sudiptasdiary

My husband accidentally swapped his lunch with me today. I generally have a healthy lunch in my drive to reduce weight and keep it from coming back. When I opened my lunch box, I was surprised to see the parathas and ghee-fried potatoes. I had planned it specially for my husband yesterday night. Immediately I felt a pang of remorse. Because the first thing I felt was that he would have to tolerate my plain lunch added with the smaller quantity. After brooding for sometime, I decided to change my perspective. I called him and informed him about the swap. He was particularly not happy, but I did not allow him to dwell on the thought for long. I asked him to buy something along with the lunch. After talking to him, I decided to change my perspective on the incident. I alternately thought that this was a great way to enjoy the change. I ate the stuff, and felt good. I know I will manage to exercise for an additional half an hour. But the joy that the food gave me left me feeling happy after lunch. I concluded that sometime eating out of the routine is good for my emotions. I also did not feel any guilt on having the food, maybe because it was home-cooked and somehow I felt it was my husband's accidental gift.

During the weekend, I bought a dress for my daughter. I did not give an afterthought to it and simply came back home and forgot about it. When Titiksha opened the shopping bag, she immediately noticed the new dress. I noticed her coming towards me. She hugged and thanked me with a kiss. When I asked her the reason, she promptly replied that the dress is very good and she is very happy. Then I remembered that I had actually bought a dress for her. This incident made me reflect on my attitude. My economic freedom has perhaps made me complacent about the liberties I am enjoying. I immediately thanked God for the privilege that I have been bestowed with. Kids always have a special way of teaching you a lesson.

The other day I bought a saree for my mother. It was not planned. Yes, I know I am rather reckless with my money, but my mother's birthday is near and anyway I would have bought something for her. But her reaction left me moved, she had tears in her eyes. I did not ask her the reason, but whatever it may be, I know she liked the saree and could not control her emotions. The gift's value was much lesser than the emotions it kindled.

Yesterday, Titiksha asked for some pocket money. I was surprised that a kid of her age would need money for everyday expenses. Her reason however was completely different. She wanted to buy small gifts for her family. Then she started explaining, "my family includes my father, mother, and my bhaiyya. I can do anything for them, and I will cry if anything happens to them." Her simple explanation was successful in creating a lump in my throat for a long time. The lump was of happiness and thankfulness. I am lucky to be the mother of such a wonderful kid.

My little one is still in his own world. He has his demands of food, love, sleep, and dozens of other things. But even in his selfish little world, he understands and values the small joys of life. He is also conditioning well with our family rituals and seems to enjoy them. I forgot to mention the satisfaction I feel when his thousand-watt smile lightens the entire world.

I am so happy to be privileged enough to enjoy all that this world has to offer.

When I was a child, and used to see all the grown up behavior, I used to wait with great enthusiasm to become an adult. I had sublime dreams. I would have a huge bungalow, a huge black sedan, a great job. My dreams never deviated out of these three things. In addition, I had one personal resolution; my kids should never find me quarrelling with my spouse when they wake up. Month ends were dreary for me, almost always I would find my parents quarrelling over household issues that usually directed towards money. My mother was a great homemaker; I had never seen her indulge in worldly pleasures. She was demure and frugal. My father was an archetypal head of the family. He knew that his kids would follow the examples he would set. I have never seen him spending a penny on unworthy things. But the tension still persisted, perhaps a one man income with two growing daughters was not enough for the family. None of my parent's sacrifices could generate enough surpluses for creating a pleasant morning atmosphere. Monetary resources were always short, and I grew up with the conviction that I would always earn enough to save the quarrels.

Looking back, I think, it was far better to listen to those quarrels and really not worry about money. After a hearty breakfast, we never hesitated to place our demands to my sulking mother or enraged father. I now wonder, how with all those worries, they would still smile and understand our demands and try to fulfill them. We were cruel; we should have been more considerate. Thanks to their immense love and patience, I now have a great job and a great family of my own. While I am working peacefully to fulfill my career and financial goals, they are still there like strong pillars, taking care of my babies, and nurturing them more than I could probably do. I have a full time career, and my kids stay with my parents when I am not at home.

What a wonderful arrangement for us, and what a selfish way of treating them. I am filled with guilt, but whenever I discuss about any other alternative arrangements, temper would flare up from my otherwise demure mom. She protects my kids with the fierceness of a lioness. I wish, I could be like her, ever sacrificing and ever loving. At any time of the day, she would be ready with delicious food, neat and prim in her mildly starched cotton sari, always moving with some task or the other. Unfortunately, I am not a bit like her.

I do indulge in luxuries, and do not think twice if I intend to purchase something. Perhaps the generation has changed my genetic behavior. I should have been thrifty like my parents; after all, I grew up with their ideals. I find it strange when they still scold me for some purchase, that I thought was a great deal. Watch your budget and save, you need an umbrella for a rainy day is my father's standard counsel. Unfortunately, my husband surpasses me in his spending habits.

The economic recession is not playing well with my spending habits. I have narrowed down my budget, and eating out and impulse spending is at an all time low. The savvy words like emergency fund and budget are now making more sense. The kids future is at stake, I cannot let them down. Besides, I broke my promise and quarreled with my hubby about money today morning. My daughter was staring at me with those big brown eyes that prompted me to stop eventually. I do hope she has not taken such a vow.  My son continued to smile and call me mamma repeatedly; I pray to God that their innocence stays forever. I will do my best to insure their innocence. It is such a relief to get back to them after a hard days work and not talk anything adult.

Recently, I had taken a hint from a financial article and rounded off my home loan emi to the next whole amount. Today, I noticed that for this simple decision I had to pay 14 lesser installments. I was greatly inspired by my decision.

My dream of a big bungalow and a big black sedan are still in the making. For the time being, I feel, that I now worry about my groceries, car petrol, school tuitions, and so on. Baba and ma would be happy when they hear that their daughter is growing up, though they will never own that. As for me, the Adult tag can be safely stamped on me. The only difference perhaps is that I will never ever allow myself to become cynical.

I had always considered myself very balanced and practical. During my childhood, I hated when my mother visited me during my exams with my lunch. I strictly prohibited it. Although, my mother got an excellent chance during my board exams. I was terribly ill with typhoid. Thanks to my mother, who strictly enforced that I should sit for the exams even if I failed. My father and the doctor were furious. I was on crossroads, because I did not want to stay back and see my friends move forward, but with a month long illness, I was not well prepared. However, I did sit and clear my board exams. The marks were obviously not as expected, but it did not hinder my education. I had decided to pursue humanities and my school gladly accepted me for higher secondary.

Thinking now, I have seen mothers very tensed about the class works, tests, the right class teacher, the correct coaching classes, and so on. My parents were always nonchalant about these issues. I used to study myself after Class IV. I was tremendously weak in mathematics and my elder sister helped me a lot. I heaved a great sigh of relief after my board exams were over. I did not have a private tutor till my higher secondary.

Looking back, I now wish I had been more serious about my studies, maybe I could have scored better marks, my parents would have been happier, maybe I could have opted for some more courses. I feel satiated now, because I am self sufficient, I can give my ma some pocket money, which she has never got, I have a right to invest and save, I have a right to choose my options. I have a great husband and I am satisfied with my life.

Suddenly I see a rewinding of my school days. But not in the way I had expected. I had expected that my daughter would be the serious kind who would complete her class work and narrate the school events, be the teacher's pet, and not loose anything. On the contrary, my daughter looses one thing or the other every day. She has maintained a record of loosing her school belt on the first day of the new class. This is her third year and she has been fantastic in her consistency. Her school never complains, and I have never bought a new belt for her. In the first year, I thought it would be punishment enough for her to see her classmates with the belt and her without it and she will never commit the same mistake ever. I was wrong! Then there is the stream of missing erasers, pencils, boxes of crayons, broken water bottles. Now there is the sudden discovery of missing her class work as well. She has just been promoted to Std. I. Suddenly I realize that I need help. My daughter is a sweet, gentle, shy child, in short not at all like me, so she has a completely different set of problems that I need to deal with. I cannot match it with the problems I faced.

Her shyness prevents her from talking freely to her teacher. Her gentle nature has prevented her from being aggressive and she thinks it is ok for her not to complete her class work. I started with a normal one and one discussion about the possible outcome of not completing her class work, being followed by threats, scolding, etc. She listens, nods and then with a throbbing heart when I open her bag the next evening, I see another item missing, an incomplete sentence in the class work, with the teacher's red mark, incomplete. I don't know how to react. Should I scold the 5 and half year old that she is not responsible enough, or should I speak to her teacher. I decided on the latter. Her teacher, counseled me in a very grave way about the shortcomings of my daughter. "She is slow, she does not interact, she does not understand English well. You know I am very strict, and whether they understand or not, I will continue speaking to the kids in English, they will surely improve." I stood there, with my head bent low, because just prior to me, a mother was brave enough to speak to the teacher about her flaws and the teacher reprimanded her. The teacher suggested that I should keep the kid under pressure and she will learn by herself. Then for the first time she smiled and said that please try she will surely improve. Her KG report card shows that she had performed well in her exams.

I am not sure how to deal with this. I have understood one thing that I will not get any help from the teacher for analyzing and planning an alternative for my daughter's improvement. She expects that I will take care of her, and she would just enjoy my fruits of labour.

I am now a changed person. Like the mothers, whom I used to think were too engrossed about their kids, I have started calling the other mothers. I have started copying the class work that Titiksha misses. I have bought a white board and am trying to simulate a classroom experience. Titiksha needs to improve on her speed and interaction. As a mother, I am trying to change her to adapt to the demands of the elders. I sometimes feel I am so cruel, but for now, we need to meet the demands of the school. Sometime in the future, I hope we can look back and laugh at the difficult times that we worked on together. I hope Titiksha does not break with the pressure and grows to be a well-rounded individual.

And all this time I was thinking that the sweet and docile kid was making me proud. The world always teaches a lesson beyond our expectation. I continue to think, that Titiksha is a prized possession, and is the best gift that God has given me. For the world, she has to change a bit; we will try taking small baby steps to achieve that.

Wish us best of luck!!!

My life, if I give a gist is a list of never-ending activities. Starting from early morning until midnight, I am continuously running around like a lunatic.

Just the other day, after sending the elder one to school, and having bathed and cleaned the smaller one, we ultimately were ready to leave. Just before leaving, my hubby handed the baby to me to lace his shoes. Lucky man!!! I felt a warm liquid like thing trickling through my shoulders. The baby had spitted half of the milk that I had fed him minutes back. My husband just took him away from me and religiously scrubbed him with a clean napkin. As for poor me, I just washed the stuff away in the kitchen sink. There was no time left for a change of dress.

No amount of deo could suppress the acid smell of milk on my dress. I boldly went forward with my activities throughout the day. After an early morning status update overseas call, two-interview discussion, one training session, and a long long day, I had forgotten all about the smell. After I reached home, I just wanted to hug my kids and play with them.

When my elder one, twitched her nose and complained about the smell, I remembered that I needed a change of dress immediately. The baby did not mind, it seems, mummy is acceptable with all her awful odors.

Just a few years back, when I was still a student, such an incident would have set the tone for the day. I would have probably gone for a bath and a change of clothes. Invariably I would have missed the first class in college. I remember because I exactly did that when my niece spitted on me. I was in college then, and cleanliness and appearance were more important than other appointments. Not that it is not important now, but probably being a mother changes perspectives.

I was just wondering how many more years to come, when I can be my usual self again. My husband casually commented, there are too many changes happening, to make you that self-conscious girl again. Was that sarcasm or a compliment? I am still wondering.

I was going through a site today and saw a small news clipping. A mom wanted a wife for her son by Christmas this year. This is common in India, but quite a news abroad. The comments that followed were mostly negative. Nobody was happy that a mom was interested in finding a wife for her adult and once-divorced son. The conclusion was invariably against the mom, people calling her a control freak, and the son a mama’s boy. I wonder whom to side with. I am mom to a daughter and a son. I am thankful that I have been given the opportunity to have a taste of both. I am not dying to become the perfect mother-in-law to my son’s wife and daughter’s husband. Maybe, they will think I am horrible. But, I am sure I will refrain from having characteristics, I have hated in my own mother and my MIL. Well, better said than done. But I will surely try and inculcate some basic ethics in my kids. They should be able to protect their spouse and create a balance. After all, it is their life, and they should have the ability to live it well. As a parent, I will try and guide them, and point out the good from the bad. I will be with them till the time they need me. After that I will stop, I am sure by that time, the co-traveler beside them would make them happy. It gives me a lump in the throat to think that they will become independent and would no longer need me. But I also know that it is inevitable. I cannot continue to cling to them and make them unhappy. After all, they have given me enough by making me a mom, and giving me a chance to contribute in shaping their future. Is that not enough?

It is very important to be able to change when situation demands. After all change helps us to survive. The other day I met a very old friend. We chatted for sometime. I thought she was leading a happy life. In her profession, she was doing something, that she loved to do. She had a happy family. But apparently she was not happy. She mentioned that she and her husband were two people from two different poles. Their expectations did not match. While she is verbal about her needs, her husband is the exact opposite. Even after living together for a decade, she has many unanswered questions about her husband.

I am sure they have different upbringing and culture imbibed in them from their childhood. That is obvious, but perhaps they do not have the necessary skills to adapt to a married life. A marriage is a lifetime decision. You simply cannot remain the same and hope that your marriage will be successful. One needs to work on it to keep it flourishing. I advised my friend to seek professional help. I doubt whether any professional help will make them better individuals. I always feel that a need to change and improve a relation comes from within. Unless and until you decide that you need to change, nobody can change you.

In my office, I have seen people with strange attitudes. They think they are the best. They don’t even return a smile and a hello. Sometimes, I feel hurt, but most of the time, I pass it off as a necessary nuisance. I cannot profess to change them.

The other day, we had a baby's day event at our office. It was a lively event. The small ones were thrilled, and I saw many a colleague from a different angle. I was amazed that how passive they can be in their professional behavior, but as fathers they are wonderful. It gave me a completely new angle from which I could relate to them and perhaps increase my familiarity with them. Many of them who could not bring their kids at least had the decency to say hello to the visiting kids. It shed a new light to how people behaved in an unfamiliar situation. I should also mention that there were some, who did not consider the event worthy enough to acknowledge or the kids lovable enough for a short visit or a friendly hello. 

I am a technical writer. I have become used to being ignored or get the second best treatment. I don’t mind because I love my work. It hurts when I am not invited to lunches, and party’s, and meetings. I too work diligently for the release of a product, but somehow people forget when it is time to celebrate. Sometimes, situations improve and maybe I too get a call to attend a party. Of course, it is always a sudden announcement with no time to plan for the day. After all the mere fact that a technical writer is considered for an invitation is enough to celebrate. I toast for my community when such incidents occur. I am not called for most of the staff meetings. I am the last one to receive a compliment. I am not considered for many a training. These have not deterred me from doing my best. I am thankful to my parents that they have inculcated a spirit that helps me fight and establish. I am just concerned about giving my best to every situation. If I get the same in return I am lucky, otherwise nobody can ever say I did not do my best. After all, at the end of the day I should be satisfied with my life and what I am doing with it.