thyjudeen78’s blog

When the cold wind is blowing …when the snow is falling….when the cold is in everywhere… when wake up and not wanna leave the bed completely… had curled up in warm blanket….huddled into the coat ….What a great to sit a hot cafe…When happy in warmly hands, warm hugs with many meaningful…. I love winter not only coz it is the season I was born but also coz of the special of its own that other seasons hasnt got. In winter, people soul seems to be closer together….Forgiveness, sympathy, love, helpness, careness, warm feelings in spite of cold of winter….I love winter coz also many holidays?, festival and special days , hihihi… my grandma’s birthday , Xmas, my Birthday, New Year s Day, Tet holiday ( Vietnamese New Years Day), Valentine’s Day, International Woman ’s Day….So greatna….

Once more winter …….

The weather is so hot in summer. As usual, i get up at 7:00am . Today I have had breakfast at home . My mom prepared somethings for our breakfast. I ate “banh cuon”. I leaved home at 8:00am and arrived at office at 8:30am. Today is my last working day at this company. I wanted to stop working there since a month ago. … Today, there are many works have to solve. Till abt 9:00am I must come to Director’s house to get his signature for some papers. 10:30am I attended the HM tax department to solve some pro and submited some papers and financial report… I came abck office at abt 12:15am. Did some things more then I came back home at abt 1:00pm. Finished a morning….I did works as a machine and it was abt over 40km total driving on the roads from this place to that place. Tired and hungry. I had lunch at home then had a nap immediately…. I dreamt abt?my love?in my sleep. I still felt hurt when thinking abt him. But each a day , each a minutes I know I still thinking of? D always. And in my dream I cried much. When i wake up , I recognized that not only in the dream but tears really also dropped on my cheeks as well. It was abt 3:30pm at that time , I wake up. Ate some fruits. Feelings of sadness and bored… I went out and drived round and round with no purpose. I went from this street to that street, sometimes when I feel sad I usually go like that ( by motobike). I dont know why but today I went to the street which has the office he s working…..

I still continued to go , undetermined.I also went through the street where his house is there. I wanted to come in to visit his mom very much coz deep inside my heart i really miss her very much. Anyway I had many memories there , in that house. But I couldnt . I cant.

Go without thinking, undetermined… I decided to go to supermarket then. But finally I bought some miscellaneous things : soap, toothpaste, ice cream,? some seafoods, a T- shirt….

I come home and cooked the dinner. Today just my younger sister and I have had dinner together, my parent went to my cousin’s house for some works…

After dinner, I must do some things for my graduated report. I graduated 6 years ago with accountanting major, but I learned an accounting course more , it has taken abt 5 years more. Actually I dont like accounting but I dont know why I choiced it for my job.

Ya , and now I?am writting all these things here .

A Tuesday of mine is going to finish …….

Thyjudeen / Thuy,

With my habits I used to not share anything with anyone, I didn?t want anyone knows that where I hurt , how I was sad much or happy for something? If someone had asked me even only a sentence, a little careness or love I would have wanted to cry. I don?t know why but it seems to touch something in my heart. Like touch to my wishes , my desires?that I wished to have from someone?

It happens that I was a very weak person both in my and body. And I always try to hide it. I try my best to make a cover with obstinacy and silence.

Is it possible that I was too sensitive with all things then I hurt myself? But when I meet Tj and D ,all changed, they make me change?.

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Today , by chance I ?ve found my notebook which I wrote manythings abt work when I worked at old company 2 years ago. I also found some pages that I wrote like a diary.

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1.10.2006:? A sad day. Yesterday I sent so many messages , but not any reply, Don?t know why noone reply me. At this moment I really wanna talk with T very much . Today I have an exam , I feel a little worry, feel nervous da?.

4.11.2006:? Tj told that his family had some problems, I wish I could help them?

17.11.2006: I?ve come back the company after over a week, but everything is still like that. Boring?..

25.12.2006 :? I?ve received some Xmas wishings from taj, a gift and Xmas wishing from D. I really feel happy coz this is the first time I receive a gift on that important day. I am happy coz I have Tj and D_ good friends.

30.12.2006: Today is my day. Those flowers are so beautiful. I decide to make then dry.

6.1.2007: Everything must be stop. Try my best to accept all is simple, like it has ever been. But why it?s so difficult like this . Although I tried to forget all and I tried to accept all? but I miss you.

If I stay or not, you are still not belong to me . When I hear your voice I wish I could bring it to home. But I cant . When I am looking inti ur eyes, I wish u would look back at me with the same way I am. But you can?t. so.. If I stay or not, you?re still not belong to me. Just because you?re not for me. And wheni think abt this I don?t know I am smiling or crying my love ?King??..

I was wrong :

am so sad today , i wish parent didnt treat together like that , i wish i could live in a happy family, where are u now

When i treat good with someone, it means that they maybe also treat me good right da? I met a person who i respected , loved so much as my brother, believed und told him all that abt myself….but …i dont know is that a love or else… i really dont know how is my feeling now …?

… To find the happiness in the soul which we think it is easy to have . In fact , it is a very difficult matter . Sadness and worriness happen around us each a day in life. It means we ourself make a pressure and challenge as well ( more or less ) when we try to set a plan to make it true.

Life is not easy for anyone. When i was a child i wished i would be an adult . When i grow up i wish much more abt life, wish to earn much money, wish to have a good job, wish to be strength… Wishing is too much but making them true is not easy. And now i can understand da..

An Indian writer said sorrow never stop. These words are not right , right da?

A person who i respected so much ever said me that a good turn is never lost. I wish it would be truth…

Everything is caused by ourselves right? I myself understood all ?but?

? Sometimes I find I am so easy to get mad. I maybe behaved like that for a simple reason that I am always wanna complete everything as my wish. I know very well I was wrong many many times but I couldnt stop, I cant control myself. Till now when I met a person who made me know that I was wrong more and more. That person showed me the determination, strong will, optimisms …

Sometimes I recognize that it will be better if we can control our feelings such as: furious, jealous, angry, contemp, worry, nervous,?Our soul gradually will change. Now it’s calm and love. That?s also the real feelings I felt from deep inside my heart. I like the happiness, i like humorousness,i like going out with friends who i love ,I like to go somewhere very very very far from here,i like to go with someone to listen or enjoy the music show, i like i can play a joke with someone who i love …

I am really very very afraid when someone looked at me with a feeling of pity, when someone hold me in contempt, when someone ignores me ?

Till now I also recognize that it?s no use when I was continue to waste of my strength to get angry, to complain or to tell someone abt something? In addition, everybody around me will see and laugh at my face. Maybe they?re unthoughtful. Maybe they never understand or don?t wanna listen anything.Maybe they dont want us to disturb them.. ..So I used to be quiet and found the way to adjust with them alone. Maybe it?ll be better.

An Indian writer wrote that our life is not only on earth but on the other world as well. Be a kind man then u?ll have a happy life in Heaven. And bad men are always punished in the Hell.

I think Hell or Heaven it?s untruth.But surely that bad men, never they have the quiet soul.

A friend of mine ever told me like that too.

Even till now I am not sure if I get the quiet soul, but I think a quiet life it?s enough for me now , live alone and do everything to help everyone if possible…forever….

Beside, reading book which I never ever found before helps me much more. I ?ve learned that people everywhere are the same, in all ages, in all countries. It has brought me into contact with many great minds and acquainted with the beauty of language ( like Indian language) and ideas and good persons. Maybe my powers of ex-pression also has improved. I have little difficulty in expressing my thoughts and feelings. Maybe it made me a better person?.