said to the lover. -You know I had a very attractive figure when I was young. - Oh but why dint you show it to me then. - I m sorry, but sweetheart don't worry. They say once married, we come together in seven re-births, I am sure this is not our seventh. So better luck next time. Moral of the story Tell them today, go for what you cherish today. The truth about spending is the same. If you have the money, spend it today. Don't die to save and spend tomorrow, because it may just not be as interesting later. It is important to save money but how much? Who can predict what would happen tomorrow. Save enough and spend enough is the idea. how to save without cutting on spending? I have known people repenting for what they could have done once, and also people who repent for what they did once. So how to chose wisely? I have known people to have made wise choices but yet not contented. So having got what you always cherished, how does one enjoy it? the last one is the most difficult. Enjoying what one has is the most difficult idea. Anything that we get in life becomes old, and having got it we don't aspire for it any more. The best way to afford both spending and saving is to spend wisely and thoughtfully. love what one wants to buy. And be sure to be able to love it even after one has owned it. That is my experience of buying my cherished dream possession.
There is a poetry in one of Jagjit Singh’s gazal, that says,
