Recently during a meeting where the management was looking into the allegation of "unacceptable" behavior brought against one officer by another, I was struck by the fragility of the human psyche. In the race to the top, in an effort to beat the others and get to the finishing line first, they stake everything and end up as T.S.Eliot described as "burnt out ends of smoky days "

 Although the allegations could not be substantiated, the officer defended her decision to lodge official complaint as she believed it is better to pre-empt "future trouble" before things "blow out of control". It was nothing that mutual discussions could not have solved.

What stood out was the underlying insecurity that made her strike for no obvious reason (other than imaginary fears).The matter could have been resolved between the two of them. But, no one wanted to see the other's point of view as they considered it akin to losing their self importance .it fact, more than a solution; they were seeking a chance to discredit the other person.

This game of one'upmanship seems to have left a large number people stressed out to such an extent that they are scared of even their own shadows they see threats where none exist & in trying to fend off these imaginary fears, people end up being alienated from each other. In trying to run away from shadows, people wander in darkness . Maybe they find comfort there because in darkness there are no shadows. Light is needed to create shadows but, light also shows many not-so-nice & incomplete pictures along with the nice, vibrant & happy ones we must learn to take both in our stride as we move along through life.

A strange thing I have noticed often enough is that that what seems imperfection at the first glance often end up becoming something to cherish later on. So often, I have agonized over the flaws in my paintings only to be told later the difference in hues or shades "have added so much depth to them". These "depths" were definitely not planned by me nor did they germinate in my mind . Maybe these were gestures from the Almighty Himself telling me to enjoy the good and the not-so-good equally .

Most of  our generation  lives greedily lapping up whatever life  can or may possibly have to offer living with an attitude "I want this & I also want that". But, it's only the very few lucky ones who get both "this" and "that". And, in this tug of war between what we want and what we get, life and happiness become the major casualties .

 Nothing wrong with wanting more out of life but, at the same time, one should be prepared to face the truth and be aware of the fact that whatever happens life goes on .And, the joy in living is in moving on with life & not in hanging on to what may have been .

Omar Khayyam, while describing the results of his attempts to understand life had written (this is Edward Fitzgerald's translation):—-

And this was all the Harvest that I reap’d—

 “I came like Water, and like Wind I go.”

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Securitizing the future!!!!! Hmmm it's nothing less than a mantra for our generation (at the other end of the spectrum is  what can be loosely called "overspending life", that is , living like there is no tomorrow) I have lost count of the number of "todays" that I sacrificed to make my tomorrows more secure. Recently, when I survived a hit-and-miss encounter with death by the skin of my teeth did I start questioning the wisdom of holding today as a hostage for tomorrow? What if I had not survived? Wouldn't I have lost both my today and my future? Anyways, no point in worrying over what did not happen so lets move on .

The first time this question popped up in my mind was during the wedding of a cousin. The groom and the bride both belonged to Indian families settled in the U S of A. Needless to say quite a few of their American friends came to witness the "grand Indian wedding splendor."

One American guest asked me straightaway if marriage annulment and alimony laws were very lax in India (taking the wind out of my sails .here the ceremony was yet to begin and this guy already talking of annulment!) which made it more convenient for couples to marry. I was amused by such a question while the guest was amazed by the number of married couples he saw in India!!!  Most guests were unable to believe that pre-nuptial agreements are very rare in India!

Karen and Jamie (two of the  American guests) have been a couple living together for the last 4 years but do not think about getting married. The reason? Well, in future, if the marriage breaks up the resultant expenditure will make a hole in their pockets and wrangling over money will embitter their relations completely. Even though they are absolutely in love and completely compatible as a couple today, their fear of tomorrow lurks underneath their happiness and perhaps makes it a shade less bright than it should have been.

I have heard of the past experiences casting shadows on the  present and the future but the the unseen,unexperienced,the unknown  future deciding our present…?

Another couple in the same group, Ernie and Jessie, are very sure that they want to get married but will do so only after they save enough to buy themselves a cruise on a super luxury liner as honeymoon and, hold your breath, till Jess (she is a tad bit overweight) gets into perfect shape so that she rocks in her honeymoon photographs!

Is it really worth waiting for that perfect moment to let go and enjoy oneself what stops us from making this moment "the" moment to lose ourselves in?  After all, the "special" moment that we wait for is also going to be momentary.

One poet (I do not know the name) put it so beautifully:

lamha lamha tarse the jis  lamhe ke liye

woh lamha aaya  bhi to sirf ek lamhe ke liye

"C'mon, 5 in 3 mins, or else " said the senior menacingly, holding out a pack of cigarettes.  A motley group of seniors sniggered & squeaked in anticipation.

"I don't smoke", was my reply.

"There is a 1^st time for everything".

I refused; they taunted told me to "be positive" and "try out new avenues" "experiment with life" etc. It was first day of college for me.

In fact, for the next 2 months that group of seniors nicknamed me "Ms. Negative" or "Mataji" (in a very snide manner) & I ignored (and avoided) them in a studied manner till the matter died a natural death (out of sheer boredom of monotonous existence!).

But, a few years later, when I met this senior again in the course of my work, this incident served as excuse for us to laugh at ourselves. The most amusing part of the story is that the guy who had asked me to smoke is today a non-smoker himself and a fitness freak! Oh yes, he sees his action of giving up smoking as one of the most "positive" things that he has done in life!

And, interestingly, today, he feels, my refusal to give in to arm twisting was not "negative" but, was "positive" statement of my faith in my beliefs and so was my courage to stand by them!!!! It took me a while to understand what he was trying to say when I first heard this statement.

From my viewpoint today, I only see it as a lucky escape and nothing more(nothing either positive or negative about it)….being a non-smoker I could never have done "5 in 3 mins" and would have only made a fool of myself. I shudder to think what the "or else " would have been. Thankfully, in the commotion of a fresher refusing to ragged, the "or else " was completely forgotten!!!

But, it also brought forth the fact how perspectives change with time and growth and makes me wonder how far justified are we in making sweeping statements about "positivism" and "being positive".

What is positive and what exactly is negative? Are there any absolute values or definitions for it? And who decides?

My experience says that the easiest way to be branded negative is to disagree with someone .whatever the issue,  just because your ideas are different, you are negative. However, if you call the other person "negative" for not seeing your point of view, he'll scream BLASPHEMY!!!

I had seen a very interesting manifestation of this in office. The "competency tests" of the middle level managers were on the questions were set by the experts in the field, the candidates answered to the best of their abilities. But interpreting the answers fell in the jurisdiction of the "bosses". And, their opinion seemed subjective to their likes and dislikes. Naturally, their favorites were assessed favorably.

But what was amazing was that non-favorites in most cases got remarks like "lack of positive approach". "Too cautious, bordering on the negative"  "needs to develop a more positive attitude". For favorites, whatever they said was seen as "very positive outlook which would take the company to greater heights" & “”positive influence on subordinates”(of course subordinates were not  consulted in this matter for their opinion).

The ambiguity of the terms "positive" and "negative" makes them so very versatile!!!…people use it and misuse it to their heart's content. It makes issues out of non-issues and finds meanings even in confusion and also creates confusion out of nothing.

Personally, I believe in keeping an open mind on most things and judging every incident in view of the whole situation and circumstances in which they occur absolute judgments show rigid minds. And it is rigidity and inability to see the other point of view that so often leads to problems and conflicts in society.