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I was amazed at the amount of mails and comments I received asking me when my next blog was due! And here I was…thinking no one visited my iLand these days!  Thanks people, for all the lovely messages… ======================================= Have you lived your life? ====================================== You haven’t lived life yet if you haven’t - Had a day which you wished never ended - Fallen in love - Lost love - Lost a loved one - Found love - in someone who can’t be yours and whom you can’t belong to - Wrote a stupid poem which you never dared show anyone, but still own, read and laugh out loud - Made a fool of yourself in a crowd - had your moments of fame - Gotten drenched in the rain, out of choice - Laughed till you had tears in your eyes - Kissed till you went breathless - Been in a helpless, hopeless situation with no one to help you, but yourself - Travelled alone - Held a new born baby - Held a wrinkled hand - Cried for someone you didn’t know - Been happy for someone you didn’t know - Brought a smile on the face of someone you didn’t know - Felt envious - Felt regret - Felt hatred - Been selfish, even if it means something as simple as keeping the creamiest part of the cake for yourself - Danced in abandon - Gotten drunk - Watched a sunrise on a beach - Watched a sunset on a beach - Watched a full moon and thought of someone you love - Been scared out of your wits - WISHED YOU WERE DEAD Well, I haven’t lived my life yet…have you?
I reached home with a splitting headache after an enormously busy day at work. I threw the bag on the settee and slumped down on the couch and closed my eyes. He didn’t seem to have noticed my arrival even and continued to munch on the bowlful of grapes, glued to the TV. An empty coffee cup lay on the table with crumbs of biscuits next to it. I watched him with eyes half open, but he refused to be distracted from the TV which blared away the news of Karnataka based terrorists. If it were you, you would’ve walked up to me, put my head on your lap and given me a much needed massage. I sighed. I rose to make myself a hot mug of soup. The thought cheered me a little and I also made up my mind to carry some fruits to work from the next day to munch on the way back and to avoid an empty tummy I kneaded the dough and the gentle pitter patter of the rain drops against the window panes, the gentle, chilled breeze and the smell of freshly wet earth soothed my senses. He entered the kitchen. I waited. He picked up a glass, filled it with water, gulped it down and left without as much as a word. I sighed again. If it were you you would sit on the kitchen platform, munching whatever you could lay your hands on, watching me till I blushed, pull me towards you, dance and whirl me around and sing with your hoarse voice while I giggled like a school girl! I shrugged off the thought and switched on the radio. “ karne lagi hoon main boondon se baatein ”, I sang along and soon found myself tapping my feet and even did a little jiggle! A lovely, sunny Sunday morning. I sat on the balcony, sipping hot coffee. I could watch my neighbour bring in a steaming cup for her husband. He received it with a smile and she blushed. “Kiran, I am leaving. Will be late tonight and will be eating out”, he called out. I didn’t bother to answer and I heard the door slam shut. If it were you, I couldn’t have imagined a weekend alone. Weekends would be fun, friends, go karting, bowling and resorts! I finished my cuppa and made up my mind. I tickled my daughter out of bed and whispered, “Mummy is going to take you out go-karting and then pizzas! you and I are going to have fuuuunnnn!!”. She squealed with delight and hugged me! It was 5:30 am and the alarm buzzed. I sleepily set it to snooze and reached out to hug my daughter. I suddenly sat up! She was burning with fever. He rose from his side of the bed and got into the bathroom. I rose and checked her temperature and was alarmed it read 103! I checked the medicine cabinet to find an empty bottle of Crocin. I cursed myself for having forgotten to replenish my stock. I knocked at the bathroom door and he peeped out, brushing. “Adi, Hima is running a high temperature. Would you ” “Kiran, you know I have to catch the 7:00 bus and I have a client !”he began impatiently, even before I could finish. “Never mind!”, I interrupted. I picked up the car keys and stomped out. My eyes filled with tears and my vision blurred as I drove through the deserted streets that dawn. If it were you, would you have let me do it? I pulled aside and parked beneath a tree in front of a park and cried my heart out, before picking up the medicines. Life would’ve been a lot different if it were you But maybe, I would never have learnt how to take care of myself. Maybe I would never have learnt how to enjoy my own company Maybe I would never have learnt to find my own happiness Maybe I would never have discovered the strength I had within me. Maybe life is all about lessons maybe that’s the reason my life doesn’t have you in it. Hey wait! Don’t go away with that “its-all-in-the-mind” optimistic grin on your face. Read on “Maybe life is all about lessons maybe that’s the reason my life doesn’t have you in it.” That made me feel a lot better and the sun rose over the horizon as I parked my car with a gentle smile playing on my face. There was a spring in my step and a bounce in my gait. “Life is all about lessons” was the mantra for the day and I chanted it all the way to office. I passed my colleague's cubicle on the way to my own and a quote on his white board caught my eye ' “Why does life teach me lessons? I have no interest to learn!” The smile on my face disappeared, the bouncy gait was replaced with a hunch and I dragged my feet to my desk to face another lousy day without you L Sighhhh !
Once upon a time, there lived a girl and there lived a boy. They met and decided to build a castle together. A castle called Relationship, built with Sands called Love and strengthened with Waters called Time. They gave it enough sand, and enough water to make it as beautiful as castles can be. They lived in it and shared the loveliest of memories and were happy together…Well, not so happy either…because they knew they had homes of their own which they had to return to. And so they bid farewell with promises to come back to their castle to check if it still stood the weather. Life took them their ways and they would peep at their castle once in a while. There was enough sand in it to put a desert to shame…but without water, the castle suffered cracks. The couple shed tears to make up for water, but that wouldn’t hold their lovely sand castle together. And soon the castle went to ruins…the remnants of the castle tried to hold its head high, but without water it was blown apart. The sand still remained, waiting for the couple to bring in the water…but the couple knew it was futile, for their castle had turned into a desert.
Well, not a very nice thought to start the New Year with, but still thought we’d go through this - If you were given just a day to live, what is it that you would want to do, or finish? I thought of what some of my iLand friends might do, if they were given a day to live! This is a humble, humourous attempt to capture my understanding of my friends(no offence meant!) - Alphabetical listing Amit - would write an optimistic poem named - “jashn-e-maut” - celebrating his last day! Ash - would write a blog for a cause, would read all the palms she could lay her hands on, would gather all her friends and hop off for a party for the rest of the day! Monu - Would hook the cell phone on to his ears and speak as much as he can, alternately to Rajesh, Kalpana, Anjini and me. (Note : wouldn’t put the phone down even while munching his breakfast, lunch or dinner) Nischal - would invest all his money on game boxes(was that PS4? or PS3? or is there a PS5 now?) and die while saving some skimpily clad virtual babe Rajesh - Would send an SMS on “10 things you could do if you had just a day to live”(his own inventions) to all the friends on his phone book Vishal - Would watch the old telecasts of all football matches Warm Sunshine - would go hunting for a cow, to have the last fight! Wise Donkey - Would kill his boss and spend the rest of the day celebrating Following is a similar list for my friends at work(who insisted I include this just so that they can see their names “online”, when they google themselves!) Chetan - Hmmm…he would call me up to have a last fight with a faint hope that he might win…or maybe with the hope that I would be kind enough to lose, considering its his last day. Hari - He would propose to every girl that passes him! Karthik - His last day, in my opinion wouldn’t be any different from all other days of his’. He would wake up, have his brunch, drink his coffee and THEN brush his teeth and probably log on to orkut and change his profile to display the sun or the moon or the stars! Mangu - He would treat all his friends to a sumptous lunch and spend all the money he has ever had on gifts for them! (Mangu, don’t blame me if you start getting mails asking when you are..er…going!) Navmurth - He would call for a meeting with all his friends and give them one last lecture on - “what to do if you have one last day to live” Nitin - Hmmmm…tough one, but I guess he would quickly submit his resignation to the IT industry and file a patent on some physics experiment! Sanjeev - He would buy a new shirt and actually wear it. Period. Soumya - She would buy an overlarge pickle bottle and lick every one of the pickles in it Uma - She would send a mail that she is WFHing and cook as much as she can - jowar rotis, badnekayi palya, hollige, yellu unde, besan laddooo…sllllurrrrppp…can’t write more, I am drooling all over my laptop Last, but not the least, Yours Truly - Hey wait! What do YOU think I’d do if I had just a day to live? (and don’t say, I’d write a blog on what to do if I had just a day to live. That would be a cliched answer!) I apologise to all other friends that I haven’t covered in this blog since I haven’t had a chance to know them personally, yet! Wish you all a very Happy, peaceful, prosperous and a satisfying New Year, friends! And remember - live each day, as if it were your last - that’s probably when you would get to do all that you always wanted to do! (but don’t go by what I have listed above, though!)
If I were the breeze I would waft past you And ruffle your hair If I were the rain I would shimmer down you And tickle your skin If I were a flower I would bloom in your garden And await your caress If I were the sunshine I would shine down upon you And lighten up your days If I were a dream I would don a colorful attire And brighten your nights But I am just me And all I know how to do Is to truly, dearly love you like crazy!
Disclaimer ' Bears no resemblance to anyone living or dead. Purely fictitious narration and no offence meant to anyone. Hope this is taken in the right spirit. Angle 1 : His eyes searched the crowd through the window for her familiar slim figure and his face broke into a smile when he spotted her. A whole bunch of people got into the bus and she was the last to board it. His heart beat faster as she walked towards the empty seat next to his’. Would she…won’t she…would she…won’t she…would…she did!! His heart skipped a beat when she perched herself on the seat next to his. He took a while to reach a state of normalcy. He could smell the shampoo from her still wet hair. Her deo made him reach dizzy heights of fantasies. Her soft fair hands were just inches away from his…yet so far. Two stops later the handsome hunk boarded the bus and he could sense that her eyes followed him. To make matters worse, the hunk walked down to where they were sitting and leaned on the railing next to her! Shucks! Every love story has to have a villian! He cast himself, in his imaginary love story, as the hero and the girl next to him, his heroine. The handsome hunk was the villian who would be subjected to blows of the hero’s prowess. He powed down the hunk repeatedly against the very railing(in his mind of course), until it was time for all of them to get down. He cursed himself for having indulged in senseless fantasies when he could have talked to the girl instead… Angle 2 : There was more than the usual crowd today. She walked to the only empty seat in the bus and plonked herself down next to the guy who couldn’t seem to take his eyes off her. ‘Why the hell is he staring at me that way? Am I looking alright?’ She adjusted her dupatta and smoothed her still wet hair. ‘Two more stops before he boards the bus…poor sweetheart…he would have to stand today…ahhh..there he comes! ‘. The handsome hunk boarded the bus and it was her heart that skipped a beat when he chose the railing next to her seat to lean onto. ‘Would he smell my new deo? Does he notice that I exist? Wish he was sitting next to me instead of this ogling idiot…every love story has to have a hitch!’ She dreamt the handsome hunk would rescue her from the ogling idiot who sat next to her. The twisted 3rd angle : He managed to board the bus just on time. His eyes searched for his usual seat - next to the cute boy he loved so dearly. Damn! It was taken…a girl had taken his favourite place. He longed to sit next to the cute boy, to smell his after shave, to feel the warmth of his body next to his’. He had even rehearsed how he would introduce himself that day and start a friendship, but this horrible girl had occupied the place that was rightfully his! He went and stood next to the seat where the cute boy sat. Every love story has to have a vamp. He dreamt the cute boy would read his mind and get rid of that girl! He sighed…would this conservative society ever accept him for what he was…or rather…wasnt? Well…like they say…the most handsome ones are either taken or are gay!(with due apologies to all handsome guys…who aren’t gay).
My daughter and I were having a quiet, pleasant walk to the nearby children’s park one Saturday evening. She was trying to test her hopping skills to see how far she would be able to hop on one leg and I had to keep pace with her, holding her hand. “Amma, how old am I?” “Don’t you know your own age?”, I admonished “Well, I was 6 and a half yesterday and the day before and the day before that and the day before that! When am I ever going to grow up?”, she asked and stopped hopping for a while, in exasperation. “Why are you in such a dashing hurry to grow up? Aren’t you enjoying yourself?”, I asked “I can enjoy more if I grow up”, she declared and turned around and started walking backwards. “How?” “I can get married”, she said casually, keeping firm steps backwards. I tripped on a non existent stone and stopped(and to think she was the one walking backwards!). “You what?!?!” “Married, amma. I can get married”, she repeated loudly. I looked around hoping no one had heard her. “By the way, did you get married to appa or did appa get married to you?”, she asked before I could recover from her previous declaration of wishes. “Both of us got married to each other” “But how did you meet? I mean, do you just go for a walk and happen to see someone and get married?” “No sweetie. Well, we just meet lots of people in (I stopped myself before I said college)parties, functions and there will be people telling us abuot this boy or girl. We then meet and if we like each other, we get married”, I tried to explain. “Hmmm…”, she nodded and suddenly spotted some touch-me-nots and stopped to touch them. She giggled with joy when the petals closed around her toes and I watched, for a moment relieved that the questionable conversation had stopped. But it was not to be. She promptly resumed after she had finished with the touch-me-nots - “So, whom shall I get married to?” “Er…well, you still have a long way to go for that, Nish“ “I know. But when I grow up, how will I find someone?” This was getting a little challenging coming from a 6 year old and I wondered who put this into her head in the first place. As much as I wanted to distract her from the conversation, I didn’t want to give an unconvincing answer. “You will eventually find someone you like and you can get married. Now shall we race to the gate of the park?” She didn’t seem to be in a mood to get distracted. She looked a little dreamy which scared me a bit, “Well, it would be nice if I get someone like Nilkamal. Infact sometimes, I think I should get married to Nilkamal himself!” I was flabbergasted. Nilkamal is my colleague whom she met in one of the parties and had taken an instant liking towards! He had hit it off well with her too. “Why do you want to get married to Nilkamal??!” “Well, he looks nice and he is very nice to me!”, she said matter-of-factly. Fair enough! Isn’t it? Though I was completely stumped at the things she talked about, I couldn’t deny the fact that I was pleased with her choice! “But you must promise not to tell him”, she said, flaunting her forefinger I tried hard to control my laughter! “Ok”, I giggled. “God promise?”, she held out her little pink hand “God promise!”, I placed mine on it “Shall we race to the park now?”, she said excitedly and we ran, squealing. I wondered…if she was growing up too fast, or if I was on the slower side 
I remember one of my high school teachers telling us that we all dream almost every night but only a few wake up to remember what they dreamt. I certainly was one of those very few because I, most times, very vividly remember what I dreamt the previous night and sometimes, its just flashes. But I know that I dream every night. I don’t really know if the dreams follow any pattern or trend coz I never got around to maintain a “dream diary” which the teacher had insisted we record. But I am certainly not one of those distressed damsels that they show in the movies who repeatedly dreams of dark corridors, heavy breathing, running, a man with a sharpened axe running after her and just when the man is closing in on her - finally wakes up in cold sweat with a shriek and a ”Nahiiiiiiin!!!” Nope, my dreams are more gentle and funny to the point of being outright ridiculous - like the time when I dreamt that I was trying to fit myself into my daughter’s fancy dress costume and fit in it effortlessly and everyone told me I could pass off as an overgrown toddler. I made a very ugly toddler though. I have woken up laughing most times which is why I so look forward to a good night’s “dreamful” sleep. And sometimes, they are gross - like the night I dreamt that I had sprouted greenish brown goosebumps, filled with pus, all over my face. I was so relieved the next mornign to realise it was just a dream that I actually kissed my mirror. Or the night I dreamt that I so badly wanted to attend the nature’s call and for the life of me couldn’t find a toilet in the mall that I was visiting. (I woke up, relieved again to find that my room had an attached toilet and hastily got up to use it!) Sometimes the dream, though pleasant, can have distressing after-effects - like the one I had of teleconferences with my clients where everyone is impressed with my deductions only to wake up in the morning to realise it was all a dream. It can be mighy depressing, trust me. Such a bummer! Well, that might just be my heart’s desire that I witness in my dreams, but I can’t really explain some of the dreams which figure people I’ve never met and have only heard names of…or people who never really figure in my thoughts! Like for instance, I dreamt last night that Nischal popped into my house all of a sudden. Actually, I suppose the dream said he had stayed at my home overnight and was demanding that he be dropped to the airport. He for some reason refused to tell me what time his flight was and i had a constant nagging fear that he would be late! I go in to get dressed and can’t find a single thing fit to wear to the airport(well, that makes it a nightmare…though I do experience a similar feeling most times in reality). In the meanwhile, I get a call. Its from Nischal. He says he is getting married(!!!!) to Vidhya!!!! I don’t stop to wonder when and how on earth he reached the airport and when he had the time to arrange for a wedding and also to go ahead and get wedded. The next I know, I attend his wedding dressed in an old trouser and a stupid looking top. He looks funny in his wedding costume(can’t remember seeing Vidhya next to him though!) and as I draw nearer I see that one of his eyes is blue and the other is made of glass and is a dirty yellow in colour. Yoiiccckkss! I woke up saying just that and peered sleepily into my clock to see that it was 3:30 am. Its a popular belief that the dreams that we see at dawn(I suppose that’s after 5:30 am) would come true. So Nischal, you can rest assured that you won’t get married to Vidhya and you won’t ever have mismatched blue and yellow eyes. And phew! its a relief to know that I won’t open my cupboard to find that I don’t have a thing to wear! Well, I have had funnier dreams which might take several pages if I were to narrate them! Whatever the dream, I have always enjoyed the flights of fantasies that my dreams allow me. Be it momentary fame which I have had the pleasure of experiencing atleast in a dream or a distressing situation which I am happy to come out of when I realise its just a dream…its always been a pleasure to dream! What was your funniest dream? I am eager to hear
Just another of those “Nishu incidents” that .happened a couple of years ago, but wanted to share and document so that I relive the moments for many years to come:-) Nishu had just started school and her life was full of colours(the red, blue, green, brown variety), standing lines, sleeping lines, leaning lines, half circles, full circles and the likes. Moms of kinder-garten goers will know what I am talking about. For the others who are blinking, things have changed from the times when the first thing we wrote in school was “A” (or “uh” in any other language) for about a 120 times before we got it right. Children now are taught the lines that make up “A” , before the “A” itself. So, an “A” is made of the “leaning forward line”, “leaning backward line” and a “sleeping line” in between. Impressive huh? It sure is, considering the practical use these lines have in everyday conversations that you have with the kids! Consider this - Nishu had been to the temple one of the evenings with my parents and received the prasad from the priest and here’s how she described the whole episode - “The dark brown uncle (she'd probably be sued for using this term, if she were in the US. Apologies ' no offence meant!) who had 3 white sleeping lines on his forehead , with a red circle in the middle gave me some prasad…” and here is the description of the prasad…”I can’t remember the name but it was made of small yellow coloured half circles(channa dal), green squares(cucumber pieces) and white coloured coconut(self explanatory)”!! She was actually trying to describe “Kosumbari”(a kind of salad) !!!
Cherished hopes like glow-worms in the dark memories of another day like winds in the heart tears flow without respite in the soothing safety of the night another dawn, another day time heals… and kisses the tears away but memories don’t wane… cherished hopes remain…
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