suhani2628’s blog

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary !!!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding the need$of u$.We are worker$who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company ..
I am $ure you will gue$$what I meant and re$pond $oon. 

Your$$incerely,


The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear 

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw a days, NOthing much has changed. You must haveNOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticably well . NOw the newspapers are saying the world’s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. I haveNOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean . 

—- Your Boss.

This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I’ve received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

DILIP VENGSARKAR
When you rearrange the letters:
SPARKLING DRIVE

PRINCESS DIANA
When you rearrange the letters:
END IS A CAR SPIN

MONICA LEWINSKY
When you rearrange the letters:
NICE SILKY WOMAN

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROO M

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:

When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Pls do not show sympathy to people selling buds on roadside or at
signals………

Just wanted to warn you people not to buy those packs of ear buds you get
at the roadside. It’s made from cotton that has already been used in
hospitals.

They take all the dirty, blood and pus filled cotton, wash it, bleach it
and use it to make ear buds. So, unless you want to become the first
person in the world to get Herpes Zoster Oticus (a viral infection of the
inner, middle, and external ear) of the ear and that too from a cotton
bud, DON’T BUY THEM!

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.


Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication

engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.


Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had

never heard of this college before!


Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an

admission into it ..

What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in

12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.

But my father said (I prefer to call him ‘baap’) - “I can not

invest so much of money”.(The baap actually said - “I

will never waste so much of money on you”). So I had to join this

college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the
most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.


Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete

your engineering.


Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But

you know, these cricket matches and football

world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate.

So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took

4 + 2 = 7 years.


Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.


Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I

will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good,

thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think

they should ban it.



Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be

banned.



Candidate: No, no… I am talking about Exams!!



Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?



Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never

thought I would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year,
she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.


Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?


Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing ‘lower’

education itself was so much of pain!!



Interviewer: Let’s talk about technical stuff. On which platforms

have you worked?



Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my

current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my
platform

then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms!
(Vashi and Andheri are the places in

Mumbai)



Interviewer: And which languages have you used?



Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet

in German, French, Russian and many other languages.



Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?



Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a

higher version than VB. I heard very soon they

are coming up with a new language VD!



Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?



Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the

language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?



Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e

times they are in pipeline!



Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?



Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.

Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining

BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.



Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?



Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn’t be difficult. I know

Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to

dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And

very important - I know few words like -

‘Showstoppers ‘ , ‘hotfixes’,

‘SEI-CMM’,'quality’,'versioncontrol’,'deadlines’ , ‘Customer

Satisfaction’ etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!



Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?



Candidate: Not much.

1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.

2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not

have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.

3. I believe in flexi-timings.

4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear

t-shirt and jeans.

5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so

as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.

6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term

preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer

US, Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that there is
Olympics

coming up in China in the current year, I don’t mind

going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don’t

have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?



Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our

organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to

INFOSYS.



The fellow was appointed in a newly created section ‘Stress Management’
in the HRD of Infosys.

Hi,

I am Vijay Mallya. My team has lost IPL. I had invested 400 cr but now I am doomed. I don’t know you but U can help me overcome my loss. I request all the techies to drink Kingfisher beer instead of tea or coffee while on work. This will not only help me overcome my loss but also increase your creativity and hence productivity.

If U have a heart please forward this to all your friends. Plz do not delete it. I promise u all a better team in the coming season.


Don’t drink and drive, Drink and code..


Vijay Malya

If you have a function/party at your home and if there is excess food
available at the end, don’t hesitate to call 1098 (only in India) - child helpline.

 PLEASE, DON’T BREAK THIS CHAIN, “Helping hands are better than Praying Lips”.

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem has with God, The almighty. He asks one of his new students to stand and…………..

Prof: So you believe in God?

Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?

Student: sure

Prof: Is God all-powerful?

Student: Yes

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is the God good then? Hmm? (Student is silent.)

Prof: You cannot answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?

Student: Yes

Prof: Is Satan good?

Student: No

Prof: Where does Satan came from?

Student: From…God…

Prof: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student: Yes

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes

Prof: So who created evil? (Student not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exists in the world, don’t they?

Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them? (Student has no answer)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world the world around you. Tell me, son…Have you ever seen god?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us is you have ever heard your god?

Student: No, sir

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student: Yes

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes

Student: And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes

Student: No sir. There isn’t (The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, super heat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it. (There is pin drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student: You’re wrong again; darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, bright light, flashing light…..But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either none. To view death as opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is no the opposite of life: Just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, Sir? (The professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The class is in uproar)

Student: Is there any one in this class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain? (The class breaks out into laughter)

Student: Is there any one here who has ever heard the professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstratable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir? (The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student: That is it sir…..The link between man and God is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving and alive.


NB: I believe you have enjoyed the conversation….. This is the true story, and the student was none other then………..


APJ ABDUL KALAM,

The Former President of India