subtlehumour's blog

Doctors Office

Srinivas HR — Mon, 28 May 2007 12:37:32 +0000

They always ask at the doctor’s office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what’s wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There’s nothing worse than a Doctor’s Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?”

“There’s something wrong with my dick”, he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.”

“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,” he said. The
Receptionist replied; “Now you’ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.”

The man replied, “You shouldn’t ask people questions in a room full
strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, “Yes??”

“There’s something wrong with my ear”, he stated. The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. “And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?”

“I can’t piss out of it,” he replied. The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with seniors and you’re gonna lose!

Three plastic surgeons

Srinivas HR — Mon, 28 May 2007 12:21:44 +0000

Three plastic surgeons were boasting about how clever they were. The first one claimed that he attended to a suicidal bloke who had jumped from a flat on the 46th floor and broke every bone in his body and after several operations using titanium rods, nuts, bolts and washers he managed to get him fit again, and in the last Olympics he won a gold medal for the marathon.

The second claimed that he treated a chunk of charcoal fished out of an horrific house fire and by using the most up to date skin grafting techniques had salvaged a young lady who had just won a Miss World competition.

Not to be outdone, the third surgeon claimed that he had been called out to deal with the victim of a very bad road accident, where all they could find was an arsehole and a chewed fingernail. But he persevered and it seems as if the chap he treated could be our new prime minister by next week!

Burdens and Sorrows !

Srinivas HR — Thu, 24 May 2007 12:02:14 +0000

A Husband come home from Church. He greets his wife and lifts her up. Having done that he carries her around the house. The wife is pleasantly surprised and asks:”Did the Pastor preach being romantic today?”

The husband with a straight face says : ” No he said we must carry our burdens and sorrows.”

Marriage

Srinivas HR — Sat, 19 May 2007 06:28:49 +0000

When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died, his wife, Maude was devastated.

A couple of months later, Maude also died.

Once in heaven, Maude, anxiously looked for Joe.

Suddenly, behind a cloud, she could clearly see him.

She run towards him, calling his name: “Joe darling…”.

Joe said: “Hold your horses woman, and don’t “darling” me. The deal was very clear! “Until death do us part! “

Never lie to a woman.

Srinivas HR — Sat, 19 May 2007 06:28:05 +0000

A man called home to his wife and said, “Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends.
We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box, we’re leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up” “Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas.”

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?

He said, “Yes! Lots of salmon, some bluegill, and a few swordfish. But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you to Do?”

The wife replied, “I did. They’re in your fishing box…..

Old biker

Srinivas HR — Sat, 19 May 2007 05:57:54 +0000

A crusty old biker, on a summer ride in the country, walks into a tavern and sees a sign hanging over the bar:

CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
HAND-JOB: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks. “Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile, “can I help you?”

“I was wondering ,” whispers the biker, “are you the young lady who gives the hand-jobs?”

“Yes,” she purrs, “I am.”

The old biker replies, “Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger.”

Lesson in in rent payment.

Srinivas HR — Sat, 19 May 2007 05:53:21 +0000

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment “RENT FOR APARTMENT.”

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque for $250 and enclose the following typed note:

“Dear Madam:

Enclosed find a cheque for $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:
1 - it had never been occupied;
2 - there was plenty of heat; and
3 - it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn’t any heat, and that it was entirely too large.”

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for $250 with the following note:

“Dear Sir:

First, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.

As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.

PETS ALLOWED

Srinivas HR — Sat, 19 May 2007 05:50:01 +0000

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote: I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, “I’ve been
operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I’ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I’ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I’ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And,
if your dog will vouch for you, you’re welcome to stay here, too.

DELIVERY MISTAKE

Srinivas HR — Sat, 19 May 2007 05:49:13 +0000

A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card, “Rest in Peace”.

The owner was angry and so call the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was,
the florist said, “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this. Somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location.’

I doubt it,” said the man, “tonight I’m the designated decoy”.

Srinivas HR — Fri, 11 May 2007 07:03:37 +0000

From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true story from the Sunshine Coast, Queensland. Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a local neighbourhood tavern. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the carpark for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test.

To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station this breath-alyser equipment must be broken.

“I doubt it,” said the man, “tonight I’m the designated decoy”.