Folks, this week I am visiting Hong Kong and its been 9 years since I came here last. My last trip was in 1999 when Hongkong had just recently reverted to China and the difference needs to be seen.

I can sincerely say that our dear CM should forget about making Mumbai into Shanghai and concentrate on making it into a Hong Kong. They have similar problem to ours and see how they have overcome them. They have a small area ( HK is a group of islands off the main land), so is Mumbai. It has a large amount of illegal immigrants, so does Mumbai. It is a financial centre, so is Mumbai.  The similarities are too many to list here , the solutions adopted by both show us in bright spotlight the idiocy and buffoonery of our politicians.

Before 1997, everyone predicted doomsday if the Chinese ever got hold of Hong Kong and the Indians living there were packing their bags en mass. Come 2008 and I’m sure a lot of them are kicking themselves. The market is simply booming.

As to the city, I cannot describe the difference. In 1999, it was a hangover of the colonial era with dirty buildings, semi clogged streets and litter at a lot of locations. Today its neon paradise. Tall buildings touching the skies, wide roads with smooth flowing traffic ( you will see the occasional buffoon blocking the street but Chinese will be Chinese).

What amazes me is the mindset. The buildings are just like India, and the older buildings are equally messy with large garish shops on the ground and first floors and massive neons almost everywhere. Sort of reminds me of Kalbadevi but here the government recognises the need and closes the streets off to traffic and only allows pedestrian movement during certain hours. (I have for long clamoured that the by-lanes of Linking road and Kalbadevi should be made this way)

Parking is a killer and you pay anywhere from 10 to 25 HK$ per hour for parking in main districts, but it is available when needed. Multistory carparks are built since the person who builds it is able to charge a fair price and get a fair return, unlike India where car park owners charge Rs. 10/- per hour (1.2 HK$). If we compare the cost of a similar house in HK Vs one in a metro like Mumbai we see that its definitely more profitable to put up houses / offices rather than carparks.

As you can see there is incentive for people to put up car parks unlike in India. The other factor which makes putting up of car parks viable is you cannot park on the roads in HK. This forces people to use the car parks and leaves the roads free flowing. But the biggest factor is the public transport system. It is well thought of, well designed and easy to use which means that its no problem for even the richest of people to use public transport.

Everywhere we go in Hong Kong is tourist friendly. The best part is they aren’t only tourist friendly as in “gora skin” or for the whiteys like we Indians are. They are even tourist friendly to the local Chinese visitors from the other provinces.

Imagine, our fat bloody politicians who scream about “Chaat Pujas” at Juhu Chowpatty actually treating the north Indian tourists who throng the Juhu Chowpatty with an iota of respect instead since they bring a lot of money into Mumbai as a city and Maharastra as a state.

Oh No, the only tourists we recognise as legitimate is anyone with a skin whiter than ours and of course the tourists we look down on are the ones with skins blacker than ours.

Folks, you may not believe this but we are one of the most racists societies in the world.

The Hong Kong government has actually put a lot of thought into making it a tourist spot. Each landmark is carefully marked and everything is made easy for the visitor. Imagine going to lengths to ensure that there are electrical sockets next to seats on the platform of the MTR for that emergency recharge for your mobile/ laptop. If it is India , we would perhaps see someone put up a shanty next to the socket and draw free power or the vada pau vendor (legal or illegal) on the platform would not have to pay any more bills thanks to the WR’s largesse.

That brings me to another important aspect, law and order. There are no cops visible in HK. Can you believe that?

The only time we saw any cops was when they were taking down a report of a woman molested close to Chung King Mansion** and within minutes they were gone. Back into some dark corner of invisibility.

The point is despite the limited presence on the street, no one here breaks the law. They all know that even if the cops are not visible , they are lurking unseen, watching through eyes in the skies, waiting to swoop. Its a completely different feeling of security. In contrast, it makes me feel as if I’m living in a prison in India under the all invading eyes of the Indian cops ever afraid of what they will do next.

The laws here are very strict with there being fines like 2000 HK$ for eating or drinking inside places like stations. I asked my friends here how did they enforce it and they said , the enforcement was very strict. That is perhaps one of the reasons we see the city as one of the most visit-able in the world.

I would blindly recommend it to anyone as their next holiday destination.

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Chungking mansions is the den of iniquity in Kowloon side of HK. Here you can buy anything from a pin to a plane. The daytime you’ll see it full of Indian , Pakistanis and Afghans selling out of small box like hawking stalls and at night the area becomes chock full of people of every shade of brown from the light brown of India to the dark browns of the deepest part of Africa peddling everything from the latest mobile phone copy to their bodies.

Chunk King has always been a place where the poorer sections of Africa comes to buy mixed bag of stuff which they go back and sell in their country and then come back again for another load.

What is missing in Chung King is the Chinese. They obviously seek the safer regions of HK to do their business.

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Talking about racism, I have two observations. Some time ago I had written about the Gujaratis and their food habits. I am happy to announce that you can now get Gujarati thali on the top of Mount Tittlis and Jain food on ocean cruiser Superstar Virgo.

I have no objection to this since if we can import Thai food and Indianise it and make it available everywhere I think our Indian cuisine should also have a fighting chance across the world albeit the sweeter version which is not exactly my taste. I thank the Gujaratis for making sure our cusine has a fighting chance.

The issue I have is with the way the Gujaratis flaunt their food habits. I am on a ferry boat on the way back from Macau and I have just been treated to a Gujarati blast. As lord Tennyson said “cannons to the left of them, cannons to the right of them”.

The whole lot of them ( obviously many families traveling together), had each prepared some “snakes” to eat along the way. And of course as the journey got underway, they decided that that it was time they shared the food. So guess what, they get up and start chatting and passing food across the the passages just like the 5:15 Virar Local.

( Please see enclosed video for the vast contrast of the right side of the boat where the the Chinese and we are sitting and the left side where the gang decided to have their impromptu picnic.)

{ I was fully expecting an “antakshri ” competition any time but luckily the trip was a hydrofoil and got over before they got warmed up }

The blocking of the passage and volume got so bad that the steward had to intervene and tell them to sit down and clear the passage before one of these idiots hurt himself when the boat went over the swells.

Lastly , when I was planning this trip, one of my friends told me that he had just visited Singapore and that there were a lot more Maharashtrians there than Gujaratis or any other type of Indians. I didnt believe it, but except for this lot I haven’t seen many Gujaratis but I have definitely bumped into 4 groups of Maharastrians. It seems the Far east has lost its charm for the gujaratis ( like my travel agent was saying) and they have all headed for Europe. (I wonder what the legendary German rudeness do when hit against this wall of affability and loud behaviour, that may be real fun to watch)

With no offense meant to any one area of people, The way to recognise the difference between the two types of tourists in absence of them talking is:

The Maharstrians- Normally the group is a couple along with their elderly parents and kids( parents compulsory, kids optional), the wife is normally saying something to stop her husband or kids from doing something.

The Gujaratis- Couples with or without a matched pair of kids , crumbs all around from the time they dust their hands after eating and talking at a volume which makes you think that they are very used to Indian mobile phone networks.

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Lastly, I am enclosing an article written by Shobha De which I think crystallizes the mindset of many a Mumbaiite today. I seriously think this is one of the best pieces of journalism I have ever read so my hats off to her.

Me, Marathi written by Shoba De

Correct me if I am wrong, Raj… but I consider myself an assal Marathi manoos. Born in Maharashtra to Maharashtrian parents etc. Proud to be Marathi (even though my language skills in my mother tongue are embarrassingly dodgy). I don’t know how to make the perfect puran poli but I do love aamti.

This is clearly not enough anymore. Going by the checklist, I could be disqualified on several scores. I am married to a Bong, who has lived and worked in Mumbai for over 30 years (but alas, has not been appointed ambassador to the state of West Bengal yet!). He attends Durga Puja regularly and prefers maacher jhol to vangi bhaat.

Fortunately, we don’t have a daughter-in-law to name a college after, either in Kolkata or Mumbai. And our children (like yours) did not attend Marathi-medium schools. We employ people based on their competence, not caste or region. And I have never asked the vegetable vendor, breadwalla, taxi driver, dhobi, sweeper, elevator attendant, security guard, pizza delivery boy or any of the other people who make my life easier, which part of India they come from.

This is Mumbai, meri jaan! Who cares where anyone comes from? Dhanda is all that matters. Mumbai is India ’s most powerful magnet. Once you get here, you never leave. Don’t believe me? Ask those innocent bhajjiwallas and doodhwallas who were beaten up and stoned by your men last week. Even with blood-soaked bandages around their heads, and broken hearts, they are staying put. As they should.

Aaah, the natak of your dramatised ‘arrest’ was not lost on anybody. Had Rakhi Sawant’s slapping stunt not grabbed those eyeballs on Valentine’s Day, viewers would still be stuck with the image of a nattily dressed you (mmmm…loved the styling), clambering in and out of the police van. If Rakhi cleverly stage-managed the incident, what should one say about your brilliant coup? Overnight, Raj Thackeray was elevated from being the discarded Thackeray to a national figure. In one well-orchestrated move, you went from being a neglected nephew of an ageing tiger, to a sharp-clawed, teeth-baring cub with an independent act of his own. The
circus acquired a brand new star attraction ? you!

It was never easy being a Thackeray. Ask Balasaheb. If he targeted south Indians in the ’60s, you smartly headed north. Same agenda, diametrically different directions. By questioning the bona fides of those who have made Maharashtra their home, both of you tapped into the vulnerabilities of the average Marathi manoos. It is worth asking the very people whose interests you are protecting, whether they really want to do the dirty work currently being handled by the northies.

Will the Marathi manoos agree to put in 18 hours a day plying taxis, selling veggies, washing clothes and so on? Who’s stopping them from turning into vendors of milk, food grains, and other commodities? Perhaps, the Marathi manoos considers such occupations demeaning? The truth is, these jobs have always gone abegging, and there have been any number of hungry, unemployed people from other states ready and willing to grab them. Kick the ‘outsiders’ out at your own peril, and see what happens.

Why do farmers commit suicide in such numbers only in Maharashtra ? The answer, dear Raj, may surprise you.
In your defence, let me say you received the worst press ? biased at best, and shrill to boot. Most of the semi-hysterical reporters from prestigious news channels were embarrassingly ill-informed as they blabbered incoherently each time a leaf moved outside the magistrate’s court!

Surely, you are not complaining? Everything seems to be going according to the master plan. You have ‘made it’ in one swift move. And women are finding you kinda cute in that sleeveless baby blue pullover. Great copy, great photo ops. What more does a neta want? To keep Mayawati and Lalu out of Maharashtra ? Now, that’s a tall order!

Folks almost everyone is writing about the IPL fiasco so I thought it was time that I put my 2 bits in.

First of all, lets look at the whole concept of dividing India into bits. as we all know the idea was to form 8 teams to compete against each other but god alone knows which joker came up with the idea of dividing India into bits.

Its nuts, here we are with the world uniting itself and we are dividing India into bits. I have already written about how a politician the moment she comes into power talks about dividing the state into 3 just to make sure she is elected at the next election. bout how a pimple of a state like Pondicherry is separated to appease some petty politician, now we have these jokers doing it in the name of sports.

We have ads which now show that a young man on a bus refuses to give a seat to an elderly gentleman just because he’s supporting a team from another part of the country. Is this what our exulted Indian culture has come to ? Where are the hypocritical self appointed guardians of Indian Culture ?

No wonder no one today remembers that we were once a great united nation called Hindoostan and our borders extended from Persia to Thailand. All we see is a peninsula with a crown which is continuously being divided into smaller and smaller bits and fiefdoms.

  When I talk to people about the IPl teams, almost everyone I know is supporting one team or another because of the owner. So we have one section voting for Preity Zinta’s team while another is voting for Shahrukh Khan’s team.

Wouldn’t it be better to have called them Shahruk’s 11 or Mallya’s 11. Of course then it wouldn’t follow the good old adage left behind by the British of ” divide and conquer” which is pulled out by every tin pot Dictator to capture his territory

(Its important to note Mr. Modi has called himself Commissar of IPL — the word Commissar in Russia is popularly known for Head Enforcer of unpopular laws).

I had someone counter my point of thought the other day using an argument that if I wasn’t against the Football leagues which has been doing the partition on basis of areas for ages, how could I be against the division of India on lines of areas ?

All I say was that the leagues have been around for ages and are not creating any new divides. In this day and age with jokers going around talking of North India, South India, Vidharbas and regionalism which is creating hatred in the minds of the newer generation which is seething with resentment and frustration as the divide between the haves and havenots grows wider. (for example, the farmers in Vidharba are committing suicide for 20 rupees a day and a call centre employee blows up 2000 a night at a bar)

The last thing we need is partitions of this kind. Its akin to a dangerous Molotov cocktail we are allowing our children to play with.

If we wish to create divides I would rather it be done on basis of owners names etc rather than areas so that the bomb is diffused. ( By the way I don’t know how much its true but someone just told me that the last two matches had just the teams names with the areas issue dropped so Kolkatta Knight Riders was referred to throughout the game as Knight riders, etc so perhaps someone somewhere is coming to his senses)

You know what the ironical part of the whole thing is which is reflected by the IPL rules. It is that a minimum of 4 local players be included in the team. Now remember that the team consists of 16 players plus physio plus coach. ( check rules here)

This means that by rules only 25% of a team has to be LOCAL to an area to which they are identified. So all you need to do is pick 3 jokers (1 seat is reserved for an icon) and backbench them and you’re laughing. All the other players can be from anywhere in the world (except a minor reservation against Australians for some reason)

Now lets look at the word LOCAL.

Harbajan is considered local…….Hmmmm wonder if anyone told Raj Thakeray that.  Why do I not see him protesting that Mumbai team should have only Maharashtrian cricketers. ???? Doesn’t Mumbai as in Mumbai Indians belong to Maharashtra ????

All those jokers who wrote in screaming at me for talking against Raj Thakeray in my previous articles seem to have missed out this point. Perhaps one of them should get up off their backsides and go tell him something instead of writing nasty emails to me.

Then of course we have the famous cheerleaders and Mr. RR Patil in a quandary. Here we have him screaming hoarse against so called obscenity and on the other hand his Boss Mr. Sharad Pawar runs BCCI and ergo IPl and there you have scantly dressed cheerleaders shaking their booty. What is the poor man to do. He did what any normal hypocritical politico does, he backed off.

He allowed cheerleaders as long as they were “decently dressed”. Dear Mr. Patil, would you now please allow bar girls to come back if they are “DECENTLY DRESSED.”

Talking about the hoopla around the IPL I notice that we have things like Akshay Kumar coming in on a trapeze to do an opening and Shakrukh doing a jig on stage. All thats missing is an pair of Bollywood actors and actresses running around wickets lip syncing the songs from next movie to be released that week ( a la dance and song reality shows).

I wouldn’t be surprised if we now start getting the lead pair from the latest bollywood movie to be released doing item numbers on the pitch at halftime or if the week Bhootnath releases, you have Amitabh appearing on the pitch with posters one each side of him in full blown makeup promoting the movie.

Talking about the IPL, another thing that comes to mind is that I am ashamed of how stupid and saleable our government machinery is. Here we have then doing a little song and dance every few months on surrogate advertising and there we have Vijay Mallya naming his whole team on the brand of a famous MINERAL WATER ( we all know what the mineral water is surogatley named for).

So now you have the team dressed in the colours of the “mineral water” with the logo emblazoned across their chests, and Mr. Mallya gets millions of publicity for a fraction of what it would cost him normally that too legally.  Our health minister Mr. Ramadoss ( must give him credit for having some integrity) raised a stink about it but as usual when a person as powerful as Mr. Mallya is involved the whole thing got tossed to a bottomless pit.

I think if he gets away with it, next year methinks all the teams will sport the names of “mineral waters or CDs”. Which may not be a bad thing after all.

There is of course the confusion of which team to vote for on which day. If on Monday we vote for Mumbai Indians against some Chennai Super Kings. What happens if on Friday that team plays against Rajasthan Royals. Do we then do a 180 degree about turn and support  Chennai Super Kings ? 

This kind of confusion may have one of two effects , either the target audience will get divided into bits each of which supports only one team like it happens in football or the audience for these matches will consist of just a bunch of jokers who will watch anything which happens on the idiot box no matter how non-sensical or banal it is. Either way the commercial aspects and eyeballs attraction of the game will decline with the novelty wearing off.

Lastly, one good thing I see coming out of this, with the teams being limited to 8, there are a lot of mee toos out there, sitting on a lot of hot money.

They will see Sharukh and Priety and imagine themselves as being team owners too. Now that they can’t own a cricket team, we may see money spill over into football, hockey and other such sports. If even one other sport starts getting organized the way IPL is, that to me is worth this whole fiasco.

The first is about one of my favorite people, Mr. Amitabh Bachhan. Today there was an article in the paper about him arriving at a studio to show his support for the “anti-honking” day. The things which had me rolling in the aisles, were things like :

1) Mr. Bacchan arrived for the launch an hour and a half late, obsessively due to traffic

2) he was condescending enough to say “I always tell my driver to horn less”

Amazing…isn’t it how the high and mighty live.

The second is this stupid idea we have about the thing called “rape”. I’m amazed when I read stories of women who have two children from some man and then suddenly turn around and claim “rape” since the man refuses to marry them. The idea is they slept with him since HE PROMISED that he would marry them, then one day WHAM he refuses so what was consetual sex becomes rape.

For example, the other day there was a woman screaming rape about some priest who met her after an exam she gave and picked her up a bus stop and then took her to a lodge in Thane where he “raped” her. Amazing isnt it, that she didnt know that he was going towards Thane from Mumbai despite the fact they were on a motorbike. Also isnt it amazing that a college going girl didnt realise that she didn’t know she was entering a lodge in broad daylight with a PRIEST ? I’m sure they must have registered for a room, so what was she going to do in there with him, pray ?

So if I’m to take this down to the lowest common denominator , these women were sleeping with these men only because they promised something or that they were expecting something back in return. It was a barter of their bodies, no more, no less.

If you sleep with someone in return for something you expect to get from them , there’s a name for it isn’t it …oh yes prostitution.

I am shocked that the courts are admitting these cases and that some day some clever lawyer could use these stupid cases as precedents to sue a husband for a house in a bad divorce case saying the wife only slept with him since he promised her that house. Now that he’s not giving her that, its RAPE.

Thirdly, of course is another thing which I have repeatedly warned about and unfortunately I see the signs of my fears coming true:

The first spoke about shades of paedophilism which is creeping into our movies : http://theindipatriot.blogspot.com/2007/06/sena-vs-sify-and-arrival-of-pedophiles.html

The second spoke about how parents can walk into a store with a 10-12 year old kid and buy her clothes which would look perfectly at home on a dancer from Deepa bar: http://theindipatriot.blogspot.com/2007/05/taxes-and-common-mans-party.html 

I see the disease has gotten worse , not better. I know as a kid, I and my sister were trotted out to dance to “jooth bole kavaa kate” ( a song from Bobby which was very popular in those days) and we lived for the adoration and the synthetic clapping of our relatives for the monkey see monkey do actions we mimicked. Now that I’m grown up, I can see how wrong it was to dress a 10 year old in a micro mini skirt just because Dimple Kapadia wore one in the movie. 

I am horrified to see the hoardings of young kinds dressed in shocking red vinyl skirts with black leggins and tube boob tops in order to push the latest kid dancing / singing mind numbing show on television.

I seriously think , we should put some kind of age limit to this kind of nonsense, as long as it was grown men making fools out of themselves trying to warble what they thought was their best impression of Kishore Kumar, i had no problems, but this is where I draw the line.

I switched on the television as  a matter of curiosity to check out if the show was really that bad or was I being too judgemental, and almost dropped off my chair. The singers were dressed in clothes I would say un befitting their age but that was bearable, what I couldn’t stomach was the dresses on the kids in the chorus. Those parents need their heads examined. Are they that desperate that they allow their kids to be seen in clothes like that ? Next step in desperation is we will see a kids casting couch.

I switched my TV off, but I could see the other people around me ooohing and aahing, not realising that they were feeding the beginnings of a whole new age of pedophilism.

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My son just shared a joke with me which is very topical considering that we are in the middle of childrens exams:

He said, it takes 15 trees to make paper for each exam we give, so support the ban the exam movement and save trees, save the environment.

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Before I start, let me apologise for the bad quality of the Mumbai timeline enclosed in last weeks article. I have recd many many complaints about it so have uploaded a fresh copy at http://theindipatriot.blogspot.com/2008/03/mumbai-timeline-clear-picture.html

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I normally discourage the circulation of any email the facts of which have not been thoroughly checked by me. Thus to date, I have kept my mouth shut on the nonsense circulating about MF Hussain but cannot restrain myself anymore.

I'm sure a lot of you have received this mail wherein there are pictures said to be painted by MF Hussain which show that he's a Hindu Hater and a Muslim lover.  Its one of the most circulated mails on the internet.

The straw that broke the camels back and made me break my silence on this mail is a piece of rabid nonsense quoted to me by a fanatic who in turn, was merely quoting a well known writer who has professed himself to be an authority by de-riding the 'so-called' Hussain paintings.

I am pained to see sensible balanced Indians lapping up this nonsense and then re-circulating it.
To begin with, let me say that I have done a search on the net and cannot find any of the paintings sent to me, except 3 ' the Draupadi, the nude Bharatmata and Saraswati ones, as confirmed Hussains.

These are the same paintings which the Honorable Court has taken cognizance of as being possible offenders of public morale.

The others may or may not be the work of someone with Photoshop and a lot of free time. (As a matter of fact, I would not mind buying some of the paintings as they are quite good and who knows, someday they may even become invaluable "piece-d'arts")

Hussain, according to me, is nothing but a man for whom adulation has gone to the head ' someone who has now started abusing his artistic license by making paintings on the edge.

The one about him in the form of a bull in copulation with a Manaxi signed as a “Mcbull ” is Freudian at the very least and reflects a mind which needs some serious “meditation”.

Artists are known to be a bit edgy ( for example Van Gogh was put in an asylum and shot himself in the end or Chintan Upadhaya sits nude as his own installation). But, someone needs to sit Hussain down and tell him the facts of life.

However despite Hussain and his eccentricities , I do not see any greater sinister design in these paintings, except perhaps some manipulation by some clever politicians over a bunch of weak minded fools for their own gain.

I found that upon trying to research MF Hussain there are very few links to paintings done by him and a lot of blogs repeating and attributing the same unconfirmed pictures said to be drawn by him.

If any of my readers have confirmed links to any of the images I have labeled as unconfirmed, then please do forward these links to me immediately, so that I can do a follow-up for our readers.

Now, here's my interpretation of the paintings (even if the unconfirmed ones have been done by him) as compared to the misinterpretation in the mails sent to me:

1) Hussain unconfirmed ( Durga on a tiger)	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Goddess Durga in sexual union with Tiger My reading of this painting; How does one have sexual union with a tiger in the middle of his back ? and isnt Durga’s mount a tiger, wouldn’t it be more logical to assume Durga riding a tiger since shes on the tiger instead of vice versa. What king of sexual union are these people used to ? I’ve heard of woman superior position but this is too much. Also why has no one objected to the use of 3 breasts on Durga instead of 2, isnt that an insult ?
2) Hussain unconfirmed: ( 4 leaders)	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Out of the four leaders M. Gandhi is decapitated and Hitler is naked. Hussain hates Hitler and has said in an interview 8 years ago that he has depicted Hitler naked to humiliate him and as he deserves it ! How come Hitler’s nudity cause humiliation when in Hussain’s own statement nudity in art depicts purity and is in fact an honour ! This shows Hussain’s perversion and hypocrisy. My reading of this painting; Buddhist art has used a symbol for Buddha with things like sun showing that his light was so big that it could not be shown as a normal being. Can we not also read this like Gandhi’s light of knowledge was so brilliant that Hussain was overwhelmed by it and a sun has been used to symbolise it. Whats more important why is no one talking about why Gandhi has only one arm in the picture ? perhaps because it would not serve any political purpose ?
3) Hussain confirmed : ( Bharatmata nude)	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Naked Bharatmata - Hussain has shown naked woman with names of states written on different parts of her body. He has used Ashok Chakra, Tri-colour in the painting. By doing this he has violated law & hurt National Pride of Indians. Both these things should be of grave concern to every Indian irrespective of his religion. My reading of this painting; Hussain during this time was a person in a madness phase overwhelmed with the adulation which mad people gave him by quoting 100 crores for 100 paintings. He’s a monster created by us and the media and now he’s come back to bite us.
4) Hussain unconfirmed:	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Full Clad Muslim King and naked Hindu Brahmin. The above painting clearly indicates Hussain’s tendency to paint any Hindu as naked and thus his hatred My reading of this painting; Can this painting not be seen as an evil Muslim leader pulling a wicked looking sword behind the back of a defenseless innocent Hindu ( the nudity symbolizing defenselessness) , thereby be-lying the claims of the detractors of Hussain who say that he shows Muslims in good light and Hindus in bad.
5) Hussain unconfirmed:	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Naked Lord Hanuman and Goddess Sita sitting on thigh of Ravana My reading of this painting; Hanuman is a monkey god, would it be right to clothe him ? I dont see Ravan wearing a loin cloth, so why are the people not protesting that ? Is it ok to show the genitalia of villians ? I don’t see Sita sitting on Ravan’s lap. What I do see is a Sita behind Ravana in a repeat of Sania Mirza-Indian Flag controversy. What I see is a ferocious Hanuman fearlessly coming to rescue Sita after Ravana has tried to outrage her modesty.
6) Hussain confirmed : ( Draupadi)	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Naked Draupadi My reading of this painting; Offical title is Draupadi on dice. It is supposed to symbolise Draupadi who fell after she was lost in a dice game and the cloth covering her almost nudity ( along with her falling motion which is a symbol of her helplessness at the hands of the men who used her as a plaything) symbolises the cover she was provided by Sri Krishna. ( If Hussain really wanted , he could have made the cloth transparent like the ones we see in a lot of older Hindu paintings so that we could see her nudity, just the fact he made it opaque says volumes)
7) Hussain Unconfirmed:	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Naked Shri Parvati My reading of this painting; I’m not even sure this is a genuine Hussain since the style is definitely different but I could be wrong. Why are we not seeing an objection to Parvati being portrayed with three arms like a freak instead of 2 ?
Hussain unconfirmed:	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Goddess Lakshmi naked on Shree Ganesh’s head My reading of this painting; Again style seems different doesn’t it. Again 3 arms ? What does this man have with 3 arms / why not 2 or 4 or any other even number? Is there is Christian conspiracy with the Holy trinity being shown in the three arms subminally ( just joking)   (There is another piece of rubbish circulating on the net talking about the Christian Churches and how they control the media. Why are these jokers not alleging that perhaps the Christian Churches could easily have bribed Hussain to Show the Holy trinity sublimely in Hindu Gods thereby pushing Christianity as superior to Hinduism)

Among all the mails showing Hussain as against Hindus there were a few pictures which said he was slanted towards Musims since he showed prominent Muslim and other figures he respected as clothed.

So I went out and found some pictures confirmed as done by Hussain which we can compare with the unconfirmed and confirmed clothed paintings in the mail which are said to portray the evil Mr. Hussain.

This shows that all in all we should not make hasty judgements by just pulling a sample out.

Last but not the least, a Hussain I found was a durga but alas , fully clothed:

As to Mr. Hussain , if he wishes to paint himself as Mc bull or any other kind of animal in a copulatory or any other pose, he’s welcome to do so as long as he keeps the sensibilities of the public in mind.

After doing a first draft of this article I saw something which reaffirmed my faith in Mumbai.

Last night, I was passing by Union Park at about 10 PM (lies between Pali Hill and Carter road), which has of late become the home to many an eatery, ranging from the famous upmarket Olive and Shatranj Napoli to a whole line of small eateries.

I saw this line of people, standing along the road side, holding placards , peacefully demonstrating their point.

The point they were trying to make was that since these eateries opened up their life has become hell - with the traffic congestion, people honking even after mid-night, boisterous youngsters, loud voices saying bye byes which last 15 minutes or more, the works.

 

I spoke to these demonstrators for a couple of minutes and realized that they reflect the most common & basic issues prevalent in most of neo modern urban India, where sheer economics has changed primary residential areas to semi commercial ones, where shops and eateries flood the ground floors of what used to be purely residential units.

 

Upon deeper reflection it struck me that there was no reason for the restaurants and the residents not to co-exist. There is only one thing in their path - the selfishness and arrogance of the average Mumbaiite.

 

The more educated and richer the modern Mumbaiite gets, the more they think nothing of squeezing in the extra 2 inches at a traffic signal, even if it means they are going nowhere and are killing the traffic flow. In their Honda Cities, Accents and Corrollas, they think nothing of breaking signals or honking for no rhyme or reason. After all, there could be more than one ailing senior citizen who is entitled to his / her sleep way past mid-night, wouldn't you agree?

 

While I'm at it, I may as well even comment on the general tendency of motorists to use the horn as an announcement of their impending 'arrival'. I seriously think Mumbai has lost the understanding of what a horn is for. It's a warning device, to warn other drivers of impending danger, and not a tool to demonstrate one's masculinity. Later that night, I drove from Bandra to Andheri at 1 am and found I did not even have to honk even once. On the other hand I heard several honks for no rhyme or reason - where there were no other cars to warn, just motorists filling their own emptiness at that hour of the morning.

 

These neo moneyed Mumbaiites are the same people who will drive in a European city and they know that God forbid, their hand even wanders near the centre of the steering, since this is just not done.

 

THEN WHY IS IT A DONE THING IN INDIA?

 

As for the demonstrators, I fully appreciate what they are doing. Protesting in a systematic manner, drawing peoples attention to their problem in a peaceful manner on a very cold night and not barging in to the restaurants behind the local politician swinging lathis and breaking things.

 

A better example of Gandhigiri I have not seen in this day and age.

The ideal solution to this situation would be to probably sit the restaurant owners down with the residents across the table and perhaps arrive at a middle ground and use the moving image of the baby (on the right) as a poster at the exit asking people to be quiet. (I know that image moved me more than any other words / image could have done)

Perhaps a gentle reminder from the steward when they are exiting with words like” Please do remember that a baby may be sleeping when you are leaving” or maybe some other little reminders on the parking tags, anything which helps. They can even have some foyer space kept aside for the goodbyes. There are a ton of ideas but they need co-operation and implementation.

 

If the restaurant owners and residents are co-operative I don’t see why there cannot be a satisfactory end to this peacefully.

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I applaud the judiciary once more, this time it's a landmark judgment which says that squatters on private lands cannot obstruct public interest projects.

We need more of these kind of judgments so that squatters (who have not paid anything for their land and are basically freeloaders) do not block the growth of Mumbai as a city and further, we need those judgments coming in faster so that squatters cannot use the courts to act as a stumbling block or blackmailing tactic like they do.

The courts are overburdened with cases like this one, where the litigants first claimed that they were eligible for SRA which was then thrown out, so they then did a volte face and said that since they were on private land they could not be evicted.

Put this in light of legal occupants who are thrown out of land just because it is required for “common good” as per a previous article (click here to see article) I wrote and we see the mockery they make of the law.

This is particularly important in the light of today's newspaper article which talks about the 5th & 6th lines from Kurla to Thane being blocked by 15 fish vendors, 11 toilet blocks and 2 temples.

If we look at the pictures of the vendors and the toilets which I have included in this article, does they even remotely resemble authorized structures?

Would any of the “vendors” be paying BMC charges, water bills or even by a remote chance, income tax, professional tax or any of the myriad of taxes the average shopkeeper pays.

 

Doesn’t it make our blood boil that the honest middle class

taxpayer is having to hang for his life in an overcrowded train just because, as one of the fish vendors says "They marked my shop for rehabilitation two years back. We are still clueless about our fate."

This means that till they “get adequate compensation” they will not move, which means that we ' the average tax payer, will still continue to hang outside risking life and limb, and continue to reach office 15 minutes late every day.

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I must say I am a bit sorry about the state of Maharashtra. I had seen Raj Thakeray as someone who was perhaps a leader who would lead Maharashtra and ergo Mumbai into a new tomorrow - young blood who would provide a fresh injection into the ailing, doddering grey areas of bureaucracy.

His tirade the last week has shown him as a someone who could be :

a) easily manipulated by shrewd players like Uddhav Thakeray who has wisely kept mum on this whole issue and let Balasaheb do the talking. (My respect for Uddhav has gone up 2 notches).

 

b) is capable of tearing Mumbai to bits just to further his ambitions.

 

If any politician worth his salt, would have been in Raj’s place last week, he would have pulled back the moment he saw that the forces were aligning against him. Instead what does he do, he sticks his neck out even further, pushing the envelope. Must say I give him credit for the size of his B…s.

 

Now let us understand the dynamics, many years ago, when Balasaheb was a young man and Mumbai was a young city, Balasaheb played a card which struck the right base for many a Maharashtrian. He said that the South Indians were taking over Mumbai. He polarised the public and instantly the Maharashtrians who saw their lands taken over in staunch areas like Matunga rallied behind him.

Raj of course thinks he can do a Balasaheb, but it's as futile as me thinking I can do a Jesus, Buddha or even a Hitler. We must learn from history, not ape it.

Raj has taken on the wrong segment. Even Margaret Thacher had to back off in the UK when she tried to polarise the public against the “brownies” ( people of the Indian subcontinent) who were overrunning the country.

 

There is a saying which was put forward by the British common public during that period which should summarise the idea properly “If the Indians were to leave , who would clean the toilets at Heathrow?”

The fact of the matter was, she backed off because Britain suddenly realised that any great economy is a patchwork of ethnicity and if the Indians were to leave and take their money with them, the British economy would nearly collapse.

 

Similarly, I think Raj and his ilk need to realise “if the Biharis were to leave Mumbai, who would do the carpentry”. ( ask yourself, how many maharashtrian carpenters do you see ).

 

The fact is if the Biharis were to leave overnight, Mumbai would be up sh** creek without a paddle. Every metropolis is a living & growing orgamism and needs diverse cultures to make it so.

As for the police, they have shown themselves as the helpless straws in the wind which are afraid of even showing one ounce of strength. First they refused to arrest Balasaheb even though he has been indicted by the Srikrishna commission since it would “endanger law and order”.

 

Now they are pulling the same excuse for Raj Thakeray. Does this mean that any common person tomorrow who can muster up support from 2000 odd people can do what he wishes and the police would be afraid to “endanger law and order”.

 

When I think of the people who laid down their lives and paid in blood for the freedom of this country, I think of the song, “dekh tere sansar ki halat kya ho gaye hai bagwan, kitna badal gaya hai insaan.” (oh lord, see what has become of the world you created, see how much man has changed)

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Before I start talking about the Nano I must thank the many readers who took the time to write in and say good things about last weeks’ article on the old couple. When I wrote it I was fully ready to duck the virtual rotten tomatoes which I thought would be thrown my way from the history of the reactions to the past hard hitting articles I have written. Instead all I got was glowing comments. I thank the readers for showing me that at last my words are having an effect and promise that as much as possible I will keep up my hard hitting style to bring them fresh perspectives on life in India.

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Folks, everywhere we have looked for the past few days , its Nano, Nano,Nano.

People are talking about it, our emails are full of jokes about it, the TV anchors cant stop heaping laurels on it and the masses can’t wait to book it.

One of the great arguments on the Nano is one that has my complete support which is the argument as to what it will do to the already clogged traffic system. Currently if we look at most of the major traffic jams in the suburbs of Mumbai they are mainly due to autorickshaws thinking they are a law unto themselves and jamming themselves into every inch of available space between 2 cars. These autorickshaws cost approx a lakh each anyways so we may see an upgrade movement to these hells on wheels.

This of course is compounded by what I call the educated morons who drive their Maruti Swifts or if they are rich then their Hyundai Accents into the very last inch of space at a traffic signal despite the fact that they can clearly see the crossing is clogged and all they will do is jam up the intersection.

I agree with popular thinking that most of them use their cars as penile substitutes and think that by jamming in the very last inch will give them some kind of proxy orgasm but enough is enough. The problem lies in there being no one there to cut off those substitutes.

The law machinery which is supposed to do so is collapsing with the cops being known to have a fixed value from Rs. 50 for a havaldar to Rs. 200 for an inspector. Now we have this new ambitious project of Zicom trying to fix cameras at all major intersections to keep an eye on offenders but how will photographing offenders help if the enforcers themselves are corrupt. Before spending such large amounts of public funds the RTO should look into the enforcement end of things.

In fact upon examination we find that the problem does not really stem from the cops nor can it be easily stemmed by locking them down , the real heart of the problem lies with the judiciary which is clogged so minor traffic violations are treated as an irritant by all an sundry.

If a cop does go to the bother of ticketing you he knows nothing will happen, all you will do is appear in court , stand in front of a judge and get a slap on the wrist. So actually in his mind he’s doing you a favour by accepting the bribe since he’s saving your valuable time in court the next day.

>>> Before launching the Nanos its my sincere suggestion that the cops should be privatised. Follow the idea of the BMC which has finally given up on the idea of stopping people from spitting (since the BMC employees themselves spit inside the BMC premises in fact they call it their identity card) and has outsourced the whole thing to private companies under the guise of “nuisance detectors”.

Let the enforcement dept of the traffic cops be outsourced to “traffic regulators” and the cops can go back to doing what they do best i.e. standing on the side of highways at 10 feet intervals on “bandobast duty” for politicians.

As to the car itself, I’m sure everyone will agree that its a major achievement. The TATAs have truely made India proud to come out with a sub US$ 2500 car which every country in the world is trying for. The designers of the car of course have learnt from the mistakes of cars like the SMART. So I’m sure that we will see people going wild on them.

I’m wondering if all those raving about it have ever tried to sit in it, at 4 1/2 feet by 10 ft and seating 4 people, I seriously think that the carbohydrate filled Indians will have a severe problem shoving their (m)asses into it.

Lastly I cannot help but laugh at the jokes that are coming out of the stable which to date bear a grain of truth such as the one which goes, why would a gujju never buy a Nano —-since he would have to say “mare paas nano chee” ( I have a small one)

But some points made in jest among these jokes, which we must ponder are:

1) People will walk into the store and pick them up like they do their weekly groceries, especially keeping in mind that a good watch costs as much as a Nano. You will perhaps see a plethora of them at the checkout counters of most malls.

2) Spoilt kids will want one as soon as they are able to persuade their parents to buy them one instead of a new fancy toy which costs almost as much.

3) Jhuggis / jhopadis will now have a car parked outside to match with the satellite dishes on them

4) Beggars will now buy Nanos just like they bought mobiles when “har haath mein aapna” dream was launched.

5) Encroached Parking spaces will now sell for 1.5 Cr just like the encroached slums in Bandra (E) are being sold. The Government will then setup a new commission to investigate the reservation of parking spaces for the economically backward.

6) Drivers and maids will now be able to afford to drive to your residence instead of using public transport.

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Kaun banega Politician

There are 3 columnists I love reading in the papers, Jugs suraiya, Pritish nandy and Anil Thakerey. Anil Thakerey this week wrote something which had me in splits. He said something like since there is such a rush of chamchas (sycophants) trying to push their political masters name forward for the Bharat ratna which has fallen from the prestigious award to a mere token that we should take advantage of it.

What we should do is mix the popularity of the reality shows and the rush for the Bharat Ratnas to have a show where the politicians participate and do things to finally emerge as Bharat Ratna winners.

Methinks perhaps that way at least something worthwhile will get done in India.

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Folks, both my topics below will probably invite howls of rage from the bleeding hearts. The last time I wrote an article like this on pavement dwellers, I was abused on the legitimacy of my parentage, so, God knows what this will bring out, but obviously I feel that my point of view deserves an expression.

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Before I start on the more serious topic, let me discuss the promos of latest sob story being promoted on the idiot box. Its something called “Babul Ka Aangan Chutey naa ” —– {perhaps what they mean is that the famlial links of the father’s house cling on after marriage}

The promos of this show are really sickening. They talk about presumably a newly wed bahu (what else), illustrated with all the fresh 'sindoor' in her 'maang', having to choose between situations like her sister in law's baby shower and her sister's engagement.

Another situation of difficult choices that the bahu has to make is between having to look after a sick father and complying with the tradition of "karwa chauth"

How unlucky can this woman be, to always find herself at the horns of a dilemma ' and that too a dilemma that seems like the end of the world !

I really don’t understand the premise of this show but my wife goes “sooo sad” in the background in complete sympathy with the situation portrayed on the billboards, as if the daughter's in laws are only ones who difficult choices in this big wide world,

On the one hand we pride ourselves of being a culture which teaches a prospective bride about absolute devotion to her husband & his family, once she is married ' 'Ab woh tera ghar hai beti' — ( now that house is your house in future), compounded with — 'ab tera pati pehle ataa hai'… (now your husband comes first) is what I hear many a parent parrot during the parting but do they really mean it?

And on the other hand, we sympathise with this newly married woman for being thrust into this situation of difficult choices.

They say that the "jasi sang vasia rang " (colour of company rubs off on an individual). Now imagine what happens to any mind that is continuously exposed to "saas-bahu" serials, in the name of entertainment.

All the same, while the pseudo intellectuals continue to argue about whether art imitates real life, Its my belief that this has come a full circle now and perhaps there are a large number of viewers of saas-bahu serials who have started feeling that the melodrama potrayed in these serials can indeed be an acceptable way of life. (God help us!)

Assume a woman does listen to her parents and accepts these utterances for a fact and the situation above comes in….POOF!!!!—- her father / mother blow a fuse as to how she can choose her sister in laws baby shower over their important occasion.

Isnt life fun!!!!!

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I have already mentioned in many an earlier article that almost any story can be twisted to suit any circumstances.

A typical example is the story in today mornings paper titled “Aged Bandra Couple accuses landlord of harassment”

Awww…..so sad…….lets look at the real picture shall we.

I do feel sorry for the Mendes family who should not have to go through this at the age of 80s and 90s. But lets face facts, they were too short term thinking not to put up the money to buy a flat over a period of years whereas the landlord scrimped and saved and paid his EMIs and taxes etc and today hes the one being held to fault.

The problem is very simple my friends. Our judiciary is clogged. Therefore people like the Mendes know that it will take the landlords 20 years or more to get any kind of real justice and even then they or their children are most probably going to get some kind of sympathy compensation since no judge wants to look like he threw an old couple out on the street.

This gives them and other “old couples” a chance to hold landlords to blackmail and landlords are forced to concede to their demands like RATES IN THE AREA which the landlords pay just to avoid the bother.

All those who think that if the price in this case was more, we wouldn’t have heard a peep out of Ms. Bonamis et al , please raise your hands.

Who says crime does not pay. In India we reward crime like squatting, and tax dodging. Time and again we come up with amnesty scheme for tax dodgers thereby penalising the honest tax payer who does pay on time.

The tax dodger thereby gets the break and in a lot of cases the penalty is almost completely waived off during these schemes.

It seems that since the govt cannot enforce its own laws so the honest tax payer gets shafted for the shortcomings of the government.

The situation is similar with squatting. The judiciary cannot cope, the politicians need the sympathy votes and news papers need the sob stories to sell so the squatters get away with sheer blackmail, be it a flat at Bandra or the 1.5 Crore tenements in Bandra (E).

Show me a true justice story which says “Landlord pays taxes for 65 years but blackmailed by tenants to pay for vacating his own premises” instead of a rising sensex and I’ll know India is finally shining.

Folks , a huge cultural difference was shoved in my face yesterday. I saw the mature way that the people of France have handled the love life of their president.

Here we have a man who divorced his wife who had an affair while they were married. Its not to say that he didn’t, the bevy of beauties hes lined up is perhaps rivaled in recent times only by Eric Svennson ( English Soccer Coach).

Now we have news that  his girlfriend is pregnant and they plan to get married soon. French is truly the language of love….Tojours la amour.

On the other hand we have the deeds of people like Bill Clinton who showed us the new way you enjoy a  cigar. The way it was splashed to make everyone a star including the local dry cleaner. The whole thing ended up impeaching the president. I’m still not sure if he got impeached due to the incident or due to the location of  the incident (The oval office)

The last apex of the triangle is the Indian way to handle things. We look for the closest rug and shove the thing under it. Anyone who has been reading the papers about Amarinder Singh and his affair with the Pakistan Journalist. It has been whitewashed so fast the paint is still tacky.

>> By the way, has anyone seen that woman at 50+, I think Amarinder Singh can definitely give Sarkosy a run for his money as far as bagging a beautiful woman is concerned.

—-( There is talk that the only reason she is with him is that shes a Pak plant but that only time will tell)

Its time we grew up. Historically India has always been a land of love till the time the prude Queen Victoria ruled us. Then out came the heavy petticoats and the prudery. On the other hand America has always held a fascination for us as the promised land, so we try to ape them blindly. However in this confusion of our original culture VS  adopted pseudo culturists we end up making a hotch potch of things.

We should  make up our minds, either we go back to our old ways and let the love flow or we have the guts to go the American way and boot out any public figure who even has a slight public stain on his character.

Alas, all we are is a confused nation of nepotistic idiots who will swallow the lies fed to us by a passed out to be politician who is found naked in a bathtub with a man guzzling alcohol, who is then taken to a clinic which first says narcotics then doesn’t, followed by a marriage , allegations of wife beating vs falling off bikes and in the end bring him to power as perhaps the next CM of Maharashtra on a sympathy vote.

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Yeh Maya Jal hai

Folks,today on television I saw Mayawanti on television saying she would like Uttar Pradesh to be divided into 3 states. India has seriously got something wrong with it.

We are living in a world where borders are being torn down, the whole of Europe has gone into consolidation mode with one currency, no trade borders,etc. If you are a citizen of a country in the European union, you are a citizen of the whole union. In India we are trying to divide people into residents of A state or B state.

The point came to me a few years ago when Pondicherry was overnight carved out from Tamil Nadu.

Its really crazy, imagine you’re a small trader in Tamil nadu doing business with a resident of Pondicherry. Suddenly one morning you wake up and its been declared a separate state. Now you have tonnes of paperwork to fill just to send materials there. You have to apply for a CST number, all kinds of bureaucratic paperwork.

Click on the map and see the state, its no larger than a pimple. In fact, You need to strain to find it against the large mass of Tamil nadu to which it belonged earlier. What real purpose did it serve, I would love to be enlightened on it.

The reason why people like Mayawanti push for these divisions is simple, she knows shes won once but perhaps she will not be able to win again. By dividing into 3 parts shes at least assuring a seat for herself.

This kind of selfish rubbish really burns me up as it should any straight thinking Indian. Its just this kind of nonsense at the time of partition which has made Kashmir the issue it is today.

By the way, on reading my article, my 11year old son just reminded me “isn’t Mayawanti the same one who was making a shopping mall at the Taj ???” ———– Imagine where the shopping mall will be built if she ever becomes a prime minister like everyone on television are talking about.