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Here I come… the Year 2010!

The year 2009 is ending.. and so are the days to fill in even more fun. I must say that it remained one of the most happening years of my life till now. In the beginning of this year, I had a promise to myself - I am gonna make this year, the best of my life; and I think I have succeeded to a large extent. I started 2009 with a visit to home and I’ll be biding adieu to it while being at home.

What all I have done this time.. While most of my colleagues were doing survey or financial evaluations etc etc during our summer internships, I campaigned for the Prime Ministerial candidate in the Lok Sabha elections; gave speeches amongst lots and lots of people; stood beside some high profile political leaders; gave interviews to some TV channels and got featured also; visited Haridwar, Saharanpur, Rishikesh, Roorkee, interiors of Delhi, Bhopal, Jaipur, Ajmer, Pushkar, Mumbai, Meerut; lived in posh South-ex for two months; cracked the same job as my batch topper has cracked; completed my MBA, without slogging for a single day; broke my back while organising a 7-day long E-cell event and won loads of appreciations, when the college got 9th rank amongst 650 inthe country; watched some 200+ movies, made two and a half coffee paintings, lots of sketches and other water colour drawings; wrote blogs, poems and diaries; collected some 300 stupid jokes; re-gained my reading speed by completing two dozen books in two months; made three business plans; had a heart-break with some more not-so-mentionable experiences; and made some really really awesome friends.

Isn’t that something for a year!.. and trust me that is not enough.. I am ready with my plans for the next year - a visit to Shirdi, Vaishno Devi, Vipaasana at Igatpuri and Kolkata is in row. I have a job to join and need to settle down in Gurgaon for sometime. Also, I still have 200 of my batchmates to be placed and I wanna share the responsibility. So, the year 2010…. here I come.

Posted in the stronger me.

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By Namrata Srivastava – December 22, 2009


Ghost ghost na raha…

Got indulged into discussions about ghosts after many many years and realised that these horror stories have still not lost their charm and masala. During tea, this evening, we four friends started with god knows what incident that kept enough of ghostly gossip coming in. Arjun, Manasi and I are converting into perfect nationals as described by Amartya Sen in his book The Argumentative Indians. We argue about any thing under the sun and a lot of times, even we know that we are talking non-sense, yet we continue with the argument. People come, join us, leave us.. but we do not let our desire to win, get affected. Sometimes, the positions for for-and-against get interchanged, but the zeal to argue remains unchanged. I guess, that is what Amartya Sen has tried to elaborate in his book also.
Anyways, coming back to ghosts. Today surprisingly, no body argued over the existence of ghosts. We listened to each others’ stories with such a respect as if ghosts are the ultimate realities of life. We started with Ramse (or whatever spelling they have) Brothers and concluded with personal stories, in between covering ZEE horror show, Aahat, Sshh.. Koi hai, 100 days, Darna Mana Hai, real life stories of post mortem houses, kabristans, cemetries etc. Arjun told me, how idiot he was, when he saw a hand hanging from his schools’ Auditorium’s roof with blood dropping from it and got dead scared. Later, his teachers discovered that some painting work was going on at the roof, using red colour.

Interestingly, Jambu, the only one in our group who can scare others without getting scared by anything, shared that he also got frightened by the sight of somebody. Guess who?? No ghosts, atma, parmatma or anything… but a human being! He saw a guy, all decked up, standing in the balcony at 3:30 AM! Although, he dint see his face, but the sight was enough to keep him disturbed for 4/5 days! And all this happened, when dear Jambu was becoming an engineer.

Well, Manasi did not have many stories, except that she is scared of darkness, which we all girls are and I guess will remain so for the next 100 years. That is feminine. Not getting scared of darkness, cockroaches, lizards, injections, blood etc means not being a woman.

We also talked about some dreams, like Arjun used to see a barking dog running after him or a room full with snakes and he sitting pale in a corner. I also used to see hundreds of dreams with murders, riots, killing.. Jambu and Manasi, here also, did not make any significant contribution. Dream Less people.

Anyways. The group had to be dismissed in 45 minutes, but it was kind of refreshing. I know, these Bhoot-Shoot does not exist and we are too mature to understand the cinematography behind all these movies and serials. But ghosts are a very significant part of any childhood. These are the first few things in our lives, where we get startled with our own imagination. When we force ourselves to choose between what we think, exists and what we know, exists. The first time, when we want to explore the reality and make a decision of what to believe and what not.

I know, every mom and dad would have told this to their child - bhoot, kuch nahi hota. Yeh sab mann ka waham hai. And believing on these lines, we kept that first step into the darkness without holding anybody’s hand or survived the first night, when we had to sleep alone in the room, silently seeing our moms switching off the lights and saying goodnight.

It is good that life runs in a circle, when I’ll be just forgetting all these ghostly stories, I’ll get my own kids to remind me of them and when I’ll again reach the verge of that forgetfulness, I’ll get my grandkids to keep the madness going.

Posted in Chalte Firate.

10 comments

By Namrata Srivastava – November 19, 2009


The ecstasy of being a 7-pointer!

If someone asks me what is one thing that you have learnt the best during your MBA course, then my answer will be Time Management. I think it is better to project MBA as a crash course to prepare you for your next 40 years of your professional life, more than calling it another academic achievement. I guess the mere change is definition will help the students in becoming better managers than some 36 different courses.

People succumb to different kinds of pressures. But the funniest of them all is the pressure of studies. I am seeing how much this MBA pressure can make you to sacrifice - people breaking their relationships; not finding time to talk with their friends and family members; fighting with their group members for deadlines getting over; spending their beautiful days in the restricted closets of book racks in library; feeling jealous of their classmates getting better grades; cribbing about college management, infrastructure and facilities; drinking till they cannot take anymore; and yearning for the placement days to come.

I call this pressure, the funniest, because I never understood what is so big there that makes us die for that? We can learn and understand each and everything completely and as much as any other student in the class does, without getting into the fight for Rank 1. You get a question and you need to write the best possible answer you know for it, but why do we want to write an answer that can make our evaluator feel that no one can write better than us? I know a friend, and I appreciate him very much for being a wonderful human being, one day he told me that in any examination he aims to secure 100% marks, because that marks the excellence he expects from himself. I was impressed, however, I never understood what difference in his understanding of the subject would come, if he scores 99 out of 100. After all, it is the teacher’s understanding of the answer sheet that fetches him marks. So does he want to learn for his own satisfaction, or the satisfaction of the evaluator?

Well, this problem is there in every level of our education system. But then I get surprised when I find MBA students living with this mentality. Hey Dude… we are supposed to be the people, who take major decisions in any organisation, people with similar educational backgrounds like ours are changing economies of the world, so giving others a reason to expect something similar from us is definitely a big deal.. and so we need a change in mentality.

I think that the best way to keep yourself eternally happy is to convince yourself to remain a 7-pointer all your life. Why 7-pointer? Well, these many points will offer you the most of the opportunities that 9 pointers get and will save you from being the academic becharas of the group, which 5 or 6 pointers become. And trust me, personal experience, it is not at all difficult to get somewhere in between 7.1 to 7.9. Three weeks in three months is all that it takes. Now imagine, how much more you can do with the remaining 9 weeks. And there is one more advantage of being a 7-pointer - you are never out of energy, so for any random opportunity coming your way, you are more energetic and ready to prepare than the 8/9 pointers, who generally put their mind, body and soul in everything they do and get exhausted pretty soon.

Also, you can watch more films, read more fictions, visit more places, invest more time into your personal life, make more friends, be known more by your faculty, regret less for poor grades since you have studied less and are always very optimistic and positive about your future, because you know that your best has still to come.

And now coming back to the first paragraph.. 7-pointers are better managers also, because in order to keep their fun element alive, they balance the multiple dimensions of their lives very well.. what else does an MBA is supposed to teach you?

Posted in Choice, Peace, Silence.

7 comments

By Namrata Srivastava – October 25, 2009


My wardrobe needs a change… Honey!

Recently read a post on a blog about how dearly women love shoes and how important it is to have loads of them per head. On this post, three out of eight comments were from the wives, who wanted their husbands to know about this fact. Interesting, why should the husbands know that shoes are so essential for their happy wife. Because they are the ones supposed to spend money? But what about the ladies, who are earning well? I guess, even they want their husbands to be somebody, who considers spending on them as a duty.

Howsoever high the lady earns, but there is nothing as satisfactory as getting an expensive gift from your husband (or the boy-friend). Diamonds may not be forever, but you give diamond to a lady, before she asks for it, and she’ll be yours, forever. Yes… We Love Gifts.. and We Love Expensive Gifts… and We Love It The Most When We Get Them Without Asking!! Trust me, it is an eternal truth, materialism may not get you true love.. but it can certainly enlarge the space you occupy in a woman’s heart.

I don’t find any odd system out there. For ages, men are supposed to earn and women are supposed to spend, as creatively as possible. How many men would get comfort in the thought of going for shopping during lunch breaks? Or for that matter, how many of them will check out fashion street, religiously to see the new stuff coming over there, or would not feel tired and boring, while doing window shopping, the whole day, or while trying half-a-dozen wonderful dresses, yet not purchasing any of them, because it doesn’t click?

We need to accept that women are the ones, who truly appreciate and worship this salvating phenomenon of shopping; and while they shop, somebody has to earn to keep the cycle running.

Also, I have observed that men look at you with suspicion, when you tell them that you are not a shopping freak, they find it abnormal, and in some cases unfeminine also. Somewhere, over so many centuries, they have accepted that wives (or girl-friends) will always demand one or the other thing from them in order  to feel better.  This may include every thing from clothes, shoes, cosmetics, beauty parlour to kitchen accessories. If they don’t do so, then may be somewhere they have yet not accepted you as their man? Which I think is true ,also. How can I fall in love with a man, who denies to buy me a dress because I already have plenty of them. Perhaps, he doesn’t realise my worth!

At last, we can end by saying what revolutionary article says, ‘times are changing, and so are people’s perception’. But I wish that this particular perception remains intact. May God bless men with higher salary and loads of perk, and their wives, the greater ability to look for better stuff, on fixed price. But if in poorest of circumstances, you happen to get somebody, who does not understand this holy logic behind your desire to shop, don’t feel bad.. spend on yourself, and on him also. May be someday he’ll realise, how useless he has been, till now.

Posted in Life.

11 comments

By Namrata Srivastava – September 25, 2009


Celebrating Human Helplessness!

Watched “Kagaz Ke Phool” today, after persistent recommendations from a friend. In short, the movie may be considered a classic, but I did not like it. However, this does not anywhere lessens the contention of the movie to be a great one, otherwise, why would I write a blog about it.

I don’t understand, what pleasure Guru Dutt derived in portraying himself as a character , who was always misunderstood and rejected by the people. Since childhood I have this expression that his movies depict depression and helplessness of human nature. But now, when I have seen a couple of them, I realise that this helplessness is not of human nature, it is of a certain character, the protaganist, around whom all the things revolve. He has tried to create a paradox with his movies. The paradox of bringing in centre a life of a person, who has been brutally sidelined by the society.

One may argue that such characters exist in our society, who resign to their fate. My answer to them is yes, they do exist; but I am sure they are not the ones, who form majorities. Resigning to ones fate to the extent that you start living the life of a worm is definitely not that happens with a normal person. And even Dutt’s own movies show that people with self-respect find out a way to die respectfully. Take the example of female lead, Shanti, played by Vahida Rehman. Did she lose anything less? She never had a family, her love was snatched away from her after giving her names, she did not have the job or the direction to live a life, yet she finds some purpose to live it. She goes to a tribal area and starts teaching students. This is what people commonly do! They remain sad.. but do not let their sadness convert into a feeling of self-pity. After all, there is a very minute difference between the feeling of self-esteem and ego.

The character of Guru Dutt may excel in terms of acting, but it has failed terribly in making me believe that some people live a life like this and they deserve to be portrayed as the protagonist. Why do we need to celebrate this helplessness?

I feel that Devdas also was a loser. Other characters like Chandramukhi and Paro, were far more substantial, real and human-like. But I don’t understand why for so many decades, we are appreciating Devdas as a legendary masterpiece. Do we feel solace, when we identify that we are not the only ones, who have been knocked out by the world and yet breathing in and out, cursing the same world for its injustice. Just like madness, helplessness is also a way to reach ecstacy. Once you let the world accept that you are mad, you free yourself for doing everything, which has been critically examined by the world and whose examination has affected you badly. Similarly, once you establish that the world has done enough bad for you to struggle for anything good.. you free yourself from being accountable. For now, you are not responsible for anything that happens with you, it is this rude bad world that is doing so; and since you have already detached yourself from it, you do not want to answer or question anybody. A state of complete resignation - not to the fate, nor to the God - to this wickedest form of self-destruction.

And strangely, our old novelists loved portraying such characters, showing them mingling with an enigma, left to the audience to be solved.

 

Posted in Choice, Peace, Silence.

7 comments

By Namrata Srivastava – September 7, 2009


Bhad Main Jao…


Rules are made to keep things in order, but when these rules are used to suppress the genuineness of a population, they are ought to be broken. I consider myself to be someone, who generally believes in the potential of a government or any other governing body and accept that they can not be perfect. I also try to keep myself away from criticizing these bodies until it is becoming too unbearable for me. But today, what happened in mess was too much for me to declare, “jao kar do jaake shikayat”.
Today a classmate, who got her leg fractured after an accident last month, came back to the campus after a month long stay at her home. Her mother accompanied her, as she still cannot walk without support. They came in evening only and since I was going for dinner, she just asked me if her mother can come for dinner with me. I realised that her mother was too tired and so I offered to bring food for her in the room only.

So, while I was packing food for her, the mess manager very rudely stopped me ,saying that he has already told me many times not to take food to the room, why am I doing it again. Now, it was the first time that he was telling me that, secondly, I did not like his tone at all. He could tell me  that so and so rule has come recently,  and I may get  penalised for not following it, but he definitely does not have the authority to “scold” me.

I told him the reason and he said that I would have to get a slipped signed by the college doctor that the person is not well and hence I am taking food for his or her. WHAT THE HELL!!

Am I supposed to waste my time and energy in getting slips signed if my classmates or friends fall ill. That too from a place, which people try hard not to approach  even if they are remotely ill.

Anyway. I packed the food, had my own dinner and came back. But all this time I was thinking about the implications of having any such regulation. Why would anybody stop something that is going on for past many years and doesn’t management realise the consequences, when a large number of people are stopped from doing something that they have been doing for so long that too without even telling them, why? Such things will only stop help for people who are actually sick and cannot come to the mess for food.

Aren’t these kinds of rules and regulations made to breed a conflict? These kinds of conflicts arise when the governing bodies take their population, for granted. In this world, every things has a reason, this is the law of nature and sitting on a position of authority does not make you an exception of that.


Posted in College Cacophony.

7 comments

By Namrata Srivastava – August 27, 2009


Mother of 1084

So the third book that I have completed is ‘Mother of 1084′ by Mahashweta Devi. Being an absolute contrast to the two books that I read earlier, this one narrates the plight of a suppressed woman, who one day wakes up to a phone call, telling her that her youngest son is lying shot dead in a police station. He was involved in a naxallite movement. The story also covers the pain, a woman suffers when she is misunderstood repeatedly, first by her mother-in-law, then by her husband and then by her own children. Brati, the youngest son, was the only one, who had the ability and desire to see the inner beauty of his mother and had always wanted to protect her. But he was snatched away by death and the saddest part was that his mother, Sujata did not even know, if Brati died for right reasons. What was the cause that his son was fighting for and were those causes, worth fighting for.

The novel gives a beautiful description of what ugly reactions rebellions get, even from their very very own people, forget about the society. After the news of Brati’s death came, everyone in the family, except his mother and the aaya, started looking for measures to hide this incident from the world. The grief of Brati’s death got shelved before the more important purpose of saving the family’s prestige. Sujata found herself all alone weeping for Brati, who was lying before her as cadaver number 1084, cold, heavy and dead.

Also, it made me feel sorry about myself. Naxallite movement that virtually wiped off a major chunk of an entire generation is still unknown to me. I think there are certain things in our modern history that every Indian should know. Freedom fight and emergence of Indian politics from it, partition, Naxallite movement and emergency. Each of these incidents have left deep scars and has changed the way people think. Sadly, these terms are old fashioned and when you want to discuss about them, you are termed political. Being political is a slang and people prefer to talk about future. But how can such striking trails  be ignored? The world may not get any different for us, if we now about them or not. But it certainly has not remained the same for the people, who have lived those times.

The other impression that this novel made on to me is the condition of a mother. A woman can live a suppressed life as a daughter or wife, but never as mother. Her motherhood brings to her the last hope that she’ll be loved and understood and cared. And when she does not get these things from her own children, she knows that nothing but death can set her free. Old age is the age, when a mother needs her child the most. Sadly, the less she gets loved by her husband, the more she becomes possessive about her children, specially son. I pity those sons, who never become good husbands and let the chain continue, generation after generation.

How much Sujata wanted to feel Brati! And how sad she felt when she discovered that she was so unaware of the real life that her son was living. She knew that Brati is going on a different way, but she never tried hard to findout, which way. This made her pain go even worse. She knew that she cannot change the system, her son has died for. She knew that she cannot explain people that he did not die a shameful death. She knew that she cannot bring him back. But she knew that her son loved her, truly, knew what she had gone through and wanted to protect her, without even letting her know that. The mere thought of being the mother of such a brave and sensitive boy, gave her the strength to break the silence, she has always maintained on the name of respect for her husband and hypocritical world he had created around her, including her other three children. Knowing that Brati knew what she had never expressed, Sujata wanted to break the image of timidity, at least, before herself. So, she refused to be somebody else, anymore. She refused to keep hold on her spontaniety. Finally, she realises that all those are living in that house with her are much more lifeless than Brati. She felt the urge to get her son back; and she left her body to find him in the heaven.

Posted in Philosophy.

12 comments

By Namrata Srivastava – July 3, 2009


from good to better to best…

I am a big fan of motivational, inspirational and to some extent philosophical movies. So, much that I have seen heavy movies like Shawshank Redemption, Freedom Writers, Girl Interrupted etc several times; and every time I see them, the human emotions captured in those characters  fascinate me to the core.

Its amazing, how well we relate with the people who share our misery. I guess the same happens with the characters in a movie. There are certain characters which are born achievers or the dark horses, they remain hidden for a long long time and all of a sudden they come out. And some times, there are characters who actually do not have any attribute of being a protagonist, but they accept their lives positively and this acceptance one day makes them emerge as a winner. I guess most of the people around us, including ourselves, belong to the latter sect.

How easily people who try to accept things are condemned! Sometimes on the name that they give up easily; sometimes that they do not have ‘that element’ to fight; sometimes that they really do not deserve the best…. and sometimes that they deserve this only. But do people think that they are not reacting because they have understood that this is not the front, where they are supposed to fight. Their struggle has to reach another level and they’ll succeed in reaching that level only if they’ll silently live this time. I purposely used the phrase ‘live this time’, because I know that we all want the best things to happen with us, but only few people know that we can not always get the best… because somewhere in the sky, the great god, wants us to see the other side of the rainbow. And if we wont see that other side now… our destiny will create another rainbow for us.

And you know what… I have seen those other sides many times… and every time that phase was going on, I never told myself that I am the best and still life is giving me these hardships… may be because I knew that this grinding is happening only because I am not the best, but I have to be the best one day.. Best not because I could score the  best marks…or could crack the best job… or rise to levels of fame with every passing day… best, because I can understand how to put your feet in others’ shoes and feel what it means to live a life when you are not a Cinderella.

Posted in Philosophy.

17 comments

By Namrata Srivastava – June 15, 2009


Best Friend


Anu got married today.. my best friend. And I am so selfish that instead of feeling happy about her marriage, I am sad that she has gone away from me. And sad to such an extent that while going to the office, I was weeping in the bus. Moreover, I was just never used to of sharing her with anybody and now she’ll be thinking most about her husband. He’ll be her closest friend. She’ll be sharing all her secrets with him, will be depending on his advices and will be granting him the most of her time. He’ll take my place. It feels terrible, trust me.

I don’t remember, since when I know her.. yes I do remember our first conversation and what I had felt about her.. but it seems at least an era has passed since then. She was such a wierd person and she still is. I used to run away from her for her senseless highly religious talks. Gradually, she got better and I got used to of that nonsense and we became freinds.  I know she was always bewildered by listening to my idea of a dream life, she never understood what the heck I want to do with myself and why, but do I know anyone else, who respected those dreams more than her? She cherished them and took special care that they never get hurt because of her. And this is what that stole my heart.

Undoubtedly, she is my first and the longest ever friend. I am not a very social person and usually get out of touch with people easily. She is the same, yet we managed an over a decade long friendship! I am surprised. People say that the bond created when two people share each other’s sorrow is the strongest. I think it is true. Anu and I understood each other’s pain very well, may be because our pain was similar. Our lives started on a similar path and our choices brought us at two extremes. She now stands on the path that takes her into the protection of her family, she makes her choices based on their decisions and I stand on the bare front of being solely responsible for myself. She loved my guts thinking that she can’t do that and I loved her contentment, thinking that I may never have it. We just complement each other. And whenever our respective selves tried to get influenced by the contrary emotions, creating turbulence in our mind and soul, we just surrendered before each other, finding solace in each other’s company.

Interestingly, my mom is a better friend to Anu than me. Whenever she stayed with me for more than half an hour, the focus of conversation shifted to both of them and I was often spotted taking naps. They two will talk about the neighbourhood, relatives, maids, vendors, cost of fruits, how bad I am in keeping my room clean, global warming, the detriorating Indian culture and anything under the sun. She is a dentist, so Mom vividly used to share her worries with Anu regarding the remaining teeth left in her mouth. I am worried that mumma is going to miss her more.

Manjari has also got married last year; and she is an equally good friend; but at that time I did not feel so insecure and incomplete. May be, becasue I knew her husband very well and there was no doubt that our friendship is going to remain intact. But in case of Anu, I yet have to wait for the first conversation with her dear husband. Lets see how it goes. And although, he has suddenly become most important in her life, still I am the one, who is her best friend.


Posted in Love.

169 comments

By Namrata Srivastava – April 28, 2009


Making the most out of this vellaness!


Isn’t it sad that as we grow older and our commitments towards life increase, we take out less and less time for ourselves? And seldom when some ‘free time’ comes to us, we become clueless about what do with it. In most of such times, we finally resort to doing the same thing, we anyway do, because no other thing comes to our mind except of these mundane tasks; and this is really sad. Like many times I have seen that if my mother has nothing to do.. she’ll be tiding up some room or making preparations for the dinner or if she is extremely velli for the while, she will watch TV. She has nothing to do… and when I bug her too much to do something else.. she asks me only, “kya karun.. yahi sab kaam toh hai”. And she is not the only one, who suffers with this narrow-choice-of-tasks-to-perform.

I am no better than her. Recently, I realised that in the entire day I have no time for myself. Mornings and afternoons are passed in classrooms, evenings with friends and nights, in front of the computer. No time for hobbies! No drawings, paintings, sketching, reading, writing poems.. nothing! I was not doing anything that I have always liked doing.

Then I decided to change my routine a bit. No more chattings in night. No more waiting for anyone to come online. The time after 10′o clock is all mine and I am not going to entertain anyone except mom after 10. And guess what! I had loads of time.. and no idea of what to do with that. For few days, it was really difficult. Someone who is used to of sleeping at 2 or 3′o clock in the night, how can sleep come to her at 10 pm! But in less than ten days, I started sorting out things. First, I kept my cell on silent mode, so that no one disturbs me. Then I found out my sketching kit. Got a book issued from library. Bought a packet of Monaco buiscuit, cleaned up my bed, sharpened my pencil and started sketching after many many days. It feels so good that you are doing something for yourself. Really. With my fav music playing on laptop and doing the work I love, adds so much to lonely nights. Then, in some times, when I think I have done enough for the day, I go to sleep and get up after a good rest of 7 hours!

My sleeping time has reduced very much in past one year; and the consequences are visible. Really yaar.. 7 hours of nice sleep fills you with tons of energy for the next day; otherwise how can a lazy person like me can go to office, everyday while travelling for 6 hours! And believe me, when next time I get up, I feel so ready for the day. No more feelings like.. I wish today was a holiday… no more missing the breakfast… no more hustle bustle. I am a good girl, now! :)

I know, those who’ll read this.. will appreciate the change.. but guys, I want you all to try something similar like this. Take out time for yourself and let nothing intrude into that slot. Take a break from computer, even if it looks impossible, use it for your hobbies. Sleep early and for a long time and then get up early.. mornings are much more beautiful than that described by poets.

Posted in Chalte Firate.

17 comments

By Namrata Srivastava – April 15, 2009