A successful scientist was on his way to a seminar where he was supposed to give a lecture on his new breakthrough in research. His chauffeur saw his tired look and felt sorry for him.
“Sir, why don’t you take the day off today”, he said, “I’ve heard your lecture so many times by now I know it by heart. I can give the lecture and you can just sit back and relax.”
The scientist thought this was a great idea, since he was sick and tired of giving the exact same lecture over and over again.
When they arrived at the seminar the scientist put on the chauffeur’s hat and seated himself in the back of the lecture hall. His trusted chauffeur walked to the podium and gave an excellent lecture showing at least as much confidence as the scientist would.
At the end of the lecture the chauffeur asked, just as his master always does, “Are there any questions?”
One of the professors in the hall stood up and asked a long question about a very complicated and highly theoretical matter. The chauffeur was panicking silently but finally managed to pull himself together.
“That, professor, is a very simple question,” he answered, “in fact, it is so simple even my chauffeur can answer it.”
Archive for the ‘Humour’ category
IQ LEVEL……….
October 30th, 2009JUST FOR FUN…………
July 29th, 2009
After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers, ‘Your Eminence, I have some business to discuss. We at Nescafe have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church . if you change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily coffee’.”
The Pope looks outraged and thunders, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the Lord, It must not be changed.” Well,” says the Nescafe man somewhat chastened, “We anticipated your reluctance. For this reason, and the importance of the Lord’s prayer to all catholics, we will increase our offer to $300 million. All we require is that you change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to Give us this day our daily coffee’.”
Again, even more sternly, the Pope replies, “That, my son, is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed.”
Finally, the Nescafe director says, “Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to your faith, we realise that tradition is ssential to your beliefs, we fully understand the importance of the word of the Lord ………… ….but we do have one final offer. Please discuss it with your cardinals. We will donate $500 million to the great Catholic church if you would only change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘Give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘Give us this day our daily coffee’. Please, please consider it.” And he leaves. The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals. “There is some Good news,” he announces, “and some bad news ….. The good news is, he continues to a hushed assembly, ‘ that the Church will get $ 500 million.”
“And what is the bad news, your Holiness?” asks a Cardinal.
“Sadly” says the Pope ,
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We would have to lose the Britannia Account….. ……… ……… …..
just 4 laugh
April 11th, 2009
Sharing a mail wid all of u……
Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to Apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation,
A few days later he got this reply:
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference : “Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai.”
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued… … “Ab hum aap sab ko apnaa appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-saath Hindi main translate bhee karoonga.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad —– Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya
You do not meet —–aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement —– humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance —– ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zaroorat nahee
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No phone call —– phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained —– bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks —– aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.
Bill Gates. —- Tohar Bilva.
tumhaare paas kya hai???
April 2nd, 2009
Tumhare paas kya hai?
A Senior Manager working in an MNC, as usual after lunch goes to the cafeteria for coffee.
He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there.
To Kill time he decides to have fun with him.
He calls him.
Senior Manager - (Asks canteen boy) : How much do you earn?
Canteen boy smiles…
Senior Manager - what are your future plans?
Canteen boy keeps quiet…
Senior Manager - where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?
Canteen boy gives a cold stare.
Senior Manager - Jab mai
naam hai………..,
shohrat hai………,
paisa hai…………
Izzat Hai………….,
tumhare paas kya hai?
Scroll down to find out his answer
Don’t think that he answered like Shashi Kapoor of Deewar ki ‘Mere paas Maa hain’
Canteen boy -Sa’ab mere paas bahut KAAM hai….
Senior Manager leaves the cafeteria silently……
ENJOY HONESTY OF MAN…..
March 31st, 2009
We Are Honorable Men!!!!!!”
“One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, “Why are you crying?”
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, “No.”
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, “No.”
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. “Is this your axe?” the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, “Yes.”
The Lord was pleased with the man’s honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, “Why are you crying?”
“Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!”
The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE “Is this your wife?” the Lord asked.
“Yes,” cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. “You lied! That is an untruth!”
The woodcutter replied, “Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said ‘no’ to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said ‘no’ to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said ‘yes,’ you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, so THAT’S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE .”
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.
That’s the story, and they are sticking to it! - “WE ARE HONORABLE MEN!!!!!!”
English is a funny language…..
March 31st, 2009
In Tamilnadu , there is a well known person by name , Mr. Jeppier, Chairman of Sathyabama deemed university and some more self financing colleges, always speaks in English. That college students have collected & published a book by name “Jappier’s Spoken English”
… Njoy ………..with his……… …..English. ……… ….
Now, here are some classic English sentences from the great “Jappier’s Spoken English”
# At the ground:
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All of you stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon.
The girl with the mirror please comes her…{Means: girl with specs please come here).
# To a boy, angrily:
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I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?
# While punishing students:
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You, rotate the ground four times…
You, go and understand the tree…
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO …..(?)
# While addressing students about Dress Code: (he is very strict about this )
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Every body should wear dress to college
Boys no proplum
Girls are pig proplum . (pig=big)
Girls should not wear T sirt , U shirt , V shirt.. but if you want to wear …. remove it when inside the campus and put it out side the campus
# Sir at his best:
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Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them. So the next day at school… (to that boy) - “Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre”
# Sir at his best inside the Class room:
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Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Shhh…Quiet , boys…the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
You , meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
This one is cool >> “Both of u three get out of the class.”
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today…
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver…..
Take 5 cm wire of any length….
Last but not the least some Jappier experiences …
Once Sir had come late to a college function, by the time he reached, the function had begun, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).
At Sathyabama college day 2002:
“This college strict u the worry no …. U get good marks, I the happy, tomorrow u get good job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry I the enjoy”
At St. Josephs college of engineering fresh years day 2003:
“No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police”
VERY IMPORTANT : ok enjoy this English , but don’t forget your English !
I request to take this article sportingly and not seriously.
MOM KNOWS EVERYTHING!!!!!!!
March 27th, 2009
MOM Knows Everything
Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner…who lives with a girl roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty Kumar’s, roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye
Reading his mom’s thoughts, Kumar volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates.”
About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?” “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure.” So he sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother,
I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the chutney jar from my house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Kumar
Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read:
Dear Son,
I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Sunita, and I’m not saying that you do not’ sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now
Love,
Mom.
Lesson of the day . Don’t Lie to Your Mother…especially if she is Indian!
JUST 4 FUN
March 25th, 2009
JUST 4 LAUGH
March 24th, 2009
Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in
loud discussions during office time…..
Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee, they ask, “What’s going on?”
“Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss”
They’re asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they’re going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.
We’re going from desk to desk, taking up a collection.”
One Trainee asks, “How much is everyone giving, on average?
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“About 1 litre.”
CONVERSATION
March 23rd, 2009
Conversation
Husband is off to Tennis court as usual on weekends to play tennis.
Husband had finished playing tennis and was in dressing room.
Suddenly mobile rings
Honey, my mom has just dropped in to shop for her and shall I accompany her.
Yes, darling carry on.
Second time the phone rings , he answers , yes darling , honey I have just seen a beautiful necklace , called u to ask can I take it ,
Yes darling, sure
Wife Relied " I love u honey "
He replied I too.
Every time the phone rings every one in the Dressing room, stops their work to listen to the conversation.
Phone rings for the third time,
Honey, I am at the house which we enquired last month which was on sale. I learned that the owner is ready to go for 10 % discount, which we have asked him. Shall we go for it?
Ok darling, but see that we get in the price we have negotiated. Ok Honey. "I love u so much"
Every one was listening to the conversation and had their mouths wide open with astonishment.
He ended the call, and has put the phone on the table he has received, every one was watching him.
He then enquired "WHOSE MOBILE IS THIS"
