This will be my most boring blog. But after reading about the Ram Sena incident I had to write this, for my own sake. In my opinion, all of us had a hand in the Ram Sena incident; all of us who thought, and still think, any of the colored letters below; including females.

The Solution? How about answering the first question with "it is her wish"? Let's start with that question.

Question: How do you want to raise your daughter, Western or Indian style?

A: I want my daughter to be a traditional homely Indian girl.

Question: What if she falls for the western culture?

B: I will try to convince her by pointing out the greatness of our culture and traditions.

Question: What if that doesn't work? (Read the same question after each line till F)

C: I will get upset with her and express my unhappiness.

D: I will get a little angry. It is justified as it is for her own good. Our culture is great.

E: I will shout at her. After all, I cannot let her spoil her life.

F: I will threaten to slap her. Of course, I won't hit her as it is really wrong.

What if she understands it is just a threat and does not back down?

G: I will slap her once, to prove it is not a threat. I am doing it for her own good.

H: All fathers are like me. They don't want their daughters to be westernized. But they just can't get harsh with their kids due to love and other weaknesses. I must do something.

I: I will fight westernization of our culture. This way I will make true Indians happy.

J: I will raid on Valentine's Day and make sure they don't happen. I won't hurt people.

K: I will raid pubs and discos. Maybe, some violence will happen for the larger good.

L: I will threaten westernized girls; scare, but not hurt, them. Their fathers will thank me.

M: Unless a couple of girls are hurt publicly, the remaining girls won't be scared enough to stop this westernization. I will do that. The affected girls and their parents may think I am a villain, the media may think so. But the other fathers, a lot of them true Indians and champions of our culture, will be happy that I stopped their girls from westernization.

What is an acceptable dress code?

N: I won't accept anything other than the traditional Indian sari.

O: Sari and Salwar are ok. No jeans please.

P: Jeans is fine as long as it is not skin tight.

Q: Jeans is ok as it covers the entire body. No sleeveless or skirts.

R: Full length skirts are fine as they don't reveal anything. I am against anything shorter.

S: Shin length skirts and capris are fine. Nothing shorter, we are Indian.

T: Knee length is ok. But thighs should not be shown. There is a limit.

U: I am broad minded. Mini skirts are ok. But these bikini shows are deplorable.

V: Bikinis are fine. But we should not be so westernized as to allow nudity on screen.

Most probably all of us are one of the alphabets here; the leap to next letter is easy and acceptable. A jump from A to M may look unreasonable. Not so any one step, I think if you are honest. You might not implement the next step. Somebody who likes you may do it. Somebody who likes him may go to the next step. So on to the last logical step.

Thank whatever the hell this god is that Hindu culture didn't have burqas as part of their "tradition" and "culture". At least, in the event of the Talibanization equivalent of India (assuming, of course, India isn't islamicized by then) we will see a few beautiful faces, hair (if not covering it will be allowed), and hopefully a few smiles of girls on the roads.

In the meanwhile, we'll continue our fight with the decadent west and protect our great culture. The girl over there in a mini-skirt is a threat to our safety and nation. Or maybe she is "fair game"; she probably has a lot of "experience". She probably "deserves" a little teasing and petting. And we will "never let" our wife or daughter wear such stuff.

As men, we are the protectors of women and we will force them for their own protection.

As women, women more westernized than us are bitches and morally loose.

Anyway, why bother with all this inconvenient stuff looking at ourselves in the mirror? Let's do the easy thing where all of us can agree with each other. Let's all join hands and blame the filthy politicians. Along with that, we'll write blogs denouncing Ram Sena. After all, we all need our veils to save us from our own eyes.

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Silent revolutions are usually not appreciated as they ought to be. Maybe because people love revolutions, dream of leading one, and have their names etched in history forever. Whatever be the situation, we always find a way to call for revolutions. This blog is at least a couple of months late. It should have been written after Obama was elected the President of the United States. But, I was on a break. However, he is about to assume office sometime today. So I thought maybe this is the occasion for it. Now you might be thinking this is another Obama eulogising piece. The hell it is; I don't give a damn about that man and I don't know or care much about him. This is about us.

Some 6-7 years back, I was discussing with friends. They were telling me in awed tones about accurate predictions of ancient seers. I was irritated. I said, "I challenge that in the next 100 years USA will have an African-American and a woman president. If it happens, do I become a great seer? It is logic. You can say anything. If it is unlikely, give it greater time and it will happen". Though not exactly the point I was making then, I estimated US will take 50 to 100 years before an African-American or a woman will be president-elect.

And then, the Democratic candidature came down to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. I remember Santhi asking me, "Do you think one of them will become President?" I said, "I think it is great that a woman or an African-American is going to be a candidate. But I think whoever is elected will lose. The parties will be afraid to nominate these groups at least for the next 3-4 elections. I expect another 30 years before they are elected". As the election neared, following various polls and news items, I knew I had a great chance to be wrong. Even though, this is a time I would be glad to be proved wrong, when pushed, I thought the race issue and the Hussein middle name issue will scare Americans off him. And then he was elected. Mankind, quite often, manages to give me pleasant surprises.

Importantly, he didn't have to seek sympathy or call for African-Americans to unite and fight white tyranny. He worked as part of the system, like any other candidate before him; and he was elected the 1^st African-American president. This is an event of unprecedented historical significance, not because he is the 1^st colored president, but because historically, hatred and fear precede such events. For once, let's look beyond Obama, and look at the system. Contrast this to our calls for hanging people we think immoral, banning stuff we don't like etc. This is a 1^st time an event of such significance was achieved so coolly.

America bashing is a passport to being accepted an intellectual among a lot of our circles. Be that as it may, however, maybe we can learn from the processes in place in American institutions through which those supposedly racial guys are able to pull off such feats; the feat in question is not Obama's election, but the fact that he came through the system, not despite it, in a country with over 75% whites. Maybe, we can start by stopping our search for a messiah to save the country or world. Our eagerness to deify individuals, among them Obama, is pathetically comic. Let's start looking at adapting systems and processes.

Momentous events must come about by processes that avoid internal contradictions; they take time. If you just choose an end point and want to reach there overnight, it becomes a seed for future hatred; a seed that will eventually overturn the status quo again.

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Recently I witnessed a small demonstration of the American Communist Party in New York with police protection. Couldn’t help wondering the fate of corresponding individuals in communist or theocratic regimes.

Attitude: Start with "I am positive and optimistic". Let the opponent go to the topic; you stay on this. Though irrelevant, you look good if things heat up. Let him argue; you try to find flaws. Don't prove anything; just prevent him. Make allegations; ask him to disprove you. Importantly, refuse to be convinced whatever he says. Use his failure to convince as proof of you being right. These methods also ensure his tiredness to counter, and you can claim to out-arguing and outlasting him. Add smile symbols when the veiled abuses start; make the length and number of them proportional to the intensity of abuses. They irritate.

Morality: State, "I believe in peace and love. I will fight till my last breath for what is right". Everybody fights for what he believes is right. But in an argument, this establishes your opponent as a violent hate-monger, and fights for the wrong. To irritate further and include others on your side, say, "I am sure all right thinking people will agree with me".

Grow up: Not much works better than, "I used to think like you long back. But I grew out of all that" in gaining an elderly, knowledgeable status in an argument. It will irritate your opponent, but basically he can do nothing about it. You are saying that he is a kid, immature, and as he gains wisdom like you, he will eventually learn of his errors. This is a master stroke. If your opponent says that you are calling him immature and all that, you can say, "I didn't mean it like that. You are very impulsive, and you have a lot to learn".

Not Applicable: An excellent way of wriggling out if cornered is by saying, "What you say maybe right. But it is not applicable in the present time". It would be foolish to try to prove it. Challenge your opponent to disprove it. We have numerous situations in the present. You throw in difficult situations at your opponent and hear him out. Try never to be convinced; try not to understand; forget past conversations and repeat your questions; don't make connections between arguments. Make it his job to convince you. You just have to be as dumb as possible. Never forget your goal ' win the debate at any cost.

Believe: The mother of all arguments, "Reason cannot explain everything. So I prefer to believe". It, of course, has no place in a rational argument. But who cares? It works and that is all that matters. Of course, current reason cannot explain everything. All of us know that. And, beliefs cannot explain everything either. But the beauty here is that you no longer have to defend your statements, as you already abandoned reason. Your beliefs don't need logical defenses. You win. An equivalent sentence is, "I speak from my heart".

Personality: Twist a misunderstand-able argument into an obvious wrong and discredit the person; be shocked over "basic" mistakes; his 100 good arguments will count for zero. This way you can disprove Einstein's relativity by pointing to his grammatical mistakes. Keep saying "Wars, corruption, terrorism, injustices etc must end". Say them first, ignore your opponent's agreement and repeat; it will sound like he supports wars, corruption etc. 

Withdrawal: Find something offensive in your opponent's words, and withdraw. It helps to save face if you are lost or tired. Never forget the great misinterpretation line; it helps most of us in pretending outrage against religious atrocities. It will help everywhere else. 

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If you think I meant you in any sentence of the blog, you are probably right. However, if you think I meant “only” you, I don’t think I will agree with you. I can think of at least 5-6 examples for each “tip”. I myself used them all at some stage or the other in my life Best of luck.

A village decided to give out an advertisement to manage their affairs. The advertisement read thus:

Wanted ' A Person to serve our village

Qualifications ' Kindheartedness, a willingness to put others before self and family, a zeal to serve for the welfare of others without expecting anything in return.

Duties ' The village has 1000 people. Each will contribute 10000 a year as taxes. The candidate is expected to manage the 10 million to provide the village with roads, electricity, water, food, entertainment etc, make sure they are put to best use and that everybody in the village is safe and happy.

Contract Length ' Five years

Salary Compensation ' 10 a month

Application fee ' 100

Candidate selection ' It is based on an election by the village populace. The candidate should spell out his plans to the people and they will choose the candidate they like. The cost of campaigning is expected to be 100000 and the candidate is expected to bear these expenses.

Special Request ' Honest, service minded and non-corrupt only must apply.

The village got some ten applications. The villagers selected a candidate who said, "If you select me, I will provide you free electricity, free food, free housing. I and my family will work night and day for the welfare of the village. I will sell my house and my wife's gold, and the clothes on my back and give it to you. Nothing gives me more happiness than sacrificing whatever is mine for you, my people, my brothers, sisters, fathers, sons, daughters and mothers" The villagers were moved to tears and voted for him massively.

After a couple of months, the villagers were again moved to tears, of a different kind, as the candidate bought a new house and car, and went abroad with his family for a vacation for a couple of months. The villagers went to a neighboring village and met with an elder there. They asked him, "What should we do? We gave him a five year contract. He took our 10 million and left. We were paying him 10 a month. If it is less, he shouldn't have taken the job. We had 9 other applicants. We want to kill these corrupt filthy politicians". The sagely elder said, "Yes, we need a revolution. Unite and fight for a great tomorrow. Never give up. Also, the next time make sure the advertisement is of bigger size, and use variety color fonts for honest, service minded, and non-corrupt. Can I apply next time?"

And the next day, the sun rose in the east. It did again five years later. Always, as usual!

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