GENDERED!

Ever thought that Gender activism is not all about feminists? Here, I re-inforce the notion of the survet in an US university, dept of Psychology(hard to find in India?) that over 92% of men find themselves vulnerable in the era of Gender-violence. Yes males can be feminists but women empowerment is one of the practical solutions err, a  Marxist solution to the problem, where we would eventually see new developed feminine trends in society. In ‘Stench of Kerosene’, we read how a woman in power dominates another, (all for sake of a boy child, immaterial for first reading) the lover boy is only a puppet who later on turns paranoid. This is not an account of a broken heart, but a practical analysis of the grave situation, we put ourselves in an era of Liberalisation and Transition. Due regards and credit goes to Rajesh, who really provoked me to write this account and Ms Lily Tekseng who was discussing this topic all evening. A fate of a boy. If we say we have to bear consequences of our own actions. But identity itself seems to me a mirrage-like notion. Well what is the choice that he makes, well he doesn’t have the choice of birth, then he is brought up and fed in a culture which over time he adjusts to feels as his ‘own’, but he really didn’t have the choice —- to leave his parents at the age of six. He gets into adolescence and reads about typical and ‘ideal’ males, a notion may be by our Set up, and if he remotely can assosciate himself with those notions, for god-knows-whose sake(after transition, set of Values, Superstructure is gonna change, isn’t it?) he picks them up without questioning them. I am not against all values, nor do I suggest anything in particular, but all I say is he, instead of fitting thesenew clothes on his body takes whatever is in! So do girls, and none has any choice. Then where’s the life, he ought to live, and howz whatever is done real? In a feminist era this guy goes to a co-ed institution, inspired by the feminist struggle, he is open minded, but sadly for him even the fairer sex easily mistakes him, somehow he can be construed to have some sort of interest or, undue interest in somebody, or well has plans, in an attempt to plan for somebody, and thats the end of his relation with somebody. This phobia essentially arises out of external exposure to situations we do not know, and should be quite vigorous in any transition, as if staying inside the dark well, the world could be limited and secure, so we do advice our loved ones against it. He drags on with his ‘carreer’ and idealogy or religion to back the same, as phobic as before, now thinking about his parents. When uncertainty creeps in, he feels emotionally vulnerable, he gives a couple of abuses to the world at large accusing it to be cruel, not realising his not caring for others, not identifying the situation he’s in is equally self centric.

Then it happens, Success finally arrives. What? He gets married and settled, bound to another set chains of society, as a puppet is attached to strings. HE has to act in conformity to how others might feel, and that alienates him farther from his own identity. He turns a man, hard at heart, Off course for he’s emotionally challenged! Life long he lives like a slave marked, (remember daagh) on forehead  by identity and Gender!

Women breaking the concieved notions is fine, women saying they’r mistress of their own bodies and not men is fine, but then why are rules different for men? Is it not we’ve popularly kept the notion of sexual determinism alive, everything inevitably boils down to one thing, having babies! Here I do not deny the general feelings of ‘horny’ people, in fact if women are not protected or favoured it’d be impossible for them to get seats, or even get a ticket because of these perverts! What I rather insist on is a nuanced change, Stop acting as if everybody is acting because of  urge to ****. Need to protect yourself, but not put yourself in some turtle shell! If somebody has had a crush on you and he seems to have gone along beyond that, please see the unbounded love and care and controll that it might represent, give him one chance. I do not think that all men think of ONE thing, as long as you dont believe in yourself, at least!(Well, just for convictions,rest assured I love sexual stimulation, but as of lust or that thing is concerned, i am building my carreer, instead of having, well, a fleet of kids)! It’s sad when I see people behave strangely and insecurely, making things complex, why not believe in love? I have seen women getting conscious about their looks, dupatta while making some far more important points. Intersetingly the anti-dote was simply getting her angry! I mean we have contiously entered an era where for cultural or economic reasons we’ve expanded or as I feel got rooted. Then why keep phobia? Society is at large homo-phobic but why? Is a homo-sexual necessary both a pervert and a keep, hitting on everybody?  Similarly Men are not allowed to cry, wear certain colours, speak their emotions on one hand and on other if ragged , not allowed to disclose that they were feminised. This kind of attitude is Pseudo-Machoism, where The conflict between the two would last eternally, being dialectical. Indeed as Prof Vijayan says, Sex is by biological, but Masculine and Feminine is Psychological.  Everything I dont thing has to be read only in this realm, beacuse else the folly of our mind trying to prove the strong Urge would end no where. Friends, Gender is a reality, if someone feels it instinctively it cannot be denied. It is closely concerned with identity and self respect. It must be respected. Both positively and negatively, I mean appriciating it as an oppurtunity as a flow of energy, what should be done, as well as what hurts and is undesirable. Keeping foolish notions that the guy who hath a crush on you would waste his life, and so Goody creature deserts him, even if he has never hit on this creature, is well playing the role of the goody master who extracts surplus and yet increases organic composition of capital. I mean that boy-child is backbone of the family, fine, but that should not impose on him any other unnecessary burdens. Interstingly though quite similar, my model is more digestable to antagonists of how the feudal class who politically managed it’s power with or without changing occupato reacts to such issues, if  one could get hints of closed curtain hypothesss! What I feel is, only for chastity part, as long as you do not damage emotionally each other or in consenus, do not end up having kids, everything is fine! I’d like to end this para with a question: a spousal realtionship is usually dearest to one, under given setup and once a child is born, parent- child relationship, naturally grows firmer, usually, so how do we interpret this ‘intrusion’ of child into parents’ life? Similarly, not all relations are of lust, society must accept it. The atrractive girl coos and then whines away, while the protective male, feels deserted of his share of joys! Here I find a girl reminding a boy that he is straight, then suggesting something wrong can be thus between them, insulting their erstwhile relation, friendly conversations, and loving and affectionate nature, insulting both idealogy and finally, dominating as always giving a decisive blow where the guy timidly and silently resigns to the dark, holding his Crot**! One sting, Ever thought what the word (nowadays taught to every school-child) ‘infatuation’ means? One way love or ‘Commoditisation’ of love? The indiscriminate application of this word shows how we have narrowed our sight and divorced love from innocence and eternity. Nothing else.

I am definitely not anti-social as I appreciate that that would lead to chaos, but sitting on the problem at same time would actually not help. That’s where I somewhere bow down or as of now react ’strangely’ so as not to hurt thqt person, but fight and help them out. Gender is a reality, we can not change it, but we should respect it! Imposing forcefully masculinity is equally bullish (I remember branding on faces and foreheads) and regressive as imposing feminity on unwilling male! Inhuman and brutal! Shaivas do respect dual existence of both forces in a man, and I feel violated whenever somebody tries to froce things upon me. Middle class women usually keep themselves off these issues, largely as they or their friends are powerful enough, thanks to years of struggle , sometimes even due o sheer ignorance or pseudo-machoism. Obviously to woo their female counterparts, hot males take up either feminism or anti-feminism as if that’s all, ignoring the more basic issues of honour and identity that lies within, what about basic gender rights? Isn’t this notion of dignity equally appropriable to men? Isn’t making things clear better than messing up? One is where and how it may arise, relation to power and more importantly how to combat it! One novice anti-feminist recounts how a woman stepping on his foot smiled which I read appologised, and he read was a sadist, worst than males who walk away! I do not contradict feminism itself, rather to expand it’s approach of looking at problems, I spell a alternative to it so that to negate gender activism is not to negate just feminism, and since this is a holistic approach, re-inforcing(not compelling women to behave like males, an issue arely adressed to, a debate in feminism). I somehow find it potent,not a threat, if used properly. Problem arises when one falls in a cob-web himself! Or some like Mathurs take up issues for their boy-children.

(Plz note :  Very consciously to critique and keep right-wing members involved some terms have been used.Not non-hindus or or aethiests are not concerned, this applies equally to them, thousand appologie, for I have not much knowledge about parrallels, and among so many vartiations, I’d simply loose cue or end up instigating, which is not my motive, Rather, my advice is do not search: read without those words, or lines as applicable, motive and honour is I believe applicable to all intelligent things! Dogmatism and torturing innocents never pays!)