Height of recession… …….
Nadi mein dobta hua aadmi
Rassi nahi pakad pa raha tha
Rah rah kar chillaa raha tha
Mein marna nahi chahta
Zindagi badi mehengi hai
Kal hi to meri ek MNC mein naukri lagi hai..
Itna sunte hi pul par chalte
Aadmi ne apni rassi kheench li
Aur bhagte bhagte wo MNC gaya
Usne wahan ke HR ko bataya ki
Abhi abhi ek aadmi doobkar mar gaya hai
Aur is tarah aapki company mein
Ek jagah khali kar gaya hai…
Mein berozgaar hoon muje le lo…
HR boli dost tumne aane me der kar di,
ab se kuch der Pehle humne us aadmi ko lagaya hai
Jo usse dhakka de kar tumse pehle yahan aaya hai !!!
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE
Raju:No ma”m! I will not be able to attend it.
Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!
Johnny:”Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.”
A Marwadi having no child, no money, no home, a blind mother, prays to God.
God happy with his prays, grants him only ONE wish!
Marwadi : I want my mother to see my wife putting Diamond bangles on my Child”s hands in our new home!
God : Damn !!! I still have a lot to learn from these Marwadi”s
This one is cool read along…..
This is called deadlock…
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year,
the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both
speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and
found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son,
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can’t face each other, but they still stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman becomes one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the “Y” becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right; I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
22. it's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
25. WIFE: Let’s go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.
26. At a party, one woman said to another: AREN’T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
Patient: Doctor saheb.. Pahle se jyada kharab ho gayi hai.
Doctor: dawai khali thi kya ?
Patient : Nahi doctor saheb. Dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.
Doctor: Arey… mere kahne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.
Patient: Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur Maine le li thi.
Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya ?
Patient: Oho, nahi doctor saheb dawai to laal thi.
Doctor: Abe GADHE, Dawai KO piliya tha kya ?
Patient : Nahi. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.
Doctor: Abe Teri to, Dawai KO muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k nahi ?
Patient: Nahi doctor saheb.
Doctor: Kyon ?
Patient: Kyonki dhakkan band tha.
Doctor: Teri to sale, to Khola kyon nahi.
Patient: Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.
Doctor: Tera ilaaz main nahi kar sakta !
Patient: Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga
Doctor : Abe teri ….
Naukarani Ne Sushila Se Kaha, Memsahab Gajab Ho Gaya.
Pados Ki Teen Auraten Aap Ki Saas Ko Peet Rahi Hain.
Sushila Naukarani Ke Sath Balakani Se Aayi Aur Chupchap
Tamasha Dekhane Lagi.Naukarani Ne Pucha, Aap Madad
Karane Nahi Jayengi ?
Sushila - Nahi Teen Hi Kaafi Hain.
once there was an accident where the car driver
hit the parrot.
The parrot faints, so the driver takes the parrot to his home ,
gives first aid to it and then puts it in a cage with some food .
When the parrot wakes up . in a shock it tells
“aila!! jail!!!!!! gadi wala mar gaya kya????”
Mallika Sherawat ne
Baba Ramdev Ji se puchha ,
ki main nahate samay kya lagaun ,
ki mera Yauvan surakshit rahe ?
Baba ne Kaha …
DARWAJA … !
Jinn: Hukam aaka ?
Man: Ghar se dubai tak road banani hai
Jinn: Mushkil hai aur koi kaam bataiye
Man: Meri biwi ko aagyakari aur samajhdar bana do.
Jinn: Road single banani hai ya dabule…..
Wife: Ji apko mujhme kya achha lagta hai meri samajhdari ya meri beauty..
Husband: Mujhe to ye tumhari Majak karne ki aadat bahut achchhi lagti hai..
Police ne raat ke 1 baje sharab ke nashe mein
tunn ek aadmi ko pakad kar puchha..
Raat ke ek baje tum Kahan ja rahe ho..?
Aadmi - Main sharab peene ke dush parinaam
per lecture sunne ja raha
Police - Itni raat mein tumhe kaun lecture dega..?
Aadmi - Mere biwi…..
A 4 year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell to his father that he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So father fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with his father's toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little smile, “We better throw this one out too then, ’cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room.When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter, haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time,” she said to her mother.”I can’t read, I can’t write and they won’t let me talk!”
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was physically impossible.The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.” Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘that’s Michael. He’s a doctor.’”
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher. She’s dead.”
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, “Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.”"Yes,” the class said.
“Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn’t run into my feet?”A little fellow shouted, “Because your feet aren’t empty.”
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, “Take all You want. God is watching the apples!”
A kindergarden teacher at age 30 was talking to the children seated on the floor around her, absentmindedly she removed her glasses to clean them.
“Wow, Miss Collins!” one child exclaimed. “You look really different without your glasses on !”Another child piped up, “I bet she looks different when she takes her teeth out, too!”