thyjudeen78’s blog

I am really tired… feel tired of all… yes ..tired of hiding what I am feeling…I used to say such is life…but …it just …to console myself….really I feel tired of everything…I tried my best to smile, to do works, to be happy…. but …? I cant bear that pain… I cant hide what I am feeling…I cant smiling with the world like everything is ok ….How i can…. How i can forget all… How I can forget you….the pain?, the hurt it?is like hundreds of knives thrust into my heart…. I didnt know …dont know what happened ,even now still I? havent understand why….

Am I foolish right da……..or even …if? noone…still better than me…. right da??….

-Thyjudeen-

First I wanna say thnks to the one of my friends here. Yesterday that friend wrote an entry just for me after reading my blog. Thank you so much for ur careness , thank u coz u understand me, thank u for ur console and sincere advises. Thank you very much' Lilia.

After all, I really dont know how am I now . But such is life I know. I dont angry with u. I told u that I have had no feelings , but it was not like that . Feel wanna cry but cant cry, my heart hurt too much, feel to be insulted, I ever had the feelings of jealous, angry, misss .. Yes I did. Feeling of ashame too, like to be laugh at my face… Feel hurt much when u didnt understand my thoughts, hurt much when u even refused me as a normal friend…after all u behaved me like this, it makes me hurt much.

I know it is so difficult to forget all,… but i will forget, i will forget….but not all…I only want to forget all of sad memories about you, but i cant forget you, i cant forget the memories which made me feel'happy. You didnt and will never know that . Coz you never ever love me so u never can feel that, but me, all is the memories i never can forget.

I will never forget the first day when i saw you at that shop.

I will never forget the days when i missed and waited for u after each a day u come home from office, and i felt happy just to say ‘ Hi’

I will never forget the messages and mails we wrote.

I will never forget ur advises u gave to me.

I will never forget the day when u stood there in front of mirror and show me ur new hair and asked ” I just have had my hair cut, is it ok?”…

I will never forget the time I' had the'lunchs with ur parent.

I will never forget the time i had'the naps with ur mom after lunchs

I will never forget the time'ur parent and I'talked and shared together.I will never forget their kindness.

I will never forget or throw anything concern u and ur family.

I will never forget ur mom and dad, I never can forget.

I cant forget the time I helped ur mom to dry her hair ( with a hair dryer), i felt happy very much for that. And felt'in warm between a mother and a daughter…I will never forget.

I will never forget the time when i helped ur mom to cook…

I will never forget the time when ur mom and I hang the washing on the line, i felt really happy to do that…

I will never forget the time i could come into ur room, and with ur mom clean and fold each of ur clothes.You didnt know and will never know this , but I felt really happy for that when i could do something for you.

I will never forget anything ….

I will keep all in my heart , all the best I had. I will remember not only as my love but a brother, a special friend as well…

I will not angry with you . For all happened, I want to say “sorry” with u if I did or said'something wrong. I am so sorry. If oneday you could read this blog then pls understand me. I will be happy , sure that, i will happy .

I feel to be insulted by ur words. Ur reply was the force.. I feel hurt coz my love was contemned by you. Am I a bad gal? Am I self fish or not? Why da? Why u love and sympathize with her, not me , can not me , why? She’s better than me about all right da?

Now when I think of you , always I feel hurt. I feel the contempt from you. Always it’s round and round in my mind. It makes me hurt much much much more. I wanna cry but i cant.My heart broken….

I wanna phone u , but i cant. I wanna mail you, but I cant. I wana sms to u , but I cant. I wanna visit ur mom very very much , I miss her really so much … but I cant.

I am a fool gal . You are laughing at my face right da ?!