My sister turned all of 22yrs yet she will always remain my little one…depending on me to tell her the right way of doing things..and the times she doesnt I barge into her space and tell her my view point…Then I wonder “am am making her live my view of the world rather than letting her be her own person???”..I also dread maybe she resents me for doing this…so sumtimes i pinch myself and dont tell her that I think something is wrong and then blame myself if she is hurt…and worry if she thinks i am unconcerned…
There are times i tell her about “living life” and i know I havent walked the talk…so I justify that I have been hurt and cannot bear to see her hurt so..a part of me says I should allow her to make mistakes and learn the hard way but a larger part of me screams that I cannot bear to see her hurt
Not just with little sisters but with parents,spouse,best friend,children…anybody you really care for…it can be such a dilemma…the line between to say or not to say can be so thin….a tight rope walk!!!!
“Isnt it paradoxical that when it is about ppl who love us as though we are perfect,we become so aware of how imperfect we are”
Posted in Philosophy.
By Shweta Iyengar
– October 10, 2006
I was 16 yrs and some months…..with a desire to do things that keep “everybody “happy(a typical 16 yr old dream)…when my friends had a fight I would do all i could to make them see each others perspective(actually my perspective of the whole thing!!!!)…would worry crazy about the guy my friend was dating.have spent sleepless nights thinking what if she/he doesnt get through this exam????
would be on a constant wellwishing spree(read nag!!!)why i once even told a friends mother that she doesnt handle her husband correctly!!!!!(i was less than half her age)
some would take my advice,some would laugh it off,some get snappy and the others say things behind my back…I was very touchy…I m so genuine why am i so misunderstood i would cry….
then a professor told me…in life there is pleasure there is pain…often when u choose pleasure u need to accept pain…like chocolate cake and extra calories,like late night parties and terrible mornings..accept that…but “never accept pain without the pleasure”…..
i still care,love,preach!!!!!but just refuse to take the pain unless i have taken the pleasure….
Posted in Personal.
By Shweta Iyengar
– October 5, 2006
sid…..said tanu all giggly…”u know i love the moon na,so i bought a blue zero watt bulb for my room…and it feels like the moon light,soooo romantic na”.all i cud visualise was some sidey drinking joint…with cheap liqour and raunchy music..”does it look nice tanu?”i softly asked…”dont call me tanu”(she was so attractive when angry!)”say Tanmayee…i love my name”she said…’but but”i wouldnt give up…”u call me sid right”..”because you allow me to,because u like it’..she said …”now does that mean u should call me tanu…doesnt work that way”.that was the surprise package about her…small,petite,very feminine..yet well processed thoughts,absolute conviction..”Tanmayee means ecstacy na…u told me”i said wanting to get to the right side of things…yes she beamed..”my father thought of the name”.she looked so pretty when proud…i wanted to see her like this in that moonlite of hers…’u r very pretty’ i whispered,”as if i dont know “she replied nonchalantly..and she glanced into my watch (she hated wearing one)i must go she said as she started her scooter…
i sat and thought how i loved her,i knew she liked me too…being with her always charged me up..yet i would never marry her…i could never bear to take the blame of making her be mrs.patel…confirming to rules and rituals…of being normal and proper…i wanted her to live by her rules, with energy,enthusiasm and independance…i loved her the way she was and couldnt bear her change
donno if i was being selfish or selfless!!!!
Posted in Blogs.
By Shweta Iyengar
– September 22, 2006
Tag Game
Got tagged by jasir !
Here’s a little get to know me fun game…be a sport and please keep it going.
Here’s what you need to do…cut and paste this entire blog (yep…no copyright!) and answer the questions and paste it on your page…at the end name the person you want to tag and leave a message for the person with your link on his/her guest book page…The next tag you replace the previous person’s answer with your own and tag someone else and follow the same process again…don’t break this…check out what others have to say…here goes…
and yeah, an additional note to a certain someone who threatened I would be tagged back - No Back tagging!
1. How tall are you barefoot?
five feet six inches…(and five feet nine with shoes!!!!!)
2. Have you ever smoked before?
tried but all i manage is sham smoking…and people laugh watching me struggle
3. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
i knew jasir wud tag me
how i like talking about myself
am i supposed to mk it seem like i mnt enjoying this????
4. If you had a mental disorder, what would it be
split personality…i want contrasting things at the same time with equal intensity…tried icecream bhajjiyas????
5. How many letters are in your crush’s name?
ten!!!(strawberry crush)
6. What’s your favorite silly song?
batata wada …frm sum anil madhuri movie
7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
soya milk/oats porridge…me health concious
8. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
has jasir tagged me yet!!!!
9. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex
feigning helplessness…works like magic
10.Do you own a knife?
am a peace loving babe
11. Do you own a gun?
no but held one once and man it is such a thrill
12. Name the last things you have bought today.
soya milk,oats
13. Name five drinks you regularly drink.
5 glasses of water minimum everyday
14. What time did you wake up today?
9.30 am….love keeping awake the nites…so
15. What song do you want played at your funeral?
crazy frog…ding ding
16. What song did you last hear?
kabir by abida parveen and gulzar
17. Favorite place to be?
fantasies
18. Least favorite place to be?
social obligation places
19. Do you own slippers?
yes pure white
20. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 yrs?
where ever i beleive i deserve to be
21. Do you burn or tan?
tan like crazy…have type 5 skin…boo hoo
22. Yellow and blue?
any thing and blue..rhymes with i love you!!!!
23. What songs do you sing in the shower?
anything romantic….water makes me all mushy
24. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
am fearless…have always been and ppl say that isnt exactly my strength
25. What’s in your pockets right now?
wearing a gown so no pockets
26. Last thing that made you laugh?
watching a kid laugh
27. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
green and brown checks….so wonderfully nostalgic
28. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
index finger pain from my style of typing
29. Do you wish on stars???
always will never stop beleiving in magic
30. What were you doing 1 AM last night??
for me to know and you to never find out
31.One thing that u have Loved, one that you have Lost & one that u r afraid of?
loved life,lost friends,afraid of endings!!!!!!
So without any backtagging, I tag sudheer ,rajesh vora,raghu iyer and friendly ghost
Posted in Personal.
By Shweta Iyengar
– September 18, 2006
Everybody speaks of greys….a mixture of black and white…no absolutes…two sides of every coin…good always exists with the evil and vice versa….i am superb at debates and am fully aware that i can defend anything i want to or even anything i am asked to….so the easiest thing to do is to justify …right??
I am against justifications cos anything can be justified and mankind has wisened to the fact that there are no rights and wrongs in the absolute…according to me what matters is that one should be clear within himself that he beleives it is proper to do what he is doing…he needs to answer nobody but himself…and if he can do that always,he will live a very happy life cos there wont be guilt eating into him…..
Posted in Personal.
By Shweta Iyengar
– September 13, 2006
I was a silent spectator at a debate on trust and marraige ….seema started by saying” it is abt prioritising ur partner over all others”…ruchi wudnt agree “there cannot be a second…none other at all” she said..roopa said “of course one can see but not touch”…ruchi quipped again “that an emotional intimacy is as unacceptable as a physical intimacy”..rashmi said “anything is ok till one isnt commited,but when one commits then it has to be total”..neeru said “whatever but nothing should be a secret from ur partner”….sandhya said “wanting attention from another man is natural but wanting more than that is just not acceptable”..seema agreed” it isnt what u want or feel it is what u finally do or dont do.”………..
what do u all have to say?????
Posted in Blogs.
By Shweta Iyengar
– August 29, 2006
we often stand so close to the mirror that we are unable to see our limitations….often unable to acheive our goals and fulfill our dreams we become fatalistic…”maybe i dont deserve”we say and choose the easy way out….but the fact maybe we arent doing something right and we are responsible….
if there could be a neutral unbiased way to know ur strengths and areas needed to improve on …wont it b real nice
i got trained in graphology..”analysis of handwriting”…for fun actually and realised its awesome potential to make u aware…it can change lives
as a return gift for the love and wisdom i keep receiving at iland…will like to analyse all u friends hand
writing…and mail u ur strengths and ares needed to work on…so get ready to get amazed when i reveal to u things abt urself u were unaware of before….
u have to write on a blank…no lines no margins A4 size paper about anything u desire…no copying allowed…write 2 pages and 3 signatures at the end of the page(very important)….post/courier it along with ur email id and goals set for urself (cos there r no absolute strengths or weaknesses na)
send to DR SHWETA IYENGAR
OM SAI PRAKASH APTD
GANESH CHOWK
BHAT WADI
KISAN NGR NO 3
THANE 4
wl wait for ur comments and letters…..love u all
Posted in Personal.
By Shweta Iyengar
– August 25, 2006
a emminent sexologist said on a tv show once…men give love for sex and women give sex for love…..to me it was a hardhitting statement…doesnt make me look down on either of the sexes…i m nobodys moral gaurdian anyways but makes me aware that even love and sex are used as a trade…something like a barter system
in one of her novels i recollect shobha de saying women use the power of sex to manipulate men….and men anyways are widely famous for feigning love to get into a girls bed…
was reading raghus mahapost and read gb shaws defination of marraige as legalisation of ones desires!!!!!yes marraige is about sex…even the law declares a marraige null and void if the partners havent indulged in sexual intercouse
going back to the sexologist do we then beleive that women dont desire sex….of course not…my interpretation wud be like u accept a person so completely and want to share with him so completely that sex just happens
lots of instances about men wooing the best looking girl at college says that men will accept a female completely cos they find her physically attractive
all thrillers and movies make us beleive that everything in the world happens for power,money or sex…and all three are deeply interrelated
yet i would still continue to beleive in unconditional selfless love(whatever does that mean actually?????)
Posted in Blogs.
By Shweta Iyengar
– August 8, 2006
five year old nidhi has often heard mom call her a fussy eater….”will eat only what she likes or nothing at all”says mom…nidhi the fussy eater has learnt to demand ketchup with everything and if mom doesnt give her wafers with food she cud even starve…because she is a fussy eater na!!!!!
8 yr old nikhil is just like his dad…very short tempered..nikhil doesnt think twice before screaming swearing or being nasty to people…does he have to…????they all know he is short tempered right. sapnas grandmom always called her clumsy…at 14 she
says “mom why am i so clumsy” and gets mom clean up her room for her everytime
why should i get rid of my label….i can use it to my benefit…it is a superb strategy to blame things on our labels and never make the effort to change…I am like this only so everybody around me make an effort to adjust to me…wow isnt that super convinient!!!!!
when 12 year old aditya once asked me to list his strengths and weakness…i insisted he call the weaknesses as areas of improvement…….that is the only way to outgrow labels
Posted in Blogs.
By Shweta Iyengar
– August 1, 2006
didi looked at me with angry eyes as i reached out for the phone….”it is just a pizza didi”i pleaded.”no it isnt about a pizza,it is about self control..today u cant resist a pizza,tomorrow u will not be able to say no to ummmm ANYTHING’she stated….”they are two different things i said…”how different?remember even when a small little boy snacthed a piece of chocolate he was called a robber!!!”she said…”and she said “it is not about the event it is about you and you arent different people right”I pleaded…didi i am really really hungry…”have cabbage soup”she said…”in that case i am not hungry!!!!see i shot back…i m not one person i m different persons in different circumstances…just proved it right…ok fool yourself said didi and walked away…i jumped out of my sofa and followed her vehemently defending myself…”why should i fool myself,i am a sensible introspecting mature girl……”
i donno if didi meant anything she said…but i had forgotten the pizza…..
thank u didi for keeping me in shape!!!!!!!
Posted in Blogs.
By Shweta Iyengar
– July 24, 2006
