stacysin’s blog

Feeling stressful lately.  Decided to go through a stress test.  Aay…. (sigh)…. I am a person who is afraid of conflicts.  Often I avoid conflicts unknowingly stress, anger and frustration build up.  I took a few days off to recollect myself.  It is time to deal with the issue because my body is giving me a signal that I am burn out in my lifestyle.   Here is an article to remind myself also to share with my iLand friends.  TAKE A BREAK BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE….

With most conflicts, it's important to find a resolution. This seems like a statement of the obvious, but many people suppress their anger or just 'go along to get along.’ They think that by addressing a conflict, they are creating one, and simply keep quiet when upset. Unfortunately, this isn't a healthy long-term strategy. For one thing, unresolved conflict can lead to resentment and additional unresolved conflict in the relationship. Even more important, ongoing conflict can actually have a negative impact on your health and longevity. (See this piece for more on the detrimental effects of relationship conflict.)

Unfortunately, resolving conflict can be tricky as well. Handled improperly, attempts at conflict resolution can actually make the conflict worse. For example, researcher John Gottman and his colleagues studied the way couples fight, and can actually predict which couples will go on to divorce by observing their conflict resolution skills — or lack thereof. (Hint: If you're constantly criticizing your partner's character or shutting down during arguments rather than working through conflict in a proactive, respectful way, watch out.)

For those who weren't born into a family where perfect conflict resolution skills were modeled on a daily basis (and?let's face it?how many of us were?), here are some guidelines to make conflict resolution more simple and less stressful.

Get In Touch With Your Feelings

An important component of conflict resolution involves only you — knowing how you feel and why you feel that way. It may seem you're your feelings should already be obvious to you, but this isn't always the case. Sometimes we feel angry or resentful, but don't know why. Other times, we feel that the other person isn't doing what they 'should,' but we aren't aware of exactly what we want from them, or if it's even reasonable. Journaling can be an effective way to get in touch with our own feelings, thoughts and expectations so we are better able to communicate them to the other person. Sometimes this process brings up some pretty heavy issues, and can be helpful.

Hone Your Listening Skills

When it comes to effective conflict resolution, how effectively we listen is at least as important as how effectively we express ourselves. It's vital to understand the other person's perspective, rather than just our own, if we are to come to a resolution. In fact, just helping the other person feel heard and understood can sometimes go a long way toward the resolution of a conflict. Good listening also helps for you to be able to bridge the gap between the two of you, understand where the disconnect lies, etc. Unfortunately, active listening is a skill that not everybody knows, and it's common for people to think they're listening, while in their heads they're actually formulating their next response, thinking to themselves how wrong the other person is, or doing things other than trying to understand the other person's perspective. It's also common to be so defensive and entrenched in your own perspective that you literally can't hear the other person's point of view. (If this any of this sounds familiar, you may want to read this helpful article on listening skills.)

Practice Assertive Communication

Communicating your feelings and needs clearly is also an important aspect of conflict resolution. As you probably know, saying the wrong thing can be like throwing fuel on a fire, and make a conflict worse. The important thing to remember is to say what's on your mind in a way that is clear and assertive, without being aggressive or putting the other person on the defensive. One effective conflict resolution strategy is to put things in terms of how you feel rather than what you think the other person is doing wrong, using 'I feel' statements. (See this assertiveness training article for more on this, or take the Conflict Resolution Quiz to see what your conflict resolution communication style is, and find tips on being more assertive.)

Seek a Solution

Once you understand the other person's perspective, and they understand yours, it's time to find a resolution to the conflict — a solution you both can live with. Sometimes a simple and obvious answer comes up once both parties understand the other person's perspective. In cases where the conflict was based on a misunderstanding or a lack of insight to the other's point of view, a simple apology can work wonders, and an open discussion can bring people closer together. Other times, there is a little more work required. In cases where there's a conflict about an issue and both people don't agree, you have a few options: Sometimes you can agree to disagree, other times you can find a compromise or middle ground, and in other cases the person who feels more strongly about an issue may get their way, with the understanding that they will concede the next time. The important thing is to come to a place of understanding, and try to work things out in a way that's respectful to all involved. (For more information, see this article on communication skills.)

Know When It's Not Working

Because of the toll that ongoing conflict can exact from a person, sometimes it's advisable to put some distance in the relationship, or cut ties completely. In cases of abuse, for example, simple conflict resolution techniques can only take you so far, and personal safety needs to take priority. When dealing with difficult family members, on the other hand, adding a few boundaries and accepting the other person's limitations in the relationship can bring some peace. In friendships that are unsupportive or characterized by ongoing conflict, letting go may be a great source of stress relief. Only you can decide if a relationship can be improved, or should be let go.

How To Build Friendships With Good Listening Skills

Good listening skills are vital to healthy relationships. Whether you’re strengthening a relationship, resolving a conflict, or offering support in a facing a crisis, good listening skills can be a lifeline to peace. Learn how to be a truly supportive listener, and you may find yourself surrounded by others who are able to do the same. Here are some important steps to developing good listening skills:

Here’s How:

Listen, Listen, Listen. Ask your friend what's wrong, and really listen to the answer. Let them vent their fears, frustrations and other important feelings, maintaining eye contact and showing that you're interested in what they have to say. Resist the urge to give advice, and just let them get it out.

Reframe What You Hear. Summarize and repeat back your understanding of what they're saying so they know you're hearing them, and focus on the emotions they might be feeling. For example, if your friend is talking about family problems, you might find yourself saying, "It looks like things are getting pretty hostile. You sound like you're feeling hurt."

Ask About Feelings. Ask them to expand on what they're feeling. Asking about their feelings provides a good emotional release and might be more helpful than just focusing on the facts of their situation.

Keep The Focus On Them. Rather than delving into a related story of your own, keep the focus on them until they feel better. You can reference something that happened to you if you bring the focus back to them quickly. They will appreciate the focused attention, and this will help them feel genuinely cared for and understood.

Help Brainstorm. Rather than giving advice in the beginning, which cuts off further exploration of feelings and other communication, wait until they've gotten their feelings out, and then help them brainstorm solutions. If you help them come up with ideas and look at the pros and cons of each, they're likely to come up with a solution they feel good about. Or they might feel better after just being able to talk and feeling heard.

Tips:

Stay Present. Sometimes people feign listening, but they're really just waiting for their friend to stop talking so they can say whatever they've been mentally rehearsing while they've been pretending to listen. People can usually sense this, and it doesn't feel good. Also, they tend to miss what's being said because they're not focused.

Don't Give Advice. It's common to want to immediately give advice and 'fix' your friend's problem. Unless it’s specifically requested, don't. While you're trying to help, what would work for you might not work for your friend; also, advice can feel condescending. Unless they ask directly for advice, your friend probably just wants to feel heard and understood, and then can find his or her own solutions.

Trust The Process. It might feel a little scary to listen to feelings before diving into solutions, and hearing your friend talk about upset feelings might even make you feel helpless. But usually offering a supportive ear and sitting with your friend in an uncomfortable place is the most helpful thing you can do, and once the feelings are cleared out, the solutions can start coming.

Let Things Even Out Over Time. With all this focus on your friend's problems, it might be difficult not to focus equal time on your own. Relax in the knowledge that, when you need a friend, your friend will likely be a better listener for you. If you're consistently doing all the giving, you can re-evaluate the dynamics of the relationship. But being a good listener can make you a stronger, more caring person and bring a more supportive angle to your relationships.

Miriam, Miriam, Miriam, Hail full of Grace,
Your beautiful eyes like sparling stars in the sky,
Your tearful eyes staring at Jesus at the foot of the cross,
Your strength, humanity and kindness shine in those eyes,
Your presence beneath the cross show us an unshakable faith in Goodness of God,
Your trust in God’s power even before the difficulties of the cross,
Your self-emptying of faith is the deepest in human history,

Thank you always for praying for us.

I was enjoying my lazy Saturday afternoon.  After my meal I walked with my dog, Paris, in the small park nearby my flat.  I picked up a “Catholic News” which was lying on the bench.  I flipped thru and came to an article written by Rev. Ronald Rolheiser, who is one of the priests, a specialist in the field of spirituality and systematic theology. He is one of my favorite religious writters.  His articles allow me to see life and religion in different prospectives.

I always believe God pass messages to me to ponder over (or rather people use to say “meditate”) through articles and incidents. ”Meditate” is strong word for me :p, because I am not religious.  I checked out every passage that came along that I could enhance my knowledge and provide insights to work on my life.  Indeed, this method works for me. 

To help me to remember, I always like to drop it down in my blog.  Whether for sharing with others or for my own information.  Comments from other iLanders are not significant, just hope that the messages could help someone to see a different prospective in his or her life.  Enjoy reading… God love us.  

After the funeral of Martin Luther King, one of the newsmen covering the event stopped to talk to an old man standing at the edges of the cemetery. The reporter asked him: “What did this man mean to you? Why was he special to you?”

The old man, through tears, answered simply: “He was a great man because he was faithful. He believed in us when we had stopped believing in ourselves, he stayed with us even when we weren’t worth staying with!”

That is a testimony to a life well-lived. If, at your funeral, someone says that of you, then you have lived your life well, even if there had been many times in your life when things weren’t going well. What this old man defines so accurately in his testimony to Martin Luther King is what faith means. To be full of faith means precisely to be faithful. That is more than a play on words.

In the end, faith is not simply the good, secure feeling that God exists. Faith is a commitment to a way of living beyond good and secure feelings. To have faith means to sometimes live our lives independent of whatever feelings may come. Ultimately faith is not in the head or the heart but in the action of a sustained commitment. Faith is fidelity, nothing more but nothing less.

And, perhaps more than anything else, that gift is what is needed today in our families, in our churches, and in our world in general. The greatest gift we can give to those around us is the promise of fidelity, the simple promise to stay around, to not to leave when things get difficult, to not walk away because we feel disappointed or hurt, to stay even when we don’t feel wanted or valued, to stay even when our personalities and visions clash, to stay through thick and thin.

Too often what happens is that, in our commitments, we subtly blackmail each other: We commit ourselves inside of family, church, community and friendship but with the unspoken condition: I will stay with you as long as you don’t seriously disappointment or hurt me. But if you do, I will move on!

No family, friendship, church or community can survive on this premise because it is simply impossible to live or work with each other for any length of time without seriously disappointing and hurting each other.

Inside of any relationship — marriage, family, friendship, church community or even a collegial relationship at a workplace — we can never promise that we won’t disappoint others, that we won’t ever mess up, that our personalities won’t clash, or that we won’t sometimes hurt others through insensitivity, selfishness and weakness. We can’t promise that we will always be good. We can only promise that we will always be there!

And, in the end, that promise is enough. If we stay and don’t blackmail each other by walking away when there is disappointment and hurt, then the disappointments and the hurts can be worked through and redeemed by a faith and love that stay for the long haul. When there is fidelity within a relationship, eventually the hurts and misunderstandings wash clean and even bitterness turns to love.

Many is the man or woman who, on celebrating the anniversary of a marriage or the commitment to religious life, priesthood, friendship or work at a certain job, looks back and no longer feels the countless hurts, rejections, misunderstandings and bitter moments that were also part of that journey. These are washed clean by something deeper that has grown up because of fidelity, namely trust and respect.

You sometimes see this, wonderfully, in the mutual, begrudging respect that eventually develops between two people who, while both sincere and committed, are for years at odds because of differences in personality, politics, religion or history. The simple fact of having to deal with each other over many years eventually leads to a rich understanding and a respect beyond differences.  

This also holds true for prayer. All the great spiritual writers give only one ultimate rule for prayer, and that rule has nothing to do with method, style or content. It is simply this: Show up! Don’t ever give up! Don’t ever stop going to prayer! As long as you persevere in going to prayer, eventually God will break through. Don’t ever stop trying! That’s true for all of our relationships.

The greatest gift that we have to give is the promise of fidelity, the promise that we will keep trying, that we won’t walk away simply because we got hurt or because we felt unwanted or not properly valued.

We are all weak, wounded, sinful and easily hurt. Inside of our marriages, families, churches, friendships and places of work, we cannot promise that we won’t disappoint each other and, worse still, that we won’t hurt each other. But we can promise that we won’t walk away because of disappointment and hurt. That’s all we can promise — and that’s enough!

Recently I felt so down especially reading some external news that my company will file for “chapter 11″.  Thank God, this article dropped into my mail box to advise me to stay competitive and positive rather drown in the negativity.  Hope this piece of information could help some iLand readers.

It’s very hard to concentrate when your employer tells you layoffs are coming but won’t say when or whether your own job is safe. It’s a nerve-racking time. Here are tips for making the best of it.

Avoid gossip

It may seem impossible, but try to avoid chattering with co-workers about what may or may not happen. It will only stress you out and make you lose focus on your job. Don’t whine, either. Even though everyone is on heightened alert, when a cubicle-mate notices two managers conferring behind closed doors, don’t fuel the rumor mill by furiously e-mailing back and forth. It won’t help anyone.

Be your own advocate

Once word gets out that layoffs are imminent, you know the bosses are busy deciding who will stay and who will go. Poor performers will be the first out the door. Refresh the bosses' memories of all the good work you’ve done this year. Start by saying how much you enjoy working at the firm, and let them know you’re willing to try new roles within the organization. Recall the goals that were set at your last performance review and show how you’ve met them. Pass along compliments on your work from clients.

Do good work

Get your work done and do it flawlessly. Ask for new projects and pitch ideas that will either earn money or save it for the firm. Ask your manager what else you can do to help.

Support the boss

Help the boss meet his or her own goals. There’s no better time to make yourself indispensable. Point out solutions, not problems.

Network

Of course, dust off your résumé. More important, network. Attend industry lunches to mingle with other people in your field. Contact your mentors and former bosses and colleagues. Find out who is hiring and what the growing areas of your field are. To expand your contacts, get a profile on the networking site LinkedIn, if you don't already have one.

Don’t job hunt at work

Of course you’re looking for a new job–you’d be irresponsible not to. But don’t do it at the office. (Or at least keep it to a minimum.) You never know when your company might be monitoring online activity, and you don’t want to get caught spending two hours on job boards or printing out your résumé. You do want to be viewed as intensely loyal.

Preserve important items

Once you know there’s a possibility of a layoff, copy anything personal you might need from your work computer, such as examples of your work and contact information, and put it on your computer at home. Just make sure you're abiding by company policy.

Due to the global financial crisis, many people are affected.  Companies start to cut cost and headcounts.  Job cuts caused many families to tighten their belts.  More extreme cases were people started to end their lives.  People are stressed out due to the uncertainities towards the future.  For those people who are still with their jobs are hovering around with negative thoughts, facing more challenges as more tasks are piled up on their desks with the job cuts.  However, they are not sure when they would receive the termination letter. 

Somehow, I cannot escape I am definitely one of the people who are affected in the latter mentioned group of people who are struggling with my works.

But when i wake up every morning I thank God and I feel bless because I could get up to go to work because I still have a job.  Market is down, but it will climb up again.  Let’s me to ready, do the best I could to live up each day.  Perhaps it is not easy when I sit down at my office desk and start the day with that endless works.  I continue to fight with my boss, because he doesn’t listen to my advices most of the time due to his ego.  I never stop trying as I trust my intution which I believe is important in my daily life.

Last week, he mentioned to me that his performance review was really bad, we ought to change the way of work otherwise we would be doomed.  I replied I never thought I was not in trouble.  He followed by some new instructions and asked me to follow up. It was not pleasant to change the entire way of work, I still ought to take it because I needed my salary though it would be another year without increment. (Sigh)  Sometimes, I wonder why boss(es) are so difficult to please….

Later I received a phone call, my church buddy, asking for help on the project.  They are short-handed.  Well, knowing the tight schedule of this year, I already rejected them twice.  It was a third call.  I obliged even though it was really hard to accommodate with the busy work schedule.  Friends are hard to please too… they do not understand my working stress and problems.

Everyday when I reach home, I do not feel like doing anything anymore.  I stare blank outside my balcony wonder when all these troubles gonna to end.  I am feeling tired, pains are over all parts of my body. I finally fell sick….

Until I read the following quote, I found some peace from it. I would like to share with all of my iLand friends may encounter endless problems.

What then are we to do about our problems? We must learn to live with them until such time as God delivers us from them, we must pray for grace to endure them without murmuring. Problems patiently endured will work for our spiritual perfecting. They harm us only when we resist them or endure them unwillingly.

GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU, MAY HIS GRACE BE WITH YOU ALWAYS.

Happy New Year to all iLand Pals!

It’s been a long time since I blog.  It is not easy to jaggle work and private life at the same time.   Anyhow, I hope I would be able to spare sometime to start blogging again.   Sunday, I read an interesting article that address my feelings towards the economy downturn.  Perhaps many people may think I am idealistic or silly….. I fully agreed with the writter of this article.  

Enjoy reading….

In 2007, in an end-of-year message to the staff of the National Neuroscience Institute, I wrote: 'Whilst boom time in the public sector is never as booming as in the private sector, let us not forget that boom time is eventually followed by slump time. Slump time in the public sector is always less painful compared to the private sector.'

Slump time has arrived with a bang.

While I worry about the poorer Singaporeans who will be hit hard, perhaps this recession has come at an opportune time for many of us. It will give us an incentive to reconsider our priorities in life.

Decades of the good life have made us soft. The wealthy especially, but also the middle class in Singapore, have had it so good for so long, what they once considered luxuries, they now think of as necessities.

A mobile phone, for instance, is now a statement about who you are, not just a piece of equipment for communication. Hence many people buy the latest model though their existing mobile phones are still in perfect working order.

A Mercedes-Benz is no longer adequate as a status symbol. For millionaires who wish to show the world they have taste, a Ferrari or a Porsche is deemed more appropriate.

The same attitude influences the choice of attire and accessories. I still find it hard to believe that there are people carrying handbags that cost more than thrice the monthly income of a bus driver, and many more times that of the foreign worker labouring in the hot sun, risking his life to construct luxury condominiums he will never have a chance to live in.

The media encourages and amplifies this ostentatious consumption. Perhaps it is good to encourage people to spend more because this will prevent the recession from getting worse. I am not an economist, but wasn't that the root cause of the current crisis - Americans spending more than they could afford to?

I am not a particularly spiritual person. I don't believe in the supernatural and I don't think I have a soul that will survive my death. But as I view the crass materialism around me, I am reminded of what my mother once told me: 'Suffering and deprivation is good for the soul.'

My family is not poor, but we have been brought up to be frugal. My parents and I live in the same house that my paternal grandparents and their children moved into after World War II in 1945. It is a big house by today's standards, but it is simple - in fact, almost to the point of being shabby.

Those who see it for the first time are astonished that Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew's home is so humble. But it is a comfortable house, a home we have got used to. Though it does look shabby compared to the new mansions on our street, we are not bothered by the comparison.

Most of the world and much of Singapore will lament the economic downturn. We have been told to tighten our belts. There will undoubtedly be suffering, which we must try our best to ameliorate.

But I personally think the hard times will hold a timely lesson for many Singaporeans, especially those born after 1970 who have never lived through difficult times.

No matter how poor you are in Singapore, the authorities and social groups do try to ensure you have shelter and food. Nobody starves in Singapore.

Many of those who are currently living in mansions and enjoying a luxurious lifestyle will probably still be able to do so, even if they might have to downgrade from wines costing $20,000 a bottle to $10,000 a bottle. They would hardly notice the difference.

Being wealthy is not a sin. It cannot be in a capitalist market economy. Enjoying the fruits of one's own labour is one's prerogative and I have no right to chastise those who choose to live luxuriously.

But if one is blinded by materialism, there would be no end to wanting and hankering. After the Ferrari, what next? An Aston Martin? After the Hermes Birkin handbag, what can one upgrade to?

Neither an Aston Martin nor an Hermes Birkin can make us truly happy or contented. They are like dust, a fog obscuring the true meaning of life, and can be blown away in the twinkling of an eye.

When the end approaches and we look back on our lives, will we regret the latest mobile phone or luxury car that we did not acquire? Or would we prefer to die at peace with ourselves, knowing that we have lived lives filled with love, friendship and goodwill, that we have helped some of our fellow voyagers along the way and that we have tried our best to leave this world a slightly better place than how we found it?

We know which is the correct choice - and it is within our power to make that choice.

In this new year, burdened as it is with the problems of the year that has just ended, let us again try to choose wisely.

To a considerable degree, our happiness is within our own control, and we should not follow the herd blindly.

I was born and bred in Singapore. This is my home, to which I am tied by family and friends. Yet many Singaporeans find me eccentric, though most are too polite to verbalise it. I only realised how eccentric I am when one friend pointed out to me why I could not use my own yardstick to judge others.

I dislike intensely the elitist attitude of some in our upper socio-economic class. I have been accused of reverse snobbery because I tend to avoid the wealthy who flaunt their wealth ostentatiously or do not help the less fortunate members of our society.

I treat all people I meet as equals, be it a truck driver friend or a patient and friend who belongs to the richest family in Singapore. I appraise people not by their usefulness to me but by their character. I favour those with integrity, compassion and courage. I feel too many among us place inordinate emphasis on academic performance, job status, appearance and presentation. I am a doctor and director of the smallest public sector hospital in Singapore, the National Neuroscience Institute (NNI). I have 300 staff, of whom 100 are doctors. I emphasise to my doctors that they must do their best for every patient regardless of paying status.

I also appraise my doctors on how well they care for our patients, not by how much money they bring in for NNI. My doctors know I have friends who are likely to come in as subsidised patients. I warn them that if I find them not treating any subsidised patient well, their appraisal - and hence bonus and annual salary increments - would be negatively affected. My doctors know I will do as I say. I remind them that the purpose of our existence and the measure of our success is how well we care for all our patients - and that this is the morally correct way to behave and should be the reason why we are doctors. In NNI, almost all patients are given the best possible treatment regardless of their paying status. My preference for egalitarianism extends to how I interact with my staff.

I am a director because the organisation needs a reporting structure. But my staff are encouraged to speak out when they disagree with me. This tends to be a rarity in several institutions in Singapore. The fear that one’s career path may be negatively affected is what prevents many people from speaking out.

This reflects poorly on leadership. In many organisations, superiors do not like to be contradicted by those who work under them. Intellectual arrogance is a deplorable attitude.

‘Listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story,’ the Desiderata tells us. It is advice we should all heed - especially leaders, especially doctors.

I speak out when I see something wrong that no one appears to be trying to correct. Not infrequently, I try to right the wrong. In doing so, I have stepped on the sensitive toes of quite a few members of the establishment. As a result, I have been labelled ‘anti-establishment’. Less kind comments include: ‘She dares to do so because she has a godfather’.

I am indifferent to these untrue criticisms; I report to my conscience; and I would not be able to face myself if I knew that there was a wrong that I could have righted but failed to do so.

I have no protective godfather. My father, Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew, would not interfere with any disciplinary measures that might be meted out to me.

And I am not anti-establishment. I am proud of what Singapore has achieved. But I am not a mouthpiece of the government. I am capable of independent thought and I can view problems or issues from a perspective that others may have overlooked.

A few months ago, I gave a talk on medical ethics to students of our Graduate Medical School. They sent me a thank-you card with a message written by each student. One wrote: ‘You are a maverick, yet you are certainly not anti-establishment. You obey the moral law.’ Another wrote: ‘Thank you for sharing your perspective with us and being the voice that not many dare to take.’ It would be better for Singapore’s medical fraternity if the young can feel this way about all of us in positions of authority.

After the Sars epidemic in 2003, the Government began to transform Singapore into a vibrant city with arts and cultural festivals, and soon, integrated resorts and night F1. But can we claim to be a civilised first world country if we do not treat all members of our society with equal care and dignity?

There are other first world countries where the disparity between the different socio- economic classes is much more extreme and social snobbery is even worse than in Singapore. But that is no excuse for Singaporeans not to try harder to treat each other with dignity and care.

After all, both the Bible and Confucius tell us not to treat others in a way that we ourselves would not want to be treated. That is a moral precept that many societies accept in theory, but do not carry out in practice. I wish Singapore could be an exception in this as it has been in many other areas where we have surprised others with our success.

Written by Lee Wei Ling

The writer is director of the National Neuroscience Institute. Think-Tank is a weekly column rotated among eight heads of research and tertiary institutions.

Extracted the article from this week Catholic News, thought it would good to share with my iLand friends.

What should we be doing to live longer and healthier? The study suggests the following:

1) Add simple activities to your day like walking farther than you need to, doing gardening or home
repairs yourself, or running around with your children or pets.
2) Try eating off smaller plates to decrease your portion sizes and reduce calories.
3) Limit the number of services of meat you eat in a week.
4) Drink a glass or two of red wine most evenings.
5) Know your passions in life and take time to enjoy them most days.
6) Take quiet time to relieve stress.
7) Belong to a spiritual community and gather with them regularly.
8) Make your family and your loved ones a priority. Express that through your actions.
9) Surround yourself with friends who have healthy habits and support you in your goals.

What is interesting about this list is that it expresses many of the challenges contained in the notion of the Sabbath. Scriputure opens with the story of creation. God, we are told, made the world in six days, rested on teh seventh, the Sabbath, and declared this day to be forever a day of rest.

There is a spirituality of time, work and rest contained in that. According to the theolog of the Sabbath, there is to be a fixed rhythm for our days: We are maeant to work for six days and then have a one-day sabbatical; work for six years and then have a one-year sabbatical; and, finally, work for a lifetime and have an eternity of sabbatical, an eternity of resting in God.

Former generations, I believe, took this more seriously than we do today. Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day. Until recently it was more clear that this is a commandment, not simply a lifestyle suggestion. Sabbath, until recent generations, was a day where ordinary life and ordinary activity were supplanted by a different sense of time and activity.

What is Sabbath meant to be?

For an observant Jew, Sabbath means that the normal workday is suspended and replaced by a special time of payer, family celbration, leisure and enjoyment. In the Jewish spirituality, Sabbath is hounoured by lighting candles, gathering in worship and parayer, blessing children, singing songs, keeping silence, walking, reading Scripture, making love and sharing a meal.

The recipe for Sabbath observance is essentilally the same for Christians. Many of us remember the Sunday customs of our childhood and how, on Sunday, everyone would dress up (in their Sunday best), go to church to worship, come home and eat the best meal of the week (their Sunday dinner) and then spend the rest of the day with the family, usually in various kinds of leisure activities.

Today we are considerably more casual and careless about observing the Sabbath and we are poorer, both religiously and humanly, beacause of this. Much of our tiredness and sense of being over-burdened comes from not having a regular Sabbath in our lives.

With this in mind, allow me to offer my own hints for longevity, hints based largely upon a theology of observing the Sabbath:

1. Keep Sabbath with the discipline demanded of a commandment.
2. Sabbath need not to be just one day a week. Sabbath too can be an hour, a walk, a meal, a drink, a chat with a friend. Plan at least one Sabbath-moment everyday.
3. Everyday, even if not for just a few minutes, go to some place where you cannot be reached. Cell-phones, email and electronic communications have made us the most efficient and connected people in history, but they are also making the observance of Sabbath all but impossible. Go regularly to a place where you cannot be reached.
4. Honour the wisdom of dormancy; know that when you are not doing something that is productive you are giving your soul the time and space it needs to quietly take in the nutrients it requires to remain productive. Buy a rocking chair and sit in it regularly, not thinking, not praying, not talking to a friend, just sitting, your soul a fallow field that is quietly waiting.
5. Spend some time in quiet and prayer regularly.
6. Be attentive to little children, old people, family, food, wine and the weather. All of these are non-pragmatic and Sabbath-invoking
7. Live by the axiom: if not now, when? If not here, where? If not with these people, with whom? If not for God, why?
8. Stay in touch with and listen your body. It will tell you when you need Sabbath.
9. Drink a glass or two of red wine most days, preferably with others.

Last week I was feeling down because I was belittled by my boss.  Felt so useless sometimes due to comments from other people. Perhaps because I am an easy target. Worst I always affected by unfriendly comments and would take a few days to get back to my normal self.  Often these comments would come from people who they think they are smarter and influential. Little they know how much they would affect someone’s life….

After reading the below reflection message, I am glad… though I am broken I am still useful somehow..

What is flawed in you? Think of yourself as a ceramic jar with cracks. God wants to do something awesome with your flaws! As we see in today’s first reading, we have within us a priceless gift to share. Although this treasure is stored in a cracked, earthen vessel, it’s priceless in the hands of God.

Our flaws are proof that God’s alive within us, because he nourishes the world through us, with his water of life, despite our flaws. Let me share with you a story I found when I needed to learn this truth myself.

Once upon a time, there was a servant who fetched water for his master in two large pots, which he carried on the ends of a pole that lay across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it; the other was perfect. By the time the servant walked from the stream to the master’s house, the cracked pot had lost half of its water.

“I am ashamed,” said the cracked pot. “Why?” asked the water bearer. The pot answered, “I have been delivering only half my load. This crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way to your master’s house. Because of my flaws, you have to do more work.”

The man felt compassion for the pot and said, “Today as we return to the master’s house, I want you to look at the beautiful flowers along the path.” So the cracked pot took notice of the many flowers along the way, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because again it had leaked out half its load.

The water bearer said, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path. Every day, you’ve been watering them. These flowers are used to decorate my master’s table. Without your cracks, he would not have this beauty in his house.”

In the reading from 2nd Corinthians, hear the comforting words:
I am afflicted, but (with God’s help) I am not crushed.
I am full of doubts, but (with God’s help) I do not despair.
I am persecuted, but (with God’s help) never abandoned.
I am struck down, but (with God’s help) never destroyed.

To this we could add: I am cracked, but (with God’s help) not useless.

Nothing goes to waste when we give our flaws to God. Not our imperfections, not our mistakes, not our weaknesses, nor our regrets. It all depends on how willing we are to let God transform our flaws into flowers ? “so that the grace given in abundance may bring greater glory to God.”

If you don’t like yourself, ask God to show you the flowers you’ve helped him grow!

An old missionary couple had been working in Africa for years and were returning to New York to retire. They had no pension; their health was broken; they were defeated, discouraged, and afraid. They discovered they were booked on the same ship as President Teddy Roosevelt, who was returning from one of his big-game hunting expeditions.

No one paid any attention to them. They watched the fanfare that accompanied the President’s entourage, with passengers trying to catch a glimpse of the great man. As the ship moved across the ocean, the old missionary said to his wife, “Something is wrong.” “Why should we have given our lives in faithful service for God in Africa all these many years and have no one care a thing about us? Here this man comes back from a hunting trip and everybody makes much over him, but nobody gives two hoots about us.”

“Dear, you shouldn’t feel that way”, his wife said. He replied “I can’t help it; it doesn’t seem right.”

When the ship docked in New York, a band was waiting to greet the President. The mayor and other dignitaries were there. The papers were full of the President’s arrival. No one noticed this missionary couple.

They slipped off the ship and found a cheap flat on the East Side, hoping the next day to see what they could do to make a living in the city.

That night the man’s spirit broke. He said to his wife, “I can’t take this; God is not treating us fairly”. His wife replied, “Why don’t you go in the bedroom and tell that to the Lord?”

A short time later he came out from the bedroom, but now his face was completely different. His wife asked, “Dear, what happened?” “The Lord settled it with me”, he said. “I told Him how bitter I was that the President should receive this tremendous homecoming, when no one met us as we returned home. And when I finished, it seemed as though the Lord put His hand on my shoulder and simply said:

“But you’re not home yet.” my son.

Dear Beloved In Christ, Sometimes when we do something for the Lord, we want to be rewarded and praised now for it, but that’s not the way God works. God does reward obedience but our full reward will not be known or given until we see the Lord face to face. Be encouraged and never give up the dreams and vision the Lord has given you. The enemy never wants you to be successful and believe me, satan is cheering you on to quit, but never give that defeated foe the satisfaction. God will be with you and help you in every area that you need.