Psychology says people choose to be sick (this sure is not the same as pretend to be sick)…they hold on or attract certain sicknesses because if offers them preferential treatment…even logic and evidence based medicine recognises “psychosomatic illness”(the origin of the illness in the mind)
Now which parent would yell at a sick child for low grades…even adults are judged more lovingly when sick…so holding on to sickness can be emotionally comforting to people…pschology calls it “the hidden gains”.
I never fall sick actually thanks to Timboo,my family and friends…who make sure I dont have to be sick to feel special
I hate it when mom calls herself an asthamatic or a patient of mine says he is a diabetic…by identiying ur whole self with a diseased condition arent u holding on to it!!!!I refuse to give any prefential treatment to a sick person…I do not wish to pamper the sickness I say..my family hates this approach of mine..they sometimes even accuse me of being too insensitive for being a doctor…
once someone questioned so “what about the tender loving care that is most imporant in sickness they talk about???”and I said “It is like the cliched they say about valentines day…why wait for something for TLC…rnt we supposed to be loving everyday!!!”
Now I am thinking if I was as loving as they needed me to be….maybe they wouldnt fall sick to get my attention…time for some introspection……
Posted in Personal.
By Shweta Iyengar
– February 20, 2007
Nisha wanted me to help her with what to do..the guy she was happily seeing for 2 years now wanted them to be engaged..his parents wanted him to be engaged to her or they would go ahead with the one of prize proposals they had lined up for him…”I cant help it anymore “Akshay had clearly stated…Nisha wasnt even sure she wanted to be married to Akshay but she did like him for sure …at 22yrs marraige was something she had never given serious thought to…she needed time to decide …lots of time
When Nisha asked me wot to do..I wanted to tell her I wud never chosen Akshay in the first place…I wudnt choose a man who wl put pressure on me cos his environment puts pressure on him..yet if by anychance in this situation,I wud tell my man he has to wait cos I havent decided and if he chooses not to wait I wud still respect his decision and let him go… even if I valued him as much as Nisha valued Akshay
But i knew Nisha could never say that ..do that..because her personality was different,her needs were not same as mine,the voids in her life were different..she just wanted to hear from me that he is right for her and she should go ahead get engaged …
What did I say?????well I said “I donno”..I said “I beleive nobody can find solutions for anybody else…..”
btw why do they have agony aunt columns in magazines!!!!!!!!
Posted in Blogs.
By Shweta Iyengar
– January 29, 2007
Was at the book shop ,browsing with a friend when a quote fascinated me..it read the “opposite of courage isnt cowardice it is confirmism”..read it aloud to my friend who is smarter than me(a few exist) and she asked “so are you a confirmist or a non confirmist???”..”a non confirmist ofcourse” I shot back stretching my neck to look even taller.miss smartie now said “so you confirm to non confirmism”…
I had a question I needed to answer to myself..yes I am a confirmist..you wont catch me ever in hipster fits now when drain pipe denims are the fashion trend,I wear my hair in curls now and wont be seen this season with poker straight hair for anything,wont watch movies anywhere else but at muliplexes,shop at the malls even for milk and soap,use fairness creams…or am I a non confirmist because I would never marry or ask anybody to marry at 25 just because age is right,I genuinely dont beleive the ones with more degrees are more intelligent,nor do I beleive that the person with better vocaubulary has better ideas and even that one can be in love with only one person at a time and yes I wear jeans and t shirts to my dispensary
ok lets put it this way I am as unique as everybody else is….I am both extremes and everything in between!!!!!!
Posted in Personal.
By Shweta Iyengar
– January 16, 2007
The sense of pride was evident in my eyes as I was viewing the recording of my dance performance on the new year eve..(I love some of my pics…I look at them and smile like little kids do when they see themselves in the mirror)..Timboo was watching me with amusement(actually I think surprise)..First lemme tell u the background…I danced very gracefully but made a few mistakes on stage which may or may not have been noticed…my biggest admirer and my greatest critic mr.timboo is an absolute perfectionist…not a single mistake allowed he beleives…
“Am sure you cant relate to how I can feel happy watching my recording in which I hv made mistakes..”I said.he nodded and said..”and u did this the last tme too”"I love myself even the times I make mistakes so I continue making them”..I said…he looked very happy that i realised finally”..”so everytime I make a mistake I should stop loving myself so that I can improve…but isnt that paying too big a price for perfection???” I asked…
He looks so handsome when he is confused!!!!!!
Posted in Blogs.
By Shweta Iyengar
– January 6, 2007
“Unconditionallove” is one word she used to say…unconditional is redundant shwets…if it is conditional it isnt love!!!’
Anushka was every mans dream come true I thought cos that deep was her beleif in unconditional love and aceptance..what more did anyone need in a relationship
Gaurav was the one for her she felt…she told him how very much she loved him..and how she beleived in being with him unconditionally..nothing to hide or manipulate,I accept you in totality…forever..
Anu shared her whole world with him…her hopes,dreams ,insecurities,strengths,weaknesses,mistakes,her past,her friends..every little detail..her entire world…
Gaurav was different …yes he valued her too….doted on her…yet was not comfortable sharing…even months later Anu felt he evaded many of her questions and she didnt know ‘everything’ about him…
“Shwets,I cant continue with gaurav” she soon told me midst sobs…”When I love him so unconditionally ,what stops him from telling me all?He doesnt trust my unconditionality ..and where there is no trust how can there be love !!!”she declared
“But I loved him absolutely unconditionally” she kept saying
Posted in Love.
By Shweta Iyengar
– November 30, 2006
Love…yes the same love that makes the world go round ,love that nourishes,nurtures,helps grow cant be a mere emotion…an emotion is simply too transient and circumstance dominated to be so powerful..Love..the love we all love to love,the unconditional kind,of the lasting variety is not an endocrinal surge or one of the many chemical activities in the brain…love is a “decision”
Like u love ur baby even before it is born,actually much before it is even conceived…what actually matters are not the qualities of the baby but the decision to love the baby always…
decide to love the people you choose to love…love ur parents(yes they are not perfect) and ur spouse(though they come with their own set of quirks) and ur friends…ur relatives…ur neighbours…the list goes on
Actually I would like to say love everybody…”be love”…but we will keep that aside for now….
May I just say start with the decision to love urself……….
Posted in Love.
By Shweta Iyengar
– November 19, 2006
Comments on my previous blogs said that I often say things that only I understand…to me that was a huge compliment;but actually the truth is that I often write things that even I dont undestand,that precisely is why I blog so that all ur perspectives help me understand.Thank you friends..
Now before I have ppl getting caught up in the relation of the title and the blog and miss the point all together…In the topic I declare wot I intend doing in this blog..I am”Keeping It Simple Sweetheart!!!!”
My patient on a monday morning came in complaining of a splitting headache since full 7 days..”have been popping three combiflams daily but no improvement at all”he said…”I had one this morning too before I left to come here”….I was amused…I thought if it hadnt worked at all for 7 days,did he think it wud work on the 8th day…
My neighbour and her 4 yr old have this drama over drinking milk everyday…she screams and he wails…she says despite screaming ‘everyday’ he never finishes the whole glass…but still she screams daily..
“Have told him a million times” said my friend cribbing about her husband…”all in vain”said she…I said “just dont tell him yet another time please”…”she wanted to know then what to do????For now I can only say do just anything it could even be stupid,senseless,illogical…anything except, that which hasnt worked!!!!!
Dont we often get so caught up in doing things that we keep repeating the same ineffective actions over and over again and hoping that the same action will produce different resuts this time????well all I wish to convey that at regular intervals we all need to”STOP AND TAKE STOCK”
Posted in Blogs.
By Shweta Iyengar
– November 4, 2006
The happiest moment of pappas life was when he held baby krutika in his hands…he loved her from even before she was born…actually even conceived..”my princess”he said as he looked into her eyes…ever since pappas mission has been to teach krutika to dream and fulfill all her dreams..”a princess never has to compromise..good night my princess”he would say to her every night even before she understood the meaning of those words…
As she grew older…mom wud typically worry…”the big bad world wont treat her like you do ” but papa never let his princess even hear those words..mom often said “she is a girl ,wl live with her inlaws,how wl she ever cope???dont pamper her so much!!!!”
But by then krutika had it etched in every cell of her being that she the princess never needs to compromise……
I happened to meet krutika after long at the mall last week…with her husband and loads of shopping bags…was glowing ,seemed marraige was treating her very well..In course of conversation her husband said…nothing makes me happier than seeing ‘her majesty ‘happy…and that will happen always at all costs…
I smiled…btw have u heard this “life treats you like you really really beleive you deserve to be treated!!!!”
Posted in Philosophy.
By Shweta Iyengar
– October 27, 2006
When I went to buy myself a skirt and top for diwali…noticed one which i thought my 15 year old help(maid)would love..so i took her along the next day and bought her a skirt-top she liked..Both of us were real excited about it…me even more than her perhaps!!!!Was hoping to see her dressed up on diwali day but was upset to note that on diwali she was wearing one of her regular clothes and not what i bought..When I asked she replied without even looking at me that she didnt feel like it…Now I was angry…wanted to give her a piece of my mind,but I stopped cos I thought I bought her the dress cos I felt like it,she can choose what to do with it..i often tell people to let me be,I said to myself so it is only fair that I let her be..
Then i thought that I was upset,let down…atleast she should know.or she would just take me for granted…or would telling her be abuse of power..it felt like I would take away from her the whole pleasure of buying the dress..so I said nothing,felt my care wasnt reciprocated…thought I would feel better if I made her feel bad too for making me feel bad…then thought maybe i would just feel worse
“why do I think so much…why dont I just let myself be!!!!!”
Posted in Personal.
By Shweta Iyengar
– October 24, 2006
She beleived love is a matter of convinience…a science student that she was…pure logic…what u dont see and feel doesnt exist…”say what u feel,i m no psychic…dont xpect me to read ur mind”she would often say to him…He said so often”if u dont understand my silences,u wont understand my words!!!!”she would get so irritated..’god we are so different’ she would yell…
three years of wooing,and 2and a half years of being married,she sometimes gets a glimpse of what love can be all about…each time he understands what she wants or what she is feeling…even if they havent been able to communicate all day…he can say how her day has been…from the sound of her breathing,the temperature of her palm or even the way she sips water…now she too understands him without words…and she says to people if u cant understand a persons silence,u wont understand his words
Posted in Personal.
By Shweta Iyengar
– October 18, 2006
