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Archive for the ‘Personal’

When fate hands you a lemon - II

September 23, 2010 By: Shivaja Category: Personal


If  horses run, can dogs be far behind??


 “Saari saari raat jagaata hai yehi
Ankhiyon se neend churaata hai
Sachche jhoothe khwaab dikhaata hai yehi
Hansaata hai yehi yehi rulaata hai”
Yeh to chemo che, ye to chemo che! 


That’s one thing I found common with love and chemotherapy. Saari saari raat jagate yahi, ankhiyon se neend churaata hai! Sleepless nights, drowsy days, nausea, all were part of the package called chemotherapy, the life saving treatment for cancer. Still I found that cancer times can be fun-filled and normal,  like any other.
 


With nausea hitting me in waves after chemotherapy, gulping down a few morsels was torture to me.  Added to that was the agony of sounds, even normal everyday ones. A few days post chemotherapy, tolerating any form of noise was difficult for me. Imagine my exasperation and irritation when one morning my ears were assailed by the strident sound of drums from the nearby compound. It was unbearable. Then I really understood how the Gauls must have felt when Cacofonix, their bard, started singing. No wonder they gagged him and tied him up securely to a tree, while enjoying their merry feasts of roasted boars.
 


Wondering where hubby dear had disappeared, I looked around only to see him laughing his head off, in the balcony.  He was there, beckoning me to join him, to view a hilarious scene, no doubt, from the expression on his face. Weak and feeling all nauseous, I smiled from my seat at the dining table, my mother cajoling me to eat something to regain some strength.


 


The drums had temporarily died down and there he was inside the room pantomiming what happened outside. The drums were part of a wedding baarat getting ready to leave. The decibel level of the firecrackers and drums frightened the horse, who took to its heels sans the groom.
 


The Sardarjis of the family ran behind the horse and would the dogs be left out? The street dogs, not to be accused of letting a fleeing horse run, raced behind, barking madly and the whole battalion in motion was an amusement to the bystanders! The scene enacted in front of me had the desired effect and I was laughing, a bit disappointed at not having  witnessed the fun.
 


Alopecia is one side effect of chemotherapy. In two weeks my hair started falling in bunches and within a month I was totally bald. My doctor had suggested that I go in for a wig, but I chose to have the  “Persis Khambatta” look. Combs, hairbands, hairclips all disappeared from my dressing table.   Photos of my “motta thala” ( bald head) was sent to all my friends with the title  “suppandi look”, which had some in splits and some commenting it looked cute! These were small things that added spice to my life during the treatment.
 


Getting a few hindi words mixed up also created some fun at the hospital. ”angootha andar kar do” the nurse would say as she was about to administer the saline. And I would be confused as to how I was to fold my fingers to keep my wedding ring in.  I made kathakali actions to hubby dear standing nearby. He smiled as he explained “angootha not angoothi”  It clicked!


With all this and more around, I definitely had fun during my cancer treatment and that was a relief too for my loved ones who gave me their undivided attention and care, when I needed them most in my life! 
 


Many times I would despair.  Luckily I was able to overcome that and most of the times the loss of hair on my head was the only giveaway that I was under cancer treatment.
 


I am sure that God must have thought that He better heal this lady fast or His mail box will get clogged with the fervent prayers my family and friends send Him! So here I am, fit as a fiddle, and plan to stay on this earth for few more decades, hopefully.


 


When fate hands you a lemon – I

July 19, 2010 By: Shivaja Category: Personal


My tryst with cancer


 


“When fate hands you a lemon


Take it, squeeze it and start a lemonade stand”- Anonymous.


 


The above quote was oft repeated in my school days, the gist of which I realized as I moved through life, as it handed me lemons, melons, oranges, grapes, apples, pomegranates and what not! I am not quite sure whether I made the right proportion of lemonade, grape juice  or mixed up the whole thing to get mixed fruit juice, but survive I did, through the experiences life taught me. And those did help me definitely, when at the age of 48, fate handed me not a lemon, but a lemon sized lump on my breast.


 


 


The kind surgeon that I met, a man of few words, scribbled FNAC (Fine Needle Aspiration Cytology).




This was on May11th, 2009.




He directed me to the pathological laboratory where the results showed “Appearances highly suggestive of carcinoma”. Shocked I was not, thoughtful I was. My daughter’s 12th standard board exam results were a few weeks away and that meant she was going to a college hostel soon and I could join my husband abroad after a long time.  Now it was not to be. Man proposes, God Disposes. How true.!


 


Husband was expected home in a few days and I deemed it fit to keep the news to myself  until he was home. Meanwhile I met my family doctor, the surgeon and discussed to keep things ready by the time he came.


 


May 16th he reached home and once he was there, action started. We decided to have the treatment at Baroda itself, home to us for the past 13 years.  Kailash cancer hospital aka Muni Ashram as it is known was the choice. SOS was sent to  my mother, sister and sister in law, who were  ready to help me at the time I needed them. It was planned that they take turns  to be with me at Baroda  so that their homes were not affected much.


 


May 18th was my first visit to the hospital. The oncologist, again  a kind and calm person, explained to me the treatment. Surgery, 6 doses of chemotherapy at 21 days intervals followed by 30 doses of radiation.  It was suggested that I cut my hair short for I would be losing it due to the effects of chemotherapy.


 


Now it was my choice, I could sit and brood about


- my cancer, or,


- about losing my hair,  or


- the fact that all this treatment would take six months postponing my stay with my husband (After all I was looking forward to being with him after my kids education and it had been such a long time).


 


I did not choose anything to brood about.


 


I chose to SMILE J


I chose to wait another 6 months to be with him.


I chose to let go of my love for my long hair.


I chose to go through it with a lot of faith.


Faith in the Almighty, faith in the love of my dear ones.


 

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January 23, 2009 By: Shivaja Category: Personal

January 23rd is here again J

For the 23rd time .. J

To remind us of the day we were wedded legally, with the blessings of parents.

'Gaandharva Vivaham' was much earlier 30 years before.

We lived through love, anger, fights as any other couple.

Sometimes we prided that we are the best couple in the world !!!

At times we shuddered and wondered, are we the worst ???

Job and kids education kept us miles apart, but not our hearts apart.

We step into the 24th year, with hope and love in our hearts.

Today, on our 23rd wedding anniversary, we pray to the almighty

"Sarva pati patni sukhino bhavanthu!"