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My Stupid Suicide Plan - Chetan Bhagat

Last week, an IITian committed suicide. People who commit suicide do it

when they feel there’s no future. But wait, isn’t IIT the one place

where a bright and shining future is a foregone conclusion? It just

doesn’t add up, does it? Why would a young, hardworking, bright student

who has the world ahead of him do something like this? But the answer is

this-in our constant reverence for the great institution (and I do

believe IITs are great), we forget the dark side. And the dark side is

that the IITs are afflicted by the quintessential Indian phenomenon of

academic pressure, probably the highest in the world.

I can rant about the educational system and how it requires serious

fixing, or I can address the immediate-try my best to prevent such

suicides. For this column I have chosen the latter, and I do so with a

personal story.

News of a suicide always brings back one particular

childhood memory. I was 14 years old when I first seriously contemplated

suicide.

I

had done badly in chemistry in the Class X half yearly exam. I was an

IIT aspirant, and 68% was nowhere near what an IIT candidate should be

getting.

I don’t know what had made me screw up the exam, but I did know this, I

was going to kill myself. The only debate was about method.

Ironically, chemistry offered a way. I had read about copper

sulphate, and that it was both cheap and poisonous. Copper sulphate was

available at the kirana store. I had it all worked out.

My rationale for killing myself was simple-nobody loved me,

my chemistry score was awful, I had no future and what difference would

it make to the world if I was not there. I bought the copper sulphate

for two rupees-probably the cheapest exit strategy in the world.

I didn’t do it for two reasons. One, I had a casual chat with the aunty

next door about copper sulphate, and my knowledgeable aunty knew about a

woman who had died that way. She said it was the most painful death

possible, all your veins burst and you suffer for hours. This tale made

my insides shudder. Second, on the day I was to do it, I noticed a

street dog outside my house being teased by the neighborhood kids as he

hunted for scraps of food. Nobody loved him. It would make no difference

to the world if the dog wasn’t there. And I was pretty sure that its

chemistry score would be awful. Yet, the dog wasn’t trotting off to the

kirana store. He was only interested in figuring out a strategy for his

next meal. And when he was full, he merely curled up in a corner with

one eye open, clearly content and not giving a damn about the world. If

he wasn’t planning to die anytime soon what the hell was I ranting

about? I threw the copper sulphate

in the bin. It was the best two bucks I ever wasted.

So why did I tell you this story? Because sometimes the pressure gets

too much; like it did for the IITian who couldn’t take it no more. On

the day he took that dreadful decision, his family and friends were

shattered, and India lost a wonderful, bright child. And as the silly

but true copper sulphate story tells you-it could happen to any of us or

those around us.

So please be on the lookout, if you see a distressed young soul, lend a

supportive, non-judgmental ear. When I look back, I thank that aunt and

that dog for unwittingly saving my life. If God wanted us to take our

own life, he would have provided a power off button. He didn’t, so have

faith and let his plan for you unfold. Because no matter how tough life

gets and how much it hurts, if street dogs don’t give up, there is no

reason why we, the smart species, should. Makes sense right?

Posted in Philosophy.



57 Responses

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  1. anil says

    excellent article

  2. Moni says

    I am waiting for my call from God- and I dont mind waiting either

  3. Shantheri Mallaya says

    hey I liked ur “One at @ the call center”; well written, I must say.

  4. ashutosh says

    “A DOG CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE”

  5. Shivani Jain says

    Hi chetan! firstly…i”m a huge fan of ur novels specially ” 5 Point Someone” and this note of urs on suicide does make sense! Suicide is jus a way to run away frm ur responsibilties. its no way a solution! Good Goin! and ya..plz come up wid some more novels like 5 point..& Call center..:))

  6. namita narain says

    Hey chetan..Somehow, melancholy does get to us in a big way at some point in our lives. I have just been out of a disastrous relationship, its not easy at all..and I think if we manage to get out of that momentary trance, perhaps, we all do have a chance after all..

    Are you chetan bhagat of “Five point someone” ?

    Well, if the answer to that is “yes”, lemme tell you “One night at the call centre” was fantastic…perhaps one of the best books I have read…and somehow fell in love with underdogs!

    I guess, I might as well find my Vroom somewhere..somehow he seems so real…my kinda guy! :) Hope floats

  7. cretka@rediffmail.com says

    it makes whole lotta sense!good stuff you have written and yes suicide is a ”no” for everyone, not only iitians…… my eye just went down and i saw chetan bhagat there, are you him? by the way call centre was a great read, heard a movie plan is there on the same book…

    krits

  8. Prateek Dubey says

    One who died was a friend of mine, unfortunetly we couldnot able to help him by talking to him. It is our failour too, not only his.
    Just one more thing, suicide is bad for all, not only fot guys at IITs.

  9. rash says

    hey,your write up on suicidal tendency was good.keep it up

  10. Kiran Raveendran says

    Hi Chetan (if u r really chetan),
    I loved 5 Point Someone and Call centre and I would say u have a similarly enjoyable book from Abhijit Bhaduri called MBA (Mediocre But Arrogant). Brought back memories of 5Point. U r a genius.

  11. steven saler says

    hay…wait.. i wish u would have met me that day probably i would have given you some easy way out.

  12. vineet vin says

    Yes it make sense…no doubt about it…..i like the way you see toward life…each event in life have something to teach..:0

  13. Anonymous Me says

    Hey! Great article:)

  14. Anonymous Me says

    Hey! Great article:)

  15. bhushan says

    If somebody interested in suicide, contact me. I know number of techniques to commit the suicide.

  16. bhushan says

    How to make suicide? is it a recipe? please tell me I am also interested in doing suicide now.

  17. bhushan says

    Before commiting suicide, please mail me ur girlfriends ph. no.
    I will handle her cafully, don”t worry.
    Then, I will delete her into a recyle bean also.

  18. bhushan says

    Chetan, after commiting sucide, don”t forget to give s Miss call to me.
    I will call you then

  19. bhushan says

    What is meaning of IIT?
    I haveheard ITI only.

  20. Bhushan says

    Hello Chetan If you want to commit sucide then don”t die sinlgy. Take some terrorists from LeT, SIMI as a company with you. You can be a Human bomb.
    Do it now.

  21. chaitra says

    that was good enough to remind me of my suicide plan!!!!
    when i think of it now i just feel like laughing it out..
    anyways u have a great going blog.. keep it up

  22. Mahesh Chemudupati says

    Gr8! Evry1 shud read ur article. Plz visit a similar article i plan to post very soon after reading urs

  23. Parvati Shivam says

    I wish any one contemplating suicide shall read your post. It will surely help them discard all negative thoughts.

    Let me quote from The wings of Fire-

    For all your days prepare
    And meet them ever alike
    When you are the anvil , bear-
    When you are the hammer, strike.

    Can you do a favour and read my article?

  24. veena vijayan says

    Amazing article…

  25. vicky podiz says

    Worth reading and simple words with powerful thoughts !!! Reminded my fren who was very creative and always cheerful but who did one rash decission of throwing his life one fateful day for reason well known to him .. i heard he couldnt withstand the pressure of life and he was a student of NID ! Watever the reason may b , watever the pressure may b , i dont think suicide is a solution. Ups and downs are wat makes life worth living for and worth swim across …. Nice post ! Am happy to navigate to ur iland by chance and read this article !!!

  26. Mahima Natraj says

    reminded me of how few of my friends and loved ones who tried to attempt suicide and how my presence really made a chage in their lives… very well said.. really good message to pass… very very very very good

  27. A J says

    That was surely a refreshing and an honest piece.

  28. diya says

    We r so insenstive we never see some one elses pain. In office i was in a lift and i saw this girl cry in consolably for a second i was too embarassed to ask y. Next there was mail sent across saying she commited sucide that night. Even today i kick myself for not asking her what was wrong. maybe maybe i could have helped her. All i know is in my fear of not wanting to embaress her i ended up not helping her.

  29. diya says

    wow this is a wonderful peice. i would always wonder how someone who is at the pinnacle or sucess commit sucide. somes pressure gets too much esp academics. it made me look back at how when i was 14 i thot no one loved me and decided to commit sucide and decided starving my self was the best option. One missed meal and i stopped contemplating sucide after that till now.

  30. tanul thakur says

    if it happened to a achiever like chetan; it could”ve happened to just anyone.( author, IIT IIM grad.) and it happens. every yr round the exam time 200 children lose their lives. IIT’’s are meant for students, students are not meant for IIT. live life king size.

  31. Nidhi says

    Wonderful piece by Chetan Bhagat…

    We have all faced that pressure to do well academically especially during 10th and 12th grades… Hell

  32. Amishi Dalal says

    its a beautiful piece… makes a lotof sense…thanks…u helped a lot

  33. dee ksha says

    Makes me wanna figure out. What is it??? The parents, the peers or kids
    themselves? Where’s the pressure coming from?

  34. chandra shekar says

    Very sensible one…. keep posting such good ones, that provok the
    thoughts.

  35. Rajasree Nair says

    One of the most sensible and thought provoking article i have read in
    recent times….
    This should reach out to many others…

  36. Spring Fax says

    Article with sense . I never read a article who have strong message like
    that for others.
    Chetan your story is so simple and still it motivate many peoples and
    they will know that life is so precious, we are here to live life but how to
    live life?.. sure in a way which makes others and ourself happy.

  37. Nischal Thapa says

    oh my god! so many people read this article. boy i must have looked like
    an idiot thinking chetan was you. man, this is embarrassing. i feel like
    commiting suicide. ;)

  38. Amit Agrawal says

    now i must read the book……i believe this guy has written two
    contemporary books….one on BPO and one on IIT

  39. Deepa S says

    a very sensible article by the way

  40. Deepa S says

    agree with udita…at the same time, a stray remark can have the reverse
    impact too…especially when you are in that vulnerable frame of
    mind…when anything negative could be disastrous

  41. Kamalasekaran Kasirajan says

    Wothy message to pass to others.

  42. Kamalasekaran Kasirajan says

    Wothy message to pass to others.

  43. Kamalasekaran Kasirajan says

    Wothy message to pass to others.

  44. Kamalasekaran Kasirajan says

    Wothy message to pass to others.

  45. Wise Donkey says

  46. udita chaudhary says

    ….and death, we need to be more sensitive in handling those stray
    remarks indicative of a deeper agony or internal strife.Believe me, words
    can have a miraculous impact in such a state. I’m sure many of us have
    gone thru this phase at some time or the other.

  47. udita chaudhary says

    Aptly said- if a chance comment can actually transform a life, or for that
    matter, make the difference betn life

  48. Nischal Thapa says

    i noticed the name after i had pressed the ‘post’ button. :)

  49. The Witch says

    Nischal,

    It is not about me - This article is written by Chetan Bhagat - who
    incidently is an IIT IIMA graduate..

  50. Nischal Thapa says

    was stupid, alright! ;) good to see you alive.

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