A man goes to a slimming centre which offers different packages for different prices.

He chooses the cheapest— a half-an-hour package.

He is let into a room and the door is shut from outside. Another door opens and out comes a very sexy girl in a bikini. She says, "If you catch me, you can have me" and starts running. Though he puts in his best, he cannot catch her. Half an hour is soon over and the girl vanishes behind the door.

An engineering student is walking along when a fellow student arrives on a new bicycle. Impressed, he asks, “Where did you get this beautiful bicycle?”

“Well,” the second engineering student says, “A couple of days ago I was just walking along when this gorgeous blonde pulls up, hops off the bike, rips off all her clothes, and says ‘take what you want’.”

The other engineering student nods and says “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed.

To the first mother he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy.”

He turned to the second mom. “Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”

He turned to the third mom. “Your obsession is alcohol and your child’s name is Brandy.”

At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, “Come on, Dick, let’s go home.”

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are helping out on a project. About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says “Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish.”

The hardware engineer went first. “I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries.” The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.

The software engineer went next. “I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries.” The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.

Last, but not least, it was the project manager’s turn. “And what would your wish be?” asked the genie.

I

Two friends(girls) were walking back after a late night movie. They noticed that they were being followed by a ruffian with rape written in capital letters on his face. Unable to shake him off, they took two different routes. One of them reached her hostel in time. The second came in panting after a good 1 hr. their dialogue:

1^st friend             : what happened?

2ndfriend            : well, the obvious. He chased me.

1^st friend             : then what?

2^nd friend              : well, the obvious. He caught up with me.

1^st friend               : then what?

2^nd friend              : well, the obvious, I begged & pleaded with him,           

                              He was unmoved So, in fear I agreed to co-

                               operate  

1^st friend               :and  then?

 2^nd friend             : well, the very obvious—-a girl with her skirt up

                              runs faster than a guy with his pants down.

II

A man calls up his home from his office. His 7year old daughter answers:

Man: call your mom; I've something very urgent to tell her.

Girl : but mom is in the room with Uncle John, she has told me not to disturb her

Man (furious): just knock on the door & tell her that u just saw dad driving in. then come & tell me what happens.

Girl (after a few minutes):well, pop, mom fainted, uncle John  jumped from the window,& is now lying very still, is probably dead u see he landed in the swimming pool which has been drained out for cleaning, so no water in it

Man (interrupting): swimming pool? What number is this?

Girl: # # # # # # #

Man (gruffly) : er sorry, wrong number.

 here is something to cheer up monday lunchtime—-

                                 Men always have better friends….

They will stand by him, no matter what….!!!

Here’s an example:-

 Friends of Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night.

So she tells her husband the very next morning,

that she stayed at her (girl) friend’s apartment overnight.

So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and

none of them confirmed that she was with them.

 Friends of Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night.

So he tells his wife ,on returning home the  next morning,

that he stayed at his friend’s apartment over night.

So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirmed that

he stayed at their apartments(each at a different location) that night and

another 5 (all living separately)claimed that he is still with them.

 Interviews were on for a entry level management positions  in a very well known organization.

Candidate No 1  is a very smart & articulate person. He enters the room wishes everyone & the interview starts.

Interviewer: when did India become free?

Candidate 1: 15^th August ,1947,but the process started much earlier.

Interviewer: Who was responsible for India gaining freedom?

Candidate 1: There were too many people involved,& it wouldn't be fair to give the credit to just 1 person.

Interviewer: What is your opinion on corruption in our country?

Candidate 1: A committee is looking into the matter. As soon as they give their report we will know the specific answer.

The board is very impressed by his diplomatic stand, but warns him not to reveal the questions until the whole interview session is over. He agrees.

As soon as he walks out of the room candidate 2 catches hold of him & begs him for the questions . When he refuses to tell him , the 2^nd candidate tells, "kam se kam answers to bol de"?the 1^st one sees no harm in it so he tells the answers. This is how the 2^nd candidate's interview proceeds:—

Interviewer: When were you born?

Candidate 2: 15^th August1947,but the process started much earlier.

Interviewer (very surprised):What's your father's name?

Candidate 2: There were too many people involved,& it wouldn't be fair to give the credit to just 1 person.

Interviewer (now angry): just tell us your father's name?

Candidate 2: A committee is looking into the matter. As soon as they give their report we will know the specific answer.

On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing. He approached the young man and calmly said to him,
“How much do you earn?”
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less,
“I earn Rs.2000 a month, Sir. Why?”
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed Rs. 6000 cash and gave it to the young man and said,
“Around here I pay people 4 working, not 4 standing around looking pretty! Here is 3 months’ salary, and now just GET OUT and don’t come back”
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight. Noticing a Few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner,”And that applies for everybody in this company”.
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him,”Who’s the young man that I just fired?”

To which an amazing reply came ,
“He was the pizza delivery man, Sir…!!!”