The Road to destruction

The Beginning……..

I don’t know how to really move into the things that happend in my life for various reasons but one thing that I couldn’t get to do worse is I can’t write about my own incidents.

Things were going well from that day onwards. Our sessions on one to one started from a hi hello to many things. We would talk or chat generally to personally to discussions to chide to smile to laugh to shout to frown at each other. But its our fights that brought us closer. May be in the hindsight both of us were yearning for the attention the other would bring to us. Things were running like a well oiled engine right now.

My mind become captivated with her and I can’t imagine my life without chatting with her. These were days when I was working in my dad’s office after my graduation and I had lot of leisure time to really enthall her with my words. After all these were days when all I had was words and only words to enthrall or excite or let a person admire me. I beleive i did that well too well.

For many a months we were chatting consciously knowing well we are gettin captivated and consciously not letting the reality to be accepted. I won’t say we graduated from say a good chat friend to phone chat. Even before we talked over phone the missings become common and we had known well about our castes, parents, siblings (she was a single child) and relatives and so on…..

It was one fine sunday morning around 8 AM when i first heard her voice. I don’t know if I should call it sweet or coarse or nice or beautiful may be its gonna top up with many a voices i have loved to hear calling me over phone but obviously its not the best voice. My first words were like this So u r Sannnndddhyyaaaaaaaaaaa…..nice name hers is. But a voice is a voice and its much more better than a word that u read over the monitor. We spoke for not less than two hours and I was so captivated that I gave a call in the afternoon to just keep hearing her voice. What started as a sunday morning call went on to become I got a call………..

It was these calls that let me feel like I am flying in the air, floating or swimming deep inside pacific ocean. Recalling those moments of despair I personally knew i was beginning to fall in love. The calls were becoming more frequent and i forced my dad to get me a mobile.

The seeds of my self destruction were laid during these calls. Today sitting back and recalling all these incidents I feel like am a kid trampled by something. But each second was joy for me. Even the thought of the phone calls and chat rooms and yahoo sessions were joy for me.

It was like I was running behind something that make no sense to me today. I would many a times laugh in front of the monitor which for my parents, brother and friends looked and felt like madness. I would sulk with my mobile in the bed or go sit in the room that made the junk yard in my office. Well it was all a beginning of madnes. A real big long listless madness.

Yes It was really a MADNESS……….THE BEGINNING OF A LONG LISTLESS MADNESS………M A D N E S S………