Jus' me

The Invitation - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn`t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart`s longing.

It doesn`t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn`t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened by life`s betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine and your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with JOY, mine or your own: if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn`t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself: if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon.

It doesn`t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn`t interest me who you are, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn`t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

On me ... and we !

We are wierdos. We want to belong. To communities, to our friends and yet stay away at an arm's length. We want to talk about ourselves, but just as much lest we disclose too much information. Its funny how we all want to reach out and be reached out for, and yet hide in our own cocoons, far and beyond anybody's reach. Sometimes I do feel lost. In this world of fast-moving cars, fast-changing beliefs and faster changing people, I feel lost. The world is becoming smaller they say. It may shrink down to the size of a pea, but we all will still be alone. // I love water, I am water, when I stagnate, I reflect, when I let go, I flow away. I love sand, I am everything you want me to be. A ship, a castle, a message for a lover. And yet when forced I crumble into sand again. I get washed by the sea, I traverse miles of oceans and distances looking for another story in my head

�

Me..jus' Me

Here goes .. I�m 24 years old. Although I love being the center of attention but I don�t always need to be it. I am 1/2" short of 5'11". I smile and laugh a lot. I am a very creative soul. I believe in God. He is the Alpha and Omega. In a restaurant, I�m in the non-smoking section. I fall in love very quickly but never fall out of love. I�m spontaneous. I love technology though am not a geek. Blue is my favorite color. Or maybe black. I am a loner. Highways fascinate me. I believe in fate over free will. Above all, I believe in Destiny. I expect a lot from people and am very often disappointed. I have had a good childhood. I love the beach but I fear the ocean. I hate closed-in spaces. I find it difficult to breathe in a crowd. I am scared of crowds and queues. Roller coasters make me high. Merry-go-rounds make me ill. I dislike spiders but I am not scared of them and I never kill them because they supposedly bring good luck. I fear commitment. I don�t have a fav singer. I have suffered more than one anxiety attack. I am drawn to people who live outside of the circle. I love walking. I love Rock, Trance, Dance, Pop, Hindi music, actually anything that sounds good to me! I�m very indecisive. I feel a sense of freedom when I�m in the open or on a bike or in my Verna. But I am very scared of speed when others love it. I cannot tolerate cold. Painkillers do me no good except put me in a slumber. I would love to learn how to dance real sexy. I can hardly hear. But I have a keen sense of smell & taste. I always want things I can�t have. I hoard things I don't need.. I believe in fairy tales. I�m a procrastinator. My parents believe in arranged marriages, I believe in falling in love first. I love email. I'm a net freak. I love watching commercials on TV. I also enjoy watching Koffee with Karan. A secret fantasy is appearing in it someday. I don�t have a fav channel. People fascinate me. I am straight but had I been born as a girl, I would be a lesbian. My bookshelf has an array of management, fiction, self-help and world books. I enjoy re-reading books even for the 100th time. I don�t have a fav book though. How can I ? I prefer black and white photos over color. I don't know what stage fear is. I think it�s not right to make fun of people but often succumb. I cannot stand people who make fun of people because of the way they dress or look. I fear the judgment of others. But I believe that only God can judge me! I�m a bad liar. I am good at Photography. I�m entirely way too self-absorbed. I love multiplex films. I have not figured out yet if my parents had extremely high expectations for me and I disappointed them or if they had low expectations and I didn�t disappoint them. I�ve never been in a physical fight. 98% of me cares what anyone thinks of me. I�ve given up worrying, its pointless. Again, I don�t have a fav performer. I love dancing when no ones watching. I cannot sing in public! I love fruit juices. I love to read as much as I can though I admit I don�t too much. I often photograph my self. I�m open-minded, or so I think. Any kind of cruelty makes me mad first and then teary-eyed. I�m proud to be Indian. But I would love to settle elsewhere. I hate the USA. People who go there, never seem to come back? I have never voted. I like women who know what they are and are confident about it. Same goes for guys too. I�m easily hurt or offended, and I show it. You can see it on my face. I hate confrontations. I cry very easily. I have no eating disorders. I believe that nice people are the ones with small noses, crooked teeth and imperfections. Mangoes are my favorite fruit. I would love to meet Oprah Winfrey. I have trouble accepting compliments and I don't think I'll ever learn to accept them gracefully. I always second-guess myself. I have always lived in India. I�m pro-choice but choose life for myself. I am interested in Greek & Hindu Mythology. I have read the baby versions of most of Shakespeare but I don�t seem to remember any. My first celebrity crush was Madhuri Dixit. 'Mr. India' was my first movie in a theatre. I slept throughout my first movie. I am stubborn but get influenced and change my views easily. One of my life goals is to travel with someone I love. I don�t have any fav movies either but I really like some of them. I have loved some movies even before I saw them. Tulips are my favorite flowers. I hate feminists. I rarely get sick. I occasionally have a back ache when i am stressed which lasts for a day. I am a born critic. I like milk but I hate sea food. I�m a huge baby when it comes to pain. I am pain-intolerant. I can�t watch game shows. I can�t play sport. If you are nice to me, I might tell you the reason why. Psychology fascinates me. I believe in Telepathy. One of my pet peeves are people who don�t say thank you when I help them. I pray sometimes before I go to sleep. I don�t have a problem with any of Eminem�s lyrics. I love looking good. I�ve never been drunk once in my life. I think a woman in a sari is, again, very sexy. I can say swear in front my parents or siblings but I don�t. I overuse the phrase �god bless� and the word 'really'. I don�t think anyone should idolize another human being for the fear of their idol letting them down. I have a super-sharp memory but only about things I want to remember. I like dreaming up situations. I like wearing pink shirts. I�m going to the Mardi gras whenever I get a chance. I want to live in New York. I�m an Aquarian. I�m easily amused. Very easily actually. I love PJs but I can almost never make my own jokes though people believe I can! I get bored very quickly. My IQ is 140. I believe in 'variety is the spice of life'. I would have loved changes, but I am scared of them. I enjoy playing with dogs. I love pets. I love adrenaline rushes. I trust easily. Once you break my trust, it�s extremely hard for you to get it back. No matter how much I want to share myself emotionally with people, I usually keep them at arms length. I am often taken as an outgoing person. I often go out of the way to please people I especially like. I wish I had an online diary which I updated daily. I believe love can solve all the worlds problems. If you want to know anything more, feel free to ask.

My baby � Frankie!

Glistening eyes, a wagging tail, a beautiful furred body... So full of warmth, so unconditional - I think my parents� best gift to me in my teenage years was my pet Frankie. I still remember how he came in that holed carton � that soft little cotton ball. I also vividly recollect how I refused to pick him up the first time because he was so silky. The first six months he was treated like an infant, you know farex fed with a spoon. And in no time he became a part of our family despite his sometimes irksome canine habits.

Gorgeous, with white golden hair that shined in the sunlight after a bath, a perrnially cold snout, Frankie was a German spitz, a Pomeranian and boy was I crazy about him! My partner in walks, the security of my home, the friend to all friends... Frankie was such a gleeful being... You could just be with him for hours together. I would talk to him everyday, and he would pay attention as if he understood everything. He was the closest to me in the family... He would wake me every morning by licking my mouth as if there were sugar crystals there!

But his loyalty lay deep with mom and dad only. He always used to sleep in their room, on his comfy cushion, and rolled in his quilt. He knew Mom was his food provider and Dad was the head of the family. He knew it all � how we operated, what we liked, what we disliked. Everything. And he was thankful being a part of us. For we treated him like a family member. Like the most innocuous chotta baby.

Frankie used to be alone for some time everyday thanks to my school / college and my sister�s college/ wedding n the fact that mom/dad were both working... and when I used to get back home he would jump on me like there was no tomorrow.. Till such time you wouldn�t catch him in your arms and kiss him, he wouldn�t let go of you... and he was sooo adorable, so full of love!

He lived with us for 9 full of years. Those were truly the best years of my life. And then one day he left � I could see it coming. I was hysterical, can never forget where he laid his last breath. And then we never got another pet. I think we just couldn�t deal with his demise. Think that was a mistake. Gonna get one asap. Miss you, darling. Miss you tons

Welcome back me jus' me !

Dunno whether this is a real coming back after the long (?) hiatus but yeah was feelin this urge to write yet again for a long time - induced by reading some really thought-provoking blogs, some great passages in not so great books , interacting with some interesting people and seeing even more interesting things.

If you were to really ask me, i would love to write on so many things and events that have happened in the past (near and far) - the graduation ceremony, the placements, the coming to mumbai.. the stay here.. my life in "corporate" india. So much has happened in such a little span of time. kuch pata hi nahin chala time kaise beetta chala gaya. jus flew by i guess while i was busy sorting out the priorities in a highly confused/charming/mundane/amusing/interesting life.. yeah all this and more !

Shall write on each one of this very soon.. Owe it to myself first to blurt out all of it that's clammed up inside me - the why's and how's .. the what's and when's .

People
Interesting to note how some people stood with me during all this time - the constants of my life who are there FOREVER.. not disturbed by temporal changes or seasonal ones. Would be unfair to name anyone else but my parents here. Then there were others who came in.. walked out.. for a reason or season. Would be again unfair to name them - for though its my blog but its their life!

Naukri
hmmm ! office .. been very lucky on this account. Oft repeated this but yeah don't think i could have gotten luckier with respect to the work i am doing and the kind of people i am interacting with. Met some really beautiful people here ( ok! some ugly ones too) .. some really influential ones.. some really intelligent ones.. It's good to ride in the boat of India's retail revolution. Though i am not at the helm of it but yeah just enjoying the sailing right now.

Campus ! -
miss it tremendously. when i came down to iim indore i thought that nothing could replace CBS for the kind of learning it gave me. That true - but i think the other kind of learning , the ability to be myself and yet be so detached with MY "self" .. the ability to love and hate people at the same time.. the melange of people it introduced me to (that even CBS did but these were bigger , meaner and better) but all in all good fun. I think this is a good prelude to doing another mba - for if an indian mba could do be so much to me wonder what the other mba would do to me

think its time to sign off now from what seems to be a good prelude to most of me to come [:)]

keep readin!

never bin kissed !

publishin below somthin i wrote when i was 19.. in college .. dont know how relevant it stays but jus found it amongst the old world charms that i have!

thisis actually second in the series .. that i then called .. "never been kissed" ... reasons unknown !

Hi dear friends

At last, the wait is over. Yeah stop ogling and believe Ur eyeballs! I know u just cannot ��so just gulp the air down and read this��..

�Life�s big and life's small � small b�coz no one and nothing in life is too important to hold u from being ur own self and its very big b�coz there is so much in it that's waitin to be explored " once remarked a friend and i was. �.I was bedazzled because here was a person who spoke one of the most rousing words in my life and with such demurring eloquence, that i just could not believe my ears! So much was said in these two lines that it was tough to believe that it (the management of life) came so concisely.

This is a cynical world. People are tough ��very tough competitors. And in these times of hostility its so warm to see and explore that there is still no love lost in some beating hearts!!!!!
I do not wish to entail that we all are dogs and bitches doing nothing,,,,,, but then at the least wat i can say is that we can endeavor and improve upon watever we do�make a heart smile. I know it sounds clich�d but then People meet us �we meet them, impressions are made and 4gotton. Ppl are made friends and then primeval history .it happens to the most excellent of us that is what i assume elucidates why it happens to moi!

People in there reviews wrote that there was something lacking some told me that it was the lack of humor but tell me lil darlings do u think I can make this article humorous I don�t wanna be a khushwant Singh jr. I have to have my own style and �lan even if that marks a departure from the sarcastic and humorous tones..
Love is an amusing feeling when u r in it and its in u �u just don�t know wat u r doin �on second thoughts I believe that u r in ur perfect stage when u choose and overlook somebody else�s deficiency completely without any qualms and here plz I m not talking of the run of the mill love between a boy and a girl. I m talking about that subtly quintessential love that exists between two souls often unsaid and often mistaken ��I m talking about my love for my friends my love for my parents, my departed soul �Frankie and also obviously about my love for Her��I believe in love and I believe in myself

Having self-belief means not spending ur whole life wishing it was sumhow different �wishing and hoping but feeling that change is outside ur control. Well if u have confidence u can change but if u re searching for a magical wand to wave and produce poise�then stop sleeping and wake up!

Every so often we feel absolutely powerless and at the mercy of our emotions. What we often want more than anything else is to modify the way we feel, especially when it seems an unattainable feat. We wait for others to make the move, for them to modify their behavior ,and make us happier rather than looking at how v might change the situation, or what v might ask of that person. However, the reality might be that v can�t alter the situation or ppl to suit us but v can alter the way v react to these ppl or things and hence break free. You need to know how to transcend- or rise above a situation�which in turn can give u the power to change the way u feel
If u are looking for someone else to blame for ur predicament then there�s almost certainly someone somewhere made for u or someone on whom u can blame everything in ur life that cause u despondency, uncertainty or for that matter unease. If u have got short height then its in ur genes�difficulty in finding a job is the placement cell�s pathetic condition� result! The fact that u have difficulty forming a relationship can be blamed on Ur parents for their not providing a good model. U might feel that everything is soo tuff wholly because u are a girl (or a boy for that matter!) or a working class or business class or wateva� Perhaps u blame ur genes or the docs, the authors, social workers, politicians ur caste, mother, father, bro, sis, lover, friend or just about anybody maybe even the ghar ki maid�

Even if all these things are to a certain extent guilty for ur dissatisfaction does it change anything to just lay blame and leave it at that?? U may be wasting lot of ur energee and time looking for the person whose slip-up is that ur life isn�t going the way u want�this is wat I call wasting time and energee and most of all ur life! ��So what�� is the answer to all the problems u have in ur life�

Life is not fair and the biggest trap most of us have in us is that�� it is not fair! ��There is nooo such thing as natural justice; even in nature miniature creatures are eaten by superior ones, the Gujarat earthquake or the Kashmir violence ,the sporadic Gujarat dangas that have wreaked havoc on innocent ppl. In one part of the world, there is plentiful ness of everything and in other ppl die of hunger leave alone malnutrition in one part of the world is still faraway one city in a state is the fashion capital, bigwig and wat not and just meters away lie the destitute the homeless and the poor again without clothes but this time not out of choice!

And we demand fairness in relationships!! Wat an irony??? Lack of justice is not the justification for our discontent. It is true that we live in a world in which the concept of justice is thrown in our faces politicians promise it, parents demand it and priests preach it yet,,, yet my dear friends ,poverty ,war ,hunger ,murder ,theft ,rapes robbery ,terrorism and ramu still exist ��..However u can decide to fight the injustice u see and at the same time decide not to be emotionally paralyzed with them.
Life�s greatest lesson is that we get up and appreciate every lil gesture �sometimes sacrificing even our own for that �here I remember a story told to me by a friend

��a little girl was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had unbelievably survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. The boy hesitated for a nanosecond and said with a cool breath "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her�. As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a wobbly voice, "How long until I die?" Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her. ��

I have been lucky to have the right kind of people coming into my life and making it all the more beautiful and all the more meaningful. I love them they complete me.
Though there were some very rude shocks in the early days of my teenage but then they did not deter me from being watever I wanted � modesty be damned for this particular line but then sweethearts I m myself and I think that�s the biggest achievement one can ever make. And these very brandishes have helped me be the soul I m .

was talkin to dis friend of mine today .. was jus wonderin < and this aint the first time i have bin forced to wonder> that HR is treated like sucha harem ! before i delve into the topic lemme issue a caveats.. that this is in noway a disrespect towards other functions of management <somethin i dont understand is why is a segregation even made in the first place>

haan so HR .. whatz the problem with the people.. everyone knows its important.. but almost all of them think .. "" HR is shitty "" why does everyone so presumptiously presume that jus becuz they work ... that means they can work well with people and through people... especially the people who come with prior experience.. see i have no business to comment on someone's personal choice.. they have functional expertise in Finance .. IT.. Operations.. whateva . I have equal respect for all .. i dont distinguish between a good CA and a good IT person.. then why is it .. that people think that the HR person is looked down upon as someone whom everyone CAN imitate but nobody WILL ..

okiez cool so HR has like risen from scratch .. that it was hitherto a poor cousin of its rich and famous financial .. manufacturing and marketing cousins.. but that was just becuz of the shortsightedness of companies.. of people of yesteryears.. the companies who have seen da corporate world through decades are the ones who are great people managers.. places where people belong. the companies which prolly made it to forbes 500 sometime and then disappeared had to bear the brunt becuz they couldn't manage people well.

whats the fight yaar ! why cant people jus see and swallow or munch or whateva the fact that companies have now discovered that people are the most important resource in their organization .. that for the professional success of the firm they need to be managed.. but just becuz they are people who think and react and feel .. they cant be managed like machines.. no rule books can stop a man from doing what he wants to do . no policy can stop people from toeing the line. people are people ! they change by the minute .. and by the situation.. and thats what is the greatest challenge of organisations today is.. managin People.. retaining talent .. controlling attrition!

now now now dont jump to conclusions that jus becuz i am HR's knight in shining armour.. i would have a career graph with HR points in it . i can be a good marketer and yet manage people well. do you see the point here.. what I am trying to say is that HR is everyone;s job and yet not everyonez expertise. people skills are important. that will distinguish a good manufacturing manager from a horrid one. , a great markekter from the average onez.. everyone needs to do.. everyone shud want to do it. yet only few can do it ! its jus like that with every other field aint it !

this is a totally personal opinion ! and what the heck! this is my personal blog space i am entitled to my own loud thinking time ! :)

___________

PS My favourite Tag line : KEEP WALKING

tis line has somethin so magical woven in it .. i dunno .. No philo stuff here. but me lovez the way it so simply reflectz the basic tenet ... CELEBRATiNG LiFE

It's probably me .. another one of ma most fav tracks these days from the movie.. lethal weapon

If the night turned cold
And the stars looked down
And you hug yourself
On the cold cold ground
You wake the morning
In a stranger's coat
No-one would you see
You ask yourself, 'Who'd watch for me?'
My only friend, who could it be?
It's hard to say it
I hate to say it
But it's probably me

When your belly's empty
And the hunger's so real
And you're too proud to beg
And too dumb to steal
You search the city
For your only friend
No-one would you see
You ask yourself, 'Who could it be?'
A solitary voice to speak out and set me free
I hate to say it
I hate to say it
But it's probably me

You're not the easiest person I ever got to know
And it's hard for us both to let our feelings show
Some would say
I should let you go your way
You'll only make me cry
If there's one guy, just one guy
Who'd lay down his life for you and die
It's hard to say it
I hate to say it
But it's probably me

When the world's gone crazy, and it makes no sense
And there's only one voice that comes to your defence
And the jury's out
And your eyes search the room
And one friendly face is all you need to see
If there's one guy, just one guy
Who'd lay down his life for you and die
It's hard to say it
I hate to say it
But it's probably me

I hate to say it
I hate to say
But it's probably me
I hate to say it
I hate to say
But it's probably me
I hate to say it
I hate to say
But it's probably me

Picked it from ma own orkut profile .. read it after a long time so liked it .. this describes what i am looking for in people and my kinda girl in particular . i have bin waitin ......

Not looking to just socialize or to add to my �friend circle� ...already have that �rather looking for something beyond just the material and the physical; but something which need not necessarily exclude that either �something different, something enigmatic, something
extraordinary; someone whose extraordinariness may just be his/her ordinariness or innocence... Just �decent� and �normal� can be quite
mundane� Somebody who is as much one with Einstein�s math and gulzar's mystic lyrics as he/she is with cooking and pumping iron may find me their type. As would be someone for whom exceptions are not aberrations as much as they are the rule. People who haven't grown beyond the need for just base physical gratification in a relation will find me a complete �type-mismatch�... Also those looking for "instant coffee" may not find me their type because I can be a bit slow to "brew".

I'm only looking for friends for starters and I think friendship needs to mature a little with time before it can go deeper. All this is not to say that I�m looking for a clone of myself; as opposites can and do attract �rather, in a nutshell, for somebody who looks good inside and out; and who is more than the sum of just her words, be she howsoever articulate .. Physical appeal is a factor; albeit that's just the beginning and by no means an end. A person who just looks good and has nothing else to boot is just like an attractive container which often conceals contents which are deceptively sordid.

while posting my commments on prashants blog.. organised my thoughts abt expectations .. here they are .. random still . but still so me :)

hmm expectations . i wont write a rhetoric on how it shud be.. i jus know what it is . its like this .. there are some people i expect a lot from .. these are the ones i believe make up ma life<< but they in actuality dont>> these expectations have actually killed those relationships. i know it . i cant help it..

second is the category of people i dont expect anythin from. yet they do so much for me. ma parents is ma most obvious example . ma mom so aptly puts it as duniya mein koi kisi ka karz nahi le jaata . sirf maa baap ka hi karz utarna nahi hota .. so very true. i love them from the bottom of ma heart. yet there are no expectations .. none at all

third is the people who have expectations from me and i dont respond or i am not able to respond sometimes becuz of structural issues sometimes becuz of the soft onez.. but there;s a mismatch..

overall.. expectations bound to be there. no way u can live life without them . expectations all around us . but there has to be some real picture..life is like that ... a tapestry of discourses woven of many binary opposites << male-female , progressive-regressive, ordered-chaotic, racist-egalitarian >> the answer is in the gray areas.. and the human who strikes the balance is the one who can walk the thin line between dichotomous situations ..