One tight Slap
The other day, I noticed wify reading a book on Parenting.
I have a smug, disdainful and arrogant approach towards "Self Help" books in general; but did not confront her with her choice of books ' simply to avoid an unnecessary argument.
Remember the good old ways our parents brought us up? I am not too sure they read any such books, and we were brought up fairly well and we did grow up to become fairly responsible citizens. I am proud to say that I vote, pay my taxes, don't offer bribes (no one believes it!) ' Still have managed to find myself a fairly easy and comfortable lifestyle.
Parenting is a simple thing, really ' just like life. We just love making it sound complex.
Some say my approach is simplistic. But it works in most cases, where is does not work ' it won't work anyways. A gone case is a gone case.
The way me and my brother were brought up was simple. Parents would generally allow me a lot of freedom to whatever we wanted to do. Play when we wanted to, study when we wanted to. They told us stories. Panchatantra and Jataka tales. They told us about animals, people, cultures, civilizations. And they listen to us.
I didn’t need to watch
This is what is called “character building” now a days - a hot buzzword.
There were only a few basic, easy-to-follow rules and they were absolutely sacrosanct. No concessions allowed on them.
In case we cribbed and tried to create a nuisance, we were firmly told to stop. In rare cased when we did not relent; one tight slap was all that was needed to put us back firmly in place.
Yes I am simplistic and probably out of tune.
The Bob Dylan song goes The Times They Are A-Changin’.
Surely they are.
enough…sorry
1Don”t have kids yet, and my folks didn”t use much of the “one tight slap” on me….just the look and growl was enuough most of the times, and both me and the sib turned out quite allright (Ask KB;) . I used to think my parents were quite strict with us, till I grew up and looked around at the spoilt brats many of my friends are bringing up by giving them the “freedom” to just be–rude, oversmart , whiny and demanding!But then as most people would say , since I dont have kids, I am not qualified to judge…..maybe it’’s true..
2But this way of parenting was a bore; there was no jargon, no glamour, and no marketable thing out of that. These days, the more you speak like the magazine-wallah, the better read you are, as if magazines are the epitome of human civilizations… The attempt is to prove the last generation ‘’simplistic” parental approach as an old generation and unscientific approach, the attempt is to make people read the parental guidance books, even a “101 ways to prepare the best T in the alphabet”. All the Feng Sui etc are not just fad; they are just a glimpse of the world to be, if the “King” customer allows the marketers to sell “ideas” as “brands”.
3Such books are like consultants: What we would have done had there been communication among teams, the consultants will ask us to do, with diagrams, spiral bound books etc…Same way, these books about parenting -what we already know - but we need to pay!
Cheers
4Jay
the old order changeth, inexorably!
5that one tight slap can also be a big ignore and curfew with grounding …actually a lot of parents relent to their child’’s demands so as to avoid the parenting thus the spoiling comes in…a no means a no with no margins and a yes means yes also with responsibilities be handed out…our parents told us stories and spent time with us but they were a very few who did that! parenting is a role thats demanding and ends only when the child is himself a grown up but then even now my parents explain things to me…
6True to the core!
I have been told by numerous kind hearted souls to not shout at the kid but then what happens to our revenge!? I wasn”t treated nicely if I did something wrong; and as you put it, we are fairly responsible citizens(though we wind up a few extra bottles then our parents did, buts all right….time has changed!!).
I think the bottom line is give them time. Time that they require from you; and rest will all fall in place. They will inherit some from you inadvertently and you cant do anything about it. So change yourself to become good humans and allow time for your kids. Period.
7