1. 
   
   Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together.
   
   
2. 
   
   You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.
   
   
3. 
   
   Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner trapped.
   
   
4. 
   
   Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time.
   
   
5. 
   
   Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.
   
   
6. 
   
   Teach him, exactly how to give you a fail-safe orgasm because it's unlikely he'll find out alone. If you don't yet know, find out.
   
   
7. 
   
   Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship—giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.
   
   
8. 
   
   Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become annoying habits.
   
   
9. 
   
   Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions.
   
   
10. 
    
    Learn that punishing your partner won't work. It may make you feel better to give him a hard time, but it will actually make him dig his heels in more.
    
    
11. 
    
    Money is the main cause of couple conflict. For a relationship to work, you need to address finances and work out a budget.
    
    
12. 
    
    If the domestic work is not divided fairly between you, it will cause friction in your relationship. Make a list of the domestic tasks, talk it through with your partner and mobilize the whole family to share the work.
    
    
13. 
    
    If you have children, involve your partner as much as possible with childcare 'even if you feel he's not as good as it at you are. It's important to present a united front to your kids.
    
    
14. 
    
    Sort out your sex life. The sex may ebb and flow over the years, but if sex starts going downhill, don't accept it. As soon as you notice a slide, question why and work at bringing the passion back.
    
    
15. 
    
    Don't assume you won't be tempted to have an affair as almost everyone is. You need to learn to resist. If you do stray, don't feel it spells the end of your relationship. Most couples recover, particularly from one-night-stand, and often find that unrooting the cause of the affair helps them to get even closer. So, you need to learn to resist. But don't think that an affair is the end of everything.
    
    
16. 
    
    Remember that boredom typically covers up anger. If you feel bored with him, ask yourself what you're angry about.
    
    
17. 
    
    Be aware that men feel overwhelmed by emotion more than women do. If he's angry or tearful, half an hour's 'unflooding' time to himself will help get his balance back and make him more able to interact positively with you.
    
    
18. 
    
    Learn how to argue well. The trick is to never say anything that you wouldn't want to hear said to you.
    
    
19. 
    
    Research suggests you need five positive experiences to erase the memory of one negative experience. So give five kind words for each bitchy comment. Give five hugs for each cold shoulder.
    
    
20. 
    
    Learn how to negotiate. Each of you states what you want, then both of you work together to find a way forward.

***

(Collected from Delhi Times, TOI)

Thangkas, which were made famous by the Tibetan scroll artists and later spread to India and Nepal, are enjoying their share of popularity in the art market even now. In fact, they are auctioned in the overseas auctions by a Christie's and Sotheby's at periodic intervals and sometimes draw tall bids.

"Some of the art traditions have seen their ups and downs. But, among those forms which have maintained a level of creative productivity is the thangka tradition. And, depending on their period, quality and condition, they attract a good deal of attention at international auctions.

Thangkas have been auctioned internationally for at least the past half a century. They have been known to draw tall bids and fetch prices up to $5,00,000. These are the ones which date back to the earlier centuries. The more recent ones, which reflect imagination and aestheticism, can sell for around $5,000 or a little above that," an art market source told ET.

Thangkas usually dwell on Buddha's life and teachings and other religious themes and adorn monastery interiors and prayer and meditation rooms. They are created by highly skilled artists. A single thangka which is intricate and detailed can well take years to produce.

"The contemporary thangka artists picked up the art of yantra dia-grams from their mentors and are drawing on this knowledge to pro-duce abstract and tantric thangkas. Prices of the new thangkas hinge on the artists who have created them. The colours are original and extracted from vegetable dyes and powder. They are not always commercially available in the market. Usually, the medium revolves around tempera on cloth," the source said.

Interestingly, back in Bengal, AP Munshi, who was associated with the legendary film maker Satyajit Ray, had created his brand of thangkas. These can viewed now, along with other older thangkas, at Kolkata's well-known Chitrakoot Art Gallery. There are about 30 thangkas on show at the gallery.

(Collected from The Economic Times dated 28 Dec 2007)

(For more information, please visit www.thangkatushita.com)

Why is it that every relationship begins in the freedom of love and ends in the bondage of relationship?

Love comes like a strong breeze and carries away two Lovers to unknown dimensions. Lovers go through an experience peak and then need to settle down. In the process, they start feeling bored, craving the same peak yet again and again. When they don't reach it, they feel frustrated and fall into the ditch of misery.

Peak in love are experienced when lovers open their wings to fly high into the sky together. There's a whole sky of freedom and togetherness that they feel in each other's company. But the moment they start clinging to each other and suppress freedom, love falls into an abysmal valley of misery. Then they wonder what happened to their love! The clinging starts clipping their wings, killing their love.

True love is unconditional and based on an individual's freedom. Two persons can be very loving together. The more loving they are, the lower the possibility of any relationship. The more the loving they are, the greater the freedom between them. The more loving they are, the thinner the prospect of any demand, domination, expectation. Naturally then, there is no question of frustration.

Remember this: don't have any expectations. Love because love is your own inner growth. When you love, you call your spring of growth closer. Your love will help you grow towards more light, more truth, more freedom. Love but don't ever create a relationship!

A relationship is a part of the business world. A slight change in the situation and it evaporates. It has no solidity. If love comes spontaneously, suddenly, like a fountain, asking for nothing in return, then it is one of the greatest treasures. Love is fire. The purer it is, the better it burns all riddles, all problems. But love as a relationship creates problems, riddled with all sorts of undesirable things.

Remember this: love is capable of destroying everything else, just don't let it become a relationship. If you do, love will disappear and in its place will come politics and manipulation. Then, your problems will only increase.

Osho says: "I am against all kinds of relationships. For example, I don't like the word 'friendship' but I love the word 'friendliness'. Friendliness is a quality within you; friendship becomes a burdensome relationship."

Osho elaborates: "Friendship is a relationship. You can be in that relationship with a few people. Friendliness is a quality, not a relationship. It has nothing to do with anybody else. It is basically your inner quality. You can be friendly with many, many people. You can be friendly when you are alone. You can not be in friendship when you are alone—-the other is needed——-but friendliness is a kind of fragrance. A flower blooms; nobody passes by, yet it is fragrant. It matters not whether anyone comes to know of it; being fragrant is its quality."

-Swami Chaitanya Keerti.

***

For perfectionists, life is a puzzle to be solved. But for the wise, life is a mystery to be lived with a sense of wonder

The wise tell us that the world is perfect as is. You cannot ask for more. But some people are never satisfied. They want to improve things. They are so obsessed with their idea of perfection that they would improve upon god's creation too. Their obsession drives others crazy. Not only are perfectionists mad themselves, but they also make others mad!

Here is an interesting anecdote. A king, passing through a small town, saw what he took to be indications of amazing marksmanship. On trees, barns and fences there were many bull's-eyes, each with a bullet hole in the exact centre. He could not believe his eyes. It was almost a miracle of achievement. He himself was a good marksman and had known many great marksmen life, but never seen anything like this. He wanted to meet the expert shot. It turned out to be a madman. "This is sensational! How in the world do you do it?" he asked the madman. "I am a good shot too, but cannot compare to your skill. Please tell me!"

"Easy as pie!" said the madman, laughing uproariously.  "I shoot it first and draw the circles later!"

Osho tells us not to be perfectionists. He says, "Perfectionism is the root cause of all neurosis. Unless humanity gets rid of the very idea of perfection, it will never ever be sane. The very idea of perfection has driven the hole of mankind to a state of utter madness. To think in terms of perfection means that you are thinking in terms of ideology, goals, values, shoulds should-nots you have a certain pattern to fulfil, else you feel immensely guilty. And the pattern is bound to be such that you cannot achieve it. If you do achieve it, then it will not be of much value to your ego!"

Perfectionism is a neurotic idea. An intelligent person will understand that life if an adventure, a constant exploration. That is its very joy! Perfection means a full stop. Perfection means ultimate death. There is no way to go beyond it. Perfectionists take life as a puzzle and look for solutions. But for the wise, life is mystery to be lived with a sense of wonder.

Osho says, "You should be perfectly and acutely aware of the difference between a mystery and a problem. A problem is something created by the mind but a mystery is something which is already there. A problem has some ugliness in it, like a disease. A mystery, on the other hand, is beautiful. With a problem, fights arise. Something is wrong and you have to put it right; something is missing and you must supply the missing link. With a mystery, there is no question of a fight. The moon arises in the night—that is not a problem, it is a mystery. You live with it. You dance with it. You sing with it. Or you can be silent with it. Mystery surrounds you."

——————–Swami Chaitanya Keerti

Our life exists between two polarities: being and doing, how we are and how we behave. We may be pure in being but what matters is how we act or behave.

If we observe our life, we will see that our behaviour in our daily wakefulness is not authentic. It is full of hypocrisy. When talking to our friends, relatives, even strangers, we hide our feelings and thoughts. We express what will be socially acceptable and not create problems. This way, the entire society lives in a fake life.

Osho tells a significant story: A mother and daughter both walked in their sleep. One night, the mother got up and went into the garden. Soon, her daughter also got up in her sleep and walked into the garden. As soon as the old woman saw her daughter, she shouted, "Bitch! You've taken away my youth. From the time you were born, I started growing old. You are my enemy. If you hadn't been born, I'd still be young!" When the girl saw her mother, she shouted, "You wicked women! Because of you my life has become bondage. You have always been a rock in the flow of my life. You are a heavy chain on my life!" at the moment, the cock crowed and they both awoke. Seeing the girl, the mother said, Dear! Why did you get up so early? You may catch a cold. Come, let's go inside!" Immediately, the girl touched her mother's feet, as she did every morning, and said, "Mother! Your health is not good. You shouldn't get up so early. Come and rest!"

Russian mystic George Gurdjieff said that we should not believe what people say in their conscious state of mind, as they always pretend. Whenever a new person joined his commune, Gurdjieff would get him drunk, just to see how he behaved when inebribriated and not conscious. For him, it was important to know the real person to transform him, as it is important for a doctor to diagnose a patient. Psychotherapists analyze people's dreams; they think people are truer in dreams than in wakefulness. They cannot hide or manipulate anything in their dreams.

But these are unconscious ways. Osho suggests dynamic meditation to come face to face with one's reality. We can breathe such that whatever we have suppressed in our unconscious mind rises to the surface. In catharsis, we can express it fully and become free of it—totally unburdened of emotional baggage. In this baggage we carry so many unlived emotions. One is always guilty about so many things. Guilt dominates our mind so much that it doesn't allow us to live naturally.

Osho emphasizes: drop guilt! To be guilty is to live in hell. When not guilty, you will have the freshness of dewdrops in the morning sun, of lotus petals in the lake, or stars in the night. Once guilt disappears, you will live a totally different life-luminous and radiant. You will have a dance for your feet and your heart will sing a thousand and one songs. Be free from your emotional baggage and you will live an authentic life of Being.

———-Swami Chaitanya Keerti