It was on 14th Nov Friday 2008. As usual, I was leaving for Delhi from my home before my holiday leave ends. My toddler daughter, hardly 1 and ˝ yrs old, was clinging on me and insisted me to take her too with me. I was helpless, neither could I take her with me, nor could I extend my stay (to meet the office deadline). I was her favourite hero since I reached home few weeks back. She might have hardly remembered my face when I left her two months back. But to my surprise, she said- "daddddy"; hugged me and clung on me at the gate on the very first day of my arrival. Since then she remained on my lap during entire duration of my stay, ignoring her mom too.
I wondered what made me her favourite! Is it because I left her alone for long due to my occupation and she wanted me not to leave her alone again? Or is it because she needed me the most? Or something else?
I could not avoid my tears when she had to be forcibly taken from me when I was getting too late for the flight After all what could I have done for her ? Nothing What an unsuccessful father I have been who could not even remain with his kids! How unsuccessful I have been who could not land a good job in his own city, in the vicinity of his near-and-dear-ones, even if he has many degrees and decade long experience!
Please do not take me negatively I have been a person with positive attitude. But of late, I do not know why I am feeling like an unsuccessful man in the world even though I earn at par the best talented contemporary friends.
What will you do when your wife rings you at 3 am in the night from hundreds of miles away and says- "I had a bad dream about you and could not sleep whole night and thought to give you a call to check if you are all right"? "What will you do when your toddler cries a lot and tries to enter into PC to meet you whenever you make a video chat with family members back home?" I remain helpless when my kids and wife cry every time I leave home for my job in Delhi. They demand my time and I can not give it. They demand my love and company, I can not give it. Is it good to become a money making machine only? I do not call it a success. What you say?
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Posted in Love.
By ND Lama
– November 17, 2008
Being a working woman my ordeal is the same.Everytime i leave my kids behind the feeling of not being a perfect mother is always bothering me.At times i wanted to come out from these negative thoughts but really it disturbs me a lot.This is the life we have to live in……so as to give better future to the kids.The only excuse we have……
I am in the same boat as you. Even I am having the same feelings lately. Five years into my own business thinking that things would settle down and I can spend more time with the family. And then we have year 2008 with heavy recession and you found yourself into a situation where we have to start all over again.
But then life goes on….don”t feel bad as its part and parcel of life.
ah! so sweet……this was the worthless moment…..isn”t it ?……yes this is the life…..keep those tears in ur eyes….& take this spiritual feeling always in ur heart……..god bless u & ur family……………*swati*
To see light, look at sun..to see love look at moon..to see beauty, look at nature..to see hope, look at future..but, to see all of this, look at the mirror….Sometime life so much helpness because of different types of matters. we people, should bear it all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friends, thank you very much for your invaluable comments. I had not expected many friends are also in the similar position as myself. Your comments made me more stronger emotionally; feeling of negativity has started vanishing from within me. I really appreciate the suggestions from you all. Thank you.
While reading ur post I remember my daughter. I have a daughter who will complete 2 years for Jan. Every day when I go to office she hugs me and cries and tears come in my eyes but unfortunately I have to leave her and come to office…..
Oh Brother..!!! everything comes with a price and sacrifices made by u and the family will not go waste.
Con8s dear u r on Home Page…..good blog…. samay kis ko kahan le jata hai…pata nahi … essi ko destiny kahte hain….dont feel guilty its part of life…but dont do other than ur family…that will be shame ful act.
hi,
Don’t worry it is matter of time, and this is time where u can work hard and make your future safe. In life every one doesn’t get everything, you need to compromise. You daughter will require u more when she will start going out for studies and other activity.
I know its easy to say this than doing but its the ultimate truth. You can”t argue with life. You have to accept whatever life gives you.
habibi, i must say, this discussion is pointless. you r working for who? for urself? ur family? or ur nation? its no point thinking about these small issues in life. these form attachments. and they lead to misery. have a clear aim in life. prioritize and just move forward. if u dont have a clear aim, remember, u will never have clear actions. i agree they r ur family. then what. do u have control over the situation, wherein, u can either find work closeby home or take ur family along with you? the answer is NO. then why think about it. accept it and carry on. no regrets. u want both the product and the service free of cost! which is not possible. by these feelings u r making your own life miserable. follow and do what u have control over. best of luck
we are in the same boat brother….but i believe that this shall pass….just a matter of time
Do not feel guilty friend..I have seen fathers who are with thier family and fail to give ”love”..here you are giving them love much more than they could imagine..what matters most is the quality time you spend with your family ..
cheer up..you are doing wonderfully and you are the ever loving DAD to your cute girl and a wonderful husband to your lovely wife..
This is life…all the best and god bless…
smile…..
tell me something, would u rather be home and near your family and leading a frustrated life coz u could not go out and fully utilize your potential. this situation will also lead to the feeling of being unsuccessful. Do you think that will bring you everlasting peace and satisfaction. Wont there be a time you would blame your family for stagnation in your career.You have not left your family, my friend, to enjoy, but to give a better future. Children are attached to their parents no matter where they are. Stop being guilty otherwise you will be neither here nor there. And have you forgotten—Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
hi
i fully agree with u. bt jus think abt the pple who has left their near n dear ones…earning their bread-butter…sath samunder par. i m also one of them…i left my mom all alone all the way back…….life is not that easy ma friend…..take it in a positive way….no pain..no gain..take it easy.
by the way..ur daughter is too cute…..b a good friend to her
You are one of the luckiest Lamaji. You are missing your dear and near ones for a couple of months only. Take my case. 30 long years in gulf, visiting home only once a year, sometimes once in two years. I used to miss my kids, and now I am missing my grand kids. I did not attend the funeral of my father and mother. Whenever my wife says, “come back, enough is enough”, I console her by saying, “one more year darling”. Still I don”t know when that ”one year” will end.
this is becoming a problem of everyone. Now a day’’s because of these BPO, CAll Center and IT Jobs everybody is so busy doing night and day shifts he/she ignoring everyone including his/her own health.
First of all the baby is choooooooooooo chweet secondly congrats for being on home page and the most important the blog is very nice & touchy, I got tears in my eyes. This is definately something serious that u need to sort out, there is always some possibility of change, u know ur wife & daughter needs u just give it a try and try to take them also with u. As a reader its easy for me to suggest something but its only ur decision which can change the things.May God bless u n ur family.
hey !!!!!you are not alone….iam too facing the same thing…….
I left my wife back in India…since she is carrying…….and believe me each day without her is agonizing…..The flat-the same flat i bought her in, after my marriage and everything here reminds me of her….
Good thing is iam going vacation to india in feb….and is excited to being a father……
D Ont worry man- ”no pain no gain” in this world….
hey,u r earning enough to provide for ur family..
trust me..ur kids”l thank u for all the pains u took to raise them..
Very touching..but friend y dnt you think about the strong bond between your family and you..each one is giving his/her contribution for family and if they are missing your company you are missing them too…your are indeed a good father and human.
u have a very cute daughter , thank god for that, no body is satisfied in this world just compare urself with others and thank HIM what he has given u is better than many. good post, keep writing.
cute baby!
I read your blog and I know it is always painful when you are not with your family but believe me if you are earning good then you can be at any time with your family, just you have to plan..
I have seen people statying with family members but not enjoying the life “due to no money” and many are away and same time not earning good.
I believe you should consider yourself “ Successful “ as a father and as a husband also because you are able to provide a decent life to them.
I am sure you will be soon with your family because you have so strong feeling for them J
–Reader
Such a cute daughter….U r really a great father and ofcrs a great hubby.
Come back to Delhi
hi Mr.Lama i can understand ur emotions it happens when we get apart from our family but life is like this only if you want to get something you have to lose something.why dont you call your family to stay with you. n i must say one thing your daughter is toooo cute ,god bless her n u too
Dear Lamaji,
I read your blog. A very true feeling, you made me even cry, becoz am also in the same position of your wife and kids. I know well my feelings, when my hubby leaving me and my kids behind due to his occupation in the different parts of India.
Dear Lama ji,
The situation you have menttioned is faced by evrybody who is working away from his native place. But sir, you are doing all this for your family’’s security and good future. The more you will earn the high your child will reach. So don”t mind these small things and keep enjoying yr family life whenever you get a chance.
a very true feeling, you made me even cry….
Hi Mr.Lama, a very true feeling. Wait for a few years you will surely be a happy man and get to spend most of your time with your dear ones. Time is the healer. India is on to its journey to bring far ends meet within no time,through better means of transport (For eg., flights) like in developed countries. I think by 2020 there would be no such problems, more practically.
I believe there must be some compelling reason behind your not being able to take your family with you to Delhi. You are definitely a hero to your angelic daughter and to your wife as well. I wish that things fall in place soon and ideas may dawn to make available to you what is most important for you. All the best!
Mr Lama…you are working for your family’’s security….and this hard time will pass, don”t worry. You will be able to take care of your wife and daughter in a more direct manner very soon. It is obvious from your post that you are a caring husband and a doting dad. God is looking after all of you, and these are mere testing times. One is certain that all of you will pass with flying colours. Perhaps your wife is also getting stronger through the period of separation and this will help your family when, God forbid, things get a little tough, as it happens in all our lives. My Mother used to tell me…God does everything for our good…and if I may be presumptuous enough to pass on a lesson learnt by me, passed on with humility…consider the adversities in your life as an opportunity to emerge stronger. God bless and let us know how your little baby reacts when she next sees you!!! All the best.
Presently you are feeling quite insecure.To be away from family for job is a part of life. Soon you will get some solution to it. Keep positive attitude and have faith in God.You are lucky to have such a loving and caring family. Be their support and encourage them to take on responsibilities with a bit more courage… they will understand and adjust…soon you”ll get some positive results…my good wishes…
I too face the similar situation for last one decade, but I have family with me but miss the parents, relative & friends at native place.
Hi Lama
You are agreat father and a great husband!Dont feel so low and unsuccessful..These things are part of everyones life..I am also sitting miles apart from my family..I miss them a lot..but sometimes i feel thses distances make my heart grow even more fonder and when u meet them theres just love ,pure love!So dont feel sad ..soon take some time off and spend aholiday with ur cute lil daughter and wife!!:-)
These pains and agonies are a part of life. Try to get on in life and things will work out fine. If the symptoms continue try to change your job. What is important is the quality time given to your child/wife and not quantity. Do keep writing so that the pain leaves the chest. Cheers!
you will never get missed time with your daughter. Do yourself a favour. Either get them to Delhi, or get yourself a job at your native place.
your daughter is chhhhhhhhhoooooooooo chweeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
beautiful and touching….loved the way you expressed your emotions!
and your daughter is very cute….
Every day i also exprience the same ……………….
u have spared a time to post this, im sure u will spare some time on good decisions… good luck to u… and what an adorable tot u got
hello good evening
Oh Brother..!!! This is very touching..!!! Cant you take bring them with you to Delhi????…
kuchh pane ke liye kuchh khona padta hai.
u have to decice what is imp.
a nice n heart touching post
oh so cute ur daughter is! blessed are u to have a daughter..have a heart , i know how u feel about the whole thing but it happens . everything comes with a price and sacrifices made by u and the family will not go waste.