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La me La di La ci La ne …story continues

February 27th, 2009

I am in Fursatganj again today. With nothing better to do I decided to continue a few more of the medical stories.

This time I decided to include my dear mom, some patients and Dubey Sir in my series…I will say these were lessons rather than humour accounts that I learnt as part of my medical life.
 
La Innocence

I am the only odd peg in my whole family which comprises of mostly engineers of all shapes and sizes. My poor mother was innocence personified and I, the devil reincarnate!!
For my parents and cousins it was a matter of curiosity about how we were taught medicine, how we were ragged and so on and so forth.They would listen in awe to even the silliest of the stuff that I had to tell.
That, I love rambling and making up stories was something only dad knew. He would always reprimand me saying, "Don't tell cock and bull stories” Nevertheless, he would chuckle at the flight that my fantasy took.
Let me not become a fantasia and come back to the land where mom and cousins were sitting. I was telling them how unclaimed dead bodies were sent our way for learning dissection and that there would be 100 medical students and we were divided into batches of ten, and each batch was given one body for the whole year to practice dissection skills in anatomy.


Out of ten bodies, there would only be one or two female bodies and the rest would be male.
Obviously, female bodies were equally important due to anatomical reasons and we would swap places just to learn and those who posessed the female bodies always acted pricey!!
I began describing the gory details to my mom about how we would dissect the groin region, one student would read, the other would dissect and the rest would either watch or chat away to glory.
So she said, ” aise hi, sabke saamne….so when do you guys remove their clothes?? ”

 

” Mom, it’s a dead body they don’t wear clothes. They are frozen in formalin. “
 
” My goodness, so many of you just jump on the bodies, poor souls!”

 

I was taken aback by her innocence but it set me thinking. So, many things that people of my profession assume as matter of fact must be quite chilling and daunting for others. But I somehow had to pacify my poor mother, so I said to her, "Ma, what these dead people do is a far greater service to humanity than can be comprehended. If it weren’t for people like them, how would we know what to do, and how to treat you living people. ”


“Better to practice on them than you!!”
 
That answer pretty much shut my poor mother’s questions or chastising exclamations for good!!

 

Here's to Atmaram, never knew him in life but my companion after his death for 18 long months.
 


La examiner

 

It was a lesson I learnt when I was taking my final year exams. For the practicals or the clinicals as we called it the Medical Colleges in general had a pool of patients with roaring clinical signs and symptoms and were called in to sit as exam case patients. These patients would have been doing this service to the colleges for a small amount of money and free meals and more importantly my lecturers believed that they came because they wanted to in some way help the medical students shaping their careers.

 

I have mostly managed to pass all my exams in first attempt, I say mostly because in second year I did get the so called ATKT (Allowed to continue terms) for pharmacology. But, that is fodder for another post, perhaps.

 

Due to the mishap of second year and also the fact that final year was far more interesting as it was all patient related, I worked extra hard. This time I did not want to take things callously.

 

Still, the aftertaste of second year lingered and flashed up once in a while. We also had a group of seniors whom we called, "History Sheeters". All excellent guys but very rarely studied.

 

Prathamesh Leechra was one such history sheeter who had been giving the exam since we had joined medical school and when I entered the exam hall, I realised his number was next to mine. He was taking the exam again.

 

I wished him luck and he said, " Yaar Mona, agar thodu sa main atak gaya toh help kar dena yaar!!"

 

"Haan Sirji, aapko jo poochna hai pooch lo, mujhe aata hoga toh pakka bata doongi!!"

I have never believed in each one for himself and I was willing to help him if I could.

 

So, the exam began.  Manorama Devi a 54 year old lady with florid signs and symptoms of Mitral Stenosis was a patient that both Leechra and I got.

 

He had finished taking history and examination and was being grilled heavily by the three examiners.

 

I was nervously waiting twiddling my thumbs  sitting next to Manorama Devi for my turn to enter the Dragon's den for the drill.

 

" Beta, kyun pareshaan hoti hai, tu ho jaayegi paas. Tune mujhse saare sahi sahi sawaal pooche aur examine bhi sab theek se kiya hai. Sab likh liya na tune??" she asked me.

 

(Beta, why are you getting restless, you will pass. You asked me all the relevant questions and examined me properly too. You have written everything in order, right??" she asked)

 

"Haan ji, likh liya." (Yes, I have written it all down.) Said, I.

 

She continued further.

 

"Woh nahi hota pass. Usne kuch nahi poocha theek se, toh maine bataya bhi nahi. Examine bhi nahi kiya."

 

"He will not pass. He did not question me properly and neither did he examine correctly. "

At that minute Leechra came out of the examiners room. He had a sunken sucked out look. It was my turn. I finished and came out.

 

I did not think about this until much later on. Almost a month later, the results came.
I had passed. Needless to say, Prathamesh Leechra had failed. Again.

 

I remembered Manorama Devi. I knew from then on, your patients know your worth.

 

Having said all that Leechra is very successful these days running a super speciality or is it multi speciality with dozens of doctors working under him and he is the big boss doing well. Khair. Hota hai. Chalta hai. Duniya hai.

 

 

La Positione
 
Those of you who have read the second episode of my Grays anatomy would know our college dean Dubey Sir. His pristine attitude towards medicine had all of us in awe but at times just to get things right in front of him made us fluster and we sure made a fool of ourselves.

Every week in a group of ten one of us had to a case presentation in a big general ward in front of not only the patient concerned but the other patients. For the patients and the ward nurses it was sheer joy at the way each one of us got screwed openly. So, one such Friday morning it was yours truly's turn.

 

"Mona, tera kya hai yaar, tu toh angrezi mein phaad deti hai!! Load mat le, theek jaayega tera !!"

 

I had been having nightmares for almost 24 hours prior. It is one thing to converse with friends; it is an altogether different matter doing it in a group of tens' in front of everyone.  I have always suffered from stage fright and to this day I have not been able to get over it.

 

While presenting the case we had to inform Dubey Sir every single detail of the patient including the name, age, sex, location, position. Just like chat rooms, I say!!

 

So, the drill began.

 

"Sir, this patient is Mr Nainsukh Kabadiya, 47 years old, male from Patli Galli, Mominpura who has presented with……" my rambling continued.

 

"Stop right there, Mona!! What is the position of the patient?? How can you forget such important details? Start again, and tell me the position of the patient."

 

By then I was deflated. Hammered at the first line itself I fumbled. My mind at such a simple detail went blank and I looked at the patient to decide about the position.

 

Unfortunately for me, Nainsukh ji was half sitting and half lying.

Dhad ke upar ka was sitting and neeche ka was lying.

 

" Kya karun, yaar, Kabadiya saab poora let jaate ya poora baith jaate toh achha tha. Ab kya bolun!!" was all that I could think.

 

" Comeon, Mona get on with it!!" snarled Dubey Sir.

 

"Yes sir!!" "I will start again sir!!"

 

"Sir, this is Nainsukh Kabadiya from Patli Galli …." began me.

 

"No, Mona, just get on with the position and continue from there, will you??" Dubey Sir was losing it and so was I.

 

"Sir, Nainsukh Kabadiya is comfortably lying in sitting down positon!!"

 

I felt I had goofed up. So I said immediately,

 

"No sir, the patient Nainsukh Kabadiya is comfortably sitting in lying down position!!"

 

By now I had realised I had screwed up big time. And all that for “angrezi tattu” awards that I received in college.

 

Dubey Sir finally showed some sympathy to my poor existence, smiled and said, "Patient is propped up Mona, just propped up will do."

 

Everyone was in splits and Dubey Sir the kind man he was, just patted my back and I managed to finish without more goof ups.

 

Poetic justice, I say.

 

Thankfully soon enough the title of" angrezi tattu "was conferred on some other poor soul.

 

  

 

 

 


La Me La Di La Ci La Ne ….the story continues

November 17th, 2008

I thought I should make my medical college stories as a series so here I am, continuing with a couple of more incidents.
 
La Tashreefe
 
 
Dubey Sir was our college dean. A man if we saw even from 200 metres of a distance, each one of us would go into attention till he passed us by. A man who never demanded it but commanded respect with extreme panache. He was atleast six foot two, with a lovely paunch and chubby pink cheeks, bespectacled, always wore a long white coat which we called “ apranos longus” and he at all times carried the carpentery tools in his pockets that a doctor is supposed to keep like a pen torch, a tendon hammer, a tape, a stethoscope and a fundoscope ( err.. nothing fundoo about it !!)
 
Every year during Ganpati festival we would have an annual cultural event. We had fun all year long but this was the official licensed period to have more fun !! The event ran almost for a week with fashion shows, dramas, orchestra so on and so forth.

I was the cultural secretary for one such year’s event and a team of 6 of us had a few things to discuss with Dubey Sir. So a group of us went into his chambers about 3 girls and 3 boys.

With a wave of his arm he asked us to walk in while he was browsing through some papers along with his assistant. We patiently waited for our turn to speak. The assistant left and Dubey Sir being the polished gentleman that he was said to us, ” Tashreef Rakhiye !!”

” Nahi Sir, theek hai.” we all said in unison out of respect for him.

” Tashreef Rakhiye !!” he insisted.

” Nahi, nahi sir, hum log bilkul theek hain !!”  We all continued in deep regard for him again.

This time Dubey Sir got a little irritated that we were not obeying him, so with a touch of finality in his tone he repeated,

” TASHREEF  RAKHIYE !!”  

Hearing this we all scampered and made ourselves rest on whatever stool or chair we could get our hands err…bums on except for one short thin bespectacled guy from our group who continued to stand.

Seeing him continue to disobey Dubey, our Sir got mighty irritated, signalled towards him and shouted this time, ” TASHREEF RAKHIYE !!!”

Poor guy had no way how to tell his problem and with a sudden anxiety he blurted, ” Sir, Mere Tashreef mein Phoda ( boil) hai !!”

We all burst out laughing including Dubey Sir and the chap was terribly embarassed.
 
La Pyaare
 
Having studied in a medical school in central India we would get patients from neighbouring states and sometimes a few Bihari and UP patients would knock our door too. Without divulging any private information about the patient’s health let me narrate the incident of this babu, a truck driver by profession. He had some problems related to his back passage and wanted to get that issue resolved.

Now a back passage examination in medical terminlogy is called PR ( Per Rectal examination)

I was a final year medical student and the intern I was posted with asked me to do the examination. Medical student will be walking talking encyclopaedias but it is only with experience that they can put the theory to use as with time more and more patients are seen.

I said to the patient, “Bhaiyya ji PR karna hai !!”,explained the procedure and proceeded.

Being a novice to the clincal part of the examination, I, wore my gloves and had a good look at his bottom and did a digital examination of his back passage but could not make head or tail of what was going on, although I thought something was amiss. Asking the patient to wait I went, and explained to my intern that although I thought something was wrong I wasn’t entirely sure.

The intern came along with me and told the patient, ” Bhaiyya ji, PR karna hai !!”.  ” Phir se, chalo theek hai !!” he said.

Unfortunately, the intern couldn’t be sure either and he decided to call his senior. So the PG trainee came along who had recently joined and he said to the patient, ” Bhaiyyaji PR karna hai !!”

“Phir Se !! Offo, chalo theek hai ” said the patient and turned around to have his bum examined again.

Once doubt creeps into our minds it takes a very strong willed person to let it be cast away. The post graduate trainee was not such a braveheart, he felt unsure too and decided to call the junior lecturer.

The junior lecturer walked in and said to the patient, ” Bhaiyya ji, PR karna hai !!”

” Phir se, hadh ho gayi ab toh, chalo theek hai karwa lete hain!!” and again he turned and got the PR done.

The junior lecturer was mostly sure what the problem was but as the assistant professor had just walked into the room, he asked him to have a look too. So, the assistant professor proceeded to get his hands dirty.( err.. no pun intended !)

” Bhaiyya ji, PR karna hai !!”

” PHIR SE, ARREY YAAR HUM TOH PARESAN HO GAYA HOON !!” but he decided to let the professor carry on.

Once the professor finished, he explained to the patient what the problem was along with the treatment option. Finally, the professor asked, ” aapko kuch kehna poochna hai ??”

At that the babu who was waiting eagerly to say this shouted exasperatedly,

” Doctor Saahab, duniya bhar kaa piyaaar dekha hoon par aisa piyaar (pyaar) kabhi nahi dekha. Uff, hum toh tang hi aa gaya hoon.”

:):):)

La me La di La ci La ne

September 19th, 2008


Life in a medical college is just like in any other college a real fun-filled roller coaster ride. Although the aim at the end of those 5 years of training is becoming healers of this world the journey, certainly, is not through just books, books and more books…we had our share of fun, frolic and play. 
 
Studying in a private medical college had its own charm. There were all kinds, hoarding the place, the poor, the middle class, the upper class (whatever that means), the rich and the stinking filthy ( I wish I had more swear words in my vocabulary ) rich kinds.
 
Yours truly was from a middle class family, her first exposure to Nikes, Arrows, Levis, Mercs, BMWs on a daily basis… Well let me share some of the stories of my college days..All the incidents I describe here are real ones although names have been changed for privacy reasons.
 
La femure..
 Higgins that is a Question for Lolo

Babben Lolo was my senior and quite a famous one at that. Anyone who joined college had to know the story of Babben Lolo. It was almost as if he was part of the freshers curriculum. Babben was a tall broad shoulered, fair, atheletic chap. He was very well read, his language pristine and a subtance of immense curioisty for young and old alike. His ears were always plugged in to Mozart or Beethoven. His textbooks always marked with a variety of coloured sketchpens so much so that you had to search for the original textbook prints. He was well known for his note making abilities. He would copy down page after page of textbooks into notes vociferously and diligently. A man who had travelled abroad and had a penchant for the foreign languages, he was certainly intriguing to many.
He rarely attende classes or dissection rooms or lab activities but if anyone was to ask him a topic from the first year curriculum he would give a discourse on the subject for 15 minutes without any interruption. The whole class just knew not only was Babben going to pass but he was going to nail the gold medal.
 
 
What Babben Missed

 
So the D day of the practicals arrived and Babben was called in.
 
It was anatomy practicals and as is customary, the examiner had a display of wares of all shapes and sizes on the table. A pelvis, a specimen of heart, the bones of a hand, the long bones of thigh the skull. Like a tantrik the examiner sat with the wares.
 
At the anointed hour, as soon as the clock chimed, the examiner handed him a femur ( thigh bone) , ” So, Lolo what is this bone?”
 
” Its a femur sir !” pat came the reply.
 
The examiner was mighty glad at that and said, ” Comeon, Lolo my boy ! lets not waste any time, side the femur in its natural anatomical side in the body, describe all the muscle attachments, the blood and nerve supply and move it! once you are done with that I’ll let you go !!”
 
Lolo jumped with joy and for the next fifteen minutes his torrential verbal diarrhoea on La femure continued with a few seconds of pause here and there.
 
Once finished, Lolo was allowed to leave. A few days later the results came and Lolo failed.
 
Lolo was aghast, he ran to the examiner ( our own college professor) and asked, ” How could I fail in anatomy sir ?,  I explained everything in great detail about femur. I was the best. So why did you fail me?”
 
Lolo my boy, you have read the texts throughly this year, come back and attend all classes next year and am sure you will pass. After all you held the femur upside down and that is something that no textbook will teach you.
 
La pluge…

 


 
Robbie Romeo was my classmate. An average built 5′ 8 ” tall pleasant chap. Sincere students in my class could be counted on one hand and Robbie Romeo was certainly one of them. He attended all lectures, went to labs, attended clinicals and passed all exams at the first go. Apart from medicine there was one other thing that he was extremely passionate about. Music. Any new album, the Rolling stones countdown, the Billboard charts, US hits, you name it, he had it. His ears always tuned into music whenever he had a free moment.
 
I distinctly remember that particular day. We were doing our rounds along with the professor. The professor asked me to listen to the chest of one of the patients. I took my brand new Littmann stethoscope and listened with great concentration. I came back and told the professor that the patient probably had right sided pneumonia. Next, it was Robbie Romeo’s turn. He went to the patient took his sthethoscpe out and placed it on the patient’s chest. He made sure he listened to the chest from front, back and sides. As soon as he completed the examination his face had turned white. He told the Prof exactly what I had found in my exmination. But after a moment still sweating he looked at me and whispered gently, ” How could you hear anything, that patient is wierd, he is alive but I cannot hear a heart sound or a breath sound. I have checked my sthethoscope twice and there is no problem with that! are you sure about him having right sided problem ??? ”
 
At that me the ever mischievous one who had been enjoying Robbie’s plight with quite a delight chuckled and removed the Sony walkman earplugs from his ears and put them in his hand. 
 
 

 
Since that day, till our college finished, he would sneer, I would chuckle and in the end both of us would laugh. ;).
 
La Syrupe…
 
Kochan Lewte was my senior and again a very famous err…rather infamous one at that. When everybody else in the college immersed themselves in the Latin and Greek of the pharmacokinteics and pharmacodynamics of different drugs used in treatment, our Mr Lewte was neck deep into the dosage, amount, number of times and dose dependent activity of another kind of drug. Our very own ETOH, ethanol. All kinds from country to Glenfidditch to Glenmorangie to Chivas Reagal to VAT 69 was child’s play for him and hangover a daily morning routine.
 
One fine day the pharmacology professor in the labs asked him to open a bottle of Castor oil. Of course castor oil comes in a bottle which resembles the Whiskey ones. So our Mr Lewte mighty pleased that the professor didnt think of him as a tramp and wanted him to actively participate in the activities went up to him. With all sincerity Mr. Lewte picked up the bottle, and like a man who has done this many a times before, turned it upside down, gave it a few taps with the palm of his hand and then turned the bottle again and unscrewed the cork. He handed the bottle to the professor and instantly out of habit tumbled the word ” Cheers!!” from his mouth.
 
The professor was left stupefied.
 
La Lusty…
 
I have nothing against teachers, infact they are the reason behind whatever little success I have achieved and my outlook towards life is. If for boys falling for their teacher as a 7th or 8th grader is a normal occurrence, then I have to say that there are some male teachers who just cannot stop themselves from ogling at college going girls. One of my surgical lecturers ,I would say fell under this category. Dilbar Sanam was a lech, worse than the guys in my class and we girls pitied him. Throughout the lecture Dilbar Sanam’s gaze would wander towards the girls section of the lecture hall. He certainly was a strict one. No guy was allowed to enter his class after 5 minutes of his grand entry but then girls it was a different matter altogether… they could come and go as they pleased. Everyone more or less put up with his whims and fancies as he always ended up as the examiner and none was keen to flunk.
 
Of course the boys fumed and toiled hard.
 
And all a girl student  had to do was purrrrrrr….
 ” Sirrrrrrr…….phhlueassssse sirrrrr…I cannot rememberrrrrr the answerrrrrr sirrrrrrr”
 
and he would say, ” Ok, but did you read the answer at home?”"
 
And the girl would say with a sorry face, ” Yesss  Sirrrrrrr, I  have been studying alll niiiiiiight sirrrrrrr..but my mamary is blocked now.”
Puhleeeeeeeeeeeese Professor
 
Lo and behold the girl would pass and the boys would curse their gender…
 
Long live lusty !

 

Of life and death…

September 15th, 2008

My work is such that I meet new people everyday. The number varies from anywhere between ten to thirty in a day depending on how busy it gets. Interaction with these people, each one different, each with an interesting story to tell has certainly been the highpoint point of my career. Some of these incidents although are from aeons ago are etched in my memory as if it took place only yesterday. I want to share with you all stories of two such individuals, poles apart in their differences yet it was their ailments that held a certain similarity.

INDIA
 
Many moons ago, I was an intern at a tertiary hospital, where, patients came for treatment from far and near. One sunny sunday afternoon while I was posted in medicine I met this gentleman from one of the nearby villages. A dusty dhoti clad man in his sixties with a plain white kurta equally muddy from sweat and travel and a small turban and a “potli” clutched in his hand which probably contained a change of clothes and some food to eat. It was the peak of summer and trust me, the temperatures were soaring around 40 degrees. He had registered at the reception and was sent by the receptionist to the male medical ward where I was browsing through some patient files. He walked into the ward with a newly made folder of his. Once he sat himself on the stool next to my chair I began my interrogation.

” Babaji…kya traas hai ??” ( What is the problem ?)
 
” Dactarin bai..chaati dhad dhad hote aahe !!”  ( My heart is beating faster, for the uninitiated that’s Marathi!! )
 
” Kehva paasna ( Since when? )” I questioned.

By then he began to sweat profusely, I took his wrist and checked for his pulse. He continued to talk informing me this had been the case on and off since last couple of days but the palpitations had worsened in the last few hours. A quick check of his pulse showed his heart to be racing well above 160 beats per minute.
I was certainly concerned. In those days we had to bring the ECG ( heart tracing machine) from ICU if any of the ward patients needed a heart trace, which meant a whole 15 -20 minute wait depending on how busy the ICU was. We had three ECG machines for the whole hospital, something I worry about when I think of it even now.

I told the nurse in the ward that I will be back soon and took the man to ICU. In about 10 minutes we reached ICU, I took his trace and he showed VT. (Ventricular Tachycardia)

 

Not our very own vixx.rediffiland.com Hoi Polloi and Riff raff VT, but a VT that cardiologists love. 
 
In simple layman’s terms let me explain. A, B C and D are four points in the heart and it is A which has been given the responsibilty of all the elcetrical activity needed for the normal functioning of heart. Due to various reasons, many a times A goes slow or lazy or just point blank on strike and then B takes over. But in VT -  C or D takes over when it shouldn’t and creates a complete chaos in the heart and body causing all the electrical activity to go haywire. VT is one of the major life threatening medical emergencies, as an instant short circuit can cause “sudden death”.

And here was this man, with not much to go for as symptoms, chatting away happily complaining of only ” dhad dhad”.
 
The nurses and me included pinned him to the bed got all the vascular access arranged and started him on immediate treatment. Over the next few days we did a few more investigations, started him on required medicines and he was discharged.
 
 LONDON
 
The second incident was a few years later when I was working in one of the most advanced units of accident and emergency in a London hospital.
 
I was on  night duty when at 0300 in the morning the ambulance crew rang to say they were bringing a man in his sixties with palpitations. I was waiting for him in the resuscitation area along with a nurse.

The crew had already acquired vascular access and put him on oxygen. I began my interrogation again.


” Hello Mr X, how long have you been having these palpitations for?” While I was questioning him the nurse was simultaneously getting things ready for a complete ECG.
” Doc, I have been getting these palpitations on and off since last few days and it just got worse in the last couple of hours, hence I thought I’ll get myself checked out!”
 
“Sure thing Mr X, let me have a look at your ECG and start the treatment.”


As I glanced at the ECG, I knew I didn’t have to go through it intensely. Here was another man sitting with a time bomb ECG showing VT.
I told the nurse to start the infusion immediately and went back to examine him. The instant I looked at the man again I knew he was sinking, no infusion was going to help.
I asked the nurse to put a “crash call”. He was still conscious but going downhill pretty fast. Within seconds I had to give him the necessary shocks through the defibrillator but to no avail.
By then the crash team had arrived and we all tried our best to resuscitate him for a good 25 minutes and then, we had to say that it was “the end”.
 
Inspite of witnessing deaths so often, it still has a profound effect on me and that particular day I couldn’t help but think of the babaji and this englishman, so similar in their presentations yet so different in their outcomes. It unnerves me. The best of treatments may not bear fruition and to some, fruits come out of nothing.
 
Surely, there is a force beyond us.