|
|
01. Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife. 02. Life’s Irony: It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends. 03. I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. 04. I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. 05. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. 06. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher… and that is a good thing for any man. 07. Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Therefore … 08. Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence - A Life sentence! 09. Marriage is when a man and woman become one, the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. 10. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning. 11. I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. 12. If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
OBJECTIVE: To sit in a cubicle and stare at a monitor for eight hours, occasionally looking attentive when approached by a superior. EDUCATION
School: Very Expensive
Major: Not Important
GPA: Don’t Ask EMPLOYMENT and past Experience * NETWORK MANAGEMENT (Present): Produced daily itinerary of television programs to watch. Duties included changing channels, avoiding infomercials, and staying tuned after those messages. * DEBT CONSOLIDATION (7/06-10/07): Using various tools such as credit cards and borrowed cash, I managed to combine groups of unpaid bills into one monthly bill that goes straight to my father. * RESIDENT INHALER (9/04-6/06): Assisted all students with chemical intake from purchasing to exhaling. COMPUTER SKILLS
* Solitaire
* Minesweeper
* On/Off Repair Method HONORS AND AWARDS
* First Place in Hot Dog eating and beer drinking tournaments.
* Said Toast at brother’s wedding.
* Highest Score on Pin Ball Machine. For further references, contact my mother. For positive responses, please pose all questions as though you’re considering me as a law school applicant.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Direct Marketing. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her, and pointing at you says, “He’s fantastic in bed.” That’s Advertising. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Telemarketing. You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Public Relations. You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.” That’s Brand Recognition
It was just before Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as
he asked the defendant, “What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early sir”, replied the defendant. “Well that’s not an crime”, said the judge! “How early were you
doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened”, answered the prisoner.
Exam == Kalyug Classes == Kabhi Kabhi Examination Hall == Chamber of Secret Examiner == Mrityudata Course == GodZilla Paper Correction == Andha Kanoon Exam Time == Qayamat se Qayamat Tak Question Paper == Paheli Answer Paper == Kora Kagaz Marks == Asambhav Paper Out == Plan Cheating == Aksar Last Exam == Independence Day Result == Sadma Pass == Ajooba / Chamatkar Fail == Devdas Vacations == Masti
I talk, he talk, Why do you middle middle talk? “Hey, u guys, please keep quiet. The president is rotating outside” “Donot smoke and spoil the botany of ur body” “Open the windows, open the windows, let the climate come in “ “Why are you naat filupping the blanks ? “ “Don’t talk like that in front of my back “ Advice to father thinking about whether he should let his daughter continue her studies or get her married : “Well, if you wantu study her, then study her. If you wantu marry her, then marry her .” Prof to students hanging around the corridors during exams :
“Do not revolve in the corridors in front of the examinations “ A doctor said to his car mechanic, “Your rate is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.” “Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn’t changed since Adam but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every year!”
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." Marriane WHEN EVERYTHING CHANGES CHANGE EVERYTHING
A new year brings a new opportunity to finally achieve all that you desire. If you did not achieve all that you desired or worse, are in the exact same place you were a year ago, then it is time to make a change in what you are doing. Let’s face it; if you continue doing what you are currently doing, you are going to keep on getting what you are currently getting. So what are you going to do differently this time? Write It Down Did you know that you have a much better chance of achieving your goals by simply writing them down? For instance, Mark McCormack reported in his Success Secrets newsletter that 83% of Harvard School graduates had no goals 10 years after graduation; 14% had goals, but not in writing. The remaining three percent had written goals - and were earning 10 times as much as the group with no goals. Even the 14% whose goals were not in writing were earning three times as much as those graduates who had no goals at all. It is therefore important to write down what you want to achieve. Simply by writing out all the goals, you are getting closer to achieving them. Make sure you dream big! Remember, anything is possible in life. You don’t have to know how you are going to achieve it, just what you want to achieve. So start writing, start planning, and take action! “If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else!” - Yogi Berra
By Sonia Ricotti Sometimes we get so stuck in the situations of our everyday lives, that we get blinded by the fog and forget what life is all about, why we are here, what is really important, and where we are going. At times life throws us some major curve balls that are so excruciatingly difficult to deal with that we experience a mental crash. We can call these situations “breakdowns” if you will, but always remember that following every breakdown is the emergence of a miraculous “breakthrough”.
As crazy as this may sound, breakdowns should actually be celebrated. Think about it. When everything is “OK’ in our lives, we rarely make the necessary changes in our lives to create a “great” life. We usually remain in our “numb zone” where we are simply content. However, when we finally hit rock-bottom and/or have a breakdown, the pain becomes so unbearable that we are forced out of our numb zone, take action, and make the necessary changes - and that will lead you to greatness!
So if life has thrown you a major curve ball and you’re experiencing a breakdown (and many people are during these tumultuous economic times), hold on to your socks and get ready, because a breakthrough is about to unfold and your greatest life is just around the corner!
Wishing you lots of love and success !
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared, he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther. Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body (and head) and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that at any moment the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved it’s freedom from the cocoon. Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. And we could never fly.
|
|
Recent Comments