Nikhil's Jam Room...

DreamCatcher

Lately, I have been stuck in a controversy with my folks out here in the US about whether or not to start off with my flying lessons. My post "Not an aviator," two posts behind this one, was when my uncle and aunt here had more or less decided for me that I wasn't going to learn flying yet. With much grit, I pursued the situation and the situation's pretty disheartening, even though I have reached a point where I have been awarded the opportunity to "make my own decision" inspite of my uncle and aunt having "put a lot of thought into it and advised me against taking the classes." Sure, my uncle's a PhD and has been mentoring and guiding students for 3 to 4 decades now. But he's a PhD in Toxicology and has been mentoring his doctoral students. I am still an undergraduate! Situations of doctoral students and undergraduate students are way different.

At my age of 2I, the view of the world is constantly evolving, changing even. Right now I want to explore my horizons, do different things and put those changing views into perspective and complete an apparent puzzle. I want to reach for the skies. Quite literally, too. How could I ever forego THAT for an increased opportunity for scoring a perfect grade at college? My uncle thinks (or assumes, rather) that flying now will only distract me from my studies and put my good grades at a risk. Now here's the bummer - I am majoring in Aviation; Bachelor of Science in AVIATION, for goodness sakes! So what if my curriculum doesn't require me to have a private pilot license? I had ALWAYS stated that I want to earn at least a private pilot license before I am done with my degree. A pilot's license AFTER my degree is of no significance to me. I'm a college student. Let me be. Don't destroy my will to dream. Don't push me into the mainstream march towards material success and grades and scores and marksheets and good looking transcripts.

I have hardened up a little bit (unfortunately?) and have decided to be a dreamcatcher. I will pursue my skies. Literally. It is sad that one has to fight for achieving their dreams. It is sadder for me since I am fighting against the very people who are supposed to help me achieve my dreams... and not hand me a set of dreams like its a laundry list. But nonetheless, I want to announce now that this might be one of the last few posts on THIS blog. A dreamcatcher's aiming at a star. :)

rOCK0n!

Definition of dedication - Personified and videotaped.

Take a look.
I want to meet this man someday!

rOCK0n!

Not an aviator

So, I'm not an aviator after all. Someone else gets to do the choices for me.

You know those things they say about "Don't let someone else run your life! Make your own choices"..? It's not that easy.
In my case it's impossible. I feel suffocated, strangled and suppressed. Yet, I am supposed to smile and feel blessed. How am I supposed to do that?
I had plans, grand plans, to blog about my flying experiences and share my happiness with everyone. All I have today to share are broken dreams and shattered hopes.

I'm not an aviator after all.

A PJ and a Quote.

The PJ:
How do you feel when you see an egg? Eggsighted. (I told you it was PJ. As in Pathetic Joke)

The Quote:
Idealism is cool, only because there are realists around.

Obviously, I am jobless and lazy and full of bull shit (uh... no connection to my earlier post here.)
rOCK0n!

Red Bull Shit

Literally.

I was not a real big fan of that new beverage "Red Bull" earlier either. I had my first can of Red Bull last night, since that was the only caffeine (fuck! whats the right spelling?) loaded beverage I could find in my vicinity. I had to stay up all night to study. Enchilada burrito and chicken soft-taco followed. Next morning I shat it all out. Yes, you read that right. The Red Bull beverage flowed out through my anal tract. The restroom smelled like caffeined crap, instead of the usual... uh... I will stop there.
I am not having another Red Bull in my whole life. Austrians can kiss (lick?) my ass if they want to. But Red Bull's a no no.

rOCK0n!

The weeks running upto and including the weekof Nov 6 - 11 were probably the most emotionally, adrenalinally, physically, mentally and everythingally (ok, I am making up words, but you get the point), charged days I have ever had. University of Louisiana at Monroe hosted an inter-collegiate flying competition that week. I, for one, was the Vice-President of the team that organized it. The weeks that we spent organizing and planning were simply HECTIC. Planning for a weeklong event that will have over hundred participants is, to put it simply, isn't easy. Co-ordinating contestant registration, inviting judges, putting together official documents, media relations, etc. isn't really as simple as I thought. Add to it, classes, exams, assignments. Not a pretty situation, but a heck of a learning curve. Inspite of all that, we did well. All the bigwigs commended our work and the whole thing went without a hitch. On Nov 11, after the very last event - the awards banquet - was done, and it was all over, I cried - I came home, loosened my tie, kneeled down, put my face in my bed, and cried. All that anxiety, that stress just flowed out through that foremost emotion of personal victory - tears. And through those tears I got rid of the monsters from the past - those pointed words that had stayed stuck in my memory and kept bleeding me all the time, until now. "You are useless.""you will be nothing in your life, Nikhil""You will go to waste". Those words just dissipated into my memory and are now just that - memory. They are no longer sharp spears stuck in my head that hurt me everytime I tried to think.

~~**~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~~****~~~~****~~**~~*~~**~*~**~**~~~~~~***~~*~*~*~*~*~~~~~~~******~~*~*~**~****

During the week of competition, I got to do my first ride in a small airplane. And I tell you, its a whole different ball game in there! Words fall short of the description needed here. I'll leave that for you to experience sometime.
As for me, I am now ready to be in the pilot's seat. I am ready to learn to fly. I am ready. To be an aviator. I am ready.

I'm not dead yet!

And I am surprised I am not. With so much to do in only so much time, I am surprised I still retain my conciousness. Whether it's a pleasant surprise or not is another issue. I am confused about that at this point. How nice it would be if I just black out for a while and catch up on the rest I have not had for what seems like eons now. I can also choose to just get to bed and sleep away the next few days, but then I'll attract a flurry of brickbats, bricks, bats, and other potentially harmful items thrown at me. If I black out, I will not only NOT be cussed at, but I will also receive acknowledgements about my hard work, sympathies and a whole lot of "get well soon"s.
At this point I hate to say my back is broken, for obvious reasons. The moment I say this, I know I will attract some more brickbats, courtesy of the novel idea of going "brokeback." Maybe not bricks and bats this time, but the extra brickbats will cover up for their absence. I shouldn't be blogging now. I am running out of time for this, that and the other thing. Will be back sometime when I am done with this shit.

rOCK0n!

This post comes as a commentary on this post by Sushruth. Read his post first if you'd like. But I reckon this post make sense by itself.

I think the main question in this whole post is "is there something that is right universally,true for almost all the times?" Absolutely not, me thinks. Right and wrong is a perception of the majority. As long as 51 out of 100 people say X is wrong, its going to be wrong. As soon as there is a shift in loyalties and 51% say Y is wrong, X becomes acceptable. In the real world, the shift in loyalties occurs over a long period of time - over few generations. So when we (the impatient generation) don't get to change things instantly (ref: instant gratification), confusion occurs, for we don't realize that change is a long process.
Case in point: Few hundered years ago, the pettiest crime called for capital punishment, or some kind of disembodiment (popping off the eye, chopping off joints, etc.) People's thinking changed. Now we are in a phase where we are debating the validity of capital punishment. Disembodiment is out altogether.

So when you fight and don't win,
Fret not, for you are just contributin'
To the process called change.
But when the transition is complete,
You might just be out of range -
Up in the heavens; but your life's resume is replete
With your contributions to the change.

Whatsay?

rOCK0n!

I am Insane...?

Yes, I am insane
In a world so dubiously sane -
Forever making sense of the obvious,
Forever rejecting the mysterious!
Forever you call me insane,
Forever labeling me inane.

It is me,
Who sees beyond what you care to think.
It is me,
Who ventures into the unknown territory.
It is me
Who plucks the fruit and hands it to you.
It is me
Who sees the donkey and gives it its due.

Yes, it is me,
Who sings this song and writes it too.
It maybe for the bowl, but it�s more �bout the soul!
But that�s you,
Singing, working, sweating, bleeding just for the bowl
While your soul
Is lurking around, getting lost, burning like coal.

In these abstract words I find my solace,
But in your heart they find no place,
For you�ve already left it slain�
Forever you call me insane,
Always labeling ME inane?

-Nikhil Joshi

r0CKOn!

The pluto thing

Pluto didn't perform well at the annual(?) assesment by NASA.
So now what? We will have no "nav-graha" pujas? How about "ashta-graha"?