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fuNNY Quickies

 > Quickie #1
  >
  > One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
very
  > sexy nightie.
  > “Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want.”
  >  So he tied her up and went fishing.
  >
  > Quickie #2
  >
  >  A woman came home, screeching!  her car into the driveway, and ran
into
  > the house.
  > She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Honey,
pack
  > your bags.
  > I won the damn lottery!”
  >  The husband said, “Oh my God!  What should I pack, beach stuff or
  > mountain stuff?”
  > “Doesn’t matter,” she said.  “Just get the hell out.”
  >
  > Quickie #3
  >
  > Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
the

  > other is a husband.
  >
  > Quickie #4
  >
  > A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.
  > First, of course,
  > he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card
with
the
  > letters:
  > ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’
  > “Can you read this?” the optician asked.
  > “Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.”
  >
  > Quickie #5
  >
  >  Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, “I
must

  > tell you all something.  We have a case of gonorrhea in the
convent.”
  > “Thank God,” said an elderly nun at the back.  “I’m so tired of
  > chardonnay.”
  >
  > Quickie #6
  >
  >  A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly,
  > her husband burst into the kitchen.
  > “Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL!  Put in some more butter!  Oh my GOD!
  > You’re cooking too many at once.  TOO MANY!  Turn them!  TURN THEM
NOW!

  > We need more butter.  Oh my GOD!  WHERE are we going to get MORE
BUTTER?
  > They’re going to STICK!
  > Careful…CAREFUL!  I said be CAREFUL!  You NEVER listen to me when
  > you’re cooking!  Never!  Turn them!  Hurry up!  Are you CRAZY?  Have
you
  > LOST your mind?
  > Don’t forget to salt them.  You know you always forget to salt them.
Use
  > the salt.
  > USE THE SALT!  THE SALT!!!  THE SALT!!!”
  > The wife stared at him.  “What in the world is wrong with you?  You
think
  > I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”
  > The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like
when
  > I’m driving.”
  >
  > Quickie #7
  >
  >  Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man,
was
  > drafted by the Army.    On his first day in basic training, the Army
  > issued him a comb.  That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all
his
  > hair.  On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.  That
  > afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.  On the third
day,
  > the Army issued him a jock strap.  The Army has been looking for
Herman

  > for 51 years.
  >
  > Quickie #8
  >
  > Two guys from Michigan are sittin’ in a boat on Elk Lake fishing and
  > suckin’ down beer when all of a sudden Mike says, “I think I’m going
to

  > divorce my wife - she hasn’t spoken to me in over six months.”
  > Harry sips his beer and says, “You better think it over - women like
that
  > are hard to find.”

Posted in Humour.

3 comments



munna bhai

PROFESSOR
Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?
MUNNA BHAI
Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin
malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
———————————————————————–

CIRCUIT
Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara
chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI
Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT
Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.
————————————————————————————–

PROFESSOR
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.
————————————————————————————–

MUNNA BHAI
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh
Baelgaadi.

————————————————————————————–

CIRCUIT
Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU
Nehin.
CIRCUIT
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.
————————————————————————————–

MUNNA BHAI
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI
Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat
Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?
MAMU
B.A.
MUNNA BHAI
Sala, two akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?
————————————————————————————–

MAMU
Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMU KA DOST
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
—————————————————————————————

CIRCUIT
Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT
Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.
————————————————————————————-

PRINCIPAL
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time
200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI
Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu

Posted in Humour.

6 comments



india vs america

>
> A Sardar and an American are seated next to each other
> on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American
> asks if he would like to play a fun-game.
>
> The Sardar, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he
> politely declines and rolls over to the window to
> catch a few winks.
>
> The American persists and explains that the game is
> easy and a lot of fun.
>
> He says, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know
> the answer, you pay me $5,  and vice versa.”
>
> Again, the Sardar declines and tries to get some
> sleep.
>
> The American, now worked up, says, “Okay, if you don’t
>
> know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know
> the answer, I’ll pay you $500.”
>
> This gets the sardar’s attention and, figuring there
> will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
>
> The American asks the first question, “What’s the
> distance from the earth to the moon?”
>
> The Sardar doesn’t say a word, reaches into his
> wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the
> American.
>
> “Okay,” says the American, “Your turn.”
>
> So the Sardar asks, “What goes up a hill with three
> legs and comes down with four legs?”
>
> The American thinks about it. No answer.
>
> Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches
>
> all his references. No answer!
>
> He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches
>
> the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.
>
> Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
> co-workers.
>
> Checks the input. All to no avail!
>
> Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Sardar and
> hands him $500.
>
> The Sardar thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.
>
>
> The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the
> Sardar and asks,
>
> “Well, what’s the answer?”
>
> Without a word, the Sardar reaches into his purse,
> hands the American $5, and  goes back to sleep!

Posted in Humour.

4 comments



jokes

Exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya,
Kuch To Hua Hai Kuch Ho Gaya Hai,
Exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya,
Sab Kuch Alag Hai Sab Kuch Naya Hai

Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon
Rupaye fase huye hain.


What do u call a woman in heaven?
An Angel.
A crowd of woman in heaven?
A host of Angels.
And all woman in heaven?
PEACE ON EARTH!

What’s the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
That comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir Chad ke bolegi.

FOOL se, FOOL NE,
FOOLon ki FOOLwari me
FOOL ke sath wish kiya ‘
You are the most beautiFOOL,
ColorFOOL & wonderFOOL amongst all FOOLS

A Chinese couple Mr & Miss Hua got twins without marriage.
What did they named them?
They named them as ‘Jo-Jua’, ‘So-Hua’

What did Tarzan think when he saw a dead Cheetah?
Wow! New Underwear..

Paani mein Whiskey milao at nasha chadta hai.
Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai.
Paani mein Brandy milao to nasha chadta hai
Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad lagti hai

Posted in Humour.

1 comment



WHY PEOPLE LEAVE ORGANISATION

 WHY EMPLOYEES LEAVE ORGANISATIONS ?
>>
>> - Azim Premji, CEO, Wipro Technologies
>>
>>
>>
>> Every company normally faces one common problem of high employee
>>
>> turnout  ratio. People are leaving the company for better pay,
>> better
>>
>> profile or  simply for just one reason’ pak gaya ‘. This article
might
>>
>> just throw some light on the matter……
>>
>>
>>
>> Early this year, Arun, an old friend who is a senior software
>>
>> designer, got an offer from a prestigious international firm to
>> work
>>
>> in its India  operations developing specialized software. He was
>>
>> thrilled by the offer. He had heard a lot about the CEO of this
>>
>> company, charismatic man often quoted in the business press for his
>>
>> visionary attitude.
>>
>>
>>
>> The salary was great. The company had all the right systems in place
>>
>> employee-friendly human resources (HR) policies, a spanking new
>>
>> office, and the very best  technology, even a canteen that served
>>
>> superb food. Twice Arun was sent abroad for training. “My learning
>>
>> curve is the sharpest it’s ever been,” he said soon after  he
joined.
>>
>> “It’s a real high working with such cutting edge technology.” Last
>>
>> week, less than eight months after he joined, Arun  walked out of
>> the
>>
>> job.  He has no other offer in hand but he said he couldn’t take it
>>
>> anymore. Nor, apparently, could several other people in his
department
>>
>> who have also quit recently. The CEO is distressed about the high
>>
>> employee turnover. He’s distressed about the money he’s spent in
>>
>> training them. He’s distressed because he can’t figure out what
>>
>> happened. Why did this talented employee leave despite a top salary?
>>
>> Arun quit for the same reason that drives many good people away.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> The answer lies in one of the largest studies undertaken by the
>> Gallup
>>
>> Organization. The study surveyed over a million employees and 80,000
>>
>> managers and was published in a book called First Break All The
Rules.
>>
>> It came up with this surprising finding:
>>
>>
>>
>> If you’re losing good people, look to their immediate supervisor.
>> More
>>
>> than any other single reason, he is the reason people stay and
thrive
>>
>> in an organization.  And he’s the reason why they quit, taking their
>>
>> knowledge,  experience and contacts with them. Often, straight to
the
>>
>> competition.
>>
>>
>>
>> “People leave managers not companies,” write the authors Marcus
>>
>> Buckingham and Curt Coffman. “So much money has been thrown at  the
>>
>> challenge of  keeping good people - in the form of better pay,
>> better
>>
>> perks and better        training - when, in the end, turnover is
>>
>> mostly  manager issue.” If you  have a turnover problem, look
>> first to
>>
>> your managers.  Are they driving people away?
>>
>> Beyond a point, an employee’s primary need has less to do with
>> money,
>>
>> and more to do with how he’s treated and how valued he feels. Much
of
>>
>> this depends directly on th e immediate manager. And yet, bad 
bosses
>>
>> seem to happen to good people everywhere.. A Fortune magazine survey
>>
>> some years ago found that nearly 75 per cent of employees have
>>
>> suffered at  the hands of difficult superiors. You can leave one job
>>
>> to find - you  guessed it, another wolf in a pin-stripe suit in the
>>
>> next one. Of all the workplace stressors, a bad boss is possibly
>> the
>>
>> worst, directly  impacting the    emotional health and
>> productivity of
>>
>> employees.
>>
>>
>>
>> HR experts say  that of all the abuses, employees find public
>>
>> humiliation the most  intolerable. The first time, an employee may
>> not
>>
>> leave, but a thought has  been planted.. The second time, that
thought
>>
>> gets strengthened.  The third time, he starts looking for another
job.
>>
>> When  people cannot retort openly in anger, they do so by passive
>>
>> aggression. By digging their heels in and slowing down. By doing
only
>>
>> what they are told to do and no more. By omitting to give the boss
>>
>> crucial information. Dev  says: “If you work for a jerk, you
basically
>>
>> want to get him into trouble.  You don’t have your heart and soul in
>>
>> the job.” Different managers can  stress out employees in different
>>
>> ways - by being too controlling, too suspicious, too pushy, too
>>
>> critical, but they forget that workers are not fixed assets, they
>> are
>>
>> free agents. When this goes on too long, an employee will quit -
often
>>
>> over seemingly trivial issue.
>>
>>
>>
>> It  isn’t the 100th blow that knocks a good man down. It’s the 99
that
>>
>> went before. And while it’s true that people leave jobs  for all
>> kinds
>>
>> of reasons- for better opportunities or for circumstantial reasons,
>>
>> many who leave would  have stayed - had it not been for one man
>>
>> constantly telling them, as Arun’s  boss did: “You are
>> dispensable. I
>>
>> can  find dozens like you.” While it seems like there are plenty
>> of
>>
>> other fish especially in today’s waters, consider for a moment the
>>
>> cost of losing a talented employee. There’s the cost of  finding a
>>
>> replacement. The cost of training the replacement. The cost of  not
>>
>> having someone to do  the job in the meantime. The loss of clients
>> and
>>
>> contacts the person had with the industry. The loss of morale in
>>
>> co-workers. The loss of trade  secrets this person may now share
with
>>
>> others.  Plus, of course, the loss  of  the company’s reputation.
>>
>> Every person who leaves a corporation then becomes its ambassador,
>> for
>>
>> better or for worse.
>>
>>
>>
>> We all know of large IT companies that people would love to join and
>>
>> large  television companies few want to go near. In both cases,
former
>>
>> employees  have left to tell their tales.
>>
>>
>>
>> “Any company trying to compete must figure out a way to engage the
>>
>> mind of every employee,” Jack Welch of GE once said.   Much of a
>>
>> com pany’s value lies “between the ears of its employees”.  If
>> it’s
>>
>> bleeding talent, it’s bleeding value.
>>
>> Unfortunately, many senior executives busy travelling the world,
>>
>> signing new  deals and developing a vision for the company, have
>>
>> little idea of what may be going on at home. That deep within an
>>
>> organization that otherwise does all the right things, one man could
>>
>> be driving its best people away.
>>

Posted in Software.

2 comments



Lighter side of life !!!!!!!!

Lighter side of life
 

January to december
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed…….
u….
R….
always….
a HEADACHE to me !!!!

 

When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i’ll take u  to an eye specialist !!

If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage

During Marriage ceremony why  are you made to sit on the horse ?
You are   given  your  last chance to run away.

Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds……
Open ur eyes !
Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 sec in thinking of a fool…………


I wrote ur name on the sands………….
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air……………………..
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart………….

i got a HEART ATTACK  

LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire….. continues with smoke…..and ends in ashes…
But dont worry - we are chain smokers


ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best

True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow


Dear Friend,

when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock

ARE U REALLY DEAF ?  
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I’LL NEVER DRINK water….!!!

 


when i call u;
1 ring means i’m thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ………pick d phone idiot


Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence …
Student : WOW !

The human brain is most outstanding thing…….
it functions 24hrs 365 days…..
it functions right from the time u r Born…. until you fall in love

SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts…
SMILE - creates greatness in ur personality
SO….
Brush ur Teeth today onwards

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..


History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir….

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler   had  commited suicide




Posted in Humour.

1 comment



ONE PARAGRAPH THAT EXPLAINS LIFE!

ONE PARAGRAPH THAT EXPLAINS LIFE!

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983. From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: “Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease”?

To this Arthur Ashe replied: The world over — 5 crore children start playing tennis, 50 lakh learn to play tennis, 5 lakh learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD “Why me?”.
…..


And today in pain I should not be asking GOD “Why me?”


Happiness keeps u Sweet,

Trials keep u Strong,

Sorrow keeps u Human,

Failure Keeps u Humble,

Success keeps u Glowing,

But only God Keeps u Going

Posted in Philosophy.

1 comment



Truth about TAJ

BE PATIENT WHILE READING FIRST FEW LINES . AFTER THAT YOU CANNOT STOP COMPLETING
 
Check out the link below  AFTER  reading thins…… Real History of “Taj Mahal”
 

“The Moghul Emperor Shah Jahan in the memory of his wife Mumtaz Mahal built the Taj Mahal. It was built in 22 years (1631 to 1653) by 20,000 artisans brought to India from all over the world!.

Many people believe Ustad Isa of Iran designed it.” This is what your guide probably told you if you ever visited the Taj Mahal. This is the same story I read in my history book as a student.

NOW READ THIS…….

No one has ever challenged it except Prof. P. N. Oak, who believes the whole world has been duped. In his book Taj Mahal:

The True Story, Oak says the Taj Mahal is not Queen Mumtaz’s tomb but an ancient Hindu temple palace of Lord Shiva (then known as Tejo Mahalaya).

In the course of his research Oak discovered that the Shiva temple palace was usurped By Shah Jahan from then Maharaja of Jaipur, Jai Singh.

In his own court chronicle, Badshahnama, Shah Jahan admits that an exceptionally beautiful grand mansion in Agra was taken from Jai SIngh for Mumtaz’s burial. The  ex-Maharaja of Jaipur still retains in his secret collection two orders from Shah

Jahan for surrendering the Taj building. Using captured temples and mansions, as a burial place ! for dead courtiers and royalty was a common practice among Muslim rulers.

For example, Humayun,Akbar, Etmud-ud-Daula and Safdarjung are all buried in such mansions. Oak’s inquiries began with the name of Taj Mahal. He says the term “Mahal” has never been used for a building in any Muslim countries from Afghanisthan to Algeria. “The unusual explanation That the term Taj Mahal derives from Mumtaz Mahal was illogical in atleast two respects.

Firstly, her name was never Mumtaz Mahal but Mumtaz-ul-Zamani,” he writes. Secondly, one cannot omit the first three letters ‘Mum’ from a woman’s name to derive the remainder as the name for the building.”Taj Mahal, he claims, is a corrupt version of Tejo Mahalaya, or Lord Shiva’s Palace.

Oak also says the love story of Mumtaz and Shah Jahan is a fairy Tale created by court sycophants, blundering historians and sloppy archaeologists.

Not a single royal chronicle of Shah Jahan’s time corroborates the Love story. Furthermore, Oak cites several documents suggesting the Taj Mahal predates Shah Jahan’s era, and was a temple dedicated to Shiva, worshipped by Rajputs of Agra city. For example, Prof. Marvin Miller of New York took a few samples from the riverside doorway of the Taj. Carbon

dating tests revealed that the door was 300 years older than Shah Jahan. European  traveler Johan Albert Mandelslo,who visited Agra in 1638 (only seven years after Mumtaz’s death), describes the life of the city in his  memoirs.

But he makes no  reference to the Taj Mahal being built. The writings of Peter Mundy, an English visitor to Agra within a year of Mumtaz’s death, also suggest the Taj was a noteworthy building well before Shah Jahan’s time.

Prof. Oak points out a number of design and architectural inconsistencies that support the belief of the Taj Mahal being a

typical Hindu temple rather than a mausoleum.Many rooms in the Taj Mahal have remained sealed since Shah Jahan’s time and are still inaccessible to the  public. Oak asserts they contain a headless statue of Lord Shiva and other

Objects commonly used for worship rituals in Hindu temples.

Fearing political backlash, Indira Gandhi’s government tried to have Prof. Oak’s book withdrawn from the
bookstores, and threatened the Indian publisher of the first edition dire consequences. There is only one way to discredit or validate Oak’s research.

The current government should open the sealed rooms of the Taj Mahal under U.N. supervision, and let international experts investigate. Do circulate this to all you know and let them know about this reality…..

This link ……..it adds as a visual proof to what is described above.

http://www.stephen-knapp.com/was_the_taj_mahal_a_vedic_temple.htm

 

Posted in History.

3 comments



Untitled

Heart Care Tips : by

Dr. Devi Prasad Shetty

Q What are the five thumb rules for a layman to take care of his heart?

 

A.  1. Diet ' Less of carbohydrate, more of protein, less oil.

   2. Exercise ' half an hour's walk, at least five days a week. Avoid lifts and avoid    sitting for a long time.

     3. Quit smoking

     4. Control weight

     5. Control blood pressure and sugar.

Q Is eating non-veg food (fish) good for the heart?

A. No

Q. It's still a grave shock to hear that some apparently healthy person get a cardiac arrest. How do we understand it in perspective?

A. This is called silent attack. That is why, we recommend everyone past the age of 30 to undergo routine health check-ups.

 

Q Are heart diseases hereditary?

A. Yes

Q What are the ways in which the heart is stressed? What practices do you suggest to de-stress?

 

A. Change your attitude towards life. Do not look for perfection in everything in life.

Q Is walking better than jogging or is more intensive exercise required to keep a healthy heart?

 

A. Walking is better than jogging since jogging leads to early fatigue and injury to joints.

 

 

 

 

 

Q You have done so much for the poor and needy. What has inspired you to do so?

 

A. Mother Theresa, who was my patient.

 

 

Q Can people with low blood pressure suffer heart diseases?

 

A. Extremely rare.

 

Q Does cholesterol accumulate right from an early age (I'm currently only 22) or do you have to worry about it only after you are above 30 years of age?

 

A. Cholesterol accumulates from childhood.

Q How do irregular eating habits affect the heart?

A. You tend to eat junk food when the habits are irregular and your body's enzyme releases for digestion gets confused.

 

Q Can a healthy person without a medical history have a heart attack due to stress?

 

A. Extremely rare

Q How can I control cholesterol content without using medicines?

A. Control diet, walk and eat walnut.

 

Q Can yoga prevent heart ailments?

 

 

A. Yoga helps

Q, which is the best and worst food for the heart?

A. Best food is fruits, worst are oils.

 

Q If a person has undergone angioplasty, what are the chances of the stent getting displaced?

 

A. Stent doesn't get displaced. It can get blocked. You could prevent it by controlling sugar, cholesterol and taking medication to prevent clots.

 

Q Do negative emotions like depression or anger always cause heart disease?

 

A. Not always. On the other hand, positive emotions help recovery of the heart.

 

Q I have read about music therapy for the heart and the mind. What is your opinion on this?

 

A. Guess, it helps.

 

Q Which oil is better ' gingili, groundnut, sunflower, saffola, olive?

A. All oils are bad. The so-called best oil company has the largest marketing budget.

 

Q What is the routine check-up one should go through? Is there any specific test?

 

A. Routine blood test to ensure sugar, cholesterol is ok. Check BP, Treadmill test after an echo.

 

Q How different was it in treating Noor Fatima, the little kid from Pakistan?

 

A. It was extremely difficult because of the media attention. As far as the medical treatment is concerned, she was like any other child with a complex heart problem.

 

Q What are the first aid steps to be taken on a heart attack ?

A. Help the person into a sleeping position, put an Aspirin tablet under the tongue with a Sorbitrate tablet if available, and rush him to coronary care unit since the maximum casualty takes place within the first hour.

Q How do you differentiate between pain caused by a heart attack and that cause due to gastric trouble ?

 

A. Extremely difficult without ECG.

 

Q Can drinking less water lead to heart problems ?

A. No. However, drinking plenty of water in normal people helps preserve good health.

 

Q Is it true that diabetic women seem to have 3 to 7 times greater risk of developing heart diseases than non-diabetic women? Is it the same with high BP patients as well ?

 

A. Women are protected by the hormones till the age of 45. After that, their risk increases like men and in general, the result of treatment on heart patients who are women is slightly poorer than men.

Q What are some of the precautions during pregnancy to avoid heart problems in the new born?

A. German measles, which causes congenital abnormalities in the babies. No smoking.

Q What is the main cause of a steep increase in heart problems amongst youngsters? I see people of about 30-40 years of age having heart attacks and serious heart problems.

 

A. Increased awareness has increased incidents. Also, sedentary lifestyles, smoking, junk food, lack of exercise in a country where people are genetically three times more vulnerable for heart attacks than Europeans and Americans.

Q What is the right time to check the BP in any person?

A. Past the age of 30 and earlier, if you have symptoms.

 

Q Is it possible for a person for a person to have BP outside the normal range of 120/80 and yet to be perfectly healthy ?

 

A. Yes

Q Are there any symptoms for heart problems, which we need to be aware of ?

 

A. Shortness of breath on exertion, and chest pain.

Q If a person has had a heart attack, how frequently is regular heart check-up recommend?

 

A. Once in 6 months.

Q Marriages within close relatives can lead to heart problems for the child. Is it true?

 

A. Yes, co-sanguinity leads to congenital abnormalities and you may not have a software engineer as a child.

Q Many of us have an irregular daily routine and many a time we have to stay in office till late nights. Does this affect our heart? What precautions would you recommend?

 

A. When you are young, nature protects you against all these irregularities. However, as you grow older, respect the biological clock.

 

Q How can we find out about blockage of arteries, beforehand?

A. Routine cardiac evaluation by blood test, ECGs, TMTs, Stress Thallium Scan, Cardiac CT Scan for Calcium score.

Q Does a recurring pain in the left arm signify any heart related ailment?

A. Usually, you get chest discomfort or shortness of breath, months or years before the heart attack. So, when in doubt, go for a heart check-up, which should not take more than a couple of hours.

 

Q Will taking anti-hypertensive drugs cause some other complications (short/long term) ?

A. Yes, most drugs have some side effects. However, modern anti-hypertensive drugs are extremely safe.

 

Q Will consuming more coffee/tea lead to heart attacks?

A. No

Q What are the chances of lean people developing heart complications? Are they at less risk?

A. Obese people are at a higher risk. Lean people also develop heart attacks, but primarily because of genetic predisposition.

 

Q Is it true that after open-heart surgery, patients lose memory-recall to some extent?

 

A. No. Especially after bypass grafting on a beating heart, incidence of neurological problems have come down significantly.

Q Are Asthma patients more prone to heart disease?

A. No

Q How would you define junk food?

A. Fried food like Kentucky, McDonalds, Samosas, and even Masala Dosas.

 

Q You mentioned that Indians are three times more vulnerable. What is the reason for this, as Europeans and Americans also eat a lot of junk food ?

 

A. Every race is vulnerable to some disease and unfortunately Indians are vulnerable for the most expensive disease.

 

Q Does consuming bananas help reduce hypertension?

A. No

Q Is there any cure for chronic palpitations?

A. The patient should be investigated and if there is a cause for palpitation like an electrical abnormality of the heart, this can be rectified by a procedure called radio-frequency-ablation.

Q How would you rate the health facilities currently available in India?

A. There are institutions, which are as good or even better than the one in the US and Europe. However, they are exceptions. In general, the qualities of health-care available to the masses are poor.

Q If there is a small hole in the heart, what are the possible ways of curing it? Is operation the only solution?

 

A. Small holes in children less than 6 months of age usually closes. But the decision not to operate should be taken by the specialists who are experts in treating children with heart problems.

 

Q Are emotions really controlled by heart?

A. No. The heart is just a slave of the brain and it is the brain, which controls the emotions.

Q If a person does not do any physical exercise, he is bound to have shortness of breath on exertion; say climbing stairs. Is this an indication of heart disease?

 

A. No. But if one has difficulty in breathing on mild exertion, it is better to go for a heart check-up.

 

Q Can a person help himself during a heart attack?

A. Yes. Lie down comfortably and put an aspirin tablet of any description under the tongue and ask someone to take you to the nearest coronary-care-unit without any delay and do not wait for the ambulance since most of the time, the ambulance does not turn up.

Q Do, in any way, low white-blood-cells and low hemoglobin-count lead to heart problems?

 

A. No. But it is ideal to have normal hemoglobin level to increase your exercise capacity.

 

Q Sometimes, due to the hectic schedule, we are not able to exercise. So, does walking while doing daily chores at home or climbing the stairs in the house, work as a substitute for exercise?

 

A. Certainly. Avoid sitting continuously for more than half an hour and even the act of getting out of the chair and going to another chair and sitting helps a lot.

Q Is there a relation between heart problems and blood sugar?

 

A. Yes. A strong relationship is there since diabetics are more vulnerable to heart attacks than non-diabetics.

 

Q Do bypass surgeries reduce the risk of future heart attacks ?

A. It significantly reduces the risk of heart attack.

Q What are the things one needs to take care of after a heart operation?

A. Diet, exercise, drugs on time. Control Cholesterol, BP and weight.

 

Q Are people working on night shifts more vulnerable to heart disease when compared to day shift workers?

 

A. No.

 

Q Can you brief us about angina attack? How major it is?

A. Angina is the pain, which comes on exertion and goes away with rest and medication. One has to be investigated in detail to plan treatment.

 

Q What are the modern anti-hypertensive drugs?

A. There are hundreds of drugs and your doctor will chose the right combination for your problem. But my suggestion is to avoid the drugs and go for natural ways of controlling blood pressure blood pressure by walk, diet to reduce weight and changing attitudes towards lifestyle.

Q Does dispirin or similar headache pills increase the risk of heart attacks?

 

A. No

Q If there is about 85 percent blockage in the arteries, can the person be treated without surgery? If not, what other remedies and the power of your heart muscles. It's impossible to give an opinion without seeing the angiography film.

A. It depends on collateral or natural bypass, the quality of other arteries and the power of your heart muscles. It's impossible to give an opinion without seeing the angiography film.

 

Q There is a feeling that bypass is unnecessarily being performed in some cases. When is bypass really needed?

 

A. When you have blockages affecting major arteries, bypass is the best option. I am sure, conscientious doctors will not perform an operation when it is not required.

 

Q Is it true that mechanical valves can fail any moment?

A. No. If you take medication to prevent clot formation and maintain the INR at accepted levels, the valve cannot get blocked. However, like any mechanical gadget, it can fail and fortunately, such incidences are extremely low.

 

Q Can you brief me on pulmonary stenosys problems? What are the complications involved and what care needs to be taken?

 

A. In this condition, the pulmonary valve is narrower at birth and putting a balloon across the valve and dilating it can easily correct it.

Q Why is it the rate of heart attacks more in men than in women?

 

A Nature protects women till the age of 45.

 

Q How can one keep the heart in a good condition?

A Eat a healthy diet, avoid junk food, exercise every day, donot smoke and, go for a health checkup if you are past the age of 30 for at least once in two yearsAnd WORK VERY HARD.

***Courtesy : PERSONNEL TODAY, a journal of National Institute of Personnel Management

Posted in health.

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Presence of Mind

A man boards a Jet Airways airplane Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat.

As he settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realizes she’s heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks “Business trip or vacation?”

She turns, smiles, and says, “Business. I’m going to the annual Sexologists Convention.”

He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting next to him, and she’s a sexologist!

Struggling to contain his excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, “What’s your business role at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she says, “I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he says, swallowing hard. “What m-m-m-myths are those?”

Well,” she explains, “one popular myth is that Negro men are the best endowed when, in fact, it’s the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the Bengali.

However, we have found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Sardarji.”

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. “I’m sorry,” she says, “I shouldn’t be discussing this with you. I don’t even know your name!”

“Venkatraman!” the man blurts. ” Venkatraman Mukherjee! But my friends call me Santa Singh!



————————- This transmission is confidential and intended solely for the person or organization to whom it is addressed. It may contain privileged and confidential information. If you are not the intended recipient, you should not copy, distribute or take any action in reliance on it. If you believe you received this transmission in error, please notify the sender. ————————-

Posted in Humour.

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